Problem with another aikidoka.

Completely agree with you there.

I believe you are correct when you say I should stop harassing him.
I'll follow your advice. Thank you all sincerely for this, I really appreciate it. Anyway if you want to leave additional advice about this matter i'm all ears...or eyes in this case!

Thanks again

My views on AikiWeb are different than a lot of other people's views.. Some people make fun of my views. Some people ignore them and some people make fun of me. Some poeple may like them.

For me the practice is to keep posting because I have things to say. If someone likes or doesn't like what I say or puts me on ignore or makes comments good or bad is irrelevant. I have no control over others. However, my viewpoint might make a difference to someone else just as your viewpoints, whether I like them or not, may help me learn something about myself and others.

How is this Aikidoka helping you learn about yourself?

Mary Eastland wrote: My views on AikiWeb are different than a lot of other people's views.. Some people make fun of my views. Some people ignore them and some people make fun of me. Some poeple may like them. For me the practice is to keep posting because I have things to say. If someone likes or doesn't like what I say or puts me on ignore or makes comments good or bad is irrelevant. I have no control over others. However, my viewpoint might make a difference to someone else just as your viewpoints, whether I like them or not, may help me learn something about myself and others. How is this Aikidoka helping you learn about yourself?

Dear Mary,
Asking this question is almost an exercise in contemplating ones navel.I think its a waste of ones time .However much you engage in silent thought ,mentally debating this issue,at the end of the day the result is the same-the two guys involved are not compatible .Surely this is the main issue?The whys and wherefores of how the two guys do not gel
is irrelevant.In a nutshell ,you cannot no matter how you try,you
cannot get on with everyone.Use time in a more positive way , rather than engage in self analysis.Cheers, Joe.

Thanks for the advice, Joe. I see that we see things differently.

My practice involves contemplation. I am interested in why I see things the way I do.

I might have caused harm where I meant none. Maybe I am too sensitive and I need to change. When I can see myself as I am then I can do something about it.

And there is the time when nothing more can be done and I must accept that some people just don't like me and that is ok.
Best,
Mary

Joe Curran wrote: Dear Mary, Asking this question is almost an exercise in contemplating ones navel.Cheers, Joe.

Hi Joe

This is like a thread on a sowing circle forum rather than a martial arts forum..

Regards

Henry
Aikido Articles
http://aikidoarticles.blogspot.com/

Hi folks,

Please let's keep judgments regarding the topic of other people's discussions out of the posts here. If you have differing thoughts about a topic, please address the topic itself rather than casting judgments about the topic's worthiness or appropriateness.

All topics here are welcome -- outside of those which go against the Forum Rules, of course.

Thank you,

-- Jun

Mary Eastland wrote: Thanks for the advice, Joe. I see that we see things differently. My practice involves contemplation. I am interested in why I see things the way I do. I might have caused harm where I meant none. Maybe I am too sensitive and I need to change. When I can see myself as I am then I can do something about it. And there is the time when nothing more can be done and I must accept that some people just don't like me and that is ok. Best, Mary

Dear Mary,
I cannot speak for everyone but I can assure you I think your Ok.Nothing wrong with having different viewpoints on issues.Makes for interesting reading. All the best, Joe.

Thanks, Joe. I feel the same way. My post was about my process not about anyone's behavior. Thanks for your kind words.
Mary

Adam Frank wrote: I've looked on aikiweb and have seen people that have come against aikidoka's that just WANT to have a problem with you. I am having this problem. An aikidoka is being hostile to me. (not openly) He criticises me but refuses to aid me. He won't pair up with me because I was a bad uke with him and i'm trying to overcome that. I constantly try to go against his hatred and attempt to make him see reason, to get him to partner up with me and forget this hatred. It HONESTLY makes me sad he won't just STOP this nonsense! I quote this from him- "I am there to help others learn but primarily im there to further my own knowledge." What do you all think? What can I do? I want to restore our friendship.

Talk with your Sensei and he will tell you, probably, it's a lesson you must learn to overcome. In other words, look at yourself and ask, maybe I am at fault.

From what I gather he has never given you a specific reason for not wanting to practice with you. There is too much unknown here. I rarely have the problem of someone not wanting to practice with me because everyone likes throwing a fat guy.

