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Old 09-16-2004, 04:33 PM   #1
Aikidoiain
Join Date: Sep 2004
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Question Is "Aikidoiain" welcome here or not?

I feel there's been a certain amount of prejudice against me since my very first post - why?

Is it because I have no formal training in Aikido? Is it because I have mental health problems?

I'm fed up saying sorry all the time and constantly having to defend almost every opinion I voice. If you wish me to leave, I shall. I've seen prejudice before because of mental health issues, but an Aikido forum was the last place I expected it! I thought I'd be among like-minded people, who would accept me for who I am, and allow me to have opinions that may differ from the norm.

Quite frankly, I can do without this kind of stress right now. What must I do to be treated like everyone else? Keep my opinions to myself?.....sounds like it. Boy you really know how to make me even more unhappy.

This doesn't apply to all though. Many members have treated me with a modicum of respect - for that I feel humble. I was "advised" to "lie low for a while" - Why? I'm sorry, but I really don't see why I'm having to qualify every opinion I make. Others can poke fun at each other and no one says a word, but when Aikidoiain steps up to the mike.....the room goes silent.

I'll go if that's what you'd prefer. I didn't realize this was an elitist forum with qualifying conditions. Why wasn't my membership not cancelled after my first post? I'm obviously the joker in the pack. Well, actually I'm a human-being just like everyone else here - no better no worse.

I'm housebound. This is my only human contact. I still don't know if I'll go back to that Aikido club, even although they seem decent enough - and yes, I did inform them of my health issues, and they said that wouldn't be a problem.


Iain.
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Old 09-16-2004, 04:46 PM   #2
suren
Dojo: Aikido of Silicon Valley
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Re: Is "Aikidoiain" welcome here or not?

Hi Iain,

I think everybody is welcomed in this forum and I really appresiate this.
Everybody here has his own right of agree with something or disagree and have different views. You can accept any advice or reject it. I don't think anybody here has personal feelings against you. More than that, I think your experience will be very helpful to lots of people as well us other's experience may be helpful to you.
I think your "reaction" to some things is a little bit stronger that the "action", but that's my opinion and you ca disagree with it. I remember reading in one of your posts that your goal to become more relaxed and calm (I don't remeber the actual words, but I think that was the meaning). Maybe this forum is a good place to practice like dojo... People here are usually friendly and as in any dojo sometimes you can see unfriendly people too...
Overall I hate when people leave this forum because they feel offended and I'm sorry if I take part in that.

Sorry, I have to run to pick up my child. If you feel like talking, feel free to send me a message and take care.
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Old 09-16-2004, 04:52 PM   #3
kironin
 
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Re: Is "Aikidoiain" welcome here or not?

Quote:
Iain Smith wrote:
I'm housebound. This is my only human contact. I still don't know if I'll go back to that Aikido club, even although they seem decent enough - and yes, I did inform them of my health issues, and they said that wouldn't be a problem.
Iain

Iain,

what can we do to help you get out of the house and down the street ?

I am asking with all sincerity.

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Old 09-16-2004, 04:53 PM   #4
shihonage
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Re: Is "Aikidoiain" welcome here or not?

Hello Iain,

There are certain written and unwritten rules of behavior on the Internet forums, which often do not become apparent to people who are new to such forums.
When I was new to the Internet I was posting things in similar tone as you have, and it seemed to me that everyone antagonized me.

The appropriate thing to do in these cases is to "lurk" for a bit, i.e. observe the rules of how other people interact without interfering, until you understand some of the less obvious nuances.

Also, there's another factor - I've noticed that when I have the misfortune of being locked up at home for days (due to sickness, or intense working from home or whatnot), I start to go a little crazy.
My emotional balance goes out the window, and I get an overamplified sense of self-importance, as if to compensate for lack of other people around me.
In fact this happens even if I just spend one day with no human interaction and no fresh air.

