Welcome to AikiWeb Aikido Information
AikiWeb: The Source for Aikido Information
AikiWeb's principal purpose is to serve the Internet community as a repository and dissemination point for aikido information.

Sections
home
aikido articles
columns

Discussions
forums
aikiblogs

Databases
dojo search
seminars
image gallery
supplies
links directory

Reviews
book reviews
video reviews
dvd reviews
equip. reviews

News
submit
archive

Miscellaneous
newsletter
rss feeds
polls
about

Follow us on



Home > AikiWeb Aikido Forums
Go Back   AikiWeb Aikido Forums > Humor

Hello and thank you for visiting AikiWeb, the world's most active online Aikido community! This site is home to over 22,000 aikido practitioners from around the world and covers a wide range of aikido topics including techniques, philosophy, history, humor, beginner issues, the marketplace, and more.

If you wish to join in the discussions or use the other advanced features available, you will need to register first. Registration is absolutely free and takes only a few minutes to complete so sign up today!

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 06-08-2006, 03:01 AM   #1
Steve Mullen
Dojo: White Rose (Sunderland)
Location: Washington
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 270
England
Offline
Aikido does not work at all when........

Okay, so here's the thing, there is loads of these things all over the web arguing why aikido does or doesn't work in a fight, so i thought id make my own up, in my own special way.

Aikido does not work at all when........

Tori is fully encased in concrete from head to toe.

Uki has super powers and can make their arms turn to water and thus drip out of Tori's grip


Continue..........

"No matter your pretence, you are what you are and nothing more." - Kenshiro Abbe Shihan
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-08-2006, 04:19 AM   #2
Jorge Garcia
Dojo: Shudokan School of Aikido
Location: Houston
Join Date: Jun 2001
Posts: 608
Offline
Re: Aikido does not work at all when........

Aikido doesn't work when ....you don't believe in it.

"It is the philosophy that gives meaning to the method of training."
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-08-2006, 04:39 AM   #3
Mark Freeman
Dojo: Dartington
Location: Devon
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,220
United Kingdom
Offline
Re: Aikido does not work at all when........

Aikido doesn't work at all when...you don't know how to do it properly

Success is having what you want. Happiness is wanting what you have.
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-08-2006, 05:29 AM   #4
Mark Uttech
Dojo: Yoshin-ji Aikido of Marshall
Location: Wisconsin
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 1,224
Offline
Re: Aikido does not work at all when........

Aikido does not work if you are distracted by a kitten attacking a shoe.
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-08-2006, 06:05 AM   #5
Steve Mullen
Dojo: White Rose (Sunderland)
Location: Washington
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 270
England
Offline
Re: Aikido does not work at all when........

Aikido does not work when...... instead of doing technique you run into a corner, tap your heels together three times and yell "THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME"

"No matter your pretence, you are what you are and nothing more." - Kenshiro Abbe Shihan
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-08-2006, 06:22 AM   #6
Mark Freeman
Dojo: Dartington
Location: Devon
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,220
United Kingdom
Offline
Re: Aikido does not work at all when........

Quote:
Steve Mullen wrote:
Aikido does not work when...... instead of doing technique you run into a corner, tap your heels together three times and yell "THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME"
Oh Dorothy, you don't mean that do you?

aikido doesn't work at all when.....not in the correct dress

Success is having what you want. Happiness is wanting what you have.
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-08-2006, 06:40 AM   #7
PhilMyKi
Dojo: Seibukan, Milton Keynes
Location: At Work unless I am at the DOJO!
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 111
United Kingdom
Offline
Re: Aikido does not work at all when........

Aikido does not work at all when ... ... to try performing it on the lamp post that pushed you over on the way home from the pub

Vorsprung durch Aikido!
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-08-2006, 12:48 PM   #8
billybob
 
billybob's Avatar
Dojo: Academy of Warrior Spirit
Location: tampa
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 440
United_States
Offline
Re: Aikido does not work at all when........

Aikido does not work when...... you kiss your Nage 'Jon' on the cheek before you attack him......and your name is 'David'.

dave
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-08-2006, 02:31 PM   #9
DmG
 
DmG's Avatar
Dojo: Southern Maryland Aikido Center
Location: Southern Maryland
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 15
United_States
Offline
Re: Aikido does not work at all when........

I once wondered how to do Nikkyo on a goose who was giving me the evil eye....
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-08-2006, 03:29 PM   #10
billybob
 
billybob's Avatar
Dojo: Academy of Warrior Spirit
Location: tampa
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 440
United_States
Offline
Re: Aikido does not work at all when........

Quote:
Re: Aikido does not work at all when........

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I once wondered how to do Nikkyo on a goose who was giving me the evil eye....
HAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA aaah!

every time i am outrageous i am outdone! this brings up endless possibilities!

dave
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-08-2006, 03:32 PM   #11
Jorge Garcia
Dojo: Shudokan School of Aikido
Location: Houston
Join Date: Jun 2001
Posts: 608
Offline
Re: Aikido does not work at all when........

Aikido does not work when.... what you believe is incorrect.

"It is the philosophy that gives meaning to the method of training."
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-08-2006, 03:32 PM   #12
Michael Hackett
Dojo: Kenshinkan Dojo (Aikido of North County) Vista, CA
Location: Oceanside, California
Join Date: Oct 2000
Posts: 1,225
Offline
Re: Aikido does not work at all when........

Amazing! I once wondered how to goose a guy named Nick.

Michael
"Leave the gun. Bring the cannoli."
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-08-2006, 03:37 PM   #13
Kevin Leavitt
 
Kevin Leavitt's Avatar
Dojo: Team Combat USA
Location: Olympia, Washington
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 4,376
United_States
Offline
Re: Aikido does not work at all when........

