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Old 01-13-2011, 10:33 AM   #26
Janet Rosen
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Re: Is there another solution?

Quote:
Demetrio Cereijo wrote: View Post
Where do you put righteous indignation, as self defense or as revenge?
Good question, Demetrio. I think righteous indignation is an internal emotional response to a feeling of being ignored, disrespected, etc (It is very rarely an emotional response to an actual danger, which triggers a very different response). It does NOT have to be acted on.

I think that, for me at least, it is the emotional response to being treated as if my actions or motives had been misunderstood, and I've learned over the years that I don't actually have the ability to always make myself understood or my actual motives clear to the other person.

If I "lash out" in other than a self-defense situation I want it to be because I have made a mindful decision that lashing out is in fact the best option to resolve a problem, not because I want to feel better or "teach a lesson." If I can think of a better option I will use it.

Janet Rosen
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"peace will enter when hate is gone"--percy mayfield
 
Old 01-13-2011, 11:03 AM   #27
crbateman
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Re: Is there another solution?

I'll add my currently devalued $.02 here...

IMHO, the instructor erred by lording over "Reg". While it is the style of some instructors to be arrogant or intimidating, it is bad form to direct this to a guest in the dojo.

"Reg", on the other hand, erred by inducing the instructor to return to the mat to initiate an attitude adjustment. He says that he "did not intend" to choke him out. I have my doubts of this, but it's bad either way. "Accidentally" choking someone out would indicate a complete lack of awareness and self-control. Doing it on purpose would be simply irresponsible, as it could have resulted in a severe injury.

It boils down to this: "Reg" could have ended this by leaving and not coming back. He and the instructor were both wrong, and two wrongs do not equal one right... ever.

Rant off.
 
Old 01-13-2011, 11:07 AM   #28
"Reg"
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Re: Is there another solution?

After reading all these responses with good advice and alternative opinions, I have thought more about. Of course that is why I came here and told my story. I will answer a few things people brought up to be fair, all at once here. I don't have time to go post by post, sorry.

In my mind, I went there open minded willing to see or learn something new. My definition of learning something new wasn't what I experienced for this guy.

Bad or good, right or wrong, we men have this pecking order among us. No matter how we try to get away from it the Alpha dog mentality is there. I was experiencing the Alpha dog mentality from Adam Henry of a sensei the second we meet. He wanted to make sure I was his bitch. I felt that way. It pissed me off when he pour it on with the exercise and the insults.

I showed restraint by not walking off the mat at that point which would've drawn more attention to the situation. Pissy as I was, I took it.

At the point of the exercise or the insults I could have gotten both verbally defensive and physically defensive in all sort of ways. I could have made a hell of a scene. But I didn't. I waited after class to show him in a very subtle way, I had skill. I wanted to communicate to him subtly I wasn't his bitch.

I didn't want to hurt the sensei. Yea, I was pissed, my ego was attacked. True, I lost a bit of control. It was unintentional. I was pissed. I held it in, but it got away from me a bit. In two ways, first by baiting him. Second, being pissed happened to unintentionally choking him out. I will consider maybe subconsciously it wasn't unintentional. What ever it was, I didn't hurt him or embarrass him in front of the class.

Hindsight is 20/20, I could have dressed down thanked him and walked out. But I am human, I have emotions and they are a tricky lot. But in terms of the Alpha dog world men live in, I wouldn't have gotten any respect. He would've of keep on me as his bitch. We know as men when that happens, it is all over for us. If I seen that sensei again or any of his students, they would give me crap and be very disrespectful. Then I would have to fight to prove myself. That is the world more often than not.

My friend's sensei I visited was knowledgable and skilled, but at the wrong things. Like being good at arrogance. Knowing how to humiliate someone through an exercise, which required knowledge and understanding of the human body, and how it works - for his benefit. Verbal attacks too. He was good a presenting, projecting, and manipulation. Does that make him a good martial artist? No. I don't think so.

The crux of it is, in my mind the sensei behaved badly. He treated me more poorly than I did him, cause his ego was threatened, he had something to prove, his arrogance, or something. When you come in peace and than your attacked you get upset. I came in peace. I didn't challenge him or disrupt his class. I showed the proper etiquette and respect. I was open minded. I was a good class guest. He on the other hand was not a good host or sensei. That isn't seen by my friend or the other dojo sensei.

