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Evening Aikido: Worked on test materials. It was a good evening. Victor helped me with the blend and the energy flow for ikkyo, it was amazing feeling how easy and gracefull he is. He said that my mind is talking to my body but that my body is not talking back and giving my mind the feedback and information that it needs. He said I would get there.
At the end of class sensei came over to me and said "not half bad".
This is a high complement comming from him. I gues that means that I am ready for the test.
Brion sent me an e-mail w/ said that he thought my test was going to be more of a demonstration than a test.
Both of these compliments made me feel better about the whole thing.
Speaking with Sensei he spoke about why it was that the testing process was a lot tougher than most of the other tests that we had taken in life. His comments helped my understanding a lot and made good sence too. We are going to stand up in front of a community of people that we have entered into, and in most cases developed friendships and ties with. Everyone there knows how to do what we are being tested on better than we do, we know that each of them is more competent that we are in many ways. We have no role that we are playing like an actor to hide behind, what we are and who we are in Aikido is going to be visable to those that are watching. We as beginers are focused on the mistakes that we are going to make and not the sucesses, and the learning that we are going to display. Those are what the others are really watching for, to see what we have learned, what we have internalized and are now able to do, that we would not have been able to do the first day that we walked on the mat. That is what rank is. Not an elimination of mistakes, but a display of knowledge. This made me feel a lot better.