08-26-2002, 06:55 AM
OK, guys, you're going to have to picture me saying this with an absolutely straight face...
I learned a valuable lesson in the ways of Aikido the other day, from a very unlikely source. On my way to work, I stopped into the drive-thru at McDonalds and picked up a Big Mac and a small McCoke. I quickly inhaled the plastic meal and arrived at work with my usual 15 seconds to spare - I consider the mad sprint to the punchclock to be good exercise.
Anyway, after 12 hours of labour and tyrrany, I staggered out to my car, only to realize I'd left the small coke on the dashboard. Being me, I thought briefly about tossing it into the nearest garbage can but naaah... I just let it rest down in the passengers' side footwell. It'd fall over with the first sharp turn (OK, so it's only a Sunfire, but I drive it like a Porsche), but hey, I was beat.
Anyway, I pulled out, did a hard right turn onto the street and accellerated hard for the school zone at the end. The cup stayed solid on the floor. Through the chicane with 80 (that's kilometers, you American yahoos...;) )on the dial, not a budge from the cup. 2 more turns and then foot to the floor for the mighty ramp over the train tracks - that cup could've been GLUED to the floor! (At this point, road rage took over. I'm not losing to no McDonald's Mcsmall McCoke!) Around the corner by the curling club like Paul Tracy (MAN, I love front wheel drive!), narrowly missing 2 little old ladies, (got the third, though - 10 points each and 2 for the walkers)
and the Mcblasted McCup stayed Mcplanted to the McFloor!
Later, at the police station (where I had to explain why I wasn't wearing a McSeatbelt, and why I was trying to win an argument with a cup), I had time to reflect on the behaviour of my little conical cardboard nemesis. (I never reflect on my own behaviour, as I'm sure you've guessed.) I came to the astounding conclusion that the malefic little container had, by virtue of the one inch of liquid left over, learned the 4 concepts of aikido better than I have up to this point.
1) Relax completely. 2) Extend Ki. 3) Keep weight underside. 4) Maintain one-point.
Well... 1) Relax completely: The cup was surely relaxed, since the once-firm ice cubes had slumped gratefully into a pleasantly languid liquid state. 2) Extend Ki: If Ki is visualized as liquid light filling the body, and if Unbendable Arm works by extending that liquid in a stream towards the wall, then the miniscule fire-hose effect of the water that came through the straw as I took out that ambulance made a good imitation. 3) Keep weight underside: Well, if you weighed an empty small McCup, and then weighed the amount of water required to fill it to a depth of one inch, I'm fairly certain the water would be heavier. And of course, it's at the bottom. 4) Maintain one-point: While the one inch of water sloshed around, it kept the cup's center of gravity firmly between the borders of its base, allowing that miserable little container to remain happily balanced.
Rats - the cup had learned it all. I suppose that the only reason it hasn't got it's shodan test yet is it can't move it's straw fast enough to slap on a really decent Ikkyo.
Pains me to think of the hundreds of dollars I've spent, the hours I've put in, the sore muscles, and all I really needed to do was swallow 100 or so ice cubes, stick a straw down my throat and sit really, really still...Ah well.
Oops, I have to go now - those nice boys with the white coats are looking for me.
08-26-2002, 07:28 AM
Proving once again that American fast food will be the downfall of man...
08-26-2002, 07:39 AM
WOW! Now I get how get into Aikido! I'm going to fill myself with McCoke!
Thanks a lot, Dave, that was satori
09-03-2002, 03:54 AM
now take your McCoke and get the McF#%$ out of here (just kidding )
09-03-2002, 04:46 AM
Thanks a lot, Dave, that was satori
Hmmm doesnt satori mean bullsh*t in italian?
09-03-2002, 06:11 AM
What kind of driving is that?
If you are not on two wheels turing a corner with all loose items in the car trying to jump out the window, I would say you had a good granny ride.
Not to mention those old guys on crutch's racing past you?
Or was there enough sticky residue from past meals to act as a glue, and you didn't want to get into the cleanliness of your car's rugs?