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Okay, this is something that I thought of tonight, and I wanted to post on it to see if anyone else ever gets this feeling. Let me start off by saying that I love the sword, and I always have. I am lucky that the art that I think fits me is one of those that still uses it. I guess this makes me a "pretend samurai," but I don't really care. The thing that messes me up to think about is how much I've become attached to my weapons. Tonight in class we did some jo waza that was like shihonage, and jo tori that was like kotegaeshi, and then a patrol kata. For the jo work, I was using someone else's jo. I never thought this would bug me, but it did a bit. It bugs me that it bugged me, too. I've never been anything but practical and rational, but what I was feeling was more emotional than what I'm used to. Not to say that I cried, or even that I thought much of it at the time, but I felt something and that's more than normal. Actually, at the time I really didn't think about it at all, but I noticed afterwards that I felt different with their weapon. Anyway, I have many theories about why this was, but I'm not sure if any of them make real sense. I think that the way I treat my weapons could be described more as a sort of reverence, or even that they are objects of worship (in a non-religious way... if that's possible.) All that sanding, rubbing of oil and time spent using them has made them not only familiar, but has formed a sort of link with me. Anyway, that being said, I think that the real problem is that I would normally laugh at someone who told me that they had a relationship with a stick. I almost always end up defining myself by what I'm not, not what I think I am or would like to be, and sometimes that is challenged. I think things like "I don't want to be like BLANK or BLANK," but then sometimes I find that I really am. This is a good thing, and something that's fun to get all philosophical about. I think I learned something about myself when I felt funny about using someone else's jo, and I think that's cool; if a bit disconcerting. Even if it takes some getting used to that I'm "one of THOSE people," You know the ones; the ones who think that their stick is really somehow more than just a stick, the crazy ones. That's kind of what it feels like, makes me wonder what crazy people think of other crazy people.
On a completely different note, before class started my instructor called me over to him to test his unbendable arm in seiza. It worked, no big surprise, but then he told me that he had read in a Dave Lowry book that it shouldn't work out of seiza. Weird. I'd never heard that before, and I love Mr. Lowry's books, so I wonder what happening there.