I cannot fathom what can happen to someone who is restricted to being inside for weeks or more.
I know it is difficult to diagnose oneself, and I may also be arrogantly assuming a great deal about you here, but that's just what comes to my mind when I see you post.

Please understand that it is not my desire to offend you or push any buttons you may or may not have - I don't know you at all - but based on the limited observations, I am simply trying to provide a an equally limited point of view.

I think it would be very interesting to train with you one day and I value people who had real-life experiences with self-defense, because their teachings are often grounded in reality.
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Old 09-16-2004, 05:21 PM   #5
Aikidoiain
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Re: Is "Aikidoiain" welcome here or not?

I can't answer that question Craig. Medication, therapy, counseling, etc has all failed to cure it. It gets worse - the Agoraphobia is Chronic; meaning it cannot be cured. My Doctors' prognosis for the future was " extremely poor". Then there's the Sociophobia (an extreme fear of being near/around people); also a phobia, therefore incurable. I won't list them all, but there's another 5 anxiety related conditions - one of which is suicidal impulses.

I suppose there's not much you or anyone else can do. I am the only person that can make the intolerable more comfortable. This is an Aikido forum NOT a group therapy site. I just want my posts to be taken seriously. I'm not an idiot. I have a high IQ. I've studied Psychology, Sociology, Psychoanalysis and Psychotherapy at various Universities, but as always, illness forced me to drop out. Had I been able to continue, I would have a Psychology Degree today. Had I been able to continue Hapkido, I would almost certainly gained a 1st Dan grade. So many opportunities ruined.

I desperately NEED to get into Aikido. The club is a mere 2min walk from my front door. I've seen them train. I like the atmosphere. The people are friendly too. Strangely, there were no coloured belts. Apparently, everyone wears a white belt until they reach 1st Dan.

Thanks for caring Craig. I know I'm partly to blame for some of the replies I get to my posts - but I do have strong opinions (just like everyone else) - the only difference being that perhaps mine are a little more radical, but that's who I am. If I feel passionately about something, I can't hold back.

I'll be interested to see what kind of replies I receive from this post.

Thanks to both Craig and Suren. It's a start! VOTE NOW!

Iain.
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Old 09-16-2004, 05:49 PM   #6
akiy
 
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Re: Is "Aikidoiain" welcome here or not?

First off, I have moved this thread to the Open Disucssions forum.

My feeling is that your question, Iain, is a moot point. As long as you (and everyone else) follows the basic rules of the AikiWeb Forum, you (as well as anyone else) will be welcome here.

Please understand, though, that these are discussion forums. No matter what you write here, there's a possibility that someone will respond with a contrary view. That's the nature of discussion forums.

In any case, I think the less you make a big deal about the personal issues that you are feeling here, the less an issue they will be.

Hope that helps,

-- Jun

Please help support AikiWeb -- become an AikiWeb Contributing Member!
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Old 09-16-2004, 05:49 PM   #7
suren
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Re: Is "Aikidoiain" welcome here or not?

Ok, I'm back...
I think that could be a good thread for a discussion - how to react to an attack in a forum....
Everybody likes when people are nice and respectful to them. And the first rule in most of forums is - be respectful to others in the forum no matter whether you agree or disagree. Sometimes people violate this restriction and become personal. Should we react to that attack by counterattacking and raising a holy war against the attacker? Not a very constructive way.
Should we feel offended, retreat and run away from the forum? Will that make us happy? No. It will cut us from the opportunity to teach and learn!
Aikido teaches neither of this. It teaches to blend with the attack, take the balance of your partner and let the attack to fade.
How to apply this kind of technique in this forum, I'm not sure, but we should search the way and learn as much as we can. I would not leave my dojo is somebody offends me there.
I personally do not try to conflict because fighting on the forum is easy and does not take much energy or skills. To me that's irresponsible. Being bitten is also a bad idea. Therefore I'm trying to shut down the conversation if it goes too far.
Quote:
I was "advised" to "lie low for a while" - Why?
I do not ask you to lie low. Just as in a real world when you are attacked try to be as calm as possible. This will make your responce much more balanced and rational.

