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Well, it's been a while since I've posted much of anything on these boards. Not that I haven't been lurking, I've experienced a shift in my Aikido and my life. I have come to the realization that I know nothing. I don't mean this in a self-deragatory way, I simply accept that most everyone on these boards and on the mats knows more than I. It's difficult for me to justify giving advice to others, so my new focus has been to listen. I'm trying to be more receptive in my technique as well, but I'm not pushing that too much right now. It also occured to me that I am trying too damn hard to get to some next level that I think I should be at, and this is blinding me. So, my current goals in life and in training (really the same thing) are to stop complaining about things, stop advizing in situations where I honestly shouldn't, and to try to listen and receive the gifts that I am given. That's the short answer for my lack of posting. Really, after having gone through a very intense period of questioning, I'm feeling very much like I need to stop pushing for answers and let them come to me. I have the nagging impression that I've missed something that I was supposed to get by talking so much that I couldn't hear what was being said to me. So, this is my first ego-killing exercise. I've thought about this before, but I'm really becoming convinced that killing my ego should be a priority... I may start posting actively again soon, or I may not. I really don't know at this point, but that is what's going on in my head.
06-28-2003 02:19 AM 