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Old 07-13-2005, 01:41 PM   #1
Adam Alexander
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How have you dealt with this...

Yesterday, I'm walking down the street. I come to my stop, and some guy is messing with a woman (grabbing at her and touching her). She looks at me and I nod, she nods back. The guy walks up to me like he's going to do something...

I say,"Keep your distance." He continues to get closer. I give him a whack to the shoulder as soon as he gets in range (I want to call it a spear-hand. Although it wasn't my intention to whack him like that, it was pretty much reflex). He says,"Don't touch me." I say,"Keep your distance and I won't have to touch you." He says,"Oh, you're bad, huh?" I say,"No. That's why I need my distance." We stand there staring at each other for a few minutes...both of us repeating the same line several times. Once, he reached at me like he was going to try to push me. I just deflected his hand. That's when he seemed to settle down a little.

Her ride came and it ended with me walking away.

Sooo....I guess I'm a little sad. In a sense, if I could go back, I'd like to beat the h.. out of him. However, I feel REALLY good about the way I handled it from start to finish--no animosity whatsoever.

How have you dealt with similar situations? What have you said to yourself to make the sting of pride a little softer? I don't mean out of fear either...because I wasn't afraid--I was actually very relaxed...I wouldn't of even been staring at him/through him if he wouldn't of been close and a potential threat...I just really didn't care about the guy.

What do you say to yourself when you just wanted to whack someone just because?
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Old 07-13-2005, 01:51 PM   #2
Michael Hackett
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Re: How have you dealt with this...

Jean,

The proof is in the pudding. Everyone walked away unharmed, so apparently you did all the right things in the right way. It would be a pleasure to smack some knucklehead now and again though, even though that might not be the best course of action.

Michael
"Leave the gun. Bring the cannoli."
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Old 07-13-2005, 02:27 PM   #3
mj
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Re: How have you dealt with this...

You did the job, Jean.

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Old 07-13-2005, 03:33 PM   #4
Adam Alexander
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Re: How have you dealt with this...

Thanks. I feel good about what I did...it's just the pesky pride that's rubbing on me.
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Old 07-13-2005, 04:10 PM   #5
James Davis
 
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Re: How have you dealt with this...

Hitting the guy wouldn't have taught him anything and might have gotten you sued. You did just fine.
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Old 07-13-2005, 04:32 PM   #6
Ivan Sekularac
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Re: How have you dealt with this...

You did well.
That is the Aikido way... you avoided the fight but got him to leave that woman alone.
What would be the point of you getting arrested?
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Old 07-14-2005, 03:39 AM   #7
Amir Krause
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Re: How have you dealt with this...

Jean
You did the best thing possible in such a situation. I have never had the same situation, but if I do, I hope I will function as well.

Amir
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Old 07-14-2005, 05:21 AM   #8
neb1979
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Re: How have you dealt with this...

Nice one Jean, you did really well everyone walked away, I know how you feel about the pride thing but just keep telling yourself that to be able to walk away from a confrontation is much better than walking away from hospital.

Ben

Learn to Suffer, Know your Place and Nothing lasts Forever
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Old 07-14-2005, 06:39 AM   #9
Dazzler
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Re: How have you dealt with this...

Good man!

Sure theres a little bit of devil in most of us that says do the world a favour and pound the guy...but he's still somebodys little boy...would you want to inflict suffering on them too?

If he isn't somebody little boy...then maybe he's missed out and is already suffering.

I think your behavior was pretty much text book...you resolved the situation and everyone walked.

Good job.

D
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Old 07-14-2005, 10:52 AM   #10
mj
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Re: How have you dealt with this...

Hunt down the woman and beat her up - it's all her fault anyway.

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Old 07-14-2005, 01:09 PM   #11
Adam Alexander
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Re: How have you dealt with this...

Thanks folks...I'm trying to find her
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Old 07-17-2005, 12:35 AM   #12
Randathamane
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Re: How have you dealt with this...

