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It was like a mass Mooney wedding, except for the throwing people around the mat aspect. Five people graded; two 5th Kyu; one 4th Kyu; two 3rd Kyu.
I was an average uke... as normal. It was pointed out how our now 4th kyu would have had a better time with more positive attacks! Ach well. One day, maybe in my next life time, I'll be good at Ukemi.
The depressing thing is it's all I want to be good at, the ukemi. If I can land well I can attack well and if I can attack well I can improve everything else.
If I'm not good enough for 4th kyu there's not a chance I'm good enough to Uke for a 1st Dan grading, but there's next to no-one else. Two of my fellow bluebelts are always away with their jobs and our previous successful Dan grade has a busted knee which leaves My, S and me. Oh well at least that's TWO good ukes!
Sensei gave us a talking to about positive thinking and that what you hold in your mind is how you will live. I wish I wasn't lazy by nature! It's bloody hard to be positive when the one thing holding you back is the thing you find hardest.
I MUST go to the Ki Society. I need the extra Ukemi practice desperately. I must get better than this... and there in lies the problem. I'm not talking about working hard or enjoying things or anything positive I'm just talking about "must do this, must do that." blah blah
If only the grading was in September, I might stand a chance then.
The fact that I spent all this morning with my head down a toilet means I won't really be fit enough to go to the Ki Society tonight...
I envy people who can do positive visualisation. I don't have the imagination to see myself doing something well, in my minds eye all I can see is when I falter and trip or forget or turn the wrong way.
I don't know how it feels when it goes perfectly and the few times when I've been really happy with the way something's turned out it's been so fleeting that I have no idea how to recapture how the move felt