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Old 06-19-2005, 02:48 PM   #1
the slayer
Dojo: kaa headquarters
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Unhappy what would you have done?

hi,went to aikido thursday night 16/06/05,nice and happy all the way through,gets into changing room only me and one other women in changing rooms.
the women said to me one of my pupils lost 71bs at slimming world 71bs i said yes thats good she then turned round and said YOU should try it i was shocked but reminded her that i have got an underactive thyroid,she then said i know about the medical problems it doesn't mean anything my ex husband used to be a doctor and said "everyone brings it on themselves and I don't think YOU should be that big anyway medical or not" Then i said to he i don't eat that much she said" yeah yeah "
i was really shocked she said i seen your plate at the easter course piled this high and showed her hands so i turned round and said that was a treat. (but this year she couldn't see my plate and are table was moaning that the table next to us got more new potatoes (small) are table got 3 new potatoes the table next to us got at least 7) but i forgot about that so didn't say nothing then she turns round when i said again i don't eat
she pointed to her mouth and said it what goes in here three times to me i walked out the changing rooms counting down from 30 and stayed away from her until she went.
but as soon as she went i did start crying as she really upset me everyone said to ignore her and whats she know.what do i do on thursday if i have to partner her or shall i just try and keep away sensei does know as i went on sat and he heard i was upset on thursday quite a lot of the students knew i was upset on thurs and asked me what happened. What do i do any answers.
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Old 06-19-2005, 03:41 PM   #2
Adam Alexander
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Re: what would you have done?

I like to think I'd say, early in the conversation,"That's very kind that you're concerned about my condition. However, since I didn't request your opinion, I'd prefer you didn't talk to me like that."

However, in reality, I'd line up with her and demonstrate how brutally fast I can deliver an irimi-nage.

Regardless of how it made me feel though, I'd consider her advice.
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Old 06-19-2005, 03:54 PM   #3
the slayer
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Re: what would you have done?

thanks for that but if you see in my other posts i have a number of disabilities which does make it hard to lose weight,i have got diabetes( since 1990) lupus,kidney problems(holds water) the underactive thyroid (not enough thyroxin doctors still haven't hired it up yet does take a while to get the right dose ) and a hernia which sometimes if it kicks of i can't eat that much anyway.i do eat healthy this is what i mainly eat
breakfeast either 2 pieces of granary or country grain bread toasted or special k or fitnesse cereal not 2 pieces of toast and the cereal just one or the other

dinnertime 12midday a sandwich (healthy eating) and a water

tea time about 5-6 pm either rice or pasta with chicken or reducded fat meat the rice is basmati and water again small portion
at the end of the month for tea a couple of slices of pizza (treat)
the only time i eat supper is thursday night after aikido to keep energy up and i asked my dietician if the won ton noodle soup was ok she said yes its very lo fat and thats usually what i eat
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Old 06-19-2005, 04:03 PM   #4
Adam Alexander
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Re: what would you have done?

I'm not trying to tell you how to take care of yourself. I'm just telling you my perspective.

Best of luck.
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Old 06-19-2005, 04:24 PM   #5
Lorien Lowe
Dojo: Northcoast Aikido
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Re: what would you have done?

Being female, I think I can safely say: What a f***ing bitch.
It's none of her business, Vikki. If she were concerned for you, she would have mentioned the weight loss program and left it to you whether or not to try it; instead, she harassed you and belittled you to make you feel bad and bolster her own self esteem.

Yes, thinner people do tend to be healthier - but I'm sure you already know that and, guessing from your presence on this site, aren't an overweight-from-laying-in-front-of-the-tv type. If you really want to lose weight, consult your doctor and/or a dietician. Good luck. I'm sorry you had to go through that.

-LK
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Old 06-19-2005, 05:08 PM   #6
giriasis
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Re: what would you have done?

~~sympathetic rant on~~
First of all, she was incredibly rude and has no right to point things out like that. I don't care what her friend did. Has she ever had the challenge of having to deal with her weight? It doesn't sound like it. I have, and I know the hurt and pain of the "well-meaning" others can be. Tell her to stick it.
~~sympathetic rant off~~

Unfortunately those who do not understand the struggle will always say something down right rude with the intention of "helping you out." I'm sure if you asked her about it she would profess that she wasn't being rude at all.

It sounds like you are doing a lot of things right. Keep it up and keep moving forward. Don't let the sabotage of others get in your way of improving your life.

(((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Anne Marie Giri
Women in Aikido: a place where us gals can come together and chat about aikido.
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Old 06-19-2005, 05:31 PM   #7
AikiSean!
 
