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In General
Playing Catch-up
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#152
 11-18-2004 12:45 PM |
Things have been so go-go-go these days, that I haven't had a chance to stop and genuflect as much as usual. Here's a start (or at least a glance backwards) for now. Just to mix things up a little, I've been reflecting in a different style --- should be a nice breather from the usual notes regarding technique, at the very least.
11.10.04 (17:33, on the bus to the dojo)
Well, this is it. The moment of truth. Okay, so the preliminary one...tonight, we all test in-house. This time, for me, there is no "cramming" at the last minute to get ready, no showing up early to practice. This time, there sure as hell was no going to the dojo for weeks straight to prepare. Nope, not with all of this shit going on, there wasn't.
So how prepared am I? My mind is a blank slate, ready to be filled. My body feels at rest, waiting for that moment to bring it to action --- it is relaxed and yet is energized with the knowledge only it knows. Once again, I must trust it. Before, I had a tough time doing this. I mulled over each technique in my mind to no end, compounded my worry by feeding off my own insecurities.
There will be none of that this time. There is only me. And after everything that has happened this year, all I've been through, I know it'll be more than enough.
11.11.04
Okay. Here we are again, on the brink of yet another test. This will probably be the last time I'll be able to write before we head out to the seminar in Regina, so I suppose it's the last chance to say something pithy or profound before going off to "bite the bullet", so to speak. The fact is, there's hardly been enough time to quip about training --- which is rare for me. But not this year. Nope. I've named 2004 as my official Year of Hell. Yet it's been worth it, ultimately: I've pushed myself to my physical, mental, and emotional limits (both of my own volition and not). So am I nervous about testing for Yonkyu? Ha. Compared with the shit I've been through, nothing can faze me.
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