Died while practicing aikido?

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[Bruce CB]

A very good friend (we have been practicing aikido since 1992) of mine died while we were practicing our regular saturday session. A month ago he passed his 4th dan exam which lasted for about an hour conducted by Fukakusa Motohiro Shihan, 7th Dan from Thailand here in our country, Cebu City, Philippines.

It was a cool evening and never expected that dreadful event would happen. He was the one handling the weapon session for that night and never complain of any ill feeling (no history of any illment) and when we were about to finish that night after Jiyuwaza, he was unable to stand up and have a cardiac arrest. I tried to do CPR on him until we reach the hospital but he was declared Dead On Arrival and no matter how hard the doctors tried to revived him they failed...

Until now I have not recovered from that night and would really appreciate if you could give me advise on how to overcome this loss...

[Ron Tisdale]

My condolances. I have no idea what to suggest to help you. Hopefully, what they say is true...time heals all wounds.

Best,
Ron

[happysod]

Bruce, very sorry for the loss of a such good friend. All I can say is you have my sympathies and the only advice I can offer is that time is the only thing that has ever helped me, a month is still too soon to be "getting over it". Keep your friends and family around and remember him with joy.

[Mark Freeman]

Hi Bruce,

my sympathies to you for your loss of a good friend. Think of him often and with positive feelings, in time the pain of loss will pass, in it's place, gratitude for having such a friend.

He died doing something he wanted to be doing, may we all be so lucky at the end.

regards,

Mark

[Mark Uttech]

I agree with everything that everyone else has said, and would only like to add a bell sound. When you hear the bell sound, know that your friend is also in the bell sound. When you practice Aikido, you are practicing with your friend. When you bow, your friend is also bowing. In gassho

Mark

[crbateman]

It's not a bad way to go. I'd like it myself... ...just not anytime soon.

Condolences on your loss

[Pauliina Lievonen]

Bruce, my condolences also for the loss of your friend. I don't have any advice to give you either, but I hope that knowing that we are thinking of you and feel with you is a little bit of a help.

Pauliina

[gdandscompserv]

So sorry to hear Bruce.
This probably won't make you feel any better but I can't think of a better place to die than in the dojo practicing aikido.

[George S. Ledyard]

My partner Genie had the same thing happen at their fencing salle... one of her friends simply expired right there on the strip. While it's a shock, certainly, eventually you realize that going quickly, with little or no suffering while doing something you love is perhaps a gift that many folks don't get. It's how I'd like to go...

The giref just takes time. Most grief counselors (and you might wnat to find one) will tell you that it takes about two years before you really start to heal from a deep loss. I'd recommend setting up a memorial to your friend at the dojo so that every time you train you can remember him and the bond you shared in the art.

[James Davis]

Perhaps you could try writing about it? Put your feelings of helplessness or fear on the paper. They won't go away entirely, but it helps me sometimes. Prayer helps me too, if that's your thing. I'm sorry for your loss.

[shadowedge]

My condolences Bruce,

I'm originally from Iloilo City, But I've been in Manila since 2001. Cebu is pretty close to home. And i've had a similar experience but it wasn't in training. And luckily my father made it to the hospital and survied. It was his first stroke. I understand that fear all too well. :(

If you don't mind me asking, ilang taon na siya?
It simply may have been his time. I believe that tho you tried everything you could it probabbly wouldn't have changed the situation.

Give it some time, Im not sure if taking a short time off from the Dojo will help you, but thats the best advice I can think off.

[Bruce CB]

Thank you all for your time...

To Rene: His was supposed to turned 50 last August 5, he died last July 29 therefore 7 days short...we were even discussing during that night about his coming birthday party...I guess your right that it simply may have been his time..

To James: I do pray..In fact at this time it is my best comfort. However, I really could not help feeling the loss of a good friend, a partner in most sessions and exams...I think I could do that (writing for his memory)...He always wanted us together to write a book.

Again I thank you all for everything...

