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Old 07-18-2004, 01:17 AM   #26
Bronson
 
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Re: Sitting in a bar....

What's brown and sticky?

....a stick

Bronson

"A pacifist is not really a pacifist if he is unable to make a choice between violence and non-violence. A true pacifist is able to kill or maim in the blink of an eye, but at the moment of impending destruction of the enemy he chooses non-violence."
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Old 12-15-2004, 01:45 AM   #27
Joe Bowen
 
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Re: Sitting in a bar....

A guy walks into a bar and sees a donkey sitting in the corner of the bar with a big jar full of money next to him. So, he goes up to the bartender and asks, "What's with the donkey in the corner with the money?" The bartender replies, "Its a running contest. Anyone can try for a $10.00 charge to attempt to win all the money collected in the jar." The man asks, "What do I gotta do to win?" "All you have to do is make the donkey laugh", is the reply.
The man says, "Ok", and promptly sticks his $10 into the jar, bends down and whispers something to the donkey. Suddenly, the donkey breaks out laughing really hard. So, the man collects the money out of the jar and leaves. Three months later the man comes back to the same bar, sees the same donkey and asks the bartender, "Same deal with the donkey?" THe bartender replies, "Oh, no. Now you have to make the donkey cry." The man says "Ok, but can I take the donkey out back for a quick second?" The bartender looks sceptical and then says "Ok". The man puts his $10 into the jar, takes the donkey out the back door into the ally and when he returns the donkey is crying, big time. The man goes to collect his money, but the bartender stops him and says, "I gotta know. How did you make the donkey laugh and how did you make him cry?"
The man replies, "Simple. To make him laugh, I just told him my penis was bigger than his. And to make him cry, I took him out back and showed him".
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Old 12-15-2004, 02:29 AM   #28
miratim
Dojo: Albuquerque Aikido Kokikai
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Re: Sitting in a bar....

A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender for some quackers. The bartender explains that the bar doesn't have any quackers.

The next day, the same duck walks into the bar and asks the bartender for some quackers. The bartender again explains that the bar doesn't serve quackers.

Sure enough, the very next day, the duck again walks into the bar and asks for some quackers. The bartender screams at the duck, "If you come in here one more time, I'm going to nail your beak into the wall with a hammer and some nails! "

A few days pass, and then the duck walks into the bar again.The bartender notices the duck and says, "I'm warning you!"

The duck replies, "Do you have a hammer?"

The bartender replies, "No!"

The duck asks, "Do you have any nails?"

The bartender replies, "No!"

The duck grins and asks, "Do you have any quackers?"
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Old 12-15-2004, 02:31 AM   #29
miratim
Dojo: Albuquerque Aikido Kokikai
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Re: Sitting in a bar....

And quickly, before I fall asleep:

You know why, when birds fly in a V formation, one side of the V is always longer than the other?


No?


'cause it has more birds in it!

/leaving
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Old 12-15-2004, 03:05 AM   #30
Keith_k
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Re: Sitting in a bar....

There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking his beer, minding his own business when all of a sudden this great big dude comes in and -- WHACK!! -- knocks him off the bar stool and onto the floor.
The big dude says, "That was a karate chop from Korea."
The little guy thinks "GEEZ," but he gets back up on the stool and starts drinking again when all of a sudden -- WHACK!! -- the big dude knocks him down AGAIN. This time he says, "That was a judo chop from Japan."
So the little guy has had enough of this... He gets up, brushes himself off and quietly leaves.
He's gone for an hour or so when he returns. Without saying a word, he walks up behind the big dude and -- WHAM!!!" -- knocks the big dude off his stool, knocking him out cold!!!
The little guy looks at the bartender and says, "When he gets up, tell him that was a crowbar from Sears."
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Old 12-15-2004, 10:05 AM   #31
bryce_montgomery
 
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Re: Sitting in a bar....

How do you know when bed time is at the Neverland Ranch?...

Give up?...

When the big hand touches the little hand...
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Old 12-15-2004, 10:29 AM   #32
David_francis
 
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Re: Sitting in a bar....

A guy walks into a bar, he sits down and has a few drinks, theresa big party going on and it seemed like fun. Anyways after about half an hour or so into the party he has to go to the toilet reeeaaally bad. So he asks the bartender "hey buddy wheres the toilet?" the bartender can't hear him because the musics really loud and hes very busy with orders. He gives up after a while and goes in search of the toilet. He eventually finds his way upstairs and to no avail he simply cant find a toilet. Now hes on the verge of doing something nasty in his pants so he desperately looks around for a spot to do his business. He sees in the corner of the hall a small hole which seemed perfect for him. He goes over and squats, a slight breeze coming out of it and does his business. After 10 minutes of this he goes downstairs and is shocked to see that the parties over and the barkeepers mopping up the dancefloor. He walks over and asks what happened the bartender looks at him cocks one eyebrow and asks "where were you when the shit hit the fan?"
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Old 12-15-2004, 02:52 PM   #33
Jack Simpson
Dojo: Western Maryland Aikikai - Frederick, Maryland
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Re: Sitting in a bar....

So..... an aikidoka goes into a bar down the street from the local dojo and orders 3 beers. The bartender is new and says to the guy, "Say, aren't 3 beers a bit much?".

The aikidoka looks up and says, "Well, you see my 2 brothers and I train at the local aikido dojo down the street and after training we'd come in here for a beer. Now my two brothers have gone off to Japan to train at Hombu, so to remember all the good times we had, I come in and order 2 extra beers as if my brothers were still here with me." The bartender understands completely and draws 3 beers.

