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Kelly Allen's Blog Blog Tools Rate This Blog
Creation Date: 08-13-2004 08:36 PM
Kelly Allen
Blog Info
Status: Public
Entries: 45 (Private: 1)
Comments: 34
Views: 140,902

In General To The Matter Of My Ego. Entry Tools Rate This Entry
  #45 New 08-13-2004 08:36 PM
II have been doing a lot of soul searching lately, and have concluded that I will no longer post my journal on a public forum. I think that for me the posting on a public forum is only making my struggle with my ego more difficult. With all the literature I have been reading on Budo, Zen Buddhism, and Aikido Philosophy I can't help but think that posting my journal on a public forum is saying "Hey look at me. Look what I'm doing"! That I think is a big part of my problem with following this way. I try too hard to gain recognition and praise, where what I really need to do is just strive to be the best I can be without worrying about what others think whether it be good or bad.

I have come to realize that every time I make an accomplishment I have a need for someone, actually everyone, to know about it. I now see how egotistical this is and I need to take steps to stop this. I'm pretty sure this bragging has caused a rift in some important relation ships in my life. So my goal now is to try and move away from the me/I focus and start training towards the we/us focus. I just wish I didn't have to struggle through this alone. But then again it's probably best this way as the need for a mentor to tell me whether I'm diminishing my ego or not is just another desire to get a pat on the back.

So to those that did read my journals I apologize. I do find my journals helpful to me, and I will continue to journal, but I am now questioning why I need to publicize them.
Views: 2452 | Comments: 1

RSS Feed 1 Responses to "To The Matter Of My Ego."
#1 08-23-2004 10:24 PM
Rick Warne Says:
Kelly...whatever helps you on the road to self discovery is worthwhile as long as it doesn't hurt another. I'm sure your postings have been beneficial to yourself and others. We are human and all have egos... you are not alone. What I find helpful at times of great introspection is to laugh at myself. Acknowledge mistakes,plan to improve and be good to yourself so you can be good for others. All the best. Gotta go laugh at myself here... I'm getting far too serious. Take care Rick

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