Aiki Redneck

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[Robert Jackson]

Something happened in class that made want to post this thread... Surely we can apply redneck jokes to aikido! here's two to begin with.

1. If you bokken is held together with duct tape... you might be an aiki redneck.

2. If you show up in class with in your gi and cowboy boots... you might be an aiki redneck.

Ok any others you can think of?

[Robert Jackson]

Just to get going a bit more here's some more for ya...

3. If you've ever refered to your joe as the "anti-sum-bi@@@ stick"... you might be an aiki redneck
4. If you've ever said "my joe is bigger then yours"... you might be an aiki redneck
5. if you've ever pronouced kotegashie "koto goshe" OR Mune Tsuki "moon-a-suky"... you might be an aiki redneck
6. If you've ever practice solo in a mall\supermarket\office and caused people to give you funny looks... you might be an aiki redneck

[darin]

no. 6 reminds me of one of my brother's friends who would do tae kwon do stretches everytime he meets someone in a department store. The funny thing is he continues doing them after you have walked away... Still probably not as extreme as a friend's classmate who wore 4kg ankle weights (very bulky) everytime he goes out with his friends.

[Lan Powers]

If you (like me) have spent more on the gear you train with, than the car you haul it to the dojo in...
you might be an aiki-redneck

[Lan Powers]

If your private mental terminology for aikido terms includes "Fling-downs, and Crunchers"
:)
Yew mite be uh reyed-nekk.
Welcome to Texas, Baybee!
Lan

[Eric Webber]

If getting dressed up means wearing the hakama WITHOUT the patches on the knees, you might be an aiki redneck

[Eric Webber]

If your solution to every problem is to say, "grab my wrist," you might be an aiki redneck.

[Jerry Miller]

If going to a seminar is a chance to meet Woman.

If you have a tee shirt from every seminar you have ever been to. (raises hand) :p

[BC]

If that person says "look at me" while demonstrating a technique.

[Ron Tisdale]

I loved that line from Chili Palmer...

Look at me...no...look at me...

B,
R

[Erick Mead]

If the last thing you remember from class was saying:
"Hey, y'all -- watch 'is!" ...

If your tsuba is what left of the duct tape roll after you wrap up the splinters on your bokken ...

[Lan Powers]

Haaaa haaa *snort* sniffle....haaa ha !
Tsuba is the a$$hole of the tape roll..........owww my side..

Luv it

[aikigirl10]

"my joe is bigger then yours"


If you spell "jo" J-O-E... you might be an aiki redneck

*Paige*
sorry i couldn't resist lol

[Erick Mead]

If you are asked by a dojo mate where to find an obi -- and you give him the number of your wife's gynecologist ...

If, when Sensei says at the beginning of class, "Onegaishimasu!" --
you say, "God bless you!" ...

[Robert Jackson]

If you spell "jo" J-O-E... you might be an aiki redneck

*Paige*
sorry i couldn't resist lol


I was waiting for someone to comment on that :D

[Jonathan Han]

If your dojo is held up with loose cinder blocks, you might be an Aiki Redneck.

If the dojo collapses and it kills more than three dogs, then you're definitely a Redneck.

[happysod]

Your picture of O sensei is a tasteful screen print done in genuine silver (style) on a black (synthetic) velvet canvas and your pure-breed pit bull/Yorkshire terrier guard dogs are named irimi and tenkan - you've really got problems

[dps]

and your pure-breed pit bull/Yorkshire terrier guard dogs are named irimi and tenkan - you've really got problems
or you name your daughter Irimi and your son Tenkan. :)

[Mark Freeman]

or you say to your wife/partner "grab my whatsit, I need a work out" ;)

[MikeLogan]

If you think of yudansha after seeing a holstein cow, you might be an aiki-redneck.

[Dajo251]

If you are asked by a dojo mate where to find an obi -- and you give him the number of your wife's gynecologist ...

.
ok that one made me laugh alot

[Lee Mulgrew]

if after doing mae ukemi you tip your stetson and spit on the ground and dust off your knees then godammit boy you is a redneck!

[Lee Mulgrew]

if you like choke techniques because it brings out the colour in your neck then, yup, you's a redneck!

or if during ukemi from koshinage you shout yeehaaaw!! then you is defernatly a redneck boy! :D

[Robert Jackson]

if during ukemi from koshinage you shout yeehaaaw!! then you is defernatly a redneck boy! :D

lol I think I'm going to have to do this next time we do Koshi! :D

[aikidoc]

If you practice high falls while galloping on a horse at full speed, you might be an aiki-redneck.