If this is causing dicourse in the dojo your sensei should definately be made aware of it and will act on it as he sees fit.

The only way to make this individual want to train with you, is to leave him alone for as long as he needs - and then leave it up to him.

Don't force someone to train with you if you feel he doesn't like to train with you. The uke nage relationship needs some level of trust with the partner and you as uke do not want to hand over your body to someone you cannot fully trust. Serious injuries are borne this way. Trust and dont trust your partner at the same time, even if you are the closest of friends. While doing aikido, you are not enemies but you are not friends either at that very moment.

Mario Tobias wrote: Don't force someone to train with you if you feel he doesn't like to train with you. The uke nage relationship needs some level of trust with the partner and you as uke do not want to hand over your body to someone you cannot fully trust. Serious injuries are borne this way. Trust and dont trust your partner at the same time, even if you are the closest of friends. While doing aikido, you are not enemies but you are not friends either at that very moment.

Well put. The relation friend or foe does not exist 'at that moment'.

Adam Frank wrote: I've looked on aikiweb and have seen people that have come against aikidoka's that just WANT to have a problem with you. I am having this problem. An aikidoka is being hostile to me. (not openly) He criticises me but refuses to aid me. He won't pair up with me because I was a bad uke with him and i'm trying to overcome that. I constantly try to go against his hatred and attempt to make him see reason, to get him to partner up with me and forget this hatred. It HONESTLY makes me sad he won't just STOP this nonsense! I quote this from him- "I am there to help others learn but primarily im there to further my own knowledge." What do you all think? What can I do? I want to restore our friendship.

You shouldn't bother with such people. He's just being selfish and unhelpful.
You don't need friends like him.

Adam Frank wrote: I've looked on aikiweb and have seen people that have come against aikidoka's that just WANT to have a problem with you. I am having this problem. An aikidoka is being hostile to me. (not openly) He criticises me but refuses to aid me. He won't pair up with me because I was a bad uke with him and i'm trying to overcome that. I constantly try to go against his hatred and attempt to make him see reason, to get him to partner up with me and forget this hatred. It HONESTLY makes me sad he won't just STOP this nonsense! I quote this from him- "I am there to help others learn but primarily im there to further my own knowledge." What do you all think? What can I do? I want to restore our friendship.

You shouldn't bother with such people. He's just being selfish and unhelpful.
You don't need friends like him.

Adam Frank wrote: "You are not there to make friends." I thank you for your input but I am not there to have enemies either. Everyone in the dojo should work together. It's easy for you to say "ignore him" isn't it? Even if I did ignore him, I feel empty within. I need to make peace with him. I repeat, how do I do it?

Dear adam
I think the problem is that you demand something he can´t or won´t give you.. You say you need to make peace, but like everything else it´s not something you can force on people, maybe you should chill out and go with the flow.
So like it´s allready been said many times, leave it alone.

(I know this thread is not completely new and you have probably learned from reading here, so in a way it´s becoming rhetorical, but still it´s an interresting subject.)

Cheers
Lars

Chua Halim wrote: You shouldn't bother with such people. He's just being selfish and unhelpful. You don't need friends like him.

You know this thread is a year old, right?

Mary Malmros wrote: You know this thread is a year old, right?

I didn't realise 5 months is equal to a year, maybe years are shorter in the US

Adam Frank wrote: I've looked on aikiweb and have seen people that have come against aikidoka's that just WANT to have a problem with you. I am having this problem. An aikidoka is being hostile to me. (not openly) He criticises me but refuses to aid me. He won't pair up with me because I was a bad uke with him and i'm trying to overcome that. I constantly try to go against his hatred and attempt to make him see reason, to get him to partner up with me and forget this hatred. It HONESTLY makes me sad he won't just STOP this nonsense! I quote this from him- "I am there to help others learn but primarily im there to further my own knowledge." What do you all think? What can I do? I want to restore our friendship.

Dear Adam,
With friends like this guy who need enemies? Kick him into touch. You need him like you need a hole in the head. Use commonsense , get rid of him.Why do you bother ?Are you a closet masochist? Cheers Joe.

Gornall Bell wrote: I didn't realise 5 months is equal to a year, maybe years are shorter in the US

Meh. Point stands. Old thread, why revive it?