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I previous this with saying I think this related to Akido, but bearw with me it is not.
I had truble geting focosed last few class. Last monday night, I went t class and for some reason everything I thought I knew rand and hid. I had vague memoris of it like it was looking throw a windo, but would not walk down the path to rest of my mind and boddy. However, I made it throw the class, and pondered why this was such an unproductive night and why my mind kept litterly going blank at times. There was even another brand new student whom seemed to catch on tho actives that faster then I. I suposed be better then him somewhat ... I been tring for about 6 months. The only excuse I had in part for that night was I had been up for about 48 hours. Althow, I did nto feel tryed I had lots of red die 40 in my system( kinda like normal people drinking a red bull or somehting). So , I still not srue what was up that night , but I had hoped it was just that night.
So, I go today to the afternoon class. Fist I got my Award saying I was officaly a 7th KUY. Thow , I was kinda scared and confused. I was fro a few resons, one I had just driven there, and I have not driven in a long time( I have a test wed.). My sister was sorat adding to my alraddy crappy driving by not helping time wise drictions. So, I ened up about 5-10 mints late to calss, wich is not something I like at all. Then frist thing when I get there he call my name, and I also not sure I deserve the rank. I think this becvaue I did not do them all right with flll on the test and I can't seem to consently recreate them. The traing sesstion we stared out with soem eassy stuff I should know, but I was still strugling. In part becaue we were doing alot of Dubble slap roles , and I do them wrong. I trying to figur them out, they have been thought , I think I am scared so I want to reach for the grond , insted of slap. I also somemes don't like the sound of hard slaping and don't relly see why it helps. Then latter we worked on Bokens, I forget what it was. I jsut rember I did not even apprently stricke the persons head and or Knee. That one at lest was advaved. Then before that someone let me use his boken and I almost forgot to say thankyou, I knwo that one. I did, but with him sorata making me. I helped with the mats but kept scewing up on how they were sposed to be doen. In ence feel disconeced.
This is odd becaue I was stareing to feel conconed. I just thought I would share it here. Any thoughts on what I should do? Also, Dose anyone thingk I owe an apology to people , I feel like i do?
12-19-2009 07:14 PM 