If you "have" to wear a hakama to hide your bowed legs you might be an aiki-redneck.

If your sensei constantly has to tell you stop walking like you have a cob up your a$$ you might be an aik-redneck.

I have actually heard someone use coat a gosh and moon a sooky and thought it was the correct way to pronounce it.

[James Davis]

If your sensei hands you a bokken and says, "Try to whack me with this pig-sticker.", he might be an aiki-redneck.

[James Davis]

If hearing Shania Twain sing makes you think of shenai, or if you think a tanto is the Lone Ranger's sidekick, you might be an aiki-redneck.

[Rocky Izumi]

If your dojo is held up with loose cinder blocks, you might be an Aiki Redneck.

If the dojo collapses and it kills more than three dogs, then you're definitely a Redneck.

Or Bajan.

Rock

[connie brown]

Something happened in class that made want to post this thread...

Uh... I'd be interested to know what happened in class to make you think of this thread. ;)

...If you have a gunrack in the back of your pickup truck to carry your bokken and jo on... or better yet your katana... you might be an aiki redneck.
:p

[Karen Wolek]

Uh... I'd be interested to know what happened in class to make you think of this thread. ;)

...If you have a gunrack in the back of your pickup truck to carry your bokken and jo on... or better yet your katana... you might be an aiki redneck.
:p

LOL! A dojo friend of mine actually said he wanted to do this!!!! That was a couple years ago, though, and he hasn't. Yet.

[Lee Mulgrew]

if you pick your teeth with your tanto and clean yours toes with your bokken :yuck:


if the start of your jo kata consists of you leaning against the jo while chewing tobacco (the ki -ai for this is "you ain't from round here are you boy?")

if there is a spitoon at the side of the tatami :drool:

[Robert Jackson]

Uh... I'd be interested to know what happened in class to make you think of this thread. ;)



Well we had a pretty full mat that night and it was time to do some bokken work. With everyone using there own or one of the dojos we ended up being one short...A young lady pipes in "I have an extra in my car" she runs out and comes back with a bokken held together with duct tape. You could see more duct tape then you could wood...

[dps]

.... she runs out and comes back with a bokken held together with duct tape. You could see more duct tape then you could wood... And what is wrong with duct tape? It comes in several pretty colors, including red.:D

[Robert Jackson]

And what is wrong with duct tape? It comes in several pretty colors, including red.:D


abosultely nothing I'm a big fan of duct tape. If duct tape can't fix then it ain't broken!... but I'm also a red neck! :)

[Lan Powers]

I am more of a sort of PINK neck. (trying to get above my raising as the saying goes)
Lan

[RoyK]

If you call cow tipping "Cowkyunage", you must be an aiki-redneck!

[Erick Mead]

If you first heard the name of this martial art, and you thought they were talking about your wife's cousin, Ikey Doe ...

[Erick Mead]

If you tried explaining to your wife's cousin about "Achey Doe" and she started looking for some deer you must of hit in the back of your pickup ...

[John Matsushima]

If there is a spitcup next to the shomen and a round Skoal imprint on the back of your hakama.....

[John Matsushima]

if after your sensei demonstrates a technique, he claps his hands and says "GIT 'R DONE", well then ....

[John Matsushima]

if everyone at your dojo wears mullets......

sorry, I used to practice at a certain dojo in the backwoods of NW Florida, so I'm full of 'em. Nicest people in the world. Real southern hospitality. They even taught my Japanese wife how to say things like " I reckon we oughtta do ikiyo um-hmmmm".

[John Matsushima]

If in your way of explaining how to do REAL kokyu you say "pull my finger" ;)

[Erick Mead]

If in your way of explaining how to do REAL kokyu you say "pull my finger" ;) Oh. Oh... that's inspired ...

[Erick Mead]

if everyone at your dojo wears mullets......

sorry, I used to practice at a certain dojo in the backwoods of NW Florida, so I'm full of 'em. Nicest people in the world. Real southern hospitality. They even taught my Japanese wife how to say things like " I reckon we oughtta do ikiyo um-hmmmm".
I reckon we might of..

[dps]

If the directions to you dojo include phrases like, up the road a spell, across da crick and down in the hallor by the red barn under the oak tree.

The refreshments is shine from a milk jug.

[Lee Mulgrew]

abosultely nothing I'm a big fan of duct tape. If duct tape can't fix then it ain't broken!... but I'm also a red neck! :)

shouldn't that read, if duct tape can't fix then it ain't BOKKEN!?
sorry for that one!

[mriehle]

If the mats are made from "tatami" weaved outta willa branches and horsehair. Bound together with...