Quote:
How have you dealt with similar situations? What have you said to yourself to make the sting of pride a little softer? I don't mean out of fear either...because I wasn't afraid--I was actually very relaxed...I wouldn't of even been staring at him/through him if he wouldn't of been close and a potential threat...I just really didn't care about the guy.

What do you say to yourself when you just wanted to whack someone just because?

Yeah in Handsworth in my early teens as i was growing up. I hadn't started Aikido by then but had already been in more than a few scraps.

2 cocky kids were picking on this younger child, pushing him, pulling and generally being horrid. I would like to say how well me and my friends dealt with this but actually, we just pulled the thugs aside and told them to get lost (not in the politest of terms). They said no so my friend mark ( who was a boxer already) decided to hit one. hard.

I suppose it all boils down to confidence and composure. The confidence to stand up for others and the composure to keep your cool in the middle of it all.



Good against remotes are one thing- good against the living, thats somthing else....
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Old 07-17-2005, 06:54 PM   #13
Ketsan
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Re: How have you dealt with this...

I'd probably have done something as he tried to push.

When I feel the urge to hit someone, I usually conciously relax my shoulders and stretch if I can.
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Old 07-17-2005, 10:25 PM   #14
sjhill1980
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Re: How have you dealt with this...

I had a similar situation with not so good results. I worked as a bouncer in a club and was hangin with one of the hot bartenders well after a long night of drinking it was about 4am one of the patrons in the club ordered a drink she got him his drink gave him his change and walked away. He then went underneath the bar spun her around and smacked pretty hard in the face (he said she didnt give him enough change) I jumped up and went after him didnt get my hands on him and it was broke up pretty fast. About ten minutes later the pricks friend called me over to him and asked for me to tell his boy sorry I turned my head to call the bouncer working at the time when I did that BOOM he hit me with brass knuckles broke my jaw in 4 places everything ended up outside the owner of the club puts the guy in a cab (I did work for him for 5 years) his friends stuck around for some more fun. One guy came running up to me and I leveled him with a right cross the next guy seen that and hit my friend who was by my side I then hit him with a roundhouse to the face the cops showed up and I went to the hospital. I dont know how this could have been handled differently but nothing came of me and the bartender and I was on the shelf for 2 monthes. The messed up part is if I had to do it again I WOULD!
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Old 07-19-2005, 09:12 AM   #15
EricH
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Re: How have you dealt with this...

Chuck Norris tells a story in his book Against All Odds. He was filming his television show in a town in Texas. He stopped into a bar for a beer after work. He order his beer and sat down in a booth. A local tough guy came up to him and informed Norris that he was sitting in the locals personal booth. Norris got up and moved to another booth. A whle later as other people from the film crew and some locals arrived someone apparently identified Norris to the tough guy. He again approached the table and Norris said that he got ready for trouble. The guy simply asked if he was Chuck Norris. Norris responded that he was. The guy said " You could have mopped the floor with me before. Why didn't you." Norris responded, "What would it prove?"

I think that is the issue to keep in mind. Beating someone else to a pulp proves nothing. You took the high road and ended the confrontation with no one getting hurt. That is the highest level of self-defence.
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Old 07-19-2005, 12:10 PM   #16
Adam Alexander
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Re: How have you dealt with this...

Thank you, Eric. I think Norris' example puts it in a different light for me.

One of the things that struck me about my situation is that I didn't feel any "obligation" to do anything to the guy...actually, the last couple situations where I've been threatened...I just didn't feel like I needed to do anything. It's like the more confident I become, the less I feel compelled to escalate those situations.

I guess I've been looking for a story of someone who knew he was badder but chose not to exercise it.

Good stuff.
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Old 07-19-2005, 12:32 PM   #17
TomikiRoninNYC
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Re: How have you dealt with this...

Jean -

Before I studied Aikido, I studied Tae Kwon-Do... I had a situation where a guy cut me off while going around a turn. Then when I flipped him off (oops - bad reaction) he followed me and my at-the-time girlfriend into the parking lot we pulled into. He LEAPED out of his car and I got out and simply said... don't do it. He continued to scream at me and I again told him don't do it. I think his friend got the idea and pulled him away. In hindsight, stupid move on his part, then my part, then his part... I thought it should end there.

