How to Leave a Dojo?

Does anyone have some more good stories about promising students or fellow training partners walking away?

regards,
Daniel

It would be great if your sensei could help with some special arrangement. But even if he doesn't (e.g., he may not be able to afford non-paying members himself) I think it would be good to let him know that if you do end up having to take some time off Aikido, it's for personal reasons and that you plan to come back as soon as you're able to. I'd hate to have anyone in your dojo think you were unhappy with the training there when you clearly love it.

Anonymous User wrote: I don't have cable tv or a smartphone or a car payment. I keep my house cold. I'm even trimming my food budget down to a bare minimum. I'm working on being optimistic that things will improve, but I've had some set backs lately with clients going under. Aikido has been a great outlet during stressful times and I'm constantly impressed by the support and camaraderie at the dojo. My thanks to everyone on the forum for sharing your thoughts.

I just wanted to say that I know where you are coming form. I have been and in many ways still am in the same situation financially. During the worst of it I recall having to figure out how to feed myself and my critters on only $10 for the week. Somehow I managed it. I didn't have aikido at the time but I had a horse. For my my horse is family, she was/is the only really good thing in my life. Giving her up came to mind a few times but I just could not let that happen.

I spoke to some fellow horse owners about the situation and they did find ways to help me out. No they didn't' pay my bills or give me a free ride at the boarding stable but someone always had an odd job for me to do with training their horses. Somehow I made it through all of that without loosing my girl.

So if you want something badly enough, you will find a way to keep it in your life. You just have to be open to unexpected possibilities.

After two years of aikido training I can hardly imagine my life without the dojo in it. I somehow think that my teachers would not take kindly to my leaving over this sort of issue.

It is really cool seeing the responses from so many aikido teachers who do indeed disagree on many things but not on their feelings about their serious students. This might be one of the most positive things I have seen on aikiweb in a while.

Talk to your teacher and then be open to allowing things to play out how they will. Even if it is not maybe something you would look for. Be willing to accept the gift.

Good gosh, anonaiki, your situation sounds like mine! Trust me, a lot of us are living on a shoe string. I can't train at my beloved dojo right now, for an unrelated reason, but even if I could, I'd be hard strapped to buy the gas for the long drive to and from the dojo even for one class a week. I liked that story Mary M. told about the table, though, and it is one of those "what is it worth to you" situations, isn't it?

It's great news that you're going to talk with someone at your school. Do take that first step. Please let us know how it turns out!

Anonymous User wrote: I have to relay my gratitude to everyone for sharing advice. I will talk to the assistant teacher and work on approaching my sensei. I could never leave out of the blue. I want to train and I have such tremendous respect for everyone at the dojo. Even if I have to leave now, I know I will be back some day. Hopefully sooner rather than later. I don't have cable tv or a smartphone or a car payment. I keep my house cold. I'm even trimming my food budget down to a bare minimum. I'm working on being optimistic that things will improve, but I've had some set backs lately with clients going under. Aikido has been a great outlet during stressful times and I'm constantly impressed by the support and camaraderie at the dojo. My thanks to everyone on the forum for sharing your thoughts.

I've had students ask for a lower rate when they started. It is not an easy task asking for lower rate, but consider this, I am a dojo head and I think any money is much better than none at all. Also, it is always better to have more students. I really think you'd be helping the dojo if you stayed on. Maybe you can do something for the dojo. Maybe you can offer to put up lots of posters or something you can do to make up for the fact that you're not paying as much. If you bring in some new students, that may even help the dojo more. Who knows, a student you are working with may stay at the dojo because they enjoy working with you. I don't see that leaving does any good. What you do is up to you, but I feel it is important to accept compromise in our outside lives and our Aikido lives as well.

Mary M.
Thank you..that is a very useful story.
To the orignal poster..I agree with others about talking to your teacher.There may be circumstances that you are not aware of.
We have a long time student who pays half extra dojo dues every month in case there is someone who needs help.
We would rather have the student than the money. And we feel if students can pay we appreciate it.
Mary

Mary Eastland wrote: We have a long time student who pays half extra dojo dues every month in case there is someone who needs help.

This seems like a worthwhile action for any of us who can afford it. Actually it's not just about the money -- if a dojo is run in the spirit of "give what you can", and we're honest about what we can give (in the form of work, goods, cash, help with classes, our spirit and presence on the mat), a lot will come of it.

I've posted pictures of our dojo, most recently the "before" and "after" photos. All that work was done by our senseis and students. Privately, I think of our garden as the "stone soup" garden. The difference between the "stone soup" story and our garden is that rather than being tricked into giving, the people of our dojo understood what they were doing as they contributed compost, seeds, plants, soil, gravel, rocks, money, sweat, blisters and imagination...a bit from here, a bit from there, and the whole is more than the sum of its parts. Done with the right spirit, it'll all work out.

I've just gone through something very similar. Lost a job in July, ran out of ready cash, borrowed from family, told sensei I'd have to stop coming because I couldn't pay (reduced for students/unemployed) dues, and was told by the sensei that he'd rather have me training with no dues until I can pay again than to have me not training.

Currently in the middle of moving to a new community to start a new job. When the head's back above water I'll look to joining a dojo in the new community, but not before - it's too painful to go to a dojo and not be able to join/pay.
W

Mary Malmros wrote: This seems like a worthwhile action for any of us who can afford it. Actually it's not just about the money -- if a dojo is run in the spirit of "give what you can", and we're honest about what we can give (in the form of work, goods, cash, help with classes, our spirit and presence on the mat), a lot will come of it. I've posted pictures of our dojo, most recently the "before" and "after" photos. All that work was done by our senseis and students. Privately, I think of our garden as the "stone soup" garden. The difference between the "stone soup" story and our garden is that rather than being tricked into giving, the people of our dojo understood what they were doing as they contributed compost, seeds, plants, soil, gravel, rocks, money, sweat, blisters and imagination...a bit from here, a bit from there, and the whole is more than the sum of its parts. Done with the right spirit, it'll all work out.

Who owns the dojo.

Do you realize that by volunteering your time, materials and money to fix up the dojo you are increasing the value of the property. In fact you are making the owner of the dojo wealthier.

That is ok as long as you realize that the owner at some time in the future might want to sell the property.

I had a similar experience at a karate studio.

dps

Dazzler wrote: Quite a refreshing thread this...while we cannot agree on IP, Sparring, Ki etc there seems a unanimous view that good students are more valuable than the money they may bring. Underneath all the discussions maybe there are some common threads running through Aikido after all.

Like you message Daz !!!! O'B