...yes that's right...

...ducktape.

It ain' aboud ducts. it's ducks.

[Erick Mead]

If the mats are made from "tatami" weaved outta willa branches and horsehair. Bound together with...

...yes that's right...

...ducktape.

It ain' aboud ducts. it's ducks. This continuing reference is too good to pass up: :D


If your duck blind is made from old hakamas, with the worn out knees used as pee(p)holes ... ...

If you use your shoto as a duck skewer over the fire each night ...

If you hunt ducks by pulling strips off a roll of real LOUD ducktape as your duck call...

(How do you think it got its name, after all...) :p

[mriehle]

If half your training equipment is made from old tires (although, I do know of a very nice - and serious - dojo near me that uses an old tire as "target practice" for sword work which I actually think is kind of brilliant).

If the other half is made from tractor parts.

If the willa bark is peeling off your joe.

[crbateman]

If randori begins with "Let's git it on!"...

If you wear your jeans under your hak...

If there's a "Aikidoka do it on the mat" sticker or a "Shihonage Happens" sticker on your truck bumper...

If you whittled your own jo...

If you call off class when the dojo runs out of beer...

If you've ever looked up the katakana for "Billy Bob"...

If your obi is a rope with black shoe polish...

If you train with your wife and your sister, and there's still only two of you...

If your last seminar was at a Waffle House...

[Rigel Keffer]

If going to a seminar is a chance to meet Woman.

*single woman raising hand here* Any single, straight man who is a dedicated aikidoka is INSTANTLY more intriguing and attractive just by virtue of his being an aikidoka. Furthermore, it says a lot about a man if he can find merit in a no-make-up, hair-flying-wild, redfaced, sweating woman who has no compunction with throwing him across the mats. Personally, the girlie part of me swoons a little over a man who will throw me hard (read: not hold back at all on technique just because I'm female) BUT will a) offer a hand to lift me up if I haven't yet bounced back up on my own and b) hold the dojo door for me. Tough chics still like to be acknowledged as women. (OK, so the fact I grew up in the South is probably pretty obvious by now.)

And, really, it all boils down to the fact that you can tell A LOT about a man by how he treats his uke.

You might be an aiki-redneck if while watching A-Team reruns:
a) During the fight sequences, you keep pondering how much better certain aikido techniques would've worked during "A-Team Randori"
b) After much pondering, decide that Murdock probably would've been the finest aikidoka of the 4.

[Rigel Keffer]

If your solution to every problem is to say, "grab my wrist," you might be an aiki redneck.

Y'all, this is proof of an aiki-redneck's greater refinement --- better "grab my wrist" than "pull my finger".

[Lee Mulgrew]

You might be an aiki-redneck if while watching A-Team reruns:
a) During the fight sequences, you keep pondering how much better certain aikido techniques would've worked during "A-Team Randori"
b) After much pondering, decide that Murdock probably would've been the finest aikidoka of the 4.

I am soo ashamed right now! :blush:
but you have to admit that he would have though!

[Eric Webber]

Y'all, this is proof of an aiki-redneck's greater refinement --- better "grab my wrist" than "pull my finger".

Nothing wrong with some stench atemi in the right company :yuck:

[gdandscompserv]

Maybe not aiki, but definitely redneck. (http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=7088758643189935691&q=karate+bear&hl=en)

[Lee Mulgrew]

Maybe not aiki, but definitely redneck. (http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=7088758643189935691&q=karate+bear&hl=en)
AMAZING!!!! why have I been wasting my time with aikido? finally a martial that you can practice in tight jeans :p

[Niamh Marie O'Leary-Liu]

You might be an aiki-redneck if:

--You're just plumb tired of explaining to your buddies that your hakama is NOT a *^#&@!*$%0&#* skirt already!!!!

--Your ukemi is smoother than deer guts on the shed floor, I tell you what!

--You keep your good bokken on the gunrack in the back window of your Ford F150 and your spare bokken un'ner your bed, jes' in case.

--You've perfected a "no-touch" throw using beer-belch-waza and you're fixin' to use it alright, next time Bubba comments on your skirt.

[CNYMike]

If you have a tee shirt from every seminar you have ever been to. (raises hand) :p

Not every seminar, altough I got one from Montreal and one from Woodstock. Hmmmm, doesn't look good.

You migh be an Aiki-redneck if.....

.... your first Jo was a dowel you bought at a home improvement store.

.... you retired said jo because you used it three times last year and on two occassions you fet like splinters were going into your palm when you did a thrust.

.... you ever practiced sword forms in your back yard at 11 PM wearing jeans and a t-shirt.

