Welcome to AikiWeb Aikido Information
AikiWeb: The Source for Aikido Information
AikiWeb's principal purpose is to serve the Internet community as a repository and dissemination point for aikido information.

Sections
home
aikido articles
columns

Discussions
forums
aikiblogs

Databases
dojo search
seminars
image gallery
supplies
links directory

Reviews
book reviews
video reviews
dvd reviews
equip. reviews

News
submit
archive

Miscellaneous
newsletter
rss feeds
polls
about

Follow us on



Home > AikiWeb Aikido Forums
Go Back   AikiWeb Aikido Forums > Humor

Hello and thank you for visiting AikiWeb, the world's most active online Aikido community! This site is home to over 22,000 aikido practitioners from around the world and covers a wide range of aikido topics including techniques, philosophy, history, humor, beginner issues, the marketplace, and more.

If you wish to join in the discussions or use the other advanced features available, you will need to register first. Registration is absolutely free and takes only a few minutes to complete so sign up today!

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 12-03-2003, 11:06 AM   #26
jxa127
Dojo: Itten Dojo -- Mechanicsburg, PA
Location: Harrisburg, PA
Join Date: Jul 2000
Posts: 420
Offline
Josh,

You just had to stick it to us, didn't you?

:-)

----
-Drew Ames
  Reply With Quote
Old 12-04-2003, 09:32 AM   #27
indomaresa
Dojo: Aiki Kenkyukai
Location: Indonesia
Join Date: Dec 2001
Posts: 176
Offline
nice one josh

lol

The road is long...
The path is steep...
So hire a guide to show you the shortcuts
  Reply With Quote
Old 12-08-2003, 12:06 PM   #28
JasonB
Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 28
Offline
Here's a variation of a joke that the Kancho of my dojo told in a seminar.

The Kancho of a local dojo is giving an Aiki-Ken demonstration to a group of non-Aikidoka when a heckler in the group yells out,"Yeah, but can you catch that fly with a pair of chopsticks?"

The teacher sees the fly buzzing around, looks calmly at the heckly and say, "No, but I can cut it with my katana."

"Let's see it!", says the man, unbelieving.

The teacher retrieves his katana from the wall, returns and cuts at the air in front of the fly, which continues to buzz along through the air.

"Hah", says the heckler, "you didn't kill the fly."

"Yes," replies the teacher, "but that fly won't be having anymore children."
  Reply With Quote
Old 12-17-2003, 06:56 AM   #29
vanstretch
Dojo: Kyushinkan
Location: Roswell,GA
Join Date: Aug 2003
Posts: 123
United_States
Offline
sensei called dominoes to order a pizza. "make me one with everything." duhhhhh.
  Reply With Quote
Old 12-17-2003, 10:39 AM   #30
indomaresa
Dojo: Aiki Kenkyukai
Location: Indonesia
Join Date: Dec 2001
Posts: 176
Offline
isn't that a variation from a 'zen' joke?

-- a zen practitioner called pizza hut to..--

it fits though

The road is long...
The path is steep...
So hire a guide to show you the shortcuts
  Reply With Quote
Old 12-17-2003, 09:45 PM   #31
Kyri Honigh
Dojo: Aikido Curacao
Location: Curacao
Join Date: Apr 2003
Posts: 50
Offline
Sorry guys here's a dirty one..

A sensei I know, once said to us that we would improve much faster if we just had observed him and others more keenly...He told us the following joke:

A professor was giving autopsy classes to 2 students who were very promising. They had to pass this class in order to become surgeons. Professor: Look very closely and repeat after me..he then got a body of a young woman and put a finger in the anus of the dead woman , and then gave the finger a good lick. The students were terrified!! But hell, being a surgeon would make mommy and dady proud so the 1st of the three was gonna try. He brought his finger close to the womans rear...but he couldn't do it! The second one stuck his finger in but had to puke when he brought his finger under his nose. The 3rd guy was very brave and stuck his finger in the woman's ass and gave it a good lick!

Professor: YOU ALL FAILED!! ya wanna know why? Cause i used my index finger and licked my middle finger!!
  Reply With Quote
Old 12-17-2003, 09:46 PM   #32
Kyri Honigh
Dojo: Aikido Curacao
Location: Curacao
Join Date: Apr 2003
Posts: 50
Offline
Sorry bout the typos and there were 3 students not 2...
  Reply With Quote
Old 12-17-2003, 09:56 PM   #33
ikkainogakusei
Location: All over CA
Join Date: Feb 2003
Posts: 137
Offline
Quote:
sensei called dominoes to order a pizza. "make me one with everything." duhhhhh.
Quote:
Maresa Sumardi (indomaresa) wrote:
isn't that a variation from a 'zen' joke?

-- a zen practitioner called pizza hut to..--

it fits though
I heard the same joke but the [insert eastern spiritual here] gave too much money and asked for change. The pizza guy says 'Change comes from within'.

