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Old 09-27-2005, 12:07 PM   #51
Sanshouaikikai
Dojo: Kin Tora Martial Arts and Fitness Center
Location: Buffalo, New York
Join Date: May 2005
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Re: Creating a McDojo

Quote:
James Davis, Jr. wrote:
USMC? CIA? FBI? Cool! That's a lot of letters IMHO!
Just don't forget: PB4UGO2BED, or your mattress will be FUBAR.
IM1OICUR12.
Huh!? lol. I like the Nerf idea though! lol.
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Old 09-28-2005, 04:51 PM   #52
emma.mason15
Dojo: Shima Arashi Dojo
Location: Dorset (my luvvers! ohhhh arrrrr) uk
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Re: Creating a McDojo

The nerf Idea is fantastic .....
just think ... the "low fat" McDojo feast .....
(if the food doesnt kill ya ... the excerise will!)

Dance your cares away .... worry for another day ... let the music play .... down in fraggle rock!

when bored ... do as I do. Poke a patient!
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Old 09-29-2005, 09:05 AM   #53
John Boswell
 
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Dojo: Aikido of Midland
Location: Midland, Texas
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Re: Creating a McDojo

Quote:
Maya Mattison wrote:
How about a collection of Super-Pysched Aikidoka action figures for the kids? Collect all 31 and get a free bokken! Or Super Soaker Special Edition Water Bottles...perfect for the truly intense practitioner. Or aikidogotchi keychains! for only 4.99!
No, no, no... you need to market and sell the Super Duper Sokey Dokey Soaker Special Edition Water Bottles! Vitamins and Minerals are embued into the lining of the bottle to ensure that each drink of water is a burst of effervescent, nutritional goodness that picks you up and throws your uke down!

Act quickly, and the first 100 callers will receive a free "Ki-lectometer." This invention, created by Grand Master Monk Chow Chow Fat, is specially designed to measure the amount of Ki (Chi) in your body at any given time. And when you Ki is depleted, you'll know it's time for another fantastic swig from your Super Duper Sokey Dokey Soaker Special Edition!

(*Void where prohibited. All rights reserved. Calls outside the Continental U.S. will be charged $3.99 for the first minute and $0.99 cents for each additional minute. Must have an I.Q. 18 and under to qualify. Not responsible for any potential birth defects of future offspring and/or impotence*)

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Old 09-29-2005, 10:29 AM   #54
James Davis
 
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Dojo: Ft. Myers School of Aikido
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Re: Creating a McDojo

The spokesperson could be Ronald Mc-nage. His friends could be characters like Cookie Uke and the Fry Shenai Guys.

"The only difference between Congress and drunken sailors is that drunken sailors spend their own money." -Tom Feeney, representative from Florida
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Old 09-29-2005, 04:21 PM   #55
emma.mason15
Dojo: Shima Arashi Dojo
Location: Dorset (my luvvers! ohhhh arrrrr) uk
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Talking Re: Creating a McDojo

Quote:
John Boswell wrote:
(* Must have an I.Q. 18 and under to qualify. Not responsible for any potential birth defects of future offspring and/or impotence*)
I personally feel that my DOJO ... should dome with this warning ... on the door ... in bold print .....

well lets face it peeps ... we pay to be hurt .... the IQ level really isnt up there!

Dance your cares away .... worry for another day ... let the music play .... down in fraggle rock!

when bored ... do as I do. Poke a patient!
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Old 09-29-2005, 04:24 PM   #56
emma.mason15
Dojo: Shima Arashi Dojo
Location: Dorset (my luvvers! ohhhh arrrrr) uk
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Re: Creating a McDojo

Ive been thinking .... we have instructors .... and a dojo .... (although we havent decided on the awful decor! ) ... now we need some students ....

Dance your cares away .... worry for another day ... let the music play .... down in fraggle rock!

when bored ... do as I do. Poke a patient!
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Old 09-29-2005, 07:45 PM   #57
Sanshouaikikai
Dojo: Kin Tora Martial Arts and Fitness Center
Location: Buffalo, New York
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Re: Creating a McDojo

Don't worry...the 6, 7, and 8 year olds will be rolling in like barrels over a cliff! lol! When they're 12...we'll rip them (or in this case...their parents, lol) off of all their money and give them a black belt, lolol!
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Old 10-10-2005, 10:28 AM   #58
Eric Webber
Dojo: Aikido West Reading
Location: Reading, Pa
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Re: Creating a McDojo

No, you must learn to squeeze slowly and gently to extract EVERYTHING from them... make them junior instructors of a certain degree, with the potential to earn the super secret master teaching certificate if they pay enough over enough over a certain time that is never, ever to be revealed. The little minions will be the pawns that help the McDojo rule the MA world!!!! (insert Evil Super Villian laugh here)
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Old 10-10-2005, 02:09 PM   #59
Sanshouaikikai
Dojo: Kin Tora Martial Arts and Fitness Center
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Re: Creating a McDojo

The evil laugh would be, "MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!"
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Old 10-10-2005, 02:54 PM   #60
Larry John
Dojo: Aikido of Northern Virginia
Location: Arlington VA
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Re: Creating a McDojo

Continuing in the same vein as Eric:

- We would offer franchise deals to a select few (read: anyone who can come up with the $20,000 start-up fee). We could even front them that money for a fixed term (say, 5 years) at a nominal interest rate (say, 30% per month with approved credit secured by a note on their qualifying home).

