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Old 11-01-2005, 08:35 AM   #1
Dirk Hanss
 
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Confused What do you do if you cannot avoid...

This thread is my special humour, and maybe - again - nobody else can laugh about it.

But I though, the humour section is the best one, While I should cry, if I could not laugh

So the story is always the same:
What can an aikidoka do, if he/she is ... (see list) and do not tell stories about you should try to avoid, as you cannot always avoid this.

We already know "taken to ground", "bear hugged", "punched hardly", "round house kicked". Now there are more of them.
  • (1) What can an aikidoka do, when he/she has got a knife in his/her belly / ribs?
    (2) What can you do, if you are shot directly in your forehead?
    (3) What, if you get hit with a baseball bat from behind, which you cannot see?

Maybe you can find more examples and finally we can prove that aikido is totally useless



Dirk
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Old 11-01-2005, 08:50 AM   #2
iHeretic
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Re: What do you do if you cannot avoid...

The answer's obvious... "Blend, blend and blend summore!" If you've been caught out then unfortunately you may blend with the attack in a spectacular but terminal fashion.

Testis sum agni
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Old 11-01-2005, 09:34 AM   #3
John Boswell
 
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Re: What do you do if you cannot avoid...

I remember the last time I got shot... yeesh! Blend? The bullets and I became ONE!

But it's a boring story, I'll spare you all...

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Old 11-01-2005, 10:16 AM   #4
Eric Webber
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Re: What do you do if you cannot avoid...

...cannot avoid a wild, roaming, evil Brownie Troop looking for trouble? Throwing girlscouts (and their cookies) at whomever they find in their path? Oh my goodness, it's randori with live weapons.
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Old 11-01-2005, 05:26 PM   #5
Bryan
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Re: What do you do if you cannot avoid...

Quote:
Dirk Hanss wrote:
(1) What can an aikidoka do, when he/she has got a knife in his/her belly / ribs?
be sure to shift your internal organs to avoid the knife

http://media.putfile.com/karate73
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Old 11-01-2005, 08:08 PM   #6
xuzen
 
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Re: What do you do if you cannot avoid...

Quote:
Dirk Hanss wrote:
(1) What can an aikidoka do, when he/she has got a knife in his/her belly / ribs?
(2) What can you do, if you are shot directly in your forehead?
(3) What, if you get hit with a baseball bat from behind, which you cannot see?
Dirk
Easy Dirk,

Aikidoka should hang around friends who are doctors preferable with ER exposure; have boyfriend/girlfriend working as a paramedic; live near or hang around places where is near to a hospital; stay close to a Minister, Parish, Priest or Monks... capable of reading the last rite at the most opportune time.

Boon.

SHOMEN-ATE (TM), the solution to 90% of aikido and life's problems.
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Old 11-02-2005, 07:41 AM   #7
ian
 
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Re: What do you do if you cannot avoid...

When people overly dissect techniques I always say, OK then, what technique do you do when you've been knocked unconcious. The point of all these being - you don't ever let it get that far, and zanshin is everything!

---understanding aikido is understanding the training method---
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Old 11-02-2005, 07:45 AM   #8
Paul Kerr
 
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Re: What do you do if you cannot avoid...

Quote:
Dirk Hanss wrote:
...
(1) What can an aikidoka do, when he/she has got a knife in his/her belly / ribs?
(2) What can you do, if you are shot directly in your forehead?
(3) What, if you get hit with a baseball bat from behind, which you cannot see?
1. Bleed copiously. Possibly die.
2. Most likely die.
3. Get a busted skull. Possibly die.

Happy now?

Paul Kerr
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Old 11-02-2005, 07:59 AM   #9
Dazzler
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Re: What do you do if you cannot avoid...

Quote:
Paul Kerr wrote:
1. Bleed copiously. Possibly die.
2. Most likely die.
3. Get a busted skull. Possibly die.

Happy now?
Without saying much...that says so much!

Most amusing.

D
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Old 11-03-2005, 03:07 PM   #10
Dirk Hanss
 
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Re: What do you do if you cannot avoid...

Hey there,
good new "questions" and good replies.

Some of you seem not to like my humour, but it is nice of you participating nevertheless.

So more,

What does an aikidoka do when his neck is broken?
"My MA just starts at this point, Wha wha wha!"

I guess a good aikidoka would start to improve his 360 view. Perfect zanshin

Dirk
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Old 11-03-2005, 03:17 PM   #11
giriasis
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Re: What do you do if you cannot avoid...

What do we do when struck by lightening?
What do we do when struck by an oncoming vehicle?
What do we do when a hurricane takes out all you electricity?


Anne Marie Giri
Women in Aikido: a place where us gals can come together and chat about aikido.
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Old 11-04-2005, 08:40 AM   #12
Satyre
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Re: What do you do if you cannot avoid...

Quote:
Anne Marie Giri wrote:
What do we do when struck by lightening?
- Blend. They're only electrons.

Quote:
What do we do when struck by an oncoming vehicle?
- Blend. We will come out in next car wash. "Out, out, damned spot!"

Quote:
What do we do when a hurricane takes out all you electricity?
- Evade: Intelligently move to a state where they don't have hurricanes.
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Old 11-29-2005, 05:05 AM   #13
Tim Gerrard
 
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Re: What do you do if you cannot avoid...

1) When attacked by a hungry Lion in the Jungle?
2) When he/she has run out of beer?
3) Locks him/herself out of their house?