"To educate a man in mind, and not in morals, is to educate a menace to society." ~Theodore Roosevelt
  Reply With Quote
Old 12-18-2003, 05:20 AM   #34
indomaresa
Dojo: Aiki Kenkyukai
Location: Indonesia
Join Date: Dec 2001
Posts: 176
Offline
funnyy...

"zen comes from within"

rofl

The road is long...
The path is steep...
So hire a guide to show you the shortcuts
  Reply With Quote
Old 12-18-2003, 05:48 PM   #35
Jim ashby
Dojo: Phoenix Coventry
Location: Coventry, England
Join Date: Mar 2001
Posts: 303
Offline
A reprise of one I posted ages ago.

What is red, and at the same time invisible?

No tomatoes.

Vir Obesus Stola Saeptus
  Reply With Quote
Old 12-19-2003, 10:46 AM   #36
John Boswell
 
John Boswell's Avatar
Dojo: Aikido of Midland
Location: Midland, Texas
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 597
United_States
Offline
Anyone ever seen the animated version of "The Hobbit" by Tolkien? I was watching it last night and this thread reminds me of Bilbo meeting Gollum for the first time.

Bilbo and Gollum agree to duel of riddles. (Gollum's idea) Gollum gave Bilbo a riddle that had to be guessed. If he got it, he could give Gollum a riddle. First person to not guess the riddle loses. If Bilbo lost, Gollum would get to eat Bilbo. Poor Bilbo just wanted to be lead out of the caves.

All the riddles were good, but Bilbo was getting tired and came up with the most obvious riddle to win:
Quote:
"What do I have in my pocket?"
Bilbo won.

I mention all this because:

A) It was damn funny!

B) Something very Zen about it to me.

C) The "no tomatos" reminded me of a particular riddle used...
Quote:
It bites, but has not teeth. It stings, but is no insect. It howls, but has no voice. What is it?
Do you know?

Okay... I'm gonna run along and babble somewhere else. If anyone needs the answer to the riddle, don't worry: I'll be back.

  Reply With Quote
Old 12-19-2003, 12:44 PM   #37
Qatana
 
Qatana's Avatar
Dojo: Aikido of Petaluma, Petaluma,CA
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 834
Offline
the wind

Q
http://www.aikidopetaluma.com/
www.knot-working.com

"It is not wise to be incautious when confronting a little smiling bald man"'- Rule #1
  Reply With Quote
Old 12-28-2003, 11:57 PM   #38
ikkainogakusei
Location: All over CA
Join Date: Feb 2003
Posts: 137
Offline
Quote:
John Boswell wrote:
Anyone ever seen the animated version of "The Hobbit" by Tolkien? I was watching it last night and this thread reminds me of Bilbo meeting Gollum for the first time.

<snip>

All the riddles were good, but Bilbo was getting tired and came up with the most obvious riddle to win:

Bilbo won.

I mention all this because:

A) It was damn funny!

B) Something very Zen about it to me.

C) The "no tomatos" reminded me of a particular riddle used...

Do you know?
My favorite from the book is:

"Alive without breath,

As cold as death.

Never thirsty,

Ever drinking.

All in mail never clinking."


"To educate a man in mind, and not in morals, is to educate a menace to society." ~Theodore Roosevelt
  Reply With Quote
Old 12-29-2003, 11:14 AM   #39
zachbiesanz
Dojo: New York Aikikai; Byakkokan Dojo (Toyama Ryu Battodo)
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 71
United_States
Offline
Q: Why do we call it a hakama?

A: Cause tough guys are always asking "Hakama gotta wear a skirt to learn how to fight?"

Delicious, but best served out loud.

Aikido is the art of hitting an assailant with the planet.
  Reply With Quote
Old 01-09-2004, 09:17 PM   #40
boni tongson
 
boni tongson's Avatar
Dojo: Club "43" Karate, Ki Aikido Asso. International, Nijon Bujutsu / Philippines
Location: Negros Occidetal
Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 16
Offline
actually this happened in our conversations here when i was still new in Aikido i was 15 years old then we had this about discussions, story telling, story telling a lie (hehe) and etc whenever sensei have not yet arrived so other students would ask, "How do you distinguish the kind of martial art the person practices?" a little older student would answer "I've encountered a really good karateka, u would know because he would have callose in his hands! a kendoka because of big muscular fore arms and judoka because of his deformed ears!" so what about the aikidoka? somebody asks. nobody could answer. some uttered "yeah, how do you know he practicies aikido?" the older student wanting to point out that we won't know because there is no physical manifestation if a guy or lady practices aikido because aikido deals much with the matters of the mind and so and so and etc. just keep on saying "c'mon c'mon how could you tell?!" his feeling proud because he knows something we don't. then sensei walks in the dojo and one student younger than me after seeing sensei exclaimed "they've got big tummies!" hehehe

is there some kind of truth in this? hehe

pls dont tell my sensei

Weak hearts and flesh do not exist where undaunted spirits dwell!
-PMA
  Reply With Quote
Old 01-11-2004, 02:00 AM   #41
taras
Location: West Yorks and Merseyside, UK
Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 170
United Kingdom
Offline
may be beer gut :-)
  Reply With Quote
Old 01-11-2004, 06:55 PM   #42
indomaresa
Dojo: Aiki Kenkyukai
Location: Indonesia
Join Date: Dec 2001
Posts: 176
Offline
bigger tanden needs bigger gut