....when you say "hey pull my finger!"
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-08-2006, 05:47 PM   #14
Lucy Smith
Dojo: Samurai Dojo
Location: Montevideo
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 138
Uruguay
Offline
Re: Aikido does not work at all when........

when Uke is Dexter.
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-08-2006, 06:31 PM   #15
Mark Freeman
Dojo: Dartington
Location: Devon
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,220
United Kingdom
Offline
Re: Aikido does not work at all when........

Quote:
Donna Grant wrote:
I once wondered how to do Nikkyo on a goose who was giving me the evil eye....
I could pass on a technique we dicovered when practicing with our local flock

Success is having what you want. Happiness is wanting what you have.
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-08-2006, 08:37 PM   #16
xuzen
 
xuzen's Avatar
Dojo: None at the moment - on hiatus
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 965
Malaysia
Offline
Re: Aikido does not work at all when........

Aikido does not work when Uma Thurman (or any gorgeous hollywood babe) ask you to get in her guard... why should you ?

Boon.

SHOMEN-ATE (TM), the solution to 90% of aikido and life's problems.
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-08-2006, 09:29 PM   #17
DmG
 
DmG's Avatar
Dojo: Southern Maryland Aikido Center
Location: Southern Maryland
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 15
United_States
Offline
Re: Aikido does not work at all when........

Quote:
Kevin Leavitt wrote:
....when you say "hey pull my finger!"
Actually....I've seen this work. Big bad French Canadian yudansha...my husband said..."pull my finger"...and before I could stop the poor guy...he did! He was never the same (the Canadian... my husband remained the same....believe me...)

  Reply With Quote
Old 06-09-2006, 03:56 AM   #18
ruthmc
Dojo: Wokingham Aikido
Location: Reading, UK
Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 393
United Kingdom
Offline
Re: Aikido does not work at all when........

... the brakes fail in your car when travelling downhill at 50 mph

... Sensei has just knocked you unconscious for doing something silly

... everyone is feeling too chilled to want to attack anyone

Ruth
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-09-2006, 04:28 AM   #19
Mark Freeman
Dojo: Dartington
Location: Devon
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,220
United Kingdom
Offline
Re: Aikido does not work at all when........

Quote:
=Ruth McWilliam
... everyone is feeling too chilled to want to attack anyone
'Real' aikido

Success is having what you want. Happiness is wanting what you have.
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-09-2006, 09:47 AM   #20
Eric Webber
Dojo: Aikido West Reading
Location: Reading, Pa
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 261
United_States
Offline
Re: Aikido does not work at all when........

aikido does not work when...

we take the "martial" out of "martial art"
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-09-2006, 10:57 AM   #21
Brian Vickery
Dojo: Aiki-Buken Aikido
Location: Gilbert, Arizona
Join Date: Jul 2000
Posts: 208
United_States
Offline
Re: Aikido does not work at all when........

Quote:
Steve Mullen wrote:
Okay, so here's the thing, there is loads of these things all over the web arguing why aikido does or doesn't work in a fight, so i thought id make my own up, in my own special way.

Aikido does not work at all when........
...a red-shirt wearing fung fu guy does this ...http://www.guzer.com/videos/kungfu_fight.php (Please view video ) ...there's just no aikido defense when this happens ...what can you do when your eyes are blurry from tears, tears formed from hysterically laughing ...how can you execute ANY technique when you're totally out of breath, gasping for air because you can't stop belly laughing ...in fact, you're bent over at the waste due to this uncontrollable laughing fit ...face it folks! ...you're DONE FOR!!!

Brian Vickery

"The highest level of technique to achieve is that of having NO technique!"
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-09-2006, 06:45 PM   #22
RebeccaM
Dojo: Boulder Aikikai
Location: Boulder
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 136
United_States
Offline
Re: Aikido does not work at all when........

Aikido doesn't work at all when uke is an inanimate object.
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-10-2006, 09:48 PM   #23
Rachel Strickman
Location: Helsinki
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 16
Finland
Offline
Re: Aikido does not work at all when........

.... uke actively tries to escape.

I tried to get my sister to train with me for my test. It was like training with a greased noodle.
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-11-2006, 02:09 AM   #24
Gernot Hassenpflug
Dojo: Aunkai, Tokyo
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 319
Japan
Offline
Re: Aikido does not work at all when........

Aikido does not work at all when....

...martial is converted to marital

...you start talking during your demonstration LOL

... you forget to wear your hakama

... your uke doesn't throw a "real punch" or attack "properly"

... the uke starts to put a judo technique on you

... that meal of tacos and beans you had for lunch has thoughts about making a comeback.

Hehe, good memories, all.
  Reply With Quote
Old 06-12-2006, 10:44 AM   #25
Lucy Smith
Dojo: Samurai Dojo
Location: Montevideo
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 138
Uruguay
Offline
Re: Aikido does not work at all when........

Quote:
Gernot Hassenpflug wrote:
... you forget to wear your hakama
How can that make your Aikido "not work at all"???
  Reply With Quote

Please visit our sponsor:

AikiWeb Sponsored Links - Place your Aikido link here for only $10!



Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Aikido does not work at all in a fight. joeysola General 2010 06-13-2017 10:56 PM
Aikido minus mysticism: a step forward Red Beetle General 358 10-10-2006 11:43 AM
Way of the Warrior on Discovery timcraig General 58 09-13-2003 12:18 PM
Two things. Veers General 8 04-04-2003 01:54 PM


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 09:39 AM.



vBulletin Copyright © 2000-2017 Jelsoft Enterprises Limited
----------
Copyright 1997-2017 AikiWeb and its Authors, All Rights Reserved.
----------
For questions and comments about this website:
Send E-mail
plainlaid-picaresque outchasing-protistan explicantia-altarage seaford-stellionate