What's with the Attitude?

Yeah, after re-reading Matt Stevenson's original post I've got to agree with Tom Kaluzynski. I get "man-handled" all the time by my seniors (if my story didn't convey that already!). We don't talk much during class, though I sometimes whisper pointers to a rank beginner who would otherwise be completely lost. Training in the traditional manner isn't about making you feel good, or even so much as about improving your technique. Traditional Budo is all about enduring hardship in order to destroy your ego. It's not about acquiring a skill. It's a breaking down, and paring-away process, quite the opposite to what most people imagine when they take up a martial art.

I guess I am fairly suspicious of places that talk about destroying egos and seniors manhandling juniors and all the rest mentioned. It seems to presume the sensei of the group is some god-like all knowing enlightend creature rather than simply another human being that perhaps is ahead of you on the path but still nevertheless trying to find their way and continuing to learn themselves. I have seen far too much nonsense going on not to be a little jaded when I read this sort of stuff. It seems more likely that when one ego is getting destroyed another one is getting stroked.

This reminds me of an uke I had at the New York Aikikai summer camp last month.

I'm not one to let the black belts get away from me. I make a point to work with as many of them as i can. But when i picked this one guy, he just gave me this look that said "I'm waaay to good for you"

One of the techniques we were working on, i was struggling with, he felt like he was resisting full force, physically trying to keep from performing technique. Finally I asked him if he had any advice for me. He didn't even reply, just sneered at me.

Finally I just got sick of him and told him I didn't want to practice with him anymore. This for some reason seemed to make him even more annoyed, as if i had just wasted 4 minutes of his life.

I've never experience anyone like this before. It was extremely aggravating.
Every night i secretly hope that someday when I'm a shihan, he will come to me for training, and i can say "well... I'll have to test your ukemi first" And then i can pound the attitude out of him ^_^

Feel free to ignore that final comment

Regarding the original post, my thought as others mentioned is that she was trying not to talk to you. You've come into a new school, learn their ways of doing things.

My other thought was that you didn't like getting corrected to begin with. I'm usually really easy to get along with, but there has been one or two cases where I think the persons walked away thinking I'm a "b*tch". They were new, with previous martial arts experience, and came into the dojo with a major attitude. With so many advanced folks in the dojo, he chilled his 'tude rather quickly with those he considered more advanced than him, but continued his 'tude with more advanced aikido folks that he considered less advanced than him although he was a day one aikido newbie. He couldn't stand me giving him advice or correction, but he some how expected me to take it from him. Yes, that gets a person p.o.'d and sometimes it comes out all wrong on the mat, and I come across a major bee-ach. Oh well, can't be "miss sweetie" all the time.

To deal with the situation, I find it divisive to just ignore the situation. A simple conversation works wonders to rectify a problem.

Nathan,

I've been told by me peers in my dojo that for some dojos, the Winter and Summer Camps and other seminars are the only other places some black belts get to train with other blackbelts because there might only be one or two black belts in their dojo. So I shouldn't expect to train with every black belt on the mat or occupy their time too much. I usually try to train with a good mix of everyone dans, kyus, dojo mates, non-dojo mates but I don't expect or demand someone to train with me.

With that said, he still shouldn't have given you an attitude or sneered at you. I do know that most people at Winter Camp, never been to Summer Camp, are really friendly and more than willing to help you, even black belts. I'm sure the rest of your training partners were positive towards you?

I'm sure the rest of your training partners were positive towards you?

Oh of course, everyone else was wonderful! I don't think he was from new york, someone i talked to said he was from a dojo in Idaho.

Whoops! My ego's showing again!

Craig Hocker wrote: simply another human being that perhaps is ahead of you on the path but still nevertheless trying to find their way and continuing to learn themselves.

This is of course what all good teachers are. It's absolutely up to the student to decide what sort of relationship he will have with his or her training. This includes how the student interprets his or her training at any given moment. These things tend to change over time, and really can't be nailed down into one specific category. Every time I think I've got it, it changes on me.

My teacher isn't a cult leader. He does possess very good Aikido, he's good at teaching the techniques of Aikido (which isn't the same thing as being good at it), and finally, he dosen't interfere with a student's internal processing of what is occuring as a result of difficult training (which is only as difficult as the student wants to make it).

I think that the best way to put my experience of Budo is to say that our dojo provides a certain experience, which is challenging for me, and I find that experience to be rewarding and educational, and sometimes unpleasant. This is what I'm looking for in my training, because it has value for me.

I have in the past made the assumption that others are seeking the same thing, and have been surprised to find that this is sometimes not the case.

Matt,

I have had some experiences where my training partner and I didn't quite work well together. Guess what? I annoyed the fool out of them for the rest of the seminar by running up and bowing in to them every time a new drill was being practiced. Eventually it worked out and we wound up doing some really good stuff together. I think maybe he realized that I wasn't going to go away until we had some civil practice. I guess that's just my personality.Good luck!

Take care,

Shane