I know why my friend felt as he does. It is because it made him uncomfortable, and placed him in an awkward situation. I told my friend no matter how good his goods are, you can't over look he is a Adam Henry. My fellow sensei is hearing it second hand. He wasn't there. His opinion is important, we share teaching responsibilities. We are friends and we work as partners. I know for him, as me, being true the dojo we created is important. He wasn't there. When you're not there, and see it or experience yourself, it is easy to make judgement calls.

There was advice here of not to speak of it any more, I don't. I don't bring it up to my friend or the other sensei. I was before getting that advice. I think it is sound advice. I think about it more now, I had to do something. It would have bothered me if I didn't.

I feel anybody can be a sensei. This Adam Henry of a sensei was anybody.
 
Old 01-13-2011, 11:24 AM   #29
Tony Wagstaffe
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Re: Is there another solution?

Quote:
Maggie Schill wrote: View Post
That's not restraint.
Restraint would be bowing out and dressing out. You can tell the Sensei, out of ear shot of his students, that his behavior was disrespectful to you, and then work it out like civil functional adults.

The loss of composure is always a failure of character, and is an obvious display of insecurity.

No one is perfect and we all get upset from time to time. But let's not lower our standards and accept the loss of composure as acceptable or even par.

Just my opinion. But disrespect should never be met with more disrespect.

One man's failure to his civil obligations does not release me from my responsibilities to civility.
That's known as political correctness in my book.... and look where that's got us.....!!!!

Bullies are bullies and nothing else...... Been there, done it... they don't like it one bit.... I don't get bullied anymore.....
 
Old 01-13-2011, 12:01 PM   #30
Janet Rosen
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Re: Is there another solution?

I have dealt with bullies in a number of settings over the years, from workplace (one of my very best and favorite bosses was, with other people a terrible bully) and in the world (standing up to very large people who wanted to hit me hard). Mostly they don't bother w/ me because a good bully reads people and they know who it won't work on. Now, this dojo scenario is different because the bullying doesn't start until both people are in the situation - and yeah I've seen a couple of times dojochos go over-the-top macho on some visitors and its really weird and baffling to watch, I imagine much harder to be on the receiving end.

Based on my experience, the way to deal with a bully is NOT what the OP did, which is to put up with it - which he felt as "showing restraint" but in fact his emotions were just roiling and roiling AND which the bully of course perceives as his bullying being successful - and then when its over either explode or retaliate.

The time to deal w/ a bully is the moment the bullying starts and to do so in a quiet, non-agressive but totally firm and implacable way while - assuming it is safe to do so - exiting the situation. Sometimes to avoid pointless arguement/escalation, it actually becomes necessary to stay so on message verbally that it begins to sound silly - like a mantra. I've never had this not work even when I have in fact felt I might be in actual danger.

Last edited by Janet Rosen : 01-13-2011 at 12:11 PM. Reason: spelling

Janet Rosen
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"peace will enter when hate is gone"--percy mayfield
 
Old 01-13-2011, 12:09 PM   #31
Mary Eastland
 
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Re: Is there another solution?

One of the first lessons I learned in aikido is that I
can't feel another person's resistance. People cannot make us act a certain way. I am responsible for every choice I make. You are blaming him for what you did. I know it is hard to look at yourself. Admitting we are wrong is very freeing. I think there is part of you that knows what you did is wrong for you. Only you know that.
Each person had their own moral code.
If you could do it over would you act differently?
Mary
 
Old 01-13-2011, 01:32 PM   #32
Basia Halliop
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Re: Is there another solution?

From your later responses you seem like you are now convinced that you did the right thing and are comfortable and confident with the decisions you made and don't think you should have taken any of the other options anyone is suggesting.

So, glad you've had a chance to talk it through and come to your conclusion. I happen to think you're completely wrong (I don't think what you did would have made you look remotely like an 'alpha dog' or leader of any kind but more like a toddler who lacked basic self-control -- I'm sorry that that's quite negative, but as I understand, you specifically wanted opinions).

But in the end you're the one who has to live with your choices so in the end how you view it is far more important than what some random stranger off the internet thinks.

It sounds like you're no longer really asking for advice, though?
 
Old 01-13-2011, 01:51 PM   #33
Janet Rosen
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Re: Is there another solution?

To the OP: please understand my posts are not a put-down of who you are or a negation of what you experienced. My own responses, in reply to both you posts and the thread in general, reflect my experience. In general I think each of us muddles through as best we can, hopefully with mindfulness and self-awareness, and if nothing else this thread has given you food for thought about options.