- Then we could run a variation of the company store scam on them by writing a franchise contract that would not only require them to pay the monthly franchise fee, but would also commit them to holding a certain number of seminars (say, 2 a month) featuring our "internationally ranked" expert master teachers for whom they'd have to pay a nominal honorarium ($1,500 a day plus expenses). And, of course, they'd have to buy all of their equipment (mats, gis, weapons, pads, trophies, boards, inspirational photographs and posters, totems, bric-a-brac, etc.) from our select suppliers--we'd happily front them the money required for the in ital set of materials at a paltry 50% down with 10 months to pay at 30% per month figured on the outstanding balance. Oh, and because we're committed to ensuring that our mcdojos have the highest quality equipment, we'd require them to purchase a completely new (to them) set of equipment every year.

- And, because we're committed to inly the highest standards of image for our folks, they'd be officially "encouraged" to operate an in-house store supplying authorized t-shirts, energy drinks, candy, memorabilia, etc. from our suppliers. There would, of course, be an additional franchise fee for the store operation, plus monthly receipts from which the franchisee would receive a generous stipend amounting to 1 percent of net profits after taxes (we'll use the same accounting method that Hollywood uses to figure net profits on its movies), Of course, we'll have to subtract a nominal fee for accounting and administration, plus shipping and handling for all of the products we send to the franchisee--after all, we've got expenses to meet!

- Oh, there will also be strictly enforced quotas for membership growth. Let's use a sliding scale that starts at a minimum of 50% per month for the first two months, then takes off as the influence of our highly experienced marketing and promotions folks kicks in. Sure, there's a minor fee for this required service--only 25% of your gross monthly receipts--but you'll see incredible results!

And, if you act right now, we'll throw in a set of ginsu knives--a $149.00 value--for three easy payments of only $59.99! Operators are standing by now!

Larry
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Old 10-12-2005, 09:46 PM   #61
emma.mason15
Dojo: Shima Arashi Dojo
Location: Dorset (my luvvers! ohhhh arrrrr) uk
Join Date: Jun 2005
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Re: Creating a McDojo

ahhhh yes .... total dojo domination is almost ours my friends .....
mwhahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

Dance your cares away .... worry for another day ... let the music play .... down in fraggle rock!

when bored ... do as I do. Poke a patient!
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Old 10-13-2005, 08:05 AM   #62
jimbaker
Dojo: Aikido of Norfolk/ Aikido Society of Memphis
Location: Norfolk, VA
Join Date: Jun 2000
Posts: 150
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Re: Creating a McDojo

How about rank bokkens? You have to buy a new bokken every time you take one of our twenty kyu tests. The bokkens must match your belt color. For yudansha, perhaps stripes along the blade. Or notches.

"Notches? We don' need no steenkin' notches"

Jim Baker
Aikido of Norfolk
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Old 10-13-2005, 09:49 AM   #63
James Davis
 
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Dojo: Ft. Myers School of Aikido
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Re: Creating a McDojo

Quote:
Jim Baker wrote:
How about rank bokkens? You have to buy a new bokken every time you take one of our twenty kyu tests. The bokkens must match your belt color. For yudansha, perhaps stripes along the blade. Or notches.

"Notches? We don' need no steenkin' notches"
Why stop with bokken? We could sell Jo and Shenai stained in different colors too! Maybe even some colored head bands...

"The only difference between Congress and drunken sailors is that drunken sailors spend their own money." -Tom Feeney, representative from Florida
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Old 10-13-2005, 09:56 AM   #64
Eric Webber
Dojo: Aikido West Reading
Location: Reading, Pa
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Re: Creating a McDojo

And for the manditory competitions that everyone is required to attend and participate in, we have special weapons with dancing LCD displays and whistling features to match the loud music you dance, er, um, I mean "perform kata" to. And the special glittering gi top to match!
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Old 10-13-2005, 10:22 AM   #65
James Davis
 
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Re: Creating a McDojo

Quote:
Eric Webber wrote:
And for the manditory competitions that everyone is required to attend and participate in, we have special weapons with dancing LCD displays and whistling features to match the loud music you dance, er, um, I mean "perform kata" to. And the special glittering gi top to match!
And some colored wrist bands and leg warmers!

