Welcome to AikiWeb Aikido Information
AikiWeb: The Source for Aikido Information
AikiWeb's principal purpose is to serve the Internet community as a repository and dissemination point for aikido information.

Sections
home
aikido articles
columns

Discussions
forums
aikiblogs

Databases
dojo search
seminars
image gallery
supplies
links directory

Reviews
book reviews
video reviews
dvd reviews
equip. reviews

News
submit
archive

Miscellaneous
newsletter
rss feeds
polls
about

Follow us on



Home > AikiWeb Aikido Forums
Go Back   AikiWeb Aikido Forums > Humor

Hello and thank you for visiting AikiWeb, the world's most active online Aikido community! This site is home to over 22,000 aikido practitioners from around the world and covers a wide range of aikido topics including techniques, philosophy, history, humor, beginner issues, the marketplace, and more.

If you wish to join in the discussions or use the other advanced features available, you will need to register first. Registration is absolutely free and takes only a few minutes to complete so sign up today!

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 02-29-2004, 02:01 AM   #51
Andrea Demel
Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 4
Offline
This is more zen than aikido, but I enjoyed it. I'm unsure if this is considered funny or not, but this was always one of my favorite zen stories:

There are two monks who are walking along a road, and it has rained recently, so mud coats the road. Soon, they come upon a beautiful girl standing on the side who wishes to cross but is apprehensive of getting dirty.

The first monk, oblivious to his friend, picks up the girl, and carries her across, then sets her down. The second monk is baffled, as they make it a practice of avoiding women.

Hours go by, and the first monk seems serene and doesn't mention it, and the second monk continues to be curious, but lets it go.

As the day goes on, however, he becomes more and more agitated by the thought, and finally bursts out, "Why did you pick up that girl at the roadside back there?!"

The first monk replies, "I left her back on the road, do you carry her still?"
  Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2004, 02:42 AM   #52
taras
Location: West Yorks and Merseyside, UK
Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 170
United Kingdom
Offline
On a lunch brake at work I was talking to my colleagues about some web sites that I run. As I listed them I said "and then there is the dojo web site". Instantly a few heads popped up and asked "what dodgy web site?"
  Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2004, 03:24 AM   #53
taras
Location: West Yorks and Merseyside, UK
Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 170
United Kingdom
Offline
Not really an Aikido joke, but still...

Two old friends who practiced Judo all their lives had a conversation on wehter they hold Judo competitions in heaven, and decided that the first one of them to go will come back and tell the other. A while after one of the friends dies. As it was agreed he comes to see his friend a few weeks after adn says, I've got two news for you: a good one and a bad one. The good news is that they hold Judo competitions in heaven on a regular basis. And the bad one is that tomorrow you are fighting Jigoro Kano.
  Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2004, 10:53 AM   #54
Ted Marr
Location: Providence, RI
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 94
Offline
That last joke reminded me of an interesting anecdote...

Back when I was studying martial arts in my pre-aikido days, my teacher had us practicing this one variation of nikkyo for more than 2 hours of a three hour summer class. The racquetball court we were using as a temporary dojo was stifling, badly ventilated, and hot. Eventually, one of my classmates' patience ran out, and he said "Hey Steve, how long do we have to practice this technique for?" My teacher replied "Um, well, until you die probably, if you want to get it right." to which that student replied "Nah, 60 years from now I'll show up in the afterlife, and you'll be there with a bullwhip making me practice for all of eternity!" At which point someone wondered aloud "Now, would that be heaven, or hell?"
  Reply With Quote
Old 03-24-2005, 09:00 AM   #55
Justin Gaar
Dojo: Aikido Academy Of Self Defense
Location: South Carolina
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 45
United_States
Offline
Ki Symbol Re: Another aikido joke

Okay small joke might take a little visualization.

Uke and his sensei (120 lbs and 130 lbs) stand before the nage (approx 250 lbs). Sensei tells uke: "Remember our motto is use his weight against him.

Little piece of paper in the dojo dressing room. LOL!