Janet Rosen
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"peace will enter when hate is gone"--percy mayfield
 
Old 01-13-2011, 02:39 PM   #34
lbb
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Re: Is there another solution?

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Hindsight is 20/20, I could have dressed down thanked him and walked out. But I am human, I have emotions and they are a tricky lot. But in terms of the Alpha dog world men live in, I wouldn't have gotten any respect.
What respect did you get by choking him out? Who respects you now?

I'm staying out of any discussion of the right and wrong of your reasoning. I'm just asking you if you got what you say you wanted.
 
Old 01-13-2011, 03:09 PM   #35
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Re: Is there another solution?

Quote:
Attilio Anthony John Wagstaffe wrote: View Post
That's known as political correctness in my book.... and look where that's got us.....!!!!

Bullies are bullies and nothing else...... Been there, done it... they don't like it one bit.... I don't get bullied anymore.....
Shame is the day when self-respect is confused with political correct bias. To lose control of your self is to disrespect yourself, and to show your rear where it rightly shouldn't be shown.
You also should never undermine a man in his own house IMO. He was in that man's house, no matter how big of an ass that man might have been. If the master of the house tells you to keep off the furniture, you keep off the furniture. If this disrespects you, get the hell out of that man's house.
Having to out-bully the bully is such a representation of personal insecurity from my experience. If you are secure in your being, who cares what some charlatan, or idiot thinks? When we give credence to the "idiot" we are disrespecting ourselves. You can never claim to have self respect while choosing situations that disrespect yourself.

Regardless, it obviously isn't a sign of restraint to react in the way the OP did. I don't buy the boys getting into a scrapple response..it is meat headed. It is not how men behave, nor how I expect men to behave. I have no tolerance for men refusing to act as men... which admittedly is very non-politically correct. Men don't demand respect with force, they command it with their presence. My father taught me that.

Last edited by RED : 01-13-2011 at 03:16 PM.

MM
 
Old 01-13-2011, 03:47 PM   #36
Marc Abrams
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Re: Is there another solution?

The OP has displayed a lot of character in sharing this event with us. His reactions to this event underscores that he has a good deal of character and integrity.

We sit here with the luxury of 20:20 post-event analysis. We are not moral judges, nor are we so perfect in action as to hold ourselves up as poster-children of correct actions.

Both people did things, that with a clear head and honest discussion, I would assume that both of them would be capable of learning lessons from and not repeating the mistakes of past.

At it's highest level, Aikido offers us that opportunity of connecting our actions with others so as to lead each person toward a more peaceful path. At lower levels, Aikido offers us a way to embarrass a person through how, when and why we choose to execute our techniques.

At the end of the day, one person started acting like an ass and the other person ended up acting like an ass, all expressed through "Aikido." The only thing that I think is of relevance at this point in time, is whether the parties can walk away and use the event as a chance to develop wisdom and act in a more caring and connected manner in the future. The ideal of budo is to create a safer world through creating a more connected and caring world. I don't expect that any of us can always act according to our ideals. The important thing is that we make the effort to try to do so through our words and deeds.

Marc Abrams
 
Old 01-13-2011, 10:26 PM   #37
C. David Henderson
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Re: Is there another solution?

Well, I was pissed off for you, so I do understand that part of it. But I guess if you were okay with the situation, we wouldn't be here, neh?

Quote:
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I showed restraint by not walking off the mat at that point which would've drawn more attention to the situation. Pissy as I was, I took it.
Suffice it to say I've made a determination that if I ever feel in a situation again where an instructor is being abusive [which is not a statement about my primary teacher], I'm just walking off. I honestly think this was an important mistake on your part, and from the honest tone of your post, I'd guess it was because you didn't want to lose face. It also may be at a point before you are looking to see what you might do differently.

The desire not to feel humilated is both powerful and understandable.

So is your reaction: Some people seem to try and control their world primarily by controlling others; other people default to controlling themselves. But swallowing anger has its dangers.

This is where Marc's advice might have provided an alternative.

I would want to ask myself, ego aside, whether someone who thought less of me because I spoke up rather than "took it" is someone whose opinion should be that important to me.

Ellis Sensei's advice about the opinions of other just as easily could apply, in the future, to your concerns in the moment about the opinions of others as much as to your concerns after the fact, IMO.

Quote:
I waited after class to show him in a very subtle way, I had skill. I wanted to communicate to him subtly I wasn't his bitch.

