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Old 12-14-2005, 05:22 PM   #1
"jobokken"
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Angry Poor Training partner

I train with a very small group of people, one of which seems to have problems training with me. This person will "tank" the attack and then explain to me what I am doing wrong. This person will fake an attack and go for a leg take down in the "spirit" of training, at first I would resist and retalitate since I am much bigger and stronger than him and I have even tried just letting him win to see if this person feels superior that it would end. Neither works. I enjoy training with my sensei but this individual makes me not want to show up for class. I love to train and have a desire to learn but I dont take this as training. Also when this person is training with others or sensei this does not happen. I am to the point where I am thinking of moving on. Any advice?
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Old 12-27-2005, 03:44 PM   #2
Aiki LV
Dojo: VEGAS VALLEY AIKIDO
Location: Las Vegas/Henderson
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Re: Poor Training partner

I would talk to your Sensei A.S.A.P. they should know what is going on, if they don't know already. Sitting on this problem and letting it bother you is not going to help. It would be ashame if you stopped training in aikido because of one person's actions towards you. If all else fails and it pisses you off that bad don't train with that person.
Good Luck to you!
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Old 12-27-2005, 03:57 PM   #3
Lan Powers
Dojo: Aikido of Midland, Midland TX
Location: Midland Tx
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Posts: 659
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Re: Poor Training partner

If the other person has a malicious intent with his actions, then he may need to have a attitude adjustment. These are best administered by the Sensei BTW, so don't take this as a free @$$-wuppin' ticket.
There is the possibility that the other guy is comfortable with you and feels welcome to "explore" other aspects....doesn't sound likely, but it could be so.
Have you made clear that this isn't a "welcome-exploration" of variety, but feels like he is being a jerk? Do you think he is doing a jerk on purpose? Does your Sensei see what is happening?

As advised before, speak to your teacher. I would be surprised if he hasn't noticed this behavior before now, less surprised if he was watching your response to it.
Tests abound in the martial arts....formal testing (rank) and non-formal (personal development)
Speak to Sensei, listen to his response, act maturely.
Best wishes
Lan

Play nice, practice hard, but remember, this is a MARTIAL art!
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Old 12-27-2005, 04:00 PM   #4
aikigirl10
Dojo: Aikido of Ashland
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Re: Poor Training partner

I know exactly what ur going through. I've had those same problems with people in my dojo before. The best thing to do is just kind of ignore their behaviors and dont give them a 2nd thought because people like that only want a reaction and if u dont give them one then i think they eventually leave u alone. If this doesnt work then talk to your sensei.

Also... who has been there longer? If he's been there longer than u then it might actually be a good idea to listen to what he's saying. He may just be trying to help. If u've been there longer then i know just how u feel cuz thats happened to me too, and it sux.

*Paige
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Old 12-27-2005, 04:18 PM   #5
Aiki LV
Dojo: VEGAS VALLEY AIKIDO
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Re: Poor Training partner

Quote:
who has been there longer? If he's been there longer than u then it might actually be a good idea to listen to what he's saying. He may just be trying to help.
....I don't think it matters who has the most experience. There is a proper way to treat people. Even if you are Sempai you don't help anyone by acting like a jerk. People are less likely to listen to you if your approach is abrasive in nature.
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Old 12-27-2005, 06:30 PM   #6
aikigirl10
Dojo: Aikido of Ashland
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Re: Poor Training partner

Quote:
Mindy Imbuido wrote:
....I don't think it matters who has the most experience. There is a proper way to treat people. Even if you are Sempai you don't help anyone by acting like a jerk. People are less likely to listen to you if your approach is abrasive in nature.
Ur right there is a proper way to treat people. And the guy is definitely approaching it the wrong way by acting like he did.

But , what hes doing might still be well intentioned. And there might be a message behind it that you can't see because of his is approach.

Then again... maybe not. Just a thought.

-Paige
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Old 12-28-2005, 10:32 AM   #7
Ed Shockley
Dojo: aikikai of Philadelphia
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Re: Poor Training partner

If nothing else, it gives you an opportunity to practice the art of blending. Finding a way to practice with someone who is extreme without confrontation can be just as important as kotegaeshi.
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Old 12-28-2005, 03:06 PM   #8
MaryKaye
Dojo: Seattle Ki Society
Location: Seattle
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Re: Poor Training partner

Have you tried a clear, humble, "I am still trying to learn this technique, so please don't do anything tricky as uke"? If the other person doesn't respect that, I think you do have a problem and should talk to sensei or a senior student about it.