If you arrest a mime, do you have tell him he has the right to remain silent?
  Reply With Quote
Old 04-10-2005, 11:04 PM   #56
Hardware
 
Hardware's Avatar
Dojo: Ronin (sort of...)
Location: Prairies
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 69
Canada
Offline
Re: Another aikido joke

Q. What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac do?

A. Lie awake all night wondering if there really is a dog...

*****************************************************************************

Q. How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

W. One. But it takes a long time and the light bulb must want to change...

*****************************************************************************

A little more off topic...

Q. What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?

A. Well, one is white, made of plastic and is dangerous for kids to play with. The other one holds groceries...

Thank you everyone. You've been great. I'll be here all week, try the veal...
  Reply With Quote
Old 04-10-2005, 11:11 PM   #57
Hardware
 
Hardware's Avatar
Dojo: Ronin (sort of...)
Location: Prairies
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 69
Canada
Offline
Re: Another aikido joke

Not Aikido related, and a visual joke - but for some reason I cannot explain, I find this hilarious.




For any "ground pounders" out there.

  Reply With Quote
Old 04-11-2005, 07:44 AM   #58
gundisalwa
Dojo: Dô, Clube de Aikido / Lisboa
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 4
Portugal
Offline
Re: Another aikido joke

What does an aikido student says after receiving a present:
"Sankyo"

(sorry! I was trying to hold that by the urge to post it was stronger than me )
  Reply With Quote
Old 04-11-2005, 10:04 AM   #59
Bronson
 
Bronson's Avatar
Dojo: Seiwa Dojo and Southside Dojo
Location: Battle Creek & Kalamazoo, MI
Join Date: Feb 2002
Posts: 1,677
Offline
Re: Another aikido joke

How does an aikido master open the door to his dojo?

With his key

Bronson

"A pacifist is not really a pacifist if he is unable to make a choice between violence and non-violence. A true pacifist is able to kill or maim in the blink of an eye, but at the moment of impending destruction of the enemy he chooses non-violence."
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-04-2005, 04:26 PM   #60
Dirk Hanss
 
Dirk Hanss's Avatar
Dojo: Aikidoschule Trier
Location: Merzkirchen
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 471
Germany
Offline
Re: Another aikido joke

recently sensei told us how to do the technique, starting from static katatedori.
"First offer uke a present, and as he takes it, do the ikkyo"

Suddenly I knew that aikido is much older tahn I thought before.

A wise man in Troy once said: "I fear the Aikidoka, even if they offer presents!"

Only those dumb translaters, who did not know about aikido changed the name to "Greek".

Cheers Dirk
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-04-2005, 06:36 PM   #61
ChristianBoddum
 
ChristianBoddum's Avatar
Dojo: Aarhus AiKiKai
Location: Aarhus,Denmark
Join Date: Jun 2002
Posts: 263
Offline
Re: Another aikido joke

Ok , so I've had this punchline in my head for a while ,
could someone please make a dyslexic joke on it :
" Doctor I'm afraid of noodles ! "

Thanx in advance
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-04-2005, 11:20 PM   #62
dyffcult
Dojo: Aikido Institute of Oakland
Location: Alameda, California
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 104
United_States
Offline
Re: Another aikido joke

Once upon a time, three students of martial arts were discussing the various merits of their respective arts. Of course, each claimed that their own was better than the others. Finally, the doka selected a contest to determine the best of the arts. Each would challenge the next vehicle to come down the roadway.

The student of karate stated that he would go first. He stood in the center of the busy roadway and waited for the approaching vehicle. With a mighty chop, he stopped the first oncoming passenger vehicle dead.

The judoka was up next. He positioned himself in the road way. As the truck approached, he set himself, and then threw the truck with a mighty shrug.

The aikido student was concerned. The karate student had stopped a car. The judo student had thrown the truck. As he looked, a bus full of passengers came barreling down the road.

