Help: Quiting

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[Anoynamus]

I havent had the drive to go to class anymore. I have been going to every class for years, however since I went away and moved back I have not been able to find the drive to go. As well as having the trouble readjusting, here are the other issues.
I hope I am not being selfish, but:

I have noticed since I have returned we have a new teacher teaching all the classes in replacement of the old one. The previous one does not teach anymore, however attends the classes. This teacher has taught before and was a very good teacher, but after returning he was different, and I do not like this teachers style, for two reasons.

1. This teacher constantly stops us and switches the partners, to the point that it's very annoying. I never work with the same person for more then 5 minutes. I relly dislike this method of teaching, since I never can get anyhting figured out. I learn slow and cannot adjust.
We used to have 2 or maybe 3 partners in a one hour class, but usually now its at the very least 10 different ones, and frankly it's too much for my taste.

Also there is two particular students in class that I wish not to work with, and yet I keep getting paired with them, because of this guys new rule where you have to work with everyone.

One of thesse students has injured me twice (how ever minor) and he has injured others before, by forcing and doing things wrong, (he acts up quite often and i've seen him hurt others.) As for the other student there is one who is extreamly overhelpful and over corrects people very much. I am the same rank as him and have been thier longer, and yet i get constant correction form him when its not needed.
"I have even approached him to stop and yet he still does it."

Also my new teacher tends to do alot more physical stuff then technique, where yet I was under the impression that aikido was not supposed to be physical. I dont mind the long warm ups, but I think its a bit excessive.

So now I am faced with a probelm, as a former ushedeshi of this dojo, who basically moved back here to trian, I found I don't relly want to train here anymore. And it relly makes me feel upset, because since the first time I left town I missed it so much and was so unhappy, now that I am back I am still unhappy, because I don't want to train this way.

There is no other aikido dojos anywhere near here, and I have aproached him about this mutliple partner thing, and said in a positive way, I do not like it. But apparently everyone else must.

So for the past two weeks my gi has been hanging up, and I havent known what to do.

I am starting to wonder if this is proper, or if I have some sort of mental problem or something. Aikido used to be my life. I used to be a ushedeshi, and It was all I ever relly cared about, and now I just see a big empty space, it's changed and I don't fit here anymore.

[SeiserL]

IMHO, it sounds like things have changed. Accept it. Find a new dojo and get back to it. Or, just let it do. Not everyone studies Aikido for the rest of their lives.

My compassion for your loss and your indecision.

But, it really does sound like you know what you need to do.

[Jamie Stokes]

Anonymous,

I agree with Lynn.

the answer to this problem you already know.

I watched a "shaolin Monk" demonstration years ago, and one thing stuck out.

"You are free to leave at any time"

That doesn't mean you have leave Aikido, or martial arts completely (or even living) but sometimes life takes you down a different path than others are taking.

Have a break, try a different martial art, help out in a soup kitchen for the poor and homeless, do some time in an animal shelter (as a helper, not as a animal ;) )

Do something for those who are less lucky for you.

Then you'll feel a bit better about yourself.

I hope you find your way, where ever your way will lead you.

Warmest,

Jamie Stokes.

[Unregistered]

whoops sorry, never said i gave up on living. But see how the post reads like that.

What I ment was a big part of me was my training. For quite a long time that was the only thing I ever did in my spare time. But after coming back and finding the changes I can't even get myself to last a whole class without getting frustrated.

I mean everyones quick to agree i should move on, but the real question is if Osensi was here today with us, would he even want me to train in this art anymore after feeling like this, and acting this way. Or is it even a problem.

I kinda wanna say something to either the sensi who has taken over or to the shihan but I dont even know how to bring it up with out offending people, or seeming selfish.

From what I have been told by shihan is that he is retiring and leaving the dojo teaching responsabilitys to this new teacher.

I used to relly enjoy this new teachers classes when he taught them for the first month. But after about the second month I was back he announced his new teaching changes, and since thosse changes took efffect, i've found myself not going to class.

[Unregistered]

I learn slow and cannot adjust.

We used to have 2 or maybe 3 partners in a one hour class, but usually now its at the very least 10 different ones, and frankly it's too much for my taste.
Sounds like you got into a comfortable groove and settled there. Now change has occurred and you should harmonize with it. If you really love Aikido (and it sounds like you do), you won't let this be the end to your training - just shift gears and cruise with the changes. It might do you some good.
As for the other student there is one who is extreamly overhelpful and over corrects people very much. I am the same rank as him and have been thier longer, and yet i get constant correction form him when its not needed.

"I have even approached him to stop and yet he still does it."
Its hard to tell the motivation behind the actions of this guy. You may think he is trying to irritate you or belittle you in some way, but his motivations may be pure; he may feel that he is benefiting you by correcting you (even though you may not need to be corrected!).

Maybe try patting him on the back sometime and telling him how much you appreciate his great advice. Try to see the good in the guy and cultivate that.

In my opinion, I don't think you should quit your class. I think that if you blend with what seems to be a hostile environment and face it, it will increase your Aikido skills. Just my opinion - don't quit!

[James Giles]

But after coming back and finding the changes I can't even get myself to last a whole class without getting frustrated.
This is a battle that you must win from within. That is what Aikido is all about. Like I was saying, if you love Aikido you will fight this battle and not let it end your training.