I didn't want to hurt the sensei. Yea, I was pissed, my ego was attacked. True, I lost a bit of control. It was unintentional.
Respectfully, and I mean that, it seemed to me that you might consider looking one step back, given the luxury of hindsight, in thinking about when you lost control of the situation. If you intended to communicate you weren't his "bitch," I'd guess you were already primed to blow up. How much of that came from having endured insults that you felt were unendurable?

Quote:
Hindsight is 20/20, I could have dressed down thanked him and walked out. But I am human, I have emotions and they are a tricky lot. But in terms of the Alpha dog world men live in, I wouldn't have gotten any respect
.

I had a friend once who struggled with his need for others to show him respect. One of his insights was how it distorted both who he really was and how others saw him.

One of the themes I saw running through your thoughts was how this incident distorts your intentions as a martial artist and the dojo you have created.

It reminded me of my friend.

As to the other guy, you can take the number of people telling you you showed restraint as evidence that he sounds like a piece of work.

Regards,

David Henderson
 
Old 01-13-2011, 11:04 PM   #38
"Reg"
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Re: Is there another solution?

After all the responses and me rethinking the event over in my head, I want to say it was time well spent. I believe in my heart of hearts I didn't do wrong. I showed restraint. I don't see me as being equally wrong considering I didn't instigate the situation. If I was wrong it wasn't by much. I was far less in the wrong than the Adam Henry sensei. I was playing defense the whole time, not offense. I wanted to demonstrate to a person who unjustly disrespected he had no power over me. He had no greater knowledge or greater skill than mine. It seems with these type of people is only way to get their respect.

At first I believed choking him out was a bit much. I questioned myself, was it too much even if it was unintentional? My plan was to rock him back on his heels communicating to him that anyone can play that unimpressive game. Remember he was insulting what I did, and exploited me through an exercise where he had all the advantage. Well, he got choke out briefly instead, never the wiser. Now I think is was a classy move. He wasn't hurt. I didn't trash talk him. He wanted to play the Alpha dog game and lost. I didn't come back and make him my bitch after I choke him out. I am confident what I did was a right thing to do with this sensei. I communicated in a language he could understand, even if he wasn't aware of it right then. I am not saying it was the only right thing to do. I am saying was what I needed to do, as it wasn't the worse thing to do. I did show great restraint.

Should I be a poster boy? no. I don't think my action is suitable as a common way to handle such situations. It shouldn't be copied or adopted. I would have really hurt this sensei, but I didn't. The bigger issue I see is his behavior. He is the catalyst. Adam Henry sensei's behavior should be reprimanded and there by setting an example. Guys like him get away with being unprofessional and unsavory characters. Because they taut they have something better, and they will prove it anyway they can. They will stomp anyone who is a threat in anyway possible. It is guys like me who call them on it who are told they are wrong for doing so. I will not be an instant poster boy, giving permission to everyone to handle the situation as I did, if condoned within parameters of my situation.

I got a few reprimands, some pretty harsh. I didn't see any equal harsh ones for the Adam Henry sensei. I may have over looked it, but where there any equal harsh criticisms for his behavior? I expected that. We tend as people to give more criticism to a person in my position than those in the Adam Henry's position. This default consensus allows the more dangerous behavior shown by Adam Henry sensei to be acceptable. We want to change the world don't start with me, start with the Adam Henry senseis. My actions would have never exist if he didn't behave as he did. I was tricked and quickly placed in a very stressful, uncomfortable over all unpleasant situation. A situation triggering allot of physical and mental reactions and responses. Like the adrenaline dumps, emotions, impulses and urges. I showed restraint and control against what all was going on inside of me. And if left to my unchecked natural reactions, I would have gone combat.

I am going to tell my friend and fellow sensei without putting them on the offensive and with tact. I think I did right. He did wrong. If there is going to be change in the world or pointing fingers lets start with the instigators, the Adam Henry sensei types, let not indirectly support them by criticizing and judging not those who are unfortunate to have to react to them. That is the way, I really feel about the situation. We focus too much correction on how those who don't handle a bad situation like mine ideally. That is a wrong we all don't have to commit. Then I will let it rest.

That wraps things up from me, am glad I put my story here. I was afraid I was making a mistake. But I was wrong.
 
Old 01-13-2011, 11:19 PM   #39
Janet Rosen
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Re: Is there another solution?

This is NOT about "taking sides." This is about offering input/thoughts/replies to YOUR post about YOUR situation. If he had posted, he would have been critiqued.

