The two go together. If you could throw him without difficulty, he wouldn't be inspired to tell you what you're doing "wrong:" he'd be too busy trying to avoid getting killed. If you could throw him without difficulty, you would probably also be less bothered by his remarks and could simply ignore him instead of posting here. (This is why you don't hear many complaints about small female 5th kyu shihans, even though they also exist.)
I did throw him, hence his complaint....lol. The first few times, he resisted and I let him go, and gave him some insight..his response: "I know, I know...". I said, Oh, okay..wonderful. Then he got thrown. Then when he tried to throw me, he couldn't do it the way he wanted to. The second time he tried to throw me, I let go to protect myself (katatetori). Then I Threw him.....