Another aikido joke

Josh,

You just had to stick it to us, didn't you?

:-)

nice one josh

lol

Here's a variation of a joke that the Kancho of my dojo told in a seminar.

The Kancho of a local dojo is giving an Aiki-Ken demonstration to a group of non-Aikidoka when a heckler in the group yells out,"Yeah, but can you catch that fly with a pair of chopsticks?"

The teacher sees the fly buzzing around, looks calmly at the heckly and say, "No, but I can cut it with my katana."

"Let's see it!", says the man, unbelieving.

The teacher retrieves his katana from the wall, returns and cuts at the air in front of the fly, which continues to buzz along through the air.

"Hah", says the heckler, "you didn't kill the fly."

"Yes," replies the teacher, "but that fly won't be having anymore children."

sensei called dominoes to order a pizza. "make me one with everything." duhhhhh.

isn't that a variation from a 'zen' joke?

-- a zen practitioner called pizza hut to..--

it fits though

Sorry guys here's a dirty one..

A sensei I know, once said to us that we would improve much faster if we just had observed him and others more keenly...He told us the following joke:

A professor was giving autopsy classes to 2 students who were very promising. They had to pass this class in order to become surgeons. Professor: Look very closely and repeat after me..he then got a body of a young woman and put a finger in the anus of the dead woman , and then gave the finger a good lick. The students were terrified!! But hell, being a surgeon would make mommy and dady proud so the 1st of the three was gonna try. He brought his finger close to the womans rear...but he couldn't do it! The second one stuck his finger in but had to puke when he brought his finger under his nose. The 3rd guy was very brave and stuck his finger in the woman's ass and gave it a good lick!

Professor: YOU ALL FAILED!! ya wanna know why? Cause i used my index finger and licked my middle finger!!

Sorry bout the typos and there were 3 students not 2...

sensei called dominoes to order a pizza. "make me one with everything." duhhhhh.

Maresa Sumardi (indomaresa) wrote: isn't that a variation from a 'zen' joke? -- a zen practitioner called pizza hut to..-- it fits though

I heard the same joke but the [insert eastern spiritual here] gave too much money and asked for change. The pizza guy says 'Change comes from within'.

funnyy...

"zen comes from within"

rofl

A reprise of one I posted ages ago.

What is red, and at the same time invisible?

No tomatoes.

Anyone ever seen the animated version of "The Hobbit" by Tolkien? I was watching it last night and this thread reminds me of Bilbo meeting Gollum for the first time.

Bilbo and Gollum agree to duel of riddles. (Gollum's idea) Gollum gave Bilbo a riddle that had to be guessed. If he got it, he could give Gollum a riddle. First person to not guess the riddle loses. If Bilbo lost, Gollum would get to eat Bilbo. Poor Bilbo just wanted to be lead out of the caves.

All the riddles were good, but Bilbo was getting tired and came up with the most obvious riddle to win:

"What do I have in my pocket?"

Bilbo won.

I mention all this because:

A) It was damn funny!

B) Something very Zen about it to me.

C) The "no tomatos" reminded me of a particular riddle used...

It bites, but has not teeth. It stings, but is no insect. It howls, but has no voice. What is it?

Do you know?

Okay... I'm gonna run along and babble somewhere else. If anyone needs the answer to the riddle, don't worry: I'll be back.

the wind

John Boswell wrote: Anyone ever seen the animated version of "The Hobbit" by Tolkien? I was watching it last night and this thread reminds me of Bilbo meeting Gollum for the first time. <snip> All the riddles were good, but Bilbo was getting tired and came up with the most obvious riddle to win: Bilbo won. I mention all this because: A) It was damn funny! B) Something very Zen about it to me. C) The "no tomatos" reminded me of a particular riddle used... Do you know?

My favorite from the book is:

"Alive without breath,

As cold as death.

Never thirsty,

Ever drinking.

All in mail never clinking."

Q: Why do we call it a hakama?

A: Cause tough guys are always asking "Hakama gotta wear a skirt to learn how to fight?"

Delicious, but best served out loud.

actually this happened in our conversations here when i was still new in Aikido i was 15 years old then we had this about discussions, story telling, story telling a lie (hehe) and etc whenever sensei have not yet arrived so other students would ask, "How do you distinguish the kind of martial art the person practices?" a little older student would answer "I've encountered a really good karateka, u would know because he would have callose in his hands! a kendoka because of big muscular fore arms and judoka because of his deformed ears!" so what about the aikidoka? somebody asks. nobody could answer. some uttered "yeah, how do you know he practicies aikido?" the older student wanting to point out that we won't know because there is no physical manifestation if a guy or lady practices aikido because aikido deals much with the matters of the mind and so and so and etc. just keep on saying "c'mon c'mon how could you tell?!" his feeling proud because he knows something we don't. then sensei walks in the dojo and one student younger than me after seeing sensei exclaimed "they've got big tummies!" hehehe

is there some kind of truth in this? hehe

pls dont tell my sensei

may be beer gut :-)

bigger tanden needs bigger gut

Sensei belly is a well documented phenomenon, at least as far as I have seen it. Basically, I figure it's because as your aikido gets better, practicing (and certainly teaching) doesn't take as much energy, and time spent at the dojo detracts from time at the gym doing aerobic things. Of course, a lot of that has to do with diet and all that... and there are plenty of exceptions to the rule. I hope to be one of them someday. If not, though, the hakama should keep the belly in check.

Ted Marr wrote: If not, though, the hakama should keep the belly in check.

No...it doesn't

Bronson

here's a funny gag guys= put on your gi and then place an empty 32oz coke plastic bottle in your armpit/concealed. when your partner does a sankyo, just sqeeze the bottle! sounds like a bone snapping-then scream-then laugh.

I've recently read this on the net.

OSensei used to explain the moves in the terms that now could be called 'new age'-like. Once he was in the middle of explaining a move, when he extended his uke and said 'and now you should become one with the universe', and proceded to throw the uke down quite hard. The uke raised his voice from the floor: 'I can see the stars'

The uke raised his voice from the floor: 'I can see the stars'

LMAO!!!

We have this dyslexic devil-worshipping guy in our dojo that just sold his soul to Santa.

Terrible story about the dyslexic devil worshipper! Dyslexics of the world Untie!

Saw a post where the owner of a dojo puts a sign outside that reads:

I'm uke. You're uke.

Now THAT is funny !

John Boswell wrote: Saw a post where the owner of a dojo puts a sign outside that reads: Now THAT is funny !

Hey that's us!! One of my past favorites was the "study judo and earn frequent flyer miles" sign

Bronson