A few months later the aikidoka walks into the bar and orders 2 beers. The bartender, who now knows the story, says to the guy, "I'm really sorry for your loss". The guy looks up somewhat confused and says, "My loss?". The bartender says, "Yeah, I assume since you only ordered 2 beers, one of your brothers must have passed away."

The guy says, "Oh no, I've just stopped drinking".


Jack
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Old 12-16-2004, 09:30 PM   #34
bryce_montgomery
 
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Re: Sitting in a bar....

Quote:
James Ashby wrote:
A dyslexic guy walks into a bra.............
Shouldn't it be:
Quote:
A lysdexic yug klaws tion a bra...
Bryce
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Old 12-16-2004, 09:31 PM   #35
bryce_montgomery
 
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Re: Sitting in a bar....

I'll get the door...

Bryce
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Old 12-17-2004, 12:46 PM   #36
taras
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Re: Sitting in a bar....

I am probably risking criticism from the experts of Japanese language but here goes anyway:

One dark winter night a policeman is stood on a corner when this Toyota pulls up and a small Japanese man in a buiseness suite gets out and addresses the policeman: "Oyasuminasai, sumimasen, doko-de watashi wa kono yukitoshi-ni 'Coca-Cola' no kan-o koubaimas ka?"

The policeman pulls an official smile on his face and replies: "I am sorry, I didn't quite get that. Did you say 'Where in this snow-covered city at this late hour I can get a can of what?"
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Old 12-22-2004, 01:38 AM   #37
jacob wood
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Re: Sitting in a bar....

How did the frog die.......

he croaked


(dodging rotten cabbage)
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Old 12-22-2004, 10:10 AM   #38
darin
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Re: Sitting in a bar....

Does anyone do aikido taisabaki moves on the dance floor or is it only my students?
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Old 12-22-2004, 10:12 AM   #39
John Boswell
 
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Re: Sitting in a bar....

*pitches a cabbage*

What's black and white and red all over?

I dunno... I'm asking YOU!

*runs away*

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Old 12-22-2004, 10:17 AM   #40
John Boswell
 
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Re: Sitting in a bar....

Bear in Bar

A bear walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer. The bartender says, ''Sorry, we don't give beer to bears in bars.''
The bear replies, ''If you don't give me a beer, I'll eat that lady over there.''

The bartender says, ''Go ahead.''

So the bear eats the lady and asks for a beer. The bartender says, ''Sorry, we don't give beer to bears on drugs.''

''What do mean,'' says the bear. ''I'm not on drugs.''

''Yes, you are, that was the barbituate.''

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Old 12-22-2004, 09:04 PM   #41
Sue Hammerich
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Re: Sitting in a bar....

Ha!!!!

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Old 12-23-2004, 03:03 AM   #42
Thomas Ambrose
 
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Re: Sitting in a bar....

So a man stops in the bar on the way home from work. While there, he looks out the sliding glass door, and sees a man fall down from above, to the cement outside. After a second or two, the fallen man gets up, looking a bit dazed, and walks into the bar. He takes two shots of vodka, hops into the elevator, and then jumps down from the top of the building. He crashes into the ground below, gets up, and comes back in. Amazed, the first guy asked him how he survived? The man says "If you time it out just right, alcohol give you a certain buoyancy in the air, and you actually only look like you are hitting the ground at deadly speed, but are quite allright. It is quite thrilling." So the original guy immediately orders a double shot of vodka, takes it, and takes the elevator to the top of the building. He jumps off, and dies on impact....

PUNCHLINE: The bartender says "Superman, you can be a real asshole when you are drunk."

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Old 01-06-2005, 09:54 AM   #43
Tim Gerrard
 
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Re: Sitting in a bar....

Patient comes to a doctor with a steering wheel sticking out of his trousers, the doc says "Isn't that painful?" patient replies "yes it's driving me nuts."

What do you call an intelligent blonde? A golden retriever...

2 fish in a tank, one says to the other "How do you drive this thing?"
Fish swims into a wall....damn.

Aikido doesn't work? My Aikido works, what on earth are you practicing?!
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Old 02-03-2005, 04:46 AM   #44
Tim Gerrard
 
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Re: Sitting in a bar....

Jesus, never killed a thread before.

Aikido doesn't work? My Aikido works, what on earth are you practicing?!
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Old 02-03-2005, 11:02 PM   #45
Keith_k
Dojo: Kim's Hapkido
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Re: Sitting in a bar....

Thread murderer! Get 'em guys!
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Old 02-04-2005, 08:26 AM   #46
syraikidoka
Dojo: Aikido Of CNY
Location: Central New York
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Re: Sitting in a bar....

Rene Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender says, "hey, ya want a beer?" Descartes says, "I think not." and completely disapears.
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Old 02-04-2005, 08:27 AM   #47
syraikidoka
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Re: Sitting in a bar....

How many aikidoka does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Well 2 of course, but the trick is getting them in there.
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Old 02-04-2005, 08:44 AM   #48
John Boswell
 
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Re: Sitting in a bar....

*moan*

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Old 02-04-2005, 08:54 AM   #49
batemanb
 
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Re: Sitting in a bar....

Quote:
Michael Rann wrote:
How many aikidoka does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Well 2 of course, but the trick is getting them in there.
What if you're doing a ninin dori or sanin dori

A difficult problem is easily solved by asking yourself the question, "Just how would the Lone Ranger handle this?"
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Old 02-04-2005, 09:37 AM   #50
syraikidoka
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Re: Sitting in a bar....

Quote:
What if you're doing a ninin dori or sanin dori
Hey, who am I to judge?
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