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Re: what would you have done?

You don't have to explain yourself to anybody. You did'nt have to give her a break down of what your plate consists of. There are ways to say things to people, and some people just don't know how to do it in a respectful manner. I battled weight a lot when I was younger. Kids can be very mean, so I understand on a level atleast where you are coming from. The thing is, people telling you that you are over weight is not generally a motivator to lose weight. Often, it makes it worse. Its something that you have to decide within yourself to do. Whether its medical or just bad eating habits. Regaurdless, it was very distasteful of her to try to get you to lose weight in that manner. If she were truly concerned for you, then she would have found a much more pleasant way of doing it. As far as thinner people being healthier, its very sad the images women are subjected to as "skinny" when in fact, a lot of times they are underweight for their height! Skinny and fat are relative things.

Last edited by AikiSean! : 06-19-2005 at 05:33 PM.
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Old 06-19-2005, 05:57 PM   #8
Pauliina Lievonen
 
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Re: what would you have done?

Think about the people who really know your health and whose opinion you respect, like your doctor and dietician and sensei for example. Are they saying anything like this to you? No they aren't, I'm sure. Don't listen to people who don't know what they're talking about.

hugs!
Pauliina
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Old 06-19-2005, 07:16 PM   #9
Janet Rosen
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Re: what would you have done?

"This is not open for discussion"
period
That you feel "obliged" to recount to *us* what you eat speaks volumes about the way your self-esteem has been battered over time. Keep your head high, budobabe, do the best you can each day, and don't let assholes define you.

Janet Rosen
http://www.zanshinart.com
"peace will enter when hate is gone"--percy mayfield
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Old 06-19-2005, 07:25 PM   #10
Ketsan
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Re: what would you have done?

I'd have said something like: "I must be really important to you for you take such interest in my body, you must lead a fascinating and fulfilling life."
Or
"He's run off with your mum/granny again hasn't he?"
Or just asked her what was wrong, since normal, happy, well adjusted people are usually more polite than that.
Or any combination of the above.

The world is full of such secure, fulfilled and open minded people.
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Old 06-19-2005, 08:31 PM   #11
JamesDavid
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Re: what would you have done?

What a B*&%, …if you want to loose weight, do it your way, with consultation will people who love and support you….don't listen to bimbos who care more for their own image and sense of self esteem than they do for you…chin up!! Most people don't see you that way, I am sure, I bet for example, that your friends look up to you and your ability to make your life better by doing things like taking aikido in the first place!!.. having said that this girl may really believe what she says, if so she is just stupid. With stupid people the best we can do sometimes, is to just smile and nod..

My advice is don't play her game, don't stoop to her level. She has demonstrated herself as an abject personality….don't avoid her or let her upset you. Try to see who she is and train with her, but hold to yourself around that one…don't let her ruin the dojo for you, think of all the wonderful people there. know that you belong around kind people, therefore its no surprise that the unkind make you feel that way!!
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Old 06-19-2005, 08:42 PM   #12
Lan Powers
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Re: what would you have done?

>......I think I can safely say: What a f***ing bitch<
I gotta go with this quote....shrug


Lan

Play nice, practice hard, but remember, this is a MARTIAL art!
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Old 06-20-2005, 12:27 AM   #13
ad_adrian
 
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Re: what would you have done?

now i totaly agree deep down inside i feel wat a loser.....she deserves no respect

but you did the right thing and did nothing.
forget about how ppl r saying to give her shit back thats not the way... you proved u were the stronger person and ignored her and walked away well done.....
if your religious...god will get her back...if ur not...instant karma will :P either way you proved your better then her, you can not even bother replying if she does it again
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Old 06-20-2005, 01:40 AM   #14
Sonja2012
 
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Re: what would you have done?

It sounds to me like this sad woman was not at all interested in what is best for you. Rather, it sounds like there is possibly one of the following reasons behind it:

i) You are either higher graded than her and/or more talented and she is jealous of you and wants to make up for it by making you feel bad.

ii) Is she involved with some kind of weight program where people have to pay for food supplements, advice, etc? She could be in it for the money.

iii) She has a very sad life and only feels better if she can make others feel as bad as she does.

In any way, this has got nothing to do with you, so don´t even think about it! Forget it asap!
If it was your well-being that she is interested in (as she stated) then she would have offered advice regarding your health problems, maybe even from that ex-husband of hers (who probably is her EX-husband for a reason.... ).