I'm not trying to teach here how to behave, but I want people to try to be balanced in their posts and do not be easily offended because of other people are not nice to them.
I know it's pointless to ask all the people to be nice. That's impossible. But it's possible to deal with an attack without hurting yourself and the attacker.
The worst example of how people are offended and leave a forum is the case with Furuya Sensei. I really hate to remember that, but it's just coming to me each time. I don't know what drived him out (since the thread "Clapping ..." is removed as I understand), but my personal opinion that by leaving this forum Furuya Sensei cut us from a treasure of his experience. Who is affected by this? Not his attackers for sure...
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Old 09-16-2004, 05:53 PM   #8
suren
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Re: Is "Aikidoiain" welcome here or not?

Iain, do not give up! Join Aikido dojo near your home. Aikido is a miracle which makes miracles happen!
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Old 09-16-2004, 05:57 PM   #9
George S. Ledyard
 
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Re: Is "Aikidoiain" welcome here or not?

Hi Ian,
I wasn't aware that there was an issue here but I would say that anyone who is sincerely interested in exchanging and not acting like a troll is welcome here. It is always a good idea to stop and think about a post you want to make. For someone who doesn't train or hasn't trained very much it is difficult to participate on a forum along with people who have been doing the activity in question their whole lives, ofetn as long or longer than you've been alive. Experienced folks can get a bit testy when they see the same unifomed view point oever and over or the 1000th question that should have been searched before being asked. Most new people have no idea how similiar their concerns are to every other newbie out there. If you just avoid the post that starts with "I don't know much about this but..." you'll probably do just fine.

As for the mental health issues, don't give up. Try every alternative available. Homeopathy can do wonders if you have a skilled practitioner. The Russian Systema guys have some fascinating health practices that can totally change the way your system is working. There is all sorts of stuff out there. Try researchin the web for alternatives to the standard mental health treatments (although be careful of charlatans as well).

George S. Ledyard
Aikido Eastside
Bellevue, WA
Aikido Eastside
AikidoDvds.Com
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Old 09-16-2004, 06:01 PM   #10
deepsoup
Dojo: Sheffield Shodokan Dojo
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Re: Is "Aikidoiain" welcome here or not?

Oh, you must mean me I guess.

Yes, as far as I'm concerned of course you're welcome.

I'm pretty intolerant of this sort of whiny passive-aggressive crap though, sorry, that must make me seem pretty cold. I genuinely do wish you all the best in your efforts to train with the aikido club around the corner though. I hope you'll keep posting about your experiences training there, I'm sure a lot of people here will be interested to follow your progress.

Its normal for aikido clubs (especially Aikikai flavour ones) to not use coloured belts, by the way. Those of us who do (like the club where I train) are actually quite a smallish minority.

Sean
x
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Old 09-16-2004, 06:36 PM   #11
Bronson
 
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Re: Is "Aikidoiain" welcome here or not?

Quote:
Iain Smith wrote:
Boy you really know how to make me even more unhappy.
I'm sure this'll sound mean but it's really not meant that way. It's not anybody else's responsibility to make you happy. It's your responsibility to be happy.

Quote:
Iain Smith wrote:
Many members have treated me with a modicum of respect - for that I feel humble.
Ahhh, focus on them. Ignore the others.

Best,

Bronson

p.s. Tell yourself "at least I'm not on fire"....seems to work for me

"A pacifist is not really a pacifist if he is unable to make a choice between violence and non-violence. A true pacifist is able to kill or maim in the blink of an eye, but at the moment of impending destruction of the enemy he chooses non-violence."
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Old 09-16-2004, 11:15 PM   #12
Aikidoiain
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Re: Is "Aikidoiain" welcome here or not?

Thanks all - so far.

You're right, I have indeed opened myself up to attack. Therefore I guess I get what I deserve.

Anyway, I've got bigger and way more serious life worries to deal with, so this is all a bit like being at Primary school and having to stand up to the bullies.