I think it is just a temporary obstacle that you have to get over, but it will require a change in your perception. See the potential for something positive to come out of these changes. They could benefit you.
I mean everyones quick to agree i should move on, but the real question is if Osensi was here today with us, would he even want me to train in this art anymore after feeling like this, and acting this way. Or is it even a problem.
I don't think you should move on. I strongly disagree with that. That is the wimpy way out. Be a warrior and defeat the "evil" half of you. If OSensi was there in the class with you, I think he would want you to stay and change your attitude about the situation.
I kinda wanna say something to either the sensi who has taken over or to the shihan but I dont even know how to bring it up with out offending people, or seeming selfish.
Don't bring it up. Just harmonize. Use your Aikido skills and blend. Overcome yourself.

[Jamie Stokes]

Hello anonymous,

living is a big wide word that covers huge amounts of definitions.

So it was open to interpretation.

But rereading my posting, it easily could have been interpreted as "yeah, what ever, go away...'

which was not my intention at all.

Sorry for the confusion.

Change will happen.

To quote Ralph Waldo Emerson -

What lies before us, and what lies behind us, are small matters, compared to what lies within us.

At a guess, there are other issues nagging at you as well.

Heres a thought. take your training off mat.

NO, don't do randori when you are stuck in the bank waiting for a teller, or do irimi-nage on a jogger moving past.

What ever feelings you have for aikido, take them off the mat and with you everyday in the world off mat. that is where the real training takes place.

And sometimes, just sometimes, to believe greatly, one must doubt greatly.

So have your doubts, your uncertainties, your triumphs. Grow. This is a challenge to how you are living now. respond to it. check results, and modify if you don't like the results.

As for the new teacher with new methods, it will stretch your comfort zone.

If you want to discuss this further, PM me. Always willing to be a human being.

Warmest,

Jamie Stokes.

[Unregistered]

Part of your Aikido training is to deal with conflict and difficulties. That's what the warrior or martial way is all about. I know what it is to suffer in a dojo and I did for years. I had every right and justification to quit but I can honestly say that sticking with it and dealing with what I had to deal with was good for me and I benefited much more than if I would have left. I had a friend that once advised me that staying on the mat was my top priority until the day I couldn't be there anymore.

I hope you can make the most of the situation to learn more about yourself and how to adjust to these changes. I think that especially because I think that things could be worse. This is something you can deal with. What the others say is true though- follow your heart. Do what you already know to do. Be at peace.

Best wishes,

[Ghost Fox]

You can always start your own dojo if you are of sufficient rank and experience. Just a thought.

[dan guthrie]

You can always start your own dojo if you are of sufficient rank and experience. Just a thought.
I'm old, but new to Aikido and Damion's idea was the first solution that occurred to me. I've only got 7 months under my belt but I've noticed every single hakama-wearing person in my dojo could start their own classes. And a few others already run children's classes flawlessly.

I'm not sure if it's the art or the people but I would try teaching before giving up. Half of your present dojo may come with you, you'll never know . . .

[Hanna B]

Generally speaking, and not specifically about the thread starter: Coming back to a place that you left can be difficult, even if changes this big have not occurred. People have left, new people replaced them. You had a status and a social position, but if the place is big enough lots of people won't know who you are. From a social point of view, you might have to start all over again. You had a role also towards your teacher, but it can not be assumed that you can just come back and nothing has changed.

I suggest that parts of what you experience is a "coming back"-experince and needs time working through.

About changing partners - I have seen places that functions differently in this aspects. Both ways has pros and cons. If you choose to talk about it to the new teacher or the old, maybe you could ask how to adopt. If you are staying, you have to adopt... certainly the teacher must have a reason for his way of arranging class. You could ask him what good things he sees in it, rather than telling him you don't like it.
I mean everyones quick to agree i should move on, but the real question is if Osensi was here today with us, would he even want me to train in this art anymore after feeling like this, and acting this way. Or is it even a problem.
Don't care what osensei would think. It is your life - what is important to you? If you moved to train at your old dojo - well, I guess you could move again.

Myself, I have found that training should not be too big a part of my life. A balance is more healthy. Maybe it could be a good idea to take up something else while thinking about which way to go - shiatsu, yoga, canoeing, singing, mountain climbing, other martial arts. It might give you some perspectives on the situation. If there is nothing else you want to do - then I think your attachment to one interest is making you very vulnerable. Been there, done that...

[Susan Dalton]

In my dojo we are expected to train with as many partners as possible. My shihan says the person you most need to train with is the person you least want to. Learning to blend with difficult people is the hardest part of the practice. Of course we all have our favorite partners, but working it out with the folks we don't want to train with changes us, changes them, changes the atmosphere in the dojo. Those rough edges are smoothed into a circle of harmony. Of course, that doesn't mean someone has a right to injure other folks. That's the point I think you need to discuss with either the teacher or the person doing the injuring or both. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Susan

[Anonymous]

Ok while here is what I did.

I still go to the same dojo.
However not for aikido.

Now I am taking only the Tai Chi Classes.

Everyone was extreamly happy to see my back in Tai Chi.
I told my Sensi about this delema.

He told me not to return to aikido, and to focus on the Tai Chi for a while first, and to see how things play out.
Also its been 10 months since i been to Tai Chi and on saturday I found out everyone completed the WU Style and I am still only halfway through. So I got alot of work to do.

He also knows now that i am running a business, and I am very busy, and he thinks some of the reason I lost the drive to come also is from the amount of time and stress I been getting from work. He said since I started with this thing he can see i am not as happy as I was before. Thats the difference between having money and having happyness.

So until then I will keep my hakama hanging up.
I left it hanging where I see it everyday. Eventually starting my own school is a good idea. But right now I got atlest 10 more years of training ahead.