When It Fades Away by Paul Schweer
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I brushed my teeth while I was driving. I hadn't overslept, but I'd
been a little late leaving the house. I spit into an empty gatorade
bottle and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. I had a song
playing -- something about that song always makes me think of a busy
train station, or a crowded escalator, somebody sitting alone in a
crowd -- slow fade down to one guitar. Just one guy playing guitar.
There's a whole arrangement around what he's playing, but it gets
softer, then you can't hear it. Maybe he does. Wonder what it sounds
like. Wonder if he notices when it fades away. Wonder if it matters
to him. Wouldn't think it does, listening to him. Very clean. Very
exact.
Parking lot is empty when I get there. Side door is missing the pull
handle, and I wonder who would have pulled it off and why. Have to
want in pretty bad to tear it off. Can't see wanting in bad enough to
do that. I'd been given a key, and I used it.
I left the lights off. Just me anyway.
I found an old tape and put it in the VCR. Didn't know when it was or
where -- been a while ago -- there was my teacher. Looked different
then. I didn't recognize anyone else. Didn't recognize what it was
he was teaching. I watched for a while, waiting for someone.
Nobody showed.
I know a jo kata that's done solo. It's a good warm-up if nothing
else. I walked through it couple times, picked a couple parts.
Worked on the parts. Tried doing the kata starting from the left
side. Didn't know how. Tried to teach myself. Spent an hour
watching myself in the mirror. Didn't learn much.
Something was wrong with the VCR, or the tape. It would play for a
while, then the screen would turn blue. I could see just a little bit
of my teacher, hear a little bit of what he had to say. Then I
couldn't see him, couldn't hear him anymore.
Through a curtain I saw a car in the parking lot. Somebody in it,
sitting and waiting. Hand out the window touching the mirror. Nobody
showed. And after a while he started the car, and rolled the window
up as he drove away.
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