No one takes me seriously

All my life i have been a big joker. i am always joking around and having my sensei(s) on. They dont mind me joking around and usually they will joke around as well. But when ever i try to be serious or make suggestions they just think im joking or they dont actually take me seriously...they brush off my suggestions as me just being silly or they dont really listen to me. Im not actually to the point of being silly about it, but i do joke around quiet a bit. (i honestly cant help my self!) Does anyone have any suggestion to what i could do. I dont mind really but when i need to talk to them for what ever reason i feel like they wont take me seriously enough to consider what i saying at all. any suggestions would be much appreciated. thank you.

Change your mode of behavior drastically and start over at a different school.

When people you have known for a while have a certain impression of you, they will continue projecting it on you and stopping your attempts to change.
The only way to allow yourself to change is to start over somewhere else.

You should ask yourself - "Why do I joke around so much?", before making any drastic changes. I can relate to what you're saying. When I was at school, I wasn't very popular, so I decided to become the "classroom clown" - thus making people laugh. I soon gained popularity, but ultimately, I did it because of low self-esteem and the need to be accepted by others.

Perhaps you too have some hidden agendas worth exploring. Talk to a close friend openly about your concerns. That may help.

It's only a suggestion.
Take care,
Iain.

Iain Smith wrote: Perhaps you too have some hidden agendas worth exploring.

IMHO, sounds like good advice.

Don't expect others to take you serioursly if you don't. People get used to seeing you a certain way and its hard for them to know the difference.

Don't joke around as much and take your training more seriously and people may begin to take you more seriously too.

Hey thanks for the advice...
But how can i change school if their is only one in the area?
I am not acting like a clown so to speak just saying silly coments and things like that....I cant help being a joker. dont ask me why i just am....Thanks for te advice..mayby i will Attempt (probly with out much luck) to tone it down a bit....Thanka all.
Rita

A few thoughts came to mind...

First, I think the story about the "Boy Who Cried Wolf" might help, people just stopped taking his warnings that a wolf was about to eat the sheep because they were all jokes.

Second, I have a problem taking one of our senior yudansha seriously on the mat as he is quite the joker on the mat. When he teaches, I just can't respect his "on the mat seriousness" as he's so darned silly off the mat.

Third, I believe you can make a conscious choice to stop cracking jokes. People come to train and to be a little serious so when you're not serious it rubs them the wrong way.

Finally, could nervousness be a reason for your jokes? Figure it out for yourself. This is probably one of those lessons you learn in aikido that you didn't intend to learn. I get those all the time.

All my life i have been a big joker. i am always joking around and having my sensei(s) on. They dont mind me joking around and usually they will joke around as well. But when ever i try to be serious or make suggestions they just think im joking or they dont actually take me seriously...they brush off my suggestions as me just being silly or they dont really listen to me.

Talk to your sensei and dojo mates about it. Explain that you've gotten yourself into a trap of not being taken seriously when things come up that are important to you. Your dojo mates may well appreciate being able to know when you're putting them on vs. trying to address something important.

Also, think about the affect your joking may have on others. Would a boyfriend or husband, family, dojo mates be happy in the long run with someone that's constantly reaching for the laugh track? That anytime they brought up something dear to their heart that you turned it into joke? Humor is important part of our lives but is not life itself.

I would not stop the jokes cold turkey but rather work on awareness -- particularly of those times you do want to bring up a joke. Step back and think for a moment on why and if there's another way to be part of a conversation without injecting a joke.

maybe your suggestions "are" silly?

I crack jokes all the time, people take me seriously when I talk though.

One of the kids in our kids' class is a big clown. I am getting the impression that he's uncomfortable with his own success--he's quite good, when he can put his mind to it, and he could really clobber someone if he chose. Instead he does things like the "boneless uke" impression which are really funny but don't force him to deal with this uneasiness he's avoiding.

The other day, sensei seized him and said, "I know you can do this throw well, and I want you to throw Mary continuously, without stopping, until she can't get up anymore." He looked at me speculatively, I grinned at him, and he threw me 30 times in quick succession. I had a hint or two for him from randori--move so I have to turn and step to reach you, make me work hard for it--and he got those right away. I had to re-evaluate my whole understanding of how good he was.

