4th dimensional combat

Roger Flatley wrote: I guess you have to understand it from the enemy's point of view. They figure they can sue me, ignore me, and everything will be a-okay for them. I don't even think they care about winning the suit, so long as they can force me to be invovled in it. I can't ignore it, otherwise the law will issue a lein against me, and I'd still have to pay them.

My solution there would be to let the lawyers handle it and make no public appearance or statements beyond what is absolutely required by the legal process. That seems like the best option both from a practical and an emotional perspective. Let your lawyer be the public face of your involvement in the case; he/she is the professional and you are not.

Mary Malmros wrote: My solution there would be to let the lawyers handle it and make no public appearance or statements beyond what is absolutely required by the legal process. That seems like the best option both from a practical and an emotional perspective. Let your lawyer be the public face of your involvement in the case; he/she is the professional and you are not.

Which I'm sure is what the lawyer would advise as well. Not only is he the professional, he's much more objective and therefore more able to avoid emotionally-driven statements that would make things worse.

Katherine

Katherine Derbyshire wrote: Which I'm sure is what the lawyer would advise as well. Not only is he the professional, he's much more objective and therefore more able to avoid emotionally-driven statements that would make things worse. Katherine

I suppose now would be a good time to mention it's a small claims court issue. No lawyers are involved.

Roger Flatley wrote: I suppose now would be a good time to mention it's a small claims court issue. No lawyers are involved.

Then show up when you're required to show up, do what you have to do, behave like a civilized adult throughout, and then leave. If you show up in any court saying some of the things you've said here about revenge and wanting your antagonist to suffer and so on, it won't go well for you.

Mary Malmros wrote: Then show up when you're required to show up, do what you have to do, behave like a civilized adult throughout, and then leave. If you show up in any court saying some of the things you've said here about revenge and wanting your antagonist to suffer and so on, it won't go well for you.

Oh I know. Once I get in courtroom my demeanor will be nothing of what you see here. I'll be humble, self-deprecating, and sincere. Just for effect of course.The only intensity I will display, is when trying to prove that I'm telling the truth. Judges look at things like that.

I believe that my enemy will not be able to resist their urge to show their contempt for me, which will make them look bad in court, as that will come across as a possible motive for filing a false suit. And hopefully, much like it has been outside of the court, when the enemy is prompted to account for their lies, they will become agitated and belligerent. A tell-tale sign that someone is lying.

When all this is over, and time passes and heals things sufficiently, come back and re-read this thread. Much like aikido, you may find new understandings from the same thing in a different season.

Selin Talay wrote: When all this is over, and time passes and heals things sufficiently, come back and re-read this thread. Much like aikido, you may find new understandings from the same thing in a different season.

After several days, my perspective has changed on this, as I knew it would. The anger has faded, mainly because I am making it fade. I realize now that my enemy accomplished all they wanted to accomplish, which was to make me very angry and frustrated. In that sense, they won. So maybe the 4th dimension isn't the element of time, as I initially thought. Perhaps it is that invisible and ephemeral territory that is located somewhere in between victory and defeat.

Roger Flatley wrote: After several days, my perspective has changed on this, as I knew it would. The anger has faded, mainly because I am making it fade.

Wonderful!!

Just 1 more element to go. Get your heart to stop using the words 'enemy' and 'defeat' to drag your mind back into it and you're free.

You really don't want want that poison in your world. Well done for pushing through so far, it's not easy but you are capable of choosing the person you become.

Selin Talay wrote: Wonderful!! Just 1 more element to go. Get your heart to stop using the words 'enemy' and 'defeat' to drag your mind back into it and you're free. You really don't want want that poison in your world. Well done for pushing through so far, it's not easy but you are capable of choosing the person you become.

"Enemy" is a generic term I use to describe anyone who has a conflict of interest with me. I don't necessarily mean it in the sense that I have a deep hatred for my enemies. Depending on the day, someone may be an enemy one day, and an ally the next. Defeat, now that's a different term. Again, I don't even know what constitutes victory in this scenario, so how can I truly know what defeat entails?

I don't even know what constitutes victory in this scenario, so how can I truly know what defeat entails?

The same way we recognize victory . It's either of the outer or the inner nature. The outer is shallower but easier to recognize. Eg, winning a court case. The inner has more substance and is resilient to external personalities or situations. Others cannot interfereif the true joy, true victory comes from within. Eg, conquering emotions to live as one you respect, rather than one you sometimes feel like being.

In life off the mat, what is the difference between forgiveness and mercy? I expect the answer would include the depth of commitment and true awareness of a situation. I know which one I'd prefer, to both receive and to give, but I also know which one is harder.

In aikido, how can we relate the difference between irimi nage and kotegaeshi to these life situations? I would expect the answer to involve redirecting the other as the truer control, the inner victory, rather than coercing the other through the immediate pain (of a joint lock, in this instance).

What constitutes victory? simply put...you achieve desired outcome that you sought. (end state). If you don't, then that represents failure or defeat.

My stepdad was over last night, and I got myself all worked up explaining the situation to him. He saw what it was doing to me and realized how absurd this whole thing is. He's was like "Look, this is petty and ridiculous. Just don't even worry about it. Go to court, whatever. If you lose, I'll pay you the money, it's no big deal. Don't waste your energy on them."

I told him I totally agree, but this also illustrates the odd situation that I'm in. I dont' need the money. I don't care about the money. It's about the principle of the matter. Ironically, I had already told my enemy that my counter suit against them was being financed by my Dad. That was a lie, but I knew it would bother them to know that I was not being inconvenienced finacially, considering how inconvenient the financial situation has been for them.

Who knows, maybe I have already won. Maybe the enemy doesn't care anymore and this is all a foregone conclusion. The unknowing is part of the 4th dimension of combat. I don't know if I've already won, or what that victory truly entails. My enemy doesn't know if they'll achieve their victory either, nor what fate awaits them weeks/months/years after the court case is settled. I think all of that is fascinating in itself, even if I step back and look at all this objectively.

"Just let it go" is a bit like the old Reagan-era so-called anti-drug program whose slogan was "Just say no". The word "just" always troubled me a little. I understood the logic of it: letting it go, or saying no, is usually the best approach, meaning most likely to yield the best results with the least cost. But the word "just" always had a slight unfortunate association of "it's no big deal", as if the effort involved were negligible. Coming from people who (in my view) didn't understand the costs involved in doing what they advised, the advice to simply do such-and-such always seemed a bit cavalier. Well, sometimes it IS cavalier. But "simple" does not mean "easy". There are many situations, and a confrontation is surely one of them, where the best course of action is not the simplest one, and certainly not the most gratifying one in the moment. But the moment passes, and the gratification with it, and you're left with the fallout.

The reason I'm saying all that, Roger, is to try and make clear that we who have been advising you to "just let it go", don't think it's easy. It takes a lot of resolve to not be baited and react. But it's generally the path that gets you past the distress and into a more comfortable place sooner.