And George S. Ledyard, I do understand that there are many here with more experience then I could ever imagine but still, I think 25 years of "reality testing training" counts for something. Or does it?

Thanks for all who "voted". Still not sure if I'm in or out though!?

Back to the real world.......


Iain.

Last edited by Aikidoiain : 09-16-2004 at 11:18 PM.
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Old 09-17-2004, 02:30 AM   #13
kironin
 
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Re: Is "Aikidoiain" welcome here or not?

Quote:
Iain Smith wrote:
I can't answer that question Craig. Medication, therapy, counseling, etc has all failed to cure it. It gets worse - the Agoraphobia is Chronic; meaning it cannot be cured. My Doctors' prognosis for the future was " extremely poor". Then there's the Sociophobia (an extreme fear of being near/around people); also a phobia, therefore incurable. I won't list them all, but there's another 5 anxiety related conditions - one of which is suicidal impulses.
It sounds like you probably have checked out anything I could come up with off the cuff. It is certainly not my area of expertise, but I do recall a talk in the last couple of years by a visiting researcher who was having some interesting success in the clinical treatment of severe chronic phobias. I don't promise anything but I will try to find out his name and see if it's at all worth your time to look into.

(I am in the department of Neuroscience at Baylor College of Medicine)



as to being welcome, of course you are.

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Old 09-17-2004, 02:51 AM   #14
Aikidoiain
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Re: Is "Aikidoiain" welcome here or not?

Thanks again Craig. That's interesting you working in Neuroscience, because I also suffer Chronic Migraine attacks that can last up to 5 days. There are some drugs (which I shan't mention) that I've been prescribed that do help initially - but none that stop an attack in its tracks. These are triggered by stress - surprise, surprise!

While on this subject - do you know anything about "REM sleep disorders"? With this condition, I physically act out my dreams, often hurting myself. As you can imagine this can be very frightening and potentially life threatening. I live on the top floor and could easily through myself through a window while dreaming! My dreams are often about fighting, and being attacked. Many times I've awoken in terrible pain after kicking the wall full force!

Thanks for your "Yes" vote.
Iain.
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Old 09-17-2004, 07:25 AM   #15
Aikidoiain
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Re: Is "Aikidoiain" welcome here or not?

To Alexsey,

I've been housebound since January. Instead of feeling "self-important" - being alone has actually made me feel worthless and like a non-person. I hate myself, therefore, (in Psychological terms) I set up scenarios where that self-loathing is most likely to be verified. Thus justifying my negative belief system. It's weird and complex stuff.

It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. I feel I deserve to feel like this,so I act accordingly. You may not get my point, but it's a Psychology form of self-destruction due to feelings of low self worth.

Thanks,
Iain. -
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Old 09-17-2004, 08:21 AM   #16
Jill N
Dojo: K-W Ki Aikido (Kitchener, Ont)
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Re: Is "Aikidoiain" welcome here or not?

Ian:

If there is anyone at the dojo that you have made a connection with, I wonder if they would be willing to go with you to class? Perhaps having a support right there and another person to help you get out the door may get you back into the habit of practicing. You can obviously do it for some amount of time if you have managed to begin your education in post secondary education. Have you tried some of the short term therapies such as NLP or TIRA?

e ya later
Jill
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Old 09-17-2004, 09:31 AM   #17
Aikidoiain
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Re: Is "Aikidoiain" welcome here or not?

Hi Jill,

I've heard of NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming - I think) but it is not available on the NHS, and I can't afford to go private. As for TIRA, I haven't heard of that one. But basically Jill, any form of "talking" therapy has proved useless. Even Hypnotherapy did not help, nor did Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (which made my negative thinking even worse!).

I studied Psychoanalysis at University and wrote a 10,000 word self-analysis - which didn't bring forth any answers. When I had money, I tried Acupuncture, but it had no affect at all. I also tried TM, which I just couldn't get into. Various forms of Meditation have been tried, as well as Group Therapy of all sorts.