I'm not sure if this applies to you--your reasons for joking might be very different than his--but it's something to think about. I treat this kid differently now that I've seen the skilled aikidoka as well as the clown. Maybe if you can show focused competence when it really matters, people won't judge you as much by the jokes. Conversely, if you can figure out why you joke so much, maybe you can tone it down.

Mary Kaye

Personally I do the same thing. Seriousness cannot be relayed through typing, but in person I suggest having a determined look on your face (a "serious" look), and look directly into their eyes when you speak, and when you listen.

You might want to stop talking unless actually necessary. I don't joke around but I've found my embarrassment has gone way down, in class and life in general, since I started keeping my pie-hole closed unless I'm asked a question.

Dan Guthrie wrote: You might want to stop talking unless actually necessary. I don't joke around but I've found my embarrassment has gone way down, in class and life in general, since I started keeping my pie-hole closed unless I'm asked a question.

Seriously, do you know how hard it is for me to keep my mouth shut, the only time i do keep my mouth shut for at least 5 min is when i cant figure out a technique or if im concentrating really hard? And its not that I talk all the time...Its just a few or mayby more, silly coments when i do talk! + some of the senseis joke around with me to. Im not embarresed by myself either...so what if i look stupid or say something stupid?

BDW thanks Thomas Dixon, I'l try keep that one in mind...I dont joke around with everyone...just the ones that joke around with me or actually HAVE a sence of humour. But thanks for the input everyone! More comments or advice is welcome!

Rita

TMHO just be yourself and people will accept and respect that.

I do stupid things and say stupid things all the time for a joke/make people laugh...the only time I probably don't is when I get a strong gut feeling not to. Just lemme know if what I said works out for you

Anonymous User, is this all a big practical joke to use up space on Aikiweb? You won't catch me falling for that one!

points at IanD and laughs...

Seriously, do you know how hard it is for me to keep my mouth shut, the only time i do keep my mouth shut for at least 5 min is when i cant figure out a technique or if im concentrating really hard?

You can make a conscious choice. You're mouth doesn't have a mind of its own you know. If you really want to "shut down" your mouth then treat all techniques like you can't figure them out and concentrate really hard all the time.

You can make the choice. If someone keeps cracking jokes, I just train with them harder and harder and harder.

Tell your sensei that you've realized this is a problem and you would like help fixing it. Give him a shinai and instruct him to hit you really hard whenever you crack a joke. It'll stop.

I agree with Ann Marie. It's your choice. You say it's hard to keep your mouth shut....so what. No one said it would be easy. If you really want to change this behavior, change it. If you don't really want to change it then accept the consequences of it. Either way quit complaining and get back to training

Bronson

Bronson Diffin wrote: instruct him to hit you really hard whenever you crack a joke. It'll stop. Bronson

My main sensei does that anyway as part of the jokes we play on each other....thanks for the advice all...
Thomas Dixon....i tried the serious look thing and it kinda worked....after they stopped laughing at me (i think they didnt expect me to walk in with a serious face on considering that we are always teasing and joking around with each other?)....they are starting to recognise when im being serious now so it can only get better.

Thanks all for the advice!

Rita

Greetings anon...

Wow. There are so many people in this thread trying to get you to change your behaviors and attitudes. I'm surprised. Like you're some kind of bad guy because you like making light of things.

Look, so long as you are capable of saying with a straight face that you are being serious, all joking aside, you should be able to get your point across.

For the love of god do NOT stop making people laugh if that's what you enjoy doing. There couldn't be worse advice in your situation. There are already enough people who take everything too seriously. Including Aikido, by the way.

Just try your hardest to cultivate a "I'm serious" expression or voice tone that is different from your "I'm trying to make you laugh" tone. So long as the people around you can differentiate between your jokes and your honest opinions, it doesn't matter how often you joke.

I'm speaking directly from personal experience here. I'm incapable of making people laugh as much as I used to, and I miss it.

My main sensei does that anyway as part of the jokes we play on each other....thanks for the advice all... Thomas Dixon....i tried the serious look thing and it kinda worked....after they stopped laughing at me (i think they didnt expect me to walk in with a serious face on considering that we are always teasing and joking around with each other?)....they are starting to recognise when im being serious now so it can only get better. Thanks all for the advice! Rita

Awesome Don't stop joking around though, just remember to distinguish between when you're serious and when you're playing around