Janet Rosen
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"peace will enter when hate is gone"--percy mayfield
 
Old 01-13-2011, 11:39 PM   #40
Michael Hackett
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Re: Is there another solution?

Reg,
I know of a similar situation that took place several years ago. One man, a relatively high-ranking aikidoka, was invited to a party at a karateka's home. Both men were teachers of their respective arts and didn't know one another well. There were a number of the karateka's dojo there and a number of rounds of beer being consumed. All was well and reportedly there was great conversation about common friends in the arts and good fellowship.

One of the karateka's senior students decided to "test" the aikidoka in front of the group and his own teacher with the old standard "show us some of that aikido stuff". The aikidoka declined several times and the karate teacher failed to rein in his student. Eventually the student threw a munetsuki to the aikidoka's face. He calmly stepped off line and grasped the man's fist, pushing his thumb back towards his wrist until he went to his knees, effectively tapping out. The aikidoka released his grip, thanked his host and left the party. He told me that he felt he was set up by the karate instructor and was angry that he didn't control his own student in the situation. I think this was a classy way to resolve the conflict and demonstrated a mature restraint.

Michael
"Leave the gun. Bring the cannoli."
 
Old 01-14-2011, 12:17 AM   #41
Janet Rosen
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Re: Is there another solution?

Hard for me to format via iPod but Michael's post brought this to mind--it's in the Articles section of Aikiweb, a reprint from old Aikido Journal piece, and another VERY classy response to provocation:
Home > Spiritual > The Importance of Receiving
by D. Messisco

Janet Rosen
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"peace will enter when hate is gone"--percy mayfield
 
Old 01-14-2011, 10:40 AM   #42
Mark Freeman
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Re: Is there another solution?

Reg,

On reading your posts, it can be seen that you feel you were right in your actions. As I wasn't there and we only have your version of events, I don't have an opinion either way.

What is fairly obvious is that two large male ego's were involved, this at least you accept.

My question is about your choice to go to this other dojo in the first place. This choice created the opportunity for this sorry tale to unfold. Have you exhausted all the teaching your own teacher has to offer? Did this other teacher have a reputation for certain skills, that you would like to aquire and pass on to your own students? Was it really just curiosity that took you there?

His behaviour wasn't the catalyst, if you hadn't gone, there would have been no situation to relate.

just my 2 penneth worth, to add to all the others.

regards,

Mark

Success is having what you want. Happiness is wanting what you have.
 
Old 01-14-2011, 10:54 AM   #43
C. David Henderson
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Re: Is there another solution?

Mark's perspective reminded me of the story about O Sensei's reaction to the theft of Koichi Tohei's leather coat during practice.

David Henderson
 
Old 01-14-2011, 12:24 PM   #44
"Reg"
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Re: Is there another solution?

Allot of people have a similar and common view point of my ego that day. I know where they are coming from. I expected more of those opinions. These opinions are inline with how my Mother sees such situations. She would say to me as a kid if I got in some kind of dispute, "you didn't hold your temp (refering to ego), you didn't walk away then you are equally in the wrong!" Both me and my brother would both be punished even though my brother was picking on me. My mother's view is pretty universal. As common as that view is, it isn't always a healthy solution to see things that way.

Was I equally in the wrong. I will say that proportionally the Adam Henry sensei's was 90 % in the wrong, and the much of the blame rests on him. My mother would not agree with me. She has the popular view that ego is bad. I can't see that being very realistic. Having an ego is good too. Being completely ego-less like a Buddhist monk isn't functional 100% in the world most of us live in. Being egoless works well if you live in a Buddhist monastery where that view is cultured like a pearl. Outside of that work it doesn't work like that. Ego has a function, both positive and negative. For some reason society treats Ego as a bad thing.

In my situation, I was being insulted, and mocked, based on a sensei's arrogance and feeling he had to dominate me. My ego kicked in as it should as a safe guarding mechanism for self-protection. Without that ego doing its job, I would be nothing but a punching bag. I would have no self-esteem, or confidence without ego. I would be reduced to the status of a batter wife syndrome mentality. My self-esteem and confidence crushed, subordinate to Adam Henry sensei's abuse, i.e. his bitch. My ego needed to be in place to prevent that. I need to show him I wasn't his bitch.

