AikiWeb: The Source for Aikido Information AikiWeb's principal purpose is to serve the Internet community as a repository and dissemination point for aikido information.
Hello and thank you for visiting AikiWeb, the
world's most active online Aikido community! This site is home to
over 16,000 aikido practitioners from around the world and covers a
wide range of aikido topics including techniques, philosophy, history,
humor, beginner issues, the marketplace, and more.
If you wish to join in the discussions or use the other advanced
features available, you will need to register first. Registration is
absolutely free and takes only a few minutes to complete so sign up today!
So I've been training for 2 1/2 months now, or I should say training at ASL again. I took a break in 95, then started again in 2000 at SFSU. Injuries, rather serious chronic ones to both my knees have prevented me from being the martial artist I want to be. My fault. I used to feel like 'no pain no gain' and 'mind over body' were good motto's. Now I know better. So I can't be the ~martial~ artist I'd like to be, and sometimes it makes training hard.
It sucks to say 'sorry I can't do that one.' or to back off when someone bows to me, then sit off to the side and watch while others train. I have been over protective of my knees for the last 8 years, now I need to push myself, but I don't know what is a healthy push to the limit and what is getting me back to the gonzo martial mindset that got me injured in the first place.
I have a test coming up soon. 9 years overdue. A fellow aikidoka joked about my serious racking of hours without a test. Anymore I don't know if I even want to test. I don't feel I deserve the rank if I can't perform all of the test requirements the way everyone does.
There are people who were at the dojo when I first left who were happy to see me return. I feel like I let them down by not being able to engage them the way I used to before the injury. I feel frustrated when I want to join in and worry that one small mistake and I'm out for weeks yet again.
I'd like to find a middle ground. I want to train and feel like I am part of my dojo. My ego gets in the way of my training.
09-24-2004 11:04 PM 