The aikidoka concentrated, stepped off center and the bus passed by.........
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-31-2005, 08:29 AM   #63
Steve Mullen
Dojo: White Rose (Sunderland)
Location: Washington
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 270
England
Offline
Re: Another aikido joke

( these tricks are not 100% guaranteed - they're not workable with sadistic senseis )

i have yet to meet any other kind of sensei

"No matter your pretence, you are what you are and nothing more." - Kenshiro Abbe Shihan
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-31-2005, 08:58 AM   #64
Goye
 
Goye's Avatar
Dojo: Satori Dojo
Location: Bogotá - Colombia
Join Date: Jul 2000
Posts: 109
Colombia
Offline
Talking Re: Another aikido joke

How is that an aikidoka wins a combat with a capoeira fighter?,..

,...

The aikidoka turns off the music.

César Martínez
Satori Dojo
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-31-2005, 12:11 PM   #65
NixNa
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 65
Offline
Re: Another aikido joke

Quote:
César Martínez wrote:
How is that an aikidoka wins a combat with a capoeira fighter?,..

,...

The aikidoka turns off the music.
Noway ! Darn, why didnt u say so earlier ?!


LOL
  Reply With Quote
Old 09-01-2005, 08:43 AM   #66
bryce_montgomery
 
bryce_montgomery's Avatar
Location: Tupelo, MS
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 180
United_States
Offline
Re: Another aikido joke

Quote:
Christian Boddum wrote:
Ok , so I've had this punchline in my head for a while ,
could someone please make a dyslexic joke on it :
" Doctor I'm afraid of noodles ! "

Thanx in advance
I don't know Christian...it seems funny enough if you just randomly say "Doctor I'm afraid of noodles!"...of course, people might change out your gi for a straightjacket, but it'd still be pretty funny!

Bryce

P.S. - I'm a college kid, so pretty much anything taken horribly out of context would make me laugh.
  Reply With Quote
Old 09-26-2005, 02:42 PM   #67
Patrick Crane
Dojo: Dojo Chattanooga
Location: Cleveland, TN
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 43
United_States
Offline
Re: Another aikido joke

1. Aikido: the most fun you can have on your knees with your clothes on.

2, Coed naked Aikido: Get tapped on the mat.

3, Is that a Tanto in your Hakima, or are you just glad to see me?

4. Doshu has announced a new, honorary, 11th Dan rank for my mother-in-law, who has perfected not just seven, but thousands of ways to TWIST MY ARM.
  Reply With Quote
Old 09-26-2005, 03:08 PM   #68
John Boswell
 
John Boswell's Avatar
Dojo: Aikido of Midland
Location: Midland, Texas
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 597
United_States
Offline
Re: Another aikido joke

Quote:
Christian Boddum wrote:
Ok , so I've had this punchline in my head for a while ,
could someone please make a dyslexic joke on it :
" Doctor I'm afraid of noodles ! "

Thanx in advance
Roctod, M'i dfraia fo soodlen!

Odom origata

  Reply With Quote
Old 09-27-2005, 03:09 AM   #69
batemanb
 
batemanb's Avatar
Dojo: Seibukan Aikido UK
Location: body in UK, heart still in Japan
Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 1,029
Offline
Re: Another aikido joke

two sausages sizzling in a pan. One says "hey aint it hot in here?". The other says "bloody hell, a talking sausage!"

A difficult problem is easily solved by asking yourself the question, "Just how would the Lone Ranger handle this?"
  Reply With Quote
Old 09-27-2005, 09:28 AM   #70
John Boswell
 
John Boswell's Avatar
Dojo: Aikido of Midland
Location: Midland, Texas
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 597
United_States
Offline
Re: Another aikido joke

ROFL! I liked it, Bryan! Goofy... but funny.

  Reply With Quote
Old 09-27-2005, 07:45 PM   #71
batemanb
 
batemanb's Avatar
Dojo: Seibukan Aikido UK
Location: body in UK, heart still in Japan
Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 1,029
Offline
Re: Another aikido joke

Why is a pirate called a pirate?
















they just ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

A difficult problem is easily solved by asking yourself the question, "Just how would the Lone Ranger handle this?"
  Reply With Quote
Old 09-27-2005, 10:12 PM   #72
Mike Fugate
Dojo: The School of Two Styles
Location: Ohio
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 46
United_States
Offline
Tongue Re: Another aikido joke

Here somthing my Sifu sent me,,,
The Top 12 Signs You've Joined the Wrong Martial Arts School

12. Lesson 1: A guy who looks and sounds like Danny DeVito in
a bathrobe points to a pile of concrete blocks and says "Knock
yourselves out, Grasshoppers."