The point I'm trying to make Jill, is that my problems are now Chronic - which means they have deteriorated beyond the point of recovery. The best I can hope for is they don't get worse. My Doctor has confirmed this fact by giving me an "extremely poor" prognosis.

I also studied Person Centred Therapy (another talking therapy). In fact over the years I've lost count of all the various forms of help I've had. Ironically, I possess the skills to help others but cannot help myself!

Thanks for your suggestions, but therapy is a dead end now. I take loads of medication, just to keep me out of hospital basically. All it does is......well I'm not quite sure to be honest! Damage limitation is the only way now.


Many thanks for your advice,
Iain. -
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Old 09-17-2004, 09:33 AM   #18
ruthmc
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Re: Is "Aikidoiain" welcome here or not?

Quote:
Iain Smith wrote:
Medication, therapy, counseling, etc has all failed to cure it. It gets worse - the Agoraphobia is Chronic; meaning it cannot be cured. My Doctors' prognosis for the future was " extremely poor"
Hi Iain,

Just because the textbooks and the doctors tell you that you cannot be cured does not make it inevitably so. I understand that you feel miserable and sometimes suicidal. The important thing is to never give up hope that you can break through this one day.

The people of the Aikiweb dicussion forum haven't given up on you, and neither should you give up on yourself!

Ruth
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Old 09-17-2004, 10:02 AM   #19
Qatana
 
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Re: Is "Aikidoiain" welcome here or not?

Iain, as i have said, i share some of your disabilities, plus a whole string of my own. I tried going the traditional medicine path, got handed all kinds of medications , all of which made me agitated & violent. Does not help an uncontrollable temper!
How long did you practice any of the alternative modalities you've mentioned? Cause if this has only been going on since January i think you may have quit these practices too soon. Sometimes these things work instantly, some, like aikido, take some time to sink in, and then you suddenly notice you've been getting invited to parties every weekend.
But you Have to Stick With It!!
One thing that was invaluable was Neuro-Emotional Technique, which developed from chiropractic, accupunctire and homeopathy. I was literally terrified of even going to the grocery store, after my second NET treatment I went directly to a crowded, busy food store(Trader Joes, i don't know if you have them in Scotland but at 6PM its pretty chaotic) where i hadn't been for quite some time and did my shopping calmly with a smile.
One thing i am slowly learning from aikido is that i do not have to justify or qualify my every thought, opinion or emotion. Another is the ability to create personal space for myself with elastic boundaries, so that only what is invited will get in...i know, sounds a little strange as i verbalise it but the stuff that hapens for me in the dojo is not Cognitive, it is experiential.
Go to the dojo! Getting tossed around the mat shakes things up from the inside out.
Just please remember that yes, you have been practicing self-defense for 25 years, and you may have borrowed some techniques, but that isn't aikido. Yes, self defense is an Aspect of aikido, but its So Much More.
Go to the dojo.

Q
http://www.aikidopetaluma.com/
www.knot-working.com

"It is not wise to be incautious when confronting a little smiling bald man"'- Rule #1
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Old 09-17-2004, 11:53 AM   #20
Aikidoiain
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Re: Is "Aikidoiain" welcome here or not?

Hi Jo,

My problems stretch back for a good (bad!) 20 years. So, it's not just since January - that's only when I became housebound. So, all the various therapies were tried and tested over 2 decades!

I'm glad someone has brought it back to Aikido! You're absolutely right - whenever I practiced (informally) over these years, I did feel better in the short term, but at least I got some break from the constant stress of life.

I'm lucky to have a dojo so near, otherwise I simply couldn't go. I can't use public transport or taxis you see. In fact I cannot be in a vehicle with another person - I take panic attacks and would try to escape! This will become a problem for grading. At this club, grading is held all over Britain, so I simply couldn't go. This is a current and serious issue. I haven't seen my mother in 2 years, and my Grandmother died 3 weeks ago and I couldn't even attend her funeral!!