Any serious health advisor/dietician knows about all the different illnesses/problems that can cause someone to be overweight, and - I repeat - any serious health advisor/dietician would first of all enquire if the patient/person was suffering from any of these, as they can not only make losing weight difficult, but in some cases even dangerous. She is clearly NOT one the "serious" and educated advisors.

Try and forget about her as soon as you can, you only give her and her energy power over you by carrying her sh** around with you.
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Old 06-20-2005, 02:35 AM   #15
Michael Meister
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Re: what would you have done?

What would I have done in that situation? I probably would have said something on the line "I've got a perfect sixpack. Just had it well padded, so it doesn't get damaged". If wouldn't get the message, I'd either find something to critize on her (when I'm in a nasty mood... there's nothing worse than a dose of one's own medcin), or I'd just ignored her. As my ex said, there's nothing that cannot be ignored...
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Old 06-20-2005, 04:49 AM   #16
the slayer
Dojo: kaa headquarters
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Re: what would you have done?

thanks everyone for all the replies hugs and kisses to all of you What did make me laugh is that she judged me on what she seen me eat on one night. i forgot to say i walk my dog around the park at least 3x a day or may be 1 very long walk around the park and i go the gym,as well as aikido.the aikido twice a week
the gym and walking the dog.
What else are you meant to do? to everyone who replied thanks again hugs and kisses vikki
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Old 06-20-2005, 06:42 AM   #17
Nick Simpson
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Re: what would you have done?

Kick the f*ck out of her. And be yourself

They're all screaming about the rock n roll, but I would say that it's getting old. - REFUSED.
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Old 06-20-2005, 09:30 AM   #18
Qatana
 
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Re: what would you have done?

You don't want to know what *I* would have done!

But thats WHY I train in aikido. So that someday I will be able to just get off the line and let the insult just slide on by....

Don't ever let anyone tell you that you should be the way they think you should be. Be the way you Are.

Q
http://www.aikidopetaluma.com/
www.knot-working.com

"It is not wise to be incautious when confronting a little smiling bald man"'- Rule #1
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Old 06-20-2005, 12:51 PM   #19
James Davis
 
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Re: what would you have done?

Maybe she was feeling insecure herself. Just step aside and let the words go by just like any other attack. If you talk back, she feels justified in keeping the conversation going. I don't know what kind of lifestyle you lead, but I'll go out on a limb and assume that you have better things to do with your time than deal with a moron.
As long as she's just running her mouth, let everyone else figur out on their own what kind of person she is. If she gets physical, you know what to do.

Take care.
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Old 06-20-2005, 12:51 PM   #20
Jim ashby
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Re: what would you have done?

Just remind her that the greatest proponent of jogging ( Jim Fixx?)died thin, fit and apparently heathy..................and younger than Winston Churchill.

Vir Obesus Stola Saeptus
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Old 06-20-2005, 01:30 PM   #21
NEL030
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Re: what would you have done?

I believe you should still practice with the lady and not be her enemy. Sometimes there are people who are that kind of way. Maybe she didn't mean to offend you in any way, maybe she just tried to give you words of advice. That posting reminded me of my mother, my mother is very outspoken and many times offend people without knowing it. A good example was when she visited her cousin who she hadn't seen for a long time; the first thing that came out of my mothers mouth was wow you look fat. Even though her cousin was probably offended by it my mom didn't realize that what she said was offensive until some one told her. No matter how hard she tries not to offend someone, she still ends up doing it. I think that's what happened in that situation. And if the lady was being offensive then disregard what she said and keep on being the same person with her. One of O Sensei purpose of creating Aikido was to reconcile human beings; that situation is part of your Aikido practice, learn from it.
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Old 06-20-2005, 04:47 PM   #22
James Davis
 
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Re: what would you have done?

Quote:
James Ashby wrote:
Just remind her that the greatest proponent of jogging ( Jim Fixx?)died thin, fit and apparently heathy..................and younger than Winston Churchill.
Yeah, and didn't he die WHILE jogging?
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Old 06-20-2005, 05:28 PM   #23
ElizabethCastor
 
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Re: what would you have done?

Vikki!

That chick shouldn't have said any of those things. I am tempted to wonder why she is sooo interested in what she's seen you eat. She's not your dietician and should have kept her mouth shut!

As for your next practice together I personally would politely say something in an "alone"/private moment off the mat. I would ask a friend to be in the dressing room or the hall (where ever you'll be talking) but not in the conversation. I would just let this critic know that her comments were not helpful but instead REALLY hurtful and broke your trust. Ask her to please keep her advice to herself for a while. Then walk out.

I'd love to be there physically for your support, I'll just have to settle for cyber-support.

You are fabulous and no one can change that

Elizabeth
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