11. All the trophies in the display case appear to be altered
bowling trophies.

10. Due to a misspelling of "Martial Arts" on the door, half
the class shows up with vibrators and lotions.

9. Other students show up with sketchbooks.

8. Instead of belts, levels of prowess are denoted by colorful
suspenders and co-ordinating ascots.

7. Although the Grandmaster's hands "move faster than the eye
can see", you can still detect a fair amount of nose picking
going on.

6. The lesson keeps getting interrupted while the Master swaps
french fry baskets.

5. As a student is wheeled out by paramedics, the instructor
says "Class, name 3 things Alan did wrong."

4. You're pretty sure "Monkey Style" does not involve
masturbating and throwing feces at your attacker.

3. You practice kicks on a stage while sweaty men stuff dollar
bills in your g-string.

2. Spent the first eight lessons learning to talk while moving
your lips in a seemingly unrelated manner.

1. At the end of every class, your instructor says, "...or you
could just buy a friggin' gun."

"When you cease to strive to understand, then you will know without understanding." -- Caine
  Reply With Quote
Old 09-28-2005, 10:30 AM   #73
cconstantine
  AikiWeb Forums Contributing Member
 
cconstantine's Avatar
Dojo: Kinokawa Aikido
Location: Pennsylvania USA
Join Date: Jan 2002
Posts: 49
United_States
Offline
Re: Another aikido joke

Two anecdotes...

After my third class (picture me in tshirt/sweatpants, with no clue and a few new books about aikido on my bookshelf) I mentioned to my new-found, 1st kyu aiki-friend, "Mike, where can I buy a gi?" (Our small dojo didn't "stock" them.) Mike replied with a long set of driving directions. Confused by the directions, and in an attempt to be aiki-clever, I replied, "Uh, yeah. Nevermind, I'll use my ki to find it!" Mike's deadpan reply: "Your car will stall." We're friends for life!

My Sensei (American, 30yrs experience, very hardcore training style, you get the picture...) is a very approachable and friendly person; But he does not commonly crack jokes -- very rarely on the mat, and never while actively demonstrating a technique. So there we are lined up watching him mercilessly apply nikkyo-to-ikkyo in suwariwaza (on those hard rubber puzzle-mats no less.) After several reps, uke sort of flopped forward away from the ikkyo and Sensei lost his contact with uke's hand/arm... In a flash he grabbed uke's foot and twisted his ankle/toes (analagous to how you'd apply nikkyo) pinning uke, splayed out. (Uke tapping madly.) We all watched a bit startled (it looked like it really hurt.) Sensei then released uke, and paused dramatically. Then he smiled with a little "hehe" sort of mischevious chuckle... and said "toe-kyo... Please practice!". (We practiced the ikkyo-to-nikkyo part.
  Reply With Quote

Please visit our sponsor:

Seminar with Frank Doran, Shihan - Aug. 8-10, 2014 at Sunset Cliff's Aikido, near San Diego's finest beaches



Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Don’t waste your time practicing AIKIDO Khaled General 155 12-16-2013 08:24 AM
Aikido in Amsterdam, Terry Lax style... tiyler_durden General 11 11-03-2008 08:31 AM
Women and Everybody Else in Aikido George S. Ledyard Teaching 113 03-16-2008 07:27 PM
Omoto-kyo Theology senshincenter Spiritual 77 12-04-2005 09:50 PM
Proposta organização do Aikido Portugal kimusubi0 Portuguese 0 05-03-2004 03:26 AM


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 03:16 PM.



vBulletin Copyright © 2000-2014 Jelsoft Enterprises Limited
----------
Copyright 1997-2014 AikiWeb and its Authors, All Rights Reserved.
----------
For questions and comments about this website:
Send E-mail
plainlaid-picaresque outchasing-protistan explicantia-altarage seaford-stellionate