Aikido has reinforced that type of reaction for me. I think you know what you were capable of. The problem with situations like that is you never know what they are capable of! Anyway, nice one not losing your cool.

- Tony -
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Old 07-19-2005, 12:42 PM   #18
Adam Alexander
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Re: How have you dealt with this...

Quote:
Anthony Iannotta wrote:
The problem with situations like that is you never know what they are capable of!
I don't think that's an issue.
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Old 07-19-2005, 01:00 PM   #19
TomikiRoninNYC
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Re: How have you dealt with this...

Really?.. Just curious why you say that.
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Old 07-19-2005, 01:31 PM   #20
ElizabethCastor
 
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Thumbs down Re: How have you dealt with this...

Quote:
Jean de Rochefort wrote:
What do you say to yourself when you just wanted to whack someone just because?
When I get really angry and I want to "whack" someone (usually for me it's verbally) I just try to remind myself that I don't want to give the other person that kind of control over me. An angry outburst, be it physical or verbal, just proves in this guy's already twisited mind that he was right to get in your face .

Plus, I want to point out that the woman in this scenario got a great chance to see how to define HER boundries if that kind of situation ever comes up again and there's no good samaritan around. If she had seen you do a fighting-type move it might have done a few things... One, you might come out looking scary too . Two, she might get confused by what looks (to her) like complicated fighting moves . Instead she she got to see the super-simple "Stop! Get away from me! This is MY space!" technique that would do her the most good in the future.

Good job
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Old 07-19-2005, 02:38 PM   #21
Adam Alexander
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Re: How have you dealt with this...

Quote:
Anthony Iannotta wrote:
Really?.. Just curious why you say that.
That's the perspective of someone who's afraid. That wasn't the case. When you train hard and develop focus, what the other person is capable of and the potential for personal injury are no longer a concern.
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Old 07-19-2005, 03:18 PM   #22
TomikiRoninNYC
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Re: How have you dealt with this...

Quote:
Jean de Rochefort wrote:
That's the perspective of someone who's afraid. That wasn't the case. When you train hard and develop focus, what the other person is capable of and the potential for personal injury are no longer a concern.
Wow. OK. Thanks for the honest answer...
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Old 07-19-2005, 03:41 PM   #23
Ron Tisdale
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Re: How have you dealt with this...

Quote:
That's the perspective of someone who's afraid. That wasn't the case. When you train hard and develop focus, what the other person is capable of and the potential for personal injury are no longer a concern.
Hmm, well, I liked your initial post, and I think you behaved appropriately and well (you really don't need my approval, your actions spoke well enough), but I'm not sure I agree with this statement. Maybe its just my own weakness. The only times I haven't assessed the other person's capabilities or the potential for personal injury have been when I lost my temper. Then its was bar the door katie, cause we're gonna rumble.

But in situations where I really felt under threat, and had to protect others as well, I very much calculated odds, assessed capabilities, considered strategy all very quickly and with no temper involved. It didn't weaken my resolve (I was NOT in a position to just leave), but I wasn't afraid either. And I really didn't expect to win (just hoping not to lose, and willing to do whatever to make it happen). Just my experience.

Best,
Ron

Ron Tisdale
-----------------------
"The higher a monkey climbs, the more you see of his behind."
St. Bonaventure (ca. 1221-1274)
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Old 07-20-2005, 12:46 PM   #24
Adam Alexander
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Re: How have you dealt with this...

Ron, What you're saying is definitely sensible...and I totally agree--you should assess the situation. My issue with what was originally said was the context and phrasing. I think what the previous poster was saying and what you're saying are two very different things.
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Old 07-20-2005, 01:25 PM   #25
TomikiRoninNYC
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Re: How have you dealt with this...

Not really. I never said anything about being afraid... you did.
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