I'll go to Aikido and train, but unless some special allowance is made for me (which is unlikely), I won't be able to grade. I think Sensei Tony Ezra 6th Dan grades the students. I can't see him travelling up here to grade 1 guy! And if I can't grade, I simply won't feel as if it's leading anywhere. Obviously I want to feel as I'm progressing up the ranks. I'll have to discuss this with the instructor, but honestly, I don't know what he can do about it.

Thanks Jo for your advice and support. I appreciate all those who are "voting" for me.

Thanks to all,
Iain. -
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Old 09-17-2004, 03:09 PM   #21
deepsoup
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Re: Is "Aikidoiain" welcome here or not?

Quote:
Iain Smith wrote:
I'll go to Aikido and train, but unless some special allowance is made for me (which is unlikely), I won't be able to grade. I think Sensei Tony Ezra 6th Dan grades the students. I can't see him travelling up here to grade 1 guy!
You mean Terry Ezra?
He may not travel to Glasgow just to grade one guy, but he does travel all over to teach courses.* I wouldn't be at all surprised if he conducts at least kyu gradings while he's visiting places. At least for the first few kyu gradings, its actually pretty unusual for the students to be asked to travel to seminars away from home.

That is usually the case for 1st kyu, maybe 2nd kyu, and for dan gradings, but you don't need to worry about that for years yet. First things first, before you can start taking tests you're going to have to get into the dojo and start some training.

Sean

* I see from Mr Ezra's website that he's next due to visit Glasgow on the 16th & 17th of October.
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Old 09-17-2004, 04:47 PM   #22
Aikidoiain
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Re: Is "Aikidoiain" welcome here or not?

You're right Sean, I meant Terry Ezra. Yes, I heard mention that gradings were due to take place soon. Pity I hadn't joined sooner.

Thanks,
Iain. -
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Old 09-17-2004, 06:41 PM   #23
suren
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Re: Is "Aikidoiain" welcome here or not?

Iain,

Do not pay so much attention to the tests and grading. Ask your teacher if you can skip that for a while. And just practice. The important think is your knowledge, not your belt. By the time you have to pass your shoday test you may be already cured, or if not I'm sure you and your sensei will find a way to grade you in your dojo either by inviting Terry Ezra sensei or by some other means.
If you want to help yourself - stop your hesitation, join the dojo and start your practice. In your case delay may be very harmful.

Best wishes,
Suren.
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Old 09-17-2004, 07:21 PM   #24
Nick Simpson
Dojo: White Rose Aikido - Durham University
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Re: Is "Aikidoiain" welcome here or not?

Hey iain, theres nothing I can advise you with that the others havent already offered except: Keep on trucking. I had the pleasure of training under Sensei Ezra last Saturday, he is a gentleman with stylish aikido ( I was amazed at the lack of feeling apparently recieved from his technique, yet you would end up on the floor with no idea as to why you where there!) if he is the top grading instructor for the dojo down the road to you then dont worry. Im sure if you train and have an open mind and a dedication to the dojo/organisation then a compromise will be reached. Dont make a big deal out of grading, white belt until black belt is common and it tends to take time to be allowed to grade (as well as dedication, perseverance, time on the mat and a good attitude.) just get on the mat and train with a joyous attitude, gradings will eventually follow. Take Care, Nick.

They're all screaming about the rock n roll, but I would say that it's getting old. - REFUSED.
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Old 09-17-2004, 08:30 PM   #25
SeiserL
 
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Re: Is "Aikidoiain" welcome here or not?

Welcome Aikido Iain,

Sorry to hear that your have tried everything and they have all failed for you. It is hard to give up hope, yet sometimes hopelessness gets us to accept what is instead of struggling to change everything.

So, lets talk Aikido.

Lynn Seiser PhD
Yondan Aikido & FMA/JKD
We do not rise to the level of our expectations, but fall to the level of our training. Train well. KWATZ!
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