Cause I don't live in a cave, I walked unsuspectingly into a bad place. A risk that has to be taking if you want to live in society. When I went there it was his ego being threatened he choose to be on the offensive showing all the classic negative signs of ego. I don't see my function of my ego was in the wrong, absolutely, or equally. For me, it is the percentage of being in the wrong. He was 90% in the wrong and demonstrated wonderfully the signs of an unhealthy ego. I am not saying, I wasn't 100% in the right. To say such a thing is an unrealistic absolute. I could have done as Mother trained me to do. But, I didn't. I allowed my ego to do it's job in a positive way, protecting myself from being mentally beat down. I protected my self-esteem and self-confidence.

Ego isn't always bad, and I don't think it is a case of two wrongs don't make a right. Because the proportions of being wrong are not equal,or closely in proportion. For that to be the case, I would have to mirror his behavior and ego. I didn't. My ego did what it should have and justly so to protect me. How can that make me equally wrong...?

I don't see another solution to the situation that would have supported my self-confidence and self-esteem.
 
Old 01-14-2011, 12:44 PM   #45
C. David Henderson
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Re: Is there another solution?

Man, if you hold onto this attitude, you are essentially saying any SOB who knows how to push your buttons can make, MAKE you do something you feel so bad about you'll go to these lengths to assure yourself you were in the right to begin with.

So how is that not being his "bitch?"

I'm a fan of Ego (just not always my own or others'). But is it a healthy ego that depends, DEPENDS on the perceptions of others for its vitality?

David Henderson
 
Old 01-14-2011, 12:50 PM   #46
Dan Rubin
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Re: Is there another solution?

Quote:
Marc Abrams wrote: View Post
We sit here with the luxury of 20:20 post-event analysis.
Quote:
Anonymous User wrote: View Post
let not indirectly support them by criticizing and judging not those who are unfortunate to have to react to them.
Isn't that what we were requested to do?

Quote:
Anonymous User wrote: View Post
I am asking for some feedback, was I wrong in my actions, or just? Was there another solution?
 
Old 01-14-2011, 12:57 PM   #47
Tony Wagstaffe
Location: Winchester
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 1,211
United Kingdom
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Re: Is there another solution?

Quote:
Maggie Schill wrote: View Post
Shame is the day when self-respect is confused with political correct bias. To lose control of your self is to disrespect yourself, and to show your rear where it rightly shouldn't be shown.
You also should never undermine a man in his own house IMO. He was in that man's house, no matter how big of an ass that man might have been. If the master of the house tells you to keep off the furniture, you keep off the furniture. If this disrespects you, get the hell out of that man's house.
Having to out-bully the bully is such a representation of personal insecurity from my experience. If you are secure in your being, who cares what some charlatan, or idiot thinks? When we give credence to the "idiot" we are disrespecting ourselves. You can never claim to have self respect while choosing situations that disrespect yourself.

Regardless, it obviously isn't a sign of restraint to react in the way the OP did. I don't buy the boys getting into a scrapple response..it is meat headed. It is not how men behave, nor how I expect men to behave. I have no tolerance for men refusing to act as men... which admittedly is very non-politically correct. Men don't demand respect with force, they command it with their presence. My father taught me that.
That's why were are in Afghanistan then?..... Bullies come in all sorts of sizes and guises......
 
Old 01-14-2011, 01:05 PM   #48
Dan Rubin
Dojo: Boulder Aikikai
Location: Denver, Colorado
Join Date: Feb 2002
Posts: 335
United_States
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Re: Is there another solution?

Quote:
Anonymous User wrote: View Post
Granted knowing my background, my behavior was outside of what I represent as the sensei of my dojo, and the dojo's reputation.
"Reg"

Could you expand on this? Does this have anything to do with the criticism you received from your friend and from your fellow instructor?
 
Old 01-14-2011, 01:52 PM   #49
Demetrio Cereijo
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 1,919
Spain
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Re: Is there another solution?

Quote:
Charles David Henderson wrote: View Post
Man, if you hold onto this attitude, you are essentially saying any SOB who knows how to push your buttons can make, MAKE you do something you feel so bad about you'll go to these lengths to assure yourself you were in the right to begin with.
Interesting.

 
Old 01-14-2011, 02:16 PM   #50
Mark Gibbons
Location: Seattle, WA
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 177
United_States
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Re: Is there another solution?

A guy visits a dojo and asks to train, gets annoyed by corrections, chokes out the Sensei after class.

That makes me understand better why some places are leary of visitors. As far as I can tell the OP objected to words, and wasn't hurt beyond getting knocked down in an aikido class.

And the OP thinks they were only 10% in the wrong???? Wow.

Mark
 

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