Personally I think the best defence to the first one, is to wait until the lion gets within about 3 feet and begins to open his mouth to bite you. Then ram a small set of stepladders down his throat. If you are in a jungle, where stepladders are hard to come by, then a bedside table or a small dresser should suffice.

Aikido doesn't work? My Aikido works, what on earth are you practicing?!
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Old 11-29-2005, 05:58 AM   #14
happysod
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Re: What do you do if you cannot avoid...

1) When attacked by a hungry Lion in the Jungle?
- Feed it the nearest Christian

2) When he/she has run out of beer?
- aftershave/perfume and orange juice punch, note: do not use old-spice in a plastic container

3) Locks him/herself out of their house?
- every true aikidoka can always use their Ki (look, I'm sorry, but everyone was thinking this...)
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Old 11-29-2005, 08:33 AM   #15
RDReavis
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Re: What do you do if you cannot avoid...

Quote:
Eric Webber wrote:
...cannot avoid a wild, roaming, evil Brownie Troop looking for trouble? Throwing girlscouts (and their cookies) at whomever they find in their path? Oh my goodness, it's randori with live weapons.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
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Old 11-29-2005, 12:43 PM   #16
emma.mason15
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Re: What do you do if you cannot avoid...

Dear Agony Aunts & Uncles
okies this is a regular problem of mine .... what do you do if regularly attacked by the small people (5+ yr olds) in the dojo! .... help .... I think its a form of bulling .... im helpless 24yr old, completely at the mercy of these mini terrors!

Dance your cares away .... worry for another day ... let the music play .... down in fraggle rock!

when bored ... do as I do. Poke a patient!
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Old 11-29-2005, 03:41 PM   #17
Michael Hackett
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Re: What do you do if you cannot avoid...

Emma,

Given the usual height difference, be thankful that you're a woman.

Michael
"Leave the gun. Bring the cannoli."
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Old 11-30-2005, 03:09 AM   #18
Tim Gerrard
 
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Re: What do you do if you cannot avoid...

Quote:
Emma Mason wrote:
Dear Agony Aunts & Uncles
okies this is a regular problem of mine .... what do you do if regularly attacked by the small people (5+ yr olds) in the dojo! .... help .... I think its a form of bulling .... im helpless 24yr old, completely at the mercy of these mini terrors!
Kick 'em in the head?


Sorry, but we were all thinkin it......well I was anyway

Aikido doesn't work? My Aikido works, what on earth are you practicing?!
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Old 11-30-2005, 06:59 AM   #19
happysod
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Re: What do you do if you cannot avoid...

Quote:
...im helpless 24yr old, completely at the mercy of these mini terrors!
two toddlers tied together using their own belts makes a surprisingly acceptable set of practice nunchuks - a bit noisy at times, but you can get some good speed up with them.
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Old 11-30-2005, 10:01 AM   #20
James Davis
 
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Re: What do you do if you cannot avoid...

Quote:
Emma Mason wrote:
Dear Agony Aunts & Uncles
okies this is a regular problem of mine .... what do you do if regularly attacked by the small people (5+ yr olds) in the dojo! .... help .... I think its a form of bulling .... im helpless 24yr old, completely at the mercy of these mini terrors!
Pin one, grab the next one that gets too close, and start making a rugrat sandwich!

"The only difference between Congress and drunken sailors is that drunken sailors spend their own money." -Tom Feeney, representative from Florida
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Old 12-01-2005, 07:58 AM   #21
emma.mason15
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Re: What do you do if you cannot avoid...

U guys rock .... im gunna print these and post them up on the dojo as a warning to all!!!!

Dance your cares away .... worry for another day ... let the music play .... down in fraggle rock!

when bored ... do as I do. Poke a patient!
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Old 12-01-2005, 11:08 AM   #22
James Davis
 
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Re: What do you do if you cannot avoid...

Quote:
Emma Mason wrote:
U guys rock .... im gunna print these and post them up on the dojo as a warning to all!!!!
Fair warning. How nice!

They won't remember the warning.

Have fun.

"The only difference between Congress and drunken sailors is that drunken sailors spend their own money." -Tom Feeney, representative from Florida
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Old 12-02-2005, 02:36 AM   #23
emma.mason15
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Re: What do you do if you cannot avoid...

we need a dear doka page!

Dance your cares away .... worry for another day ... let the music play .... down in fraggle rock!

when bored ... do as I do. Poke a patient!
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Old 12-02-2005, 05:34 AM   #24
Matt Molloy
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Re: What do you do if you cannot avoid...

Quote:
Ian Hurst wrote:
two toddlers tied together using their own belts makes a surprisingly acceptable set of practice nunchuks - a bit noisy at times, but you can get some good speed up with them.

After some experimentation with the above principle I can reveal that the simple addition of another belt between the toddlers, and knowledge of when to let go, will convert nunchuks into a highly effective bolas, with built in siren.

Cheers,

Matt.
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Old 12-02-2005, 08:24 AM   #25
happysod
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Re: What do you do if you cannot avoid...

And don't forget, using several different sized toddlers correctly lined up can be a very useful training tool for bokken practice - practice cuts at different heights and see your yokomen improve immensely! (liked the bolas BTW - must try this sometime)

But back to the original content of this thread...

1/ What can an aikidoka do when held off the ground (face down) by all four limbs while someone is stabbing them in the back.

2/ What can an aikidoka do when their hakama is possessed by the spirit of a drowned murderer and is bent on revenge on the living!
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