Arrrggggghhh, revisited (venting)

Well, my shodan exam finally came around again (injured my shoulder last spring and couldn't do it) last night and, amazingly, I passed. It was horrible. My koshi-nages were disgusting, and my sword-taking was worse. There wasn't a single thing - excepting maybe randori- that I did where I wasn't thinking, 'Oh, I messed that up - oh, messed it up again - oh, I've certianly done that better.' The stick work I did before class was considerably better than the stick work I did during my test.
<sigh>.
It was videotaped. Last time it took several months before I could work up the courage to watch my test (2nd kyu, it was), but when I did I felt better. Maybe tests just generally look better than they feel. Maybe it really was horrible, and the board was just being nice because they know that I do better in class.

Weapons practice this morning - didn't have any problems rolling with the hakama, but I did trip on it a couple of times getting up from seiza. It's amazing how much fabric there is down there when one sits down. Can't do side-bends or back-bends as deeply as I'm used to with all that stuff wrapped around my waist.

-Lorien

You aren't the first to feel this way, and won't be the last.

You got asked to test because of the ability you already have shown in your regular practice. If you weren't praciticing at the Shodan level you wouldn't have gotten asked to test.

It's clear you don't have a 'big head' over having passed your test. Just keep training, one day soon (maybe a month from now) you will feel like you are growing into your rank.

Regardless, though - I finally, finally get to just train for a while. No worries about any more tests for at least a couple of years. What a huge relief that is.

-L

Congratulations Lorien,

I felt the same way during my Shodan (on the same mat, with some of the same people, probably). Got hit on the bridge of the nose with the butt of a tanto, bled all over, thought I'd failed for sure right there. Afterwords, Tom told me that he'd seen tests in Shingu where nage didn't manage to throw anyone, and they still passed.

After my teacher, Daryl, took his Shodan (on the same mat, with some of the same people, probably(at least in attendance(Peggy, Allegra))), he put both legs in the same side of his hakama and when Tom called him for ukemi, he fell flat on his face at Tom's feet.

You're in good company.
Congratulations again,
Tom Wharton

Daryl's first roll is still part of the dojo mythology. I was warned about it by several people.

-L