"The only difference between Congress and drunken sailors is that drunken sailors spend their own money." -Tom Feeney, representative from Florida
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Old 10-13-2005, 12:19 PM   #66
jimbaker
Dojo: Aikido of Norfolk/ Aikido Society of Memphis
Location: Norfolk, VA
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Re: Creating a McDojo

Don't forget hats; we have to have hats.
http://www.shop-japan.co.jp/english-boku/warring5.htm

Jim Baker
Aikido of Norfolk
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Old 10-13-2005, 03:09 PM   #67
James Davis
 
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Re: Creating a McDojo

Quote:
Jim Baker wrote:
Don't forget hats; we have to have hats.
http://www.shop-japan.co.jp/english-boku/warring5.htm
If performing a kata requires a whistle and glow-sticks, we've gone too far!

"The only difference between Congress and drunken sailors is that drunken sailors spend their own money." -Tom Feeney, representative from Florida
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Old 10-14-2005, 08:55 AM   #68
Eric Webber
Dojo: Aikido West Reading
Location: Reading, Pa
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 261
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Re: Creating a McDojo

We will break away gi's for easier Hulk-A-Mania like excitement! The kids love it!
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Old 10-14-2005, 09:34 AM   #69
Lan Powers
Dojo: Aikido of Midland, Midland TX
Location: Midland Tx
Join Date: Oct 2002
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Re: Creating a McDojo

Break-a-way Gi's? Us hairy types live in fear of velcro! (shudder)
Although it would help with getting better tips from the patron...err judges of the lap-da....errrrr kata competitions. Kata, yeah dat's it, Kata competitions!
Lan

Play nice, practice hard, but remember, this is a MARTIAL art!
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Old 10-14-2005, 09:52 AM   #70
James Davis
 
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Re: Creating a McDojo

How about some pyrotechnics?! Our "breaking" demonstrations could include blowing stuff up! Brilliant!

"The only difference between Congress and drunken sailors is that drunken sailors spend their own money." -Tom Feeney, representative from Florida
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Old 10-14-2005, 09:53 AM   #71
James Davis
 
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Re: Creating a McDojo

Quote:
Lan Powers wrote:
Break-a-way Gi's? Us hairy types live in fear of velcro! (shudder)
Although it would help with getting better tips from the patron...err judges of the lap-da....errrrr kata competitions. Kata, yeah dat's it, Kata competitions!
Lan
LOL. That's just messed up, man.

"The only difference between Congress and drunken sailors is that drunken sailors spend their own money." -Tom Feeney, representative from Florida
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Old 10-15-2005, 06:41 AM   #72
merlynn
 
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Dojo: lone pine ryu school of aiki kyusho jujutsu ,woking & guildford
Location: kingston upon hull
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Re: Creating a McDojo

Quote:
Lan Powers wrote:
Break-a-way Gi's? Us hairy types live in fear of velcro! (shudder)
Although it would help with getting better tips from the patron...err judges of the lap-da....errrrr kata competitions. Kata, yeah dat's it, Kata competitions!
Lan
ok Lan that is seriously sick, you aint seen some of the guys in my dojo there like really old and gross

some things are so dear and so precious you have to let them go
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Old 01-11-2006, 11:13 AM   #73
aikidodragon
Dojo: North West Arkansas Aikido
Location: Arkansas
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Re: Creating a McDojo

here are some basic requirments i think you should, I found these on the martialarts humor web site
Top Ten Signs you're in a McDojo

10. You instructor has a Grandmasters Certificate. In Crayon.

9. The Senior Assistant Instructor is a 4 year old black belt.

8. The sign in the window says the school trains in more than
10 martial arts.

7. Its a Korean art. {g}
[Ed. Note: HEY!!]

6. Your instructor tries to sell you Amway products.

5. While examining the schools tournament trophies, you find
3 for spelling bees.

4. Reading the contract for the school is considered a kata
(and a long one at that).

3. No one sweats.

2. While at a tournament, your opponent finds out who your
teacher is and high-fives his teacher.

1. When paying for your belt examinations, the instructor asks:
"Do you want fries with that?"

:kiAikido is just origami with people.
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Old 01-11-2006, 04:50 PM   #74
Orion1
Dojo: KCW Aikido
Location: Ohio
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Thumbs down Re: Creating a McDojo

Quote:
James Davis, Jr. wrote:
How about NERF darts shot from a drive-thru window for a lesson in evasion?
Heh... tried this one time with a squirt gun but my manager took it away before I got one shot out the window at the unsuspecting idiot... erm... customer.

Coming from a true McDonalds employee working drive-thru in the clowns sweat shop.
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Old 01-12-2006, 06:34 AM   #75
Mark Uttech
Dojo: Yoshin-ji Aikido of Marshall
Location: Wisconsin
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 1,218
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Re: Creating a McDojo

It should all be in the advertising: "Learn Aikido in seven minutes or your money back"
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