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The truth is in the attack. Not fast, not particularly hard, just accurate. In a Dojo everyone is there to support each other and to help you iimprove. To really improve you need a truthful representation of what might happen in a real situation.
When you've spent so much of your life agreeing with others just to keep the peace or to be liked sometimes it's hard to find your own truth.
I can't help wishing I had moved away for a while after university to break out of my old habits. Aikido can't magic up self discipline and belief it has to be based on something and you have to work on it.
I am lazy by nature. Anyone who doesn't know me well see's a person who goes to Martial Arts lessons of one type or another and assumes it's a sign of a hardworking woman. Wrong! and you know why? because it's not work. It's as automatic as breathing. Plus a couple of hours a night a couple of times a week is hardly like raising kids!
The reason I'm always late and untidy isn't because I do so much it's because I find sustained effort difficult. You need to put the effort in first and then relax... I don't!
I also need to work at my sociel skills, especially my temper...
Or, conversely, I could just throw out my television...except that it's my sisters telelvision.