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In General
My Changing Kiai
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#81
 12-23-2003 12:36 AM |
I know, this is a rather silly thing to write about. But I've been noticing it a lot more lately. It's not like I've been consciously trying to manipulate it or anything, it just seems to be...evolving...for lack of a better word.
Last Thursday, my kiai seemed to become even more natural sounding, somehow less contrived than usual --- not that I had ever felt it to be false or forced in any way. It just seemed to deepen into something almost gutteral; it felt like it was coming from the core of my being as though it truly projected my very spirit. I know it sounds cheesy. But it definitely felt like it...
Today, however, my kiai seems to have reverted back to its old sound and tone...and now in comparison to my memory of my kiai on Thursday it almost feels contrived, if that makes any sense. It doesn't seem to have the same heart in it that it used to. And yet, of course, actually *trying* to get it back to sounding as natural as it did on Thursday is just a bit counterintuitive.
But if my kiai is meant to represent my Toushi, or fighting spirit, then what the heck happened, and how on earth do I get it back? It's not as though I feel any different. At any rate, I just know that the more I obsess over it, the more laboured and unnatural my kiai will end up sounding. I guess I just have to carry on as always, putting everything I've got into every one of my strikes, and I'm sure it'll eventually find it's way back home. 
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