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Old 08-21-2003, 05:22 PM   #26
"Anonymous"
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<bump>

This issue is now at a boiling point, with the potential to split the dojo and possibly the association apart. Never thought it would come to this.
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Old 08-22-2003, 05:05 AM   #27
rachmass
Dojo: Aikido of Cincinnati/Huron Valley Aikikai
Location: Somerset Michigan
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sorry to hear that. thought the lack of recent updates was only good news, not bad. hope that it works out, and doesn't get to the point of splitting your dojo or association apart. have you sought the advice of the senior members of this forum (namely Peter Goldsbury)? anyway, best wishes towards a speedy and sucessful resolution.
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Old 08-22-2003, 10:24 AM   #28
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hey noodles, is this you? who says its on the verge of splitting?

minasan wa oshaberi desu
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Old 08-22-2003, 12:30 PM   #29
"Anonymous"
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Who is noodles?
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Old 08-22-2003, 12:59 PM   #30
DGLinden
Dojo: Shoshin Aikido Dojos
Location: Orlando
Join Date: Jul 2002
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In most martial arts a person has the ability to show his prowess by winning a trophy, a fight, an Olympic Medal, something. In Aikido we only seem to able to aspire to be a teacher or Dojocho to demonstrate power. Wonderful, more work.

Lord knows there can't be enough money in the entire Aikido world to make it worth all this turmoil.

Give this woman her due, her husbans is dead and I'm sure she is still mourning. If you can't, there are at least five or six organizations that respect and honor Hombu ranking - I'm sure they would welcome your affiliation. Of course, their Senseis are probably married as well.

My own lovely wife thinks of herself as the dojo 'Mother' and her only function is to make sure that all members are happy. Just don't get on her wrong side.

Daniel G. Linden
Author of ON MASTERING AIKIDO (c) 2004
Founder Shoshin Aikido Dojos
www.shoshindojo.com
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Old 08-22-2003, 01:46 PM   #31
Janet Rosen
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I can think offhand of four or five dojos run by life partners, all of which are incredibly enriched by the dynamic/dojo culture created by them and by the way their teaching complements each other.

Janet Rosen
http://www.zanshinart.com
"peace will enter when hate is gone"--percy mayfield
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Old 08-22-2003, 01:47 PM   #32
Janet Rosen
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I should temper the above post by noting that I've only visited these places, never been an ongoing member, so maybe its not all sweetness and light! :-) but they do seem quite functional and positive.

Janet Rosen
http://www.zanshinart.com
"peace will enter when hate is gone"--percy mayfield
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Old 08-22-2003, 05:04 PM   #33
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I think no one doubts the possibility of life partners/spouses/etc. enriching a dojo atmosphere and maybe being extremely helpful in dojo operation. The problem to my mind is when that person feels that their personal relationship with the chief instructor, alive or deceased, alone entitles them to a position of dojo leadership or respect (rather than the training history, skill, teaching ability and charisma, and general leadership qualities which put his/her spouse in that position).

Adding to this confusion is the fact that, in the case of a deceased teacher, the spouse may very well have complete ownership of the dojo and its financial affairs...it is a business, after all. This may not be the case if the dojo is a not-for-profit entity, of course.

In our organization, our teacher was gone. The spouse never did Aikido, but took control of things. This was correct to a point, since it was a for-profit business, and I assume therefore owned by the family...so they are responsible for the finances and such, unless they appoint someone else to do it.

But then it seemed that the spouse began to like the position of authority, and confused control of the business affairs with instructional/political leadership of the organization. Some misguided students, meaning well, of course, even began calling this person Sensei (which I still don't understand). Next thing you know, the spouse is making ranking, instructional, and political decisions. People are bowing to the spouse on the mat as this person strolls out (wearing blue jeans) to give speeches. Remember, this person never did Aikido.

The senior teaching staff for the most part deserted. A big mess, and it's all headed for the toilet.

So, I can empathize.

All I can say is don't stick around longer than you should out of loyalty to your deceased teacher. He/she's gone. Aikido is what is important, and you should do whatever you sincerely think is best for your training. If that's to leave, wish them the best, treasure the memories, and say sayonara.

Better yet, maybe band together with some others and start your own place. At some point the responsibility falls on us, which is what I guess our teachers are trying to prepare us for.
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Old 08-22-2003, 05:24 PM   #34
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Quote:
() wrote:
All I can say is don't stick around longer than you should out of loyalty to your deceased teacher. He/she's gone. Aikido is what is important, and you should do whatever you sincerely think is best for your training. If that's to leave, wish them the best, treasure the memories, and say sayonara.
Yep. Its a great big Aiki world out there with many interesting teachers and sempai and kohai to play with!

Janet Rosen
http://www.zanshinart.com
"peace will enter when hate is gone"--percy mayfield
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Old 08-24-2003, 07:37 AM   #35
aikilouis
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My sensei's wife, though not a practiotioner, makes a decisive contribution to the dojo's dynamics. She allows her husband to attend a many seminars as he can, and of course spend evenings and sunday mornings with us. Thanks a lot.

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Old 08-24-2003, 12:22 PM   #36
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It's easy for an observer to suggest you walk away from a aggravating situation. But it's not easy leaving relationships that you've built over months or years. With the death of the founding instructor, comes changes in those relationships.

If you decide to stay or leave, that is up to you. This is fortunate, since you're the world-class expert in yourself. While there are experts who can advise you on your financial situation or relationships, you're the only person in the world who can truly know how you feel.

This is not an easy situation and you should not expect an easy answer. Perhaps there is no answer at all, just an experience you'll have to live thorough.
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Old 08-24-2003, 06:08 PM   #37
opherdonchin
Dojo: Baltimore Aikido
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Quote:
In our dojo, our sensei's spouse can be extremely meddlesome and disruptive relative to the dojo matters and the membership. Does anyone else have any similar experiences, and if so, were you able to resolve the situation?
To the original anonymous: has the thread given you the sort of answers you were looking for? If so, can you tell me what sorts of things that people said helped? If not, can you say what's still missing for you?

Yours in Aiki
Opher
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Old 08-25-2003, 05:48 PM   #38
Corey
Dojo: Kai Shin Kai Chesterfield, MO
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Are there any meddlesome husbands or only wives? Just curious.

Knowing others is wisdom;
Knowing the self is enlightment.
Mastering others requires force;
Mastering the self needs strength.
~Lao Tzu
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Old 08-26-2003, 12:14 PM   #39
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Meddlesome Husband? Isn't that redundant?

~Bud
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Old 08-26-2003, 01:06 PM   #40
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Quote:
Meddlesome Husband? Isn't that redundant?
Like nagging wife?



Bronson (please notice the smilie)

"A pacifist is not really a pacifist if he is unable to make a choice between violence and non-violence. A true pacifist is able to kill or maim in the blink of an eye, but at the moment of impending destruction of the enemy he chooses non-violence."
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Old 08-26-2003, 01:50 PM   #41
kung fu hamster
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redundancies

I feel sure that there must be a good market out there for flame-retardant hakama's...

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Old 08-26-2003, 03:43 PM   #42
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Bronson is right, but my wife has some darn good Jo-Waza with a mop handle. Needless to say I'm a well trained meddlesome husband

~Bud
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