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As of today I will tryned more or less for 295 days or thats is the time that has passed since I strated in March 30, 20009. I have tryend mentaly all of those days , of corse with calssed for 2 hour spans mostly 3 days a week here and there, with two all weekend semmenars.
I am prapering to leave my dojo , that has become kinda second home, I never relly felt like conncent to people all that esally, but at the dojo , I feel a bit saffer, bit less juded. I not saying that there arent times I feel judged, but most are based on my ablitys or lack there of , as in there are set standerds and you meat them at you pace, virs some set norm that is never even told you so you dont know you missing the mark entill you are so far passed it you cant possibly meat it. I not saying all of dojo mates are best friends, but I in the reltivly short time I knwon them I grown closer to them then I have to other people that may have been knwo for longer perod of time. It might be that aikido lends its self to being close, becaues phiscaly you are closely working with one enother. I sure it also is partialy my dojo, but that bing siad, I went to some semenaers where other peopel come and over all they all seem very accepting and junaly wnating to help eachother and just lurn together.
While art tlest at my dojo we have ranks , but its more like wroking to gether most of the time to better eachother understanding. True while you are a kue rank you are mostly the lurner, but I knwo some whom are and they can catch on to concepts fast and come with more varations that actuly work then sometimes my sisay can. It defently seems once yo get black belt that you are defenly more all conming ideas. The lower ranks are tught basics , but when it comes to new ways it all up for game.
I have verity of chanlges that make starded sports and actives very ovious that I am not normal. I think aikido ther are some ares that I am defently still nto wehre eveyone else is, but there at lest some that I am or feel as if i am right with them all. which for me is rare. I dont look people in the eye that dose get noced and I lurn new teques slow, and dont hear all the Japanse words right , let aloe pronce them correctly. However, while I belive this in my view , I was talkign to a teacher/fellw student he siad that its all a process and that i was right where i need to be. Agin , I lurning that its ok to take a diffrent path then the some, we all end up at the end point.
I always had to take diffrent paths then the main streem, infact sometimes I like ti, its alot less corwed onn my side. lol I do wish at times that it felt more like a chose then it being choen for me by me not knwoing the main path excited or how to get on it if I chose, but that is not my path. There is a saying the goes somehting like this " be yourself everyone else is taken". I gess thats me and it seems that aikido lends itself to that , while there is defently rules that must be flowend for safty and basic teques there are mutaple ways to get there, sometimes.
I makes me sad that I be living my dojo, but I have the feeling if I want it will be there for me if our paths cross agin, or I will find a new home. It is odd I stred thinking I go for the period of time i paiyed but after watching a class I wa nto sure I was going to like ti . I usly one to be tuched, but lurned that it was nto somethig I could control but there were ways to deal with that. I was also like fighting , what did get my self into. It has that but it also techess you how to get out of fighting in a way. There is alot I lurned about my self not just phiscaly but in other ways that I owe to aikido. I not sure its what you r "suposed to ' get out of it , but then mabby thats it there is not norm.
Well I will probly still trin up at school, and in summer see if my dojo lets me trin, i post my jurny on here as enter this new fase.. Aikido, unlike other interests I've pursued has started to become more of my daily life not just in training, but in thought and how I conduct myself. These are positives, and the negatives being the overwhelming habit of somehow restraining myself, being unassure of my abilities. I'm still working on balancing these two forces.
12-18-2010 05:16 PM 