[aikidoc]

You might see if grief counseling is available either through a psychologist or a spiritual advisor if you are religious. I recently lost my youngest sister at 49 and can only say that time will help. We cannot change life, which dying is a part. We can, however, honor the gifts those who have left us gave to us while they were here.

[Guilty Spark]

I read this book and really enjoyed it.

Way Of Aikido
by George Leonard

http://www.amazon.ca/gp/product/0452279720/sr=8-8/qid=1155864539/ref=sr_1_8/702-8776854-2286450?ie=UTF8&s=gateway

I found it had a great way to visualize things like stress and greif and deal with them. I haven't tried it with greif yet but as far as stress goes I've tried some of the excersise's in the book and was shocked at how it completly removed the stress I was dealing with. I think it would do well with greif as well.

It may not be the ideal choice in reading when it comes to dealing with greif but I think you might be surprised.

[JiuJitsuka]

Sorry for your loss Bruce,
Just remeber that even though he is physically gone his spirit/energy will be there always so greive but don't stop. I'm sure that he will be looking down everyone making sure that you all are still going on.

Let go to Flow

[David Racho]

My condolences. I've been to Cebu a few times. It really is a blessing to pass away in the area that you spend a lot of time on, doing what you love. Saints died while helping or doing doing charity. At least he died happy.

I share your loss too. Not too many make it to 4th dan. Maybe this can also be an inspiration for you to keep continuing your practice in memory of your friend.

[roninroshi]

I'd rather die on the mat training than slowly of cancer or some withering disease...Hissho !!!!
Train for your friend...

[Donald Pillow]

I agree with everything that everyone else has said, and would only like to add a bell sound. When you hear the bell sound, know that your friend is also in the bell sound. When you practice Aikido, you are practicing with your friend. When you bow, your friend is also bowing. In gassho

Mark

Wow, very comforting sentiments. I too, thank you for posting that.

[actoman]

My condolences, and you have to pick yourself up and just know that you tried everything you could to revive him, it was just his time.

Rest, meditate and get back in the saddle in the name of your friend.

[crbateman]

I think I could do that (writing for his memory)...He always wanted us together to write a book.

So do it. Sit down and write your thoughts down NOW, while HIS memories are still fresh in YOUR mind. Add more later, after you've had time to reflect. Then even more, even later. Then publish it, or not (perhaps just keep it for your own sake, to keep your friend with you). The point is to put your thoughts down, because when they're gone, they're gone.

[CNYMike]

.... The giref just takes time. Most grief counselors (and you might wnat to find one) will tell you that it takes about two years before you really start to heal from a deep loss .....

The grief counselor I went to after my mom passed away told me it takes an average of five years to adjust to a loss. You don't get over it, you don't forget about it, you don't put it behind you, you just get used to it. You may tell yourself the person you lossed "is in the ground; I have to get on with my life," but that's just a coping mechanism as much as believing he/she is still around is (although I have a close friend who adamantly believes my mom hears every word I say when I visit her grave).

It won't be easy, it won't be fun, and nothing prepares you for it whether you see it coming or not. But like George said, it will just take time.

[JAMJTX]

I am sorry to hear of your loss.
All you really can do is to continue to train and honor your friend.
It will take time, but yo will get through this ok. It's not something you get over, getting over it implies you will forget. You won't forget. But you will get through it.

One of my teachers keeps photos of students and teachers in the dojo. On one side of the dojo are the photos of those who have passed away. Each time someone passed, he took thier photo and moved it to the other side of the dojo. People may read this different ways. He never said what this means to him and I never asked. To me it says, they're on the other side, but still with us in spirit.

If your friend knew he were dying then and had a moment to say something to you, what do you think it would be? Very likely he would have told you not to sit around feeling sorry, but to go on and have a good life. As I'm sure you would have said to him, among other things. It's hard to do, but you have to keep moving forward and not let this consume you. Doing that is no way to honor the memory of your friend. Live the life your friend would want you to have and always remember him well.