New to Aikido

Hi Everyone.

I love Aikido and I love practicing. I only started in August of 2005 and have dedicated 6 to 7 days a week of practice consistently. And I have met the most incredible people through my dojo and at seminars! But I have a question that hopefully you can help me with. There is a person in my dojo who I feel has taken a disliking to me. Not that I wish that everyone in this world to like me, but I do not think that I have caused any reasons to have this person take such a position that she has. I am still kind to her though, regardless of her feelings. I still try to practice with her and be an honest uke. But I do not think she enjoys me practicing with her though. She was a kyu higher than me when I started, but I have recently progressed higher and am trying to keep bettering myself in Aikido. She defintely makes it clear that she does not like me.

I don't want to sound like I'm a "cry baby", that is not my intention. Since I am new, I only want to know if these type of situations "just happen" an is quite normal. How have you handled situations like this at your dojo? Like I've said before, I have met and am friends with most of the warmest and kindest people in Aikido. I really have a passion for this.

Thank you in advance.

Corey

Corey,
You are going to get some interesting responses to this but I'll start off with my two cents. Your relationship with people in the dojo is going to vary according to the person, the environment of the dojo, and the particular circumstances of various situations that will come up.

In this case, you are apparently a nice person and this person doesn't like you for some reason. If I were you, I would just ignore that, be normal and go about your business. Although we all want everyone to like us, you can't actually make anyone like you. The reason they don't like you could be anything and getting into trying to find out why could head to a place you don't want to go. As long as you are clear in your own heart, I would let that be the other persons problem and not my problem. Keep being nice and keep going. We are training with humans and for some reason, there will occasionally be one or two that will dislike you for no reason at all. I once spent a long time trying to get someone to like me who didn't like me. Everyone noticed that he didn't like me and that he went out of his way to pick on me. He also told people he didn't like me. Most of the people he told couldn't understand it and they were sympathetic to me and even told me what he was saying. I tried to talk to him about it but he denied it. I asked friends to ask him about it and he would tell them the truth but not me. I finally figured out I was going to have to just go my way.

This person may change after a while if she is normal.
Best wishes,

IMHO, we have our own personal map in our heads of who we want to train with and who we don't. Just be yourself, train hard, and you will fit one or the other.

Corey Jong wrote: There is a person in my dojo who I feel has taken a disliking to me. Not that I wish that everyone in this world to like me, but I do not think that I have caused any reasons to have this person take such a position that she has. I am still kind to her though, regardless of her feelings. I still try to practice with her and be an honest uke. But I do not think she enjoys me practicing with her though.

Let me take a wild guess here. You're single without any sisters or daughters.

Were you married, you'd know there is no logical explaination of a woman's behaviour.

B.T.W. don't try to practice with her. It seems that you're bend backward to please her if you don't know how. Don't. There are too many important things to worry about like the nuke in Iran, Monday night football, Maple Leaf, your parents' birthday. If she has problem with you, it's her problem. If you let her problem effect you, it's your problem. You CAN'T solve her problem. But you can solve your problem by not trying to solve her problem.

You said it yourself...

Corey Jong wrote: I am still kind to her though, regardless of her feelings. I still try to practice with her and be an honest uke.

That's the best advice i could give. These things come up all the time. They eventually go away, or they don't, but there really isn't much you can do about it. Just treat her with respect and wait for her to do the same. It may never happen, but chances are, if you both keep at it long enough, it will.

Corey, if you're doing your best, then you cannot control what goes on in other people's heads. Your "adversary" is probably just starting out as well, so neither of you has had the opportunity to find your way. Be as compassionate as you can, try to get better every day, and let the chips fall where they may. Just keep a smile on your face and train.

Thank you Sensais, sempais, and kohais for your advise. I will take what you have said and be my best.

Roosvelt - I was raised by my father and mother, along with my two older sisters. I had proposed to my lovely fiance in Antigua recently, and we will be married later this year. My first time. Can't wait to be her husband. But you were right that I do not have any children.

Corey

Roosvelt Freeman wrote: Let me take a wild guess here. You're single without any sisters or daughters. Were you married, you'd know there is no logical explaination of a woman's behaviour.

I think that pretty much sums it up. I know if I didn't love the women folk so much, I'd really hate 'em. Always be honest, and always be kind. Let her have the problem.

Roosvelt Freeman wrote: Let me take a wild guess here. Were you married, you'd know there is no logical explaination of a woman's behaviour. .

you dont need to be married to know that, I found that out 2 years ago when my girlfriend and I moved in together.....at the time we were living in a house with two others of the female variety. Yeah I learned a few things very quickly, knock before entering the bathroom, always lock the bathroom door, never leave teh seat down and of coure there are many times when there is no logical explanination for a womans behavior.

Alright guys, quite your whining.....and just practice, OK?

We women put up with a lot of your strange and unusual behaivors as well!

(please read this in a a joking and friendly manner!)

when i have encountered people like this i have found for me the best policy is to just avoid them, yes do not even "partner up" with them in class... usually these kind of people go away, or if they stay they eventually come around...

You could ask her if there is a problem???? Sometimes we actually cause the things we try to blame on other people.
Mary

Mary Eastland wrote: You could ask her if there is a problem???? Mary

Corey, I think Mary's advise on this is wise. If you are sensing a problem, you can ask her to sit with you for a while and communicate. You could start the conversation off in any number of ways, ie: "Wonder if you have a minute, I wanted to ask you about my practice, my behavior, etc." Let her do the talking; ask alot of questions. Hear her side of the story. This is not your opportunity to say "your wrong about me, you should like me because I'm a good person." Rather, this conversation should be you just listening and thanking her. Perhaps there is a misunderstanding by one or both of you (the situation could be your perception only). If you don't communicate with her, you could develop ill feelings toward her, and what a shame that would be if she actually likes you. Above all, this is a great opportunity to use what you have learned about aikido in dealing with other folks "off the mat". Think about what you need to do to deal with this problem in an aiki way. Create Harmony.
Steve

Steve Morabito wrote: Corey, I think Mary's advise on this is wise. If you are sensing a problem, you can ask her to sit with you for a while and communicate. You could start the conversation off in any number of ways, ie: "Wonder if you have a minute, I wanted to ask you about my practice, my behavior, etc." Let her do the talking; ask alot of questions. Hear her side of the story. This is not your opportunity to say "your wrong about me, you should like me because I'm a good person." Rather, this conversation should be you just listening and thanking her.

Right. If you do it person-to-person, you should do it right. Start with an interesting movie like "yo-yo sister, the screte hood", then follow a sip of Amber Mist (a fruity wine), and conclude by a mall shopping trip.


My advice, don't do it. If you do, do it like a man: pretending nothing ever happened.

Roosvelt Freeman wrote: Right. If you do it person-to-person, you should do it right. Start with an interesting movie like "yo-yo sister, the screte hood", then follow a sip of Amber Mist (a fruity wine), and conclude by a mall shopping trip. My advice, don't do it. If you do, do it like a man: pretending nothing ever happened.

If he does it he should do it like a human being: seeking to understand the truth.
Steve