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Go Back   AikiWeb Aikido Forums > AikiWeb AikiBlogs > Seeking Zanshin: Blood, Sweat, Tears & Aikikai

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Seeking Zanshin: Blood, Sweat, Tears & Aikikai Blog Tools Rating: Rate This Blog
Creation Date: 02-24-2005 10:53 PM
jducusin
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One small gal + a dojo full of big guys = tons o' fun
Blog Info
Status: Public
Entries: 272 (Private: 12)
Comments: 195
Views: 255,115

In General Out of Sight, Out of Mind? Entry Tools Rate This Entry
  #104 New 02-25-2004 09:46 PM
As I write this, I'm peeling off my much needed Salonpas patches (having first had a nice long soak in the tub --- they feel more effective afterwards) and am getting settled for the night. I've been getting sleepy earlier these days (perhaps I'm still not quite over the jet lag), so journal entries have been rather short; I'll try not to make this one an exception (*yawn*).

It was a small class tonight, just me, Dave, Sempai Jeff and Sensei; but Wednesdays are generally quiet nights anyway. It was also my last class before the seminar, as Dave and I have got this fundraising shindig to go to tomorrow night for the Women's Health Clinic, and we leave for Saskatoon on Friday at noon.

I wanted to do a bit of an experiment and see (or not) how things would go if I didn't wear my contact lenses on the mats. Result: Contacts it is! At least for the seminar and the test...after the first couple of techniques in the run-through, getting thrown by Sempai Jeff's footwork, and getting bonked on the head a couple of times as a result (I think more of it might have had to do with my getting thrown by having Sempai Jeff as uke for the first time (at least for test stuff; though I know, it shouldn't make a difference) Sensei told me to get my glasses, and after that it was alright again.

Eventually, I want to get to the point where I'm proficient enough that I won't need to wear contacts or glasses --- there are times when I'll do a class without them, and despite missing some details, I manage okay. Dave was telling me how he read once that learning a martial art while wearing corrective lenses lets one focus on the details (which is important for me as a beginner while learning technique) yet learning a MA without them forces you to look at the "big picture" (which is just as important for me in order to learn better timing and improve my peripheral vision --- ahem --- *rubs her bonked head* ).

I wasn't paying as close attention to breathing as last time, so that was a bit of a (self-)disappointment. Granted, I'm happy that I was calm enough not to break out into a nervous sweat like the time before that. Despite Sensei and Sempai Jeff telling me that I've got nothing to worry about, I still feel that it could have been a heck of a lot better. Who am I kidding --- it can *always* be better, right?

But I wonder if I was preoccupied with the thought that here was this Sempai who I've always looked up to a great deal from the very beginning, and he's actually being my uke; particularly after a long hiatus of not being around to see me progress, I guess I kind of felt a little pressure to make him proud. Baka Jamie! Focus! *slaps herself upside the head* There...much better.

You know what my problem is? I think too much. I've always got all of this stuff rattling around up here, and I don't trust myself enough to just let it go. At least, when I SHOULD really let it go --- that is, in regards to the physical. All of my negative self-talk just becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. I know that. I just have to stop second-guessing myself, and trust in where and who I am at this very moment. (Can't you just hear the New-Agey music and peaceful waves crashing in the background?)

Well, so much for a short journal entry. Enough fuzzy stuff for now. Time to kiss these soft mats goodbye! I have to remember to, at Sempai Jeff's advice, tape my feet at Saskatoon since their mats are "like concrete" and will tear the flesh off them...mmm...bloody feet...We are just so spoiled with our nice cushy mats (as I found out in some Toronto dojos). I've also got an appointment later tomorrow afternoon for a remedial massage, which should loosen things up quite nicely, methinks. I'm sure my arms and shoulders will thank me.

Two days to the seminar, and I'm feeling...copacetic. (Very satisfactory)
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