Yesterday in class, Larry Sensei paused everyone, sat down, and asked us why
we practiced. Nobody really answered, and he said that was okay but that we
ought to at least think about it now and then. Not so much necessarily
figuring out the answer, but asking the question was important. I didn't
have a nice quick answer ready at the time but I was thinking about it today
at work and between calls came up with my answer for myself, thought I'd
share it here. (t'was one of my rare journal entrys not just a thought, so
fairly lengthy. Just a warning)
I practice because I love it.
Because every time I step onto the mat my heart sings, my energy
doubles (at least), my smile widens, and I have fun. I practice for
the single perfect breakfall I did while horseplaying after class
though I've never managed even a halfway successful pre meditated one.
For the slow motion forward roll I've never duplicated but that kept
me working on rolls after my first month of misery. And the feeling of
success and power when someone twice my size suddenly drops and can
not get up again, because I got the pin just right. For the
way the pre-class depression gives way to the ... not euphoria --
euphoria is too passive -- the tingling energy of tension released and
troubles forgotten, the rush of strength, the invigorating ache of
muscles stretched and used, throught the class and lingering
afterwards. I practice for the way the floor is coming way too
fast -- and the way it doesn't hurt when I hit it. For every time I
take a blind fall towards a wall and pull up just before hitting it
even though I don't see how close it is. I just know it's there.
I practice for the sudden brief instant of realizing that time
it was right.
And the laughter as I think ... err... no. Let's try that again. I
practice to see a kohai's eyes light up as something just clicks into
place -- and to see a sempai's grin as I feel everything click.
For all the succeses and all the mistakes and for the fact that those
mistakes never feel like failures.
I practice because I've seen the breathaking beauty of sempai as they do
even the simplest techniques, and because someday I'd like to take someone's
breath away. Especially my own.
I practice because there's no judgement, no hurry, and no complaints. I
practice to surprise myself as I realize what I can do. I practice for the
growing awareness of what my body is doing and why and how to change it.
Basically, I practice because it makes me happy. Because even the worst
moments of practicing are better than most good moments when not.
I practice because I love it.
Nothing deep and soul-changing, perhaps, but there's a lot to be said for
pleasure. Just a few thoughts,
Eve