[Selnith]

*single woman raising hand here* Any single, straight man who is a dedicated aikidoka is INSTANTLY more intriguing and attractive just by virtue of his being an aikidoka. Furthermore, it says a lot about a man if he can find merit in a no-make-up, hair-flying-wild, redfaced, sweating woman who has no compunction with throwing him across the mats. Personally, the girlie part of me swoons a little over a man who will throw me hard (read: not hold back at all on technique just because I'm female) BUT will a) offer a hand to lift me up if I haven't yet bounced back up on my own and b) hold the dojo door for me. Tough chics still like to be acknowledged as women. (OK, so the fact I grew up in the South is probably pretty obvious by now.)

And, really, it all boils down to the fact that you can tell A LOT about a man by how he treats his uke.

You might be an aiki-redneck if while watching A-Team reruns:
a) During the fight sequences, you keep pondering how much better certain aikido techniques would've worked during "A-Team Randori"
b) After much pondering, decide that Murdock probably would've been the finest aikidoka of the 4.

i'm not currently single but i am SO with you on the first part, any guy who's still interested at the end of class is either Really worth a go or blind and as tough as old boots soaked in river mud.

not quite aiki red neck but, while watching a film that usually results in a major geek out you sit and count the aikido techniques you see

[Rocky Izumi]

If in your way of explaining how to do REAL kokyu you say "pull my finger" ;)

Reminds me of that BJJ guy that came to play with us. He got an arm lock on me but I got out by wrapping my legs around his head and pulling his nose into my butt before letting go with a long wet one. We all had a good laugh as he ran out of the dojo yelling that we didn't fight fair and that I was an asshole. I replied that he was obviously right.

Rock

[ElizabethCastor]

If you have a hakama made from fabric featuring your favorite college team logo on it (GO Buffs!)...

If you wear a bandana do-rag like the Hulk-ster to keep the sweat outta yer eyes...

If you tied yer belt and then cut the "extra" off...

If you came to aikido to learn how do better in a bar brawl...

If you compare ANY (and I mean any) technique to one of the following: GRAPEVINE, TWO STEP, LINE DANCE, BOOT-SCOOTN BOOGIE

If you ever thought koshi load-ups/throws might be good practice for ridin' the mechanical bull...

If you are such a gentleman that you catch a female uke so she doesn't fall (Yes, ladies this happened to me lately)...

If you ever try to help explain what aikido is with the words "kinda like wrastlin'"...

If you've ever tried to get a big a$$ belt buckle on your obi...

If you've every compared a hakama to a baggy pair of chaps...

If your kiai sounds at all like a "yee-haw" or "hi-y'all"...

If you dojo featurs a chillin's class...

Okay I'm making myself stop now....
:rolleyes:

[dragonteeth]

You might be an aiki redneck if...

...you wear torn jeans under your hakama to a seminar.
...you answer your cell phone while sitting on the mat during a demonstration at said seminar to arrange the next job for your excavating business, loudly.
...you wear worn out wrasslin' shoes onto the mat with your hakama also at said seminar.
...you paint "akido" on the side of an out of business fast food restaurant and call it your "dojoe."

(the above really happened, all with the same guy...no kidding...)

You might also be an aiki redneck if...

...you've dyed your hakama in a cool camo pattern.
...you keep a spit cup just off the mat.
...you intently read the old aikiweb thread debating braid vs ponytail vs pigtails as the best way to tie up long hair in keiko because your mullet/rat tail keeps getting tromped on.
....you think you've heard aikido terms all your life...for instance
- "thar's sumthin in ma ai"
- "hanmi that thar bowkin"

[KD5NRH]

If you (like me) have spent more on the gear you train with, than the car you haul it to the dojo in...

17 year old Saturn, totaled twice before I bought it and nearing 300,000 miles. When I fill the tank and top off the oil, the book value doubles.

[sakumeikan]

Just to get going a bit more here's some more for ya...

3. If you've ever refered to your joe as the "anti-sum-bi@@@ stick"... you might be an aiki redneck
4. If you've ever said "my joe is bigger then yours"... you might be an aiki redneck
5. if you've ever pronouced kotegashie "koto goshe" OR Mune Tsuki "moon-a-suky"... you might be an aiki redneck
6. If you've ever practice solo in a mall\supermarket\office and caused people to give you funny looks... you might be an aiki redneck

Dear Robert,
Who is this guy Joe in item 3/4? Cheers, Joe.Shucks I guess you mean that long stick like thingy we all twirl around and try and bash each others heads in with??

[Cromwell]

Oh dear...