Learning to put up with things is all very well, but not if it sucks all the joy out of training, and not if it risks injury. If you think he is likely to hurt you, you definitely should talk to sensei.

It's also worth noting that in most dojo, you can flatly refuse to train with someone if you think they are an unsafe partner for you.

Mary Kaye
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Old 12-31-2005, 08:51 PM   #9
Ed Shockley
Dojo: aikikai of Philadelphia
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Re: Poor Training partner

I didn't hear any mention of a sense of danger in this person's boorish behavior. Is this also part of the problem or is it simply an arrogant uke? If, as I thought, it is simply the latter then we are discussing comfortable training rather than protection from injury. We all have and do encounter various rude and awkward partners. I have always been told that this is part of Aikido. (Like when we had an invasion of self proclaimed "Earth people" who didn't believe in bathing. Or the Secret service guy whose ego made him blame any weakness in his technique on the ukemi of his partner.) I suspect that you actually encounter more challenging types in larger dojos, certainly at seminars. The one thing that no one seems to have suggested is approaching the senior students. There have been occasions where I've witnessed high ranking Dans huddle then bounce an arrogant practitioner over the next set of throws. Usually the message is clearly delivered.
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Old 01-01-2006, 02:13 PM   #10
Lan Powers
Dojo: Aikido of Midland, Midland TX
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Re: Poor Training partner

<There have been occasions where I've witnessed high ranking Dans huddle then bounce an arrogant practitioner over the next set of throws. Usually the message is clearly delivered. >

I rather like that....
Lan

Play nice, practice hard, but remember, this is a MARTIAL art!
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Old 01-01-2006, 05:37 PM   #11
Janet Rosen
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Re: Poor Training partner

Quote:
Mary Kuhner wrote:
Have you tried a clear, humble, "I am still trying to learn this technique, so please don't do anything tricky as uke"?
works for me

Janet Rosen
http://www.zanshinart.com
"peace will enter when hate is gone"--percy mayfield
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Old 01-02-2006, 03:22 AM   #12
Leon Aman
 
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Re: Poor Training partner

Quote:
I train with a very small group of people, one of which seems to have problems training with me. This person will "tank" the attack and then explain to me what I am doing wrong. This person will fake an attack and go for a leg take down in the "spirit" of training, at first I would resist and retalitate since I am much bigger and stronger than him and I have even tried just letting him win to see if this person feels superior that it would end. Neither works. I enjoy training with my sensei but this individual makes me not want to show up for class. I love to train and have a desire to learn but I dont take this as training. Also when this person is training with others or sensei this does not happen. I am to the point where I am thinking of moving on. Any advice?
I understand your feeling Jo, that also happened to me during my early days in aikido world. There are really such kind of people in some dojos.

In fact I cannot really digest if my partner is trying to correct what I am doing by saying this is the way or this is the proper way or what your doing is wrong and so on and so forth. I'm simply telling him to do what he think is right and I'll do mine. For some , it is rude and impolite reasoning but for me it is not, because for me there is nothing wrong with saying what you think is fair , regardless of rank for as long as we are in the actual training. And if my partner tries to take it personally by putting some pressure to his execution I'll give him the same measure in return. Again (please I beg you) I never thought of it as vengeange, retaliation or whatever type of defensive action or reasoning to justify my robust-self, but merely a type of attitude seeking to have a proper way of training and respect to one another .

In my opinion I think it is not proper to say to your partner a disturbing word such as "that is a wrong ikkyo" (while you are doing an ikkyo but didn't pass his criteria). Because for me the only wrong ikkyo are all aikido techniques other than ikkyo , such as shihonage , kotegaeshi and such, but since you are doing ikkyo regardless of variations, execution and such but still it is an ikkyo a perfect and impeccable aikido technique.

leon
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Old 01-07-2006, 08:08 AM   #13
Ed Shockley
Dojo: aikikai of Philadelphia
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Re: Poor Training partner

There is a phrase called "multiple intelligences" that is part of current education jargon. Students learn in different ways. Some are great with concepts, some need tactile stimulation, some need sound coding, lists etc. I find that if I shut up and train then my partner usually communicates what he or she needs and how she wants it. If they ask a question then it is verbal response. If they stand perplexed and frozen it is often their particular tactile approach and I either stand surrendering my body for their experiment or place my body moving toward the ukemi. Sometimes they need the ego boost of instructing me. My ukemi then is to accept their need if my ego is secure enough to ignore the breach of etiquette and then either explore their interpretation of the technique or allow them to experience my interpretation. I don't think there's any right or wrong unless there is danger. The worst that can happen is Sensei corrects us both because the only true reality is that we both are performing the technique less than perfectly.
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