The road is long...
The path is steep...
So hire a guide to show you the shortcuts
  Reply With Quote
Old 01-12-2004, 07:41 AM   #43
Ted Marr
Location: Providence, RI
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 94
Offline
Sensei belly is a well documented phenomenon, at least as far as I have seen it. Basically, I figure it's because as your aikido gets better, practicing (and certainly teaching) doesn't take as much energy, and time spent at the dojo detracts from time at the gym doing aerobic things. Of course, a lot of that has to do with diet and all that... and there are plenty of exceptions to the rule. I hope to be one of them someday. If not, though, the hakama should keep the belly in check.
  Reply With Quote
Old 01-12-2004, 09:53 PM   #44
Bronson
 
Bronson's Avatar
Dojo: Seiwa Dojo and Southside Dojo
Location: Battle Creek & Kalamazoo, MI
Join Date: Feb 2002
Posts: 1,677
Offline
Quote:
Ted Marr wrote:
If not, though, the hakama should keep the belly in check.
No...it doesn't

Bronson

"A pacifist is not really a pacifist if he is unable to make a choice between violence and non-violence. A true pacifist is able to kill or maim in the blink of an eye, but at the moment of impending destruction of the enemy he chooses non-violence."
  Reply With Quote
Old 02-10-2004, 08:56 AM   #45
vanstretch
Dojo: Kyushinkan
Location: Roswell,GA
Join Date: Aug 2003
Posts: 123
United_States
Offline
here's a funny gag guys= put on your gi and then place an empty 32oz coke plastic bottle in your armpit/concealed. when your partner does a sankyo, just sqeeze the bottle! sounds like a bone snapping-then scream-then laugh.
  Reply With Quote
Old 02-15-2004, 07:01 AM   #46
taras
Location: West Yorks and Merseyside, UK
Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 170
United Kingdom
Offline
I've recently read this on the net.

OSensei used to explain the moves in the terms that now could be called 'new age'-like. Once he was in the middle of explaining a move, when he extended his uke and said 'and now you should become one with the universe', and proceded to throw the uke down quite hard. The uke raised his voice from the floor: 'I can see the stars'
  Reply With Quote
Old 02-16-2004, 12:51 PM   #47
Jesse Lee
Dojo: Tenzan Aikido, formerly named Seattle Aikikai
Location: Seattle, WA
Join Date: Apr 2003
Posts: 94
Offline
Quote:
The uke raised his voice from the floor: 'I can see the stars'
LMAO!!!

We have this dyslexic devil-worshipping guy in our dojo that just sold his soul to Santa.

, can't find m s
  Reply With Quote
Old 02-16-2004, 03:31 PM   #48
Michael Hackett
Dojo: Kenshinkan Dojo (Aikido of North County) Vista, CA
Location: Oceanside, California
Join Date: Oct 2000
Posts: 1,133
Offline
Terrible story about the dyslexic devil worshipper! Dyslexics of the world Untie!

Michael
"Leave the gun. Bring the cannoli."
  Reply With Quote
Old 02-23-2004, 01:09 PM   #49
John Boswell
 
John Boswell's Avatar
Dojo: Aikido of Midland
Location: Midland, Texas
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 597
United_States
Offline
Saw a post where the owner of a dojo puts a sign outside that reads:
Quote:
I'm uke. You're uke.
Now THAT is funny !

  Reply With Quote
Old 02-24-2004, 12:07 AM   #50
Bronson
 
Bronson's Avatar
Dojo: Seiwa Dojo and Southside Dojo
Location: Battle Creek & Kalamazoo, MI
Join Date: Feb 2002
Posts: 1,677
Offline
Quote:
John Boswell wrote:
Saw a post where the owner of a dojo puts a sign outside that reads:

Now THAT is funny !
Hey that's us!! One of my past favorites was the "study judo and earn frequent flyer miles" sign

Bronson

"A pacifist is not really a pacifist if he is unable to make a choice between violence and non-violence. A true pacifist is able to kill or maim in the blink of an eye, but at the moment of impending destruction of the enemy he chooses non-violence."
  Reply With Quote

Please visit our sponsor:

Handmade Aikido Gifts - Handmade functional ceramic art with aikido themes



Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Don’t waste your time practicing AIKIDO Khaled General 155 12-16-2013 08:24 AM
Aikido in Amsterdam, Terry Lax style... tiyler_durden General 11 11-03-2008 08:31 AM
Women and Everybody Else in Aikido George S. Ledyard Teaching 113 03-16-2008 07:27 PM
Omoto-kyo Theology senshincenter Spiritual 77 12-04-2005 09:50 PM
Proposta organização do Aikido Portugal kimusubi0 Portuguese 0 05-03-2004 03:26 AM


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 12:23 AM.



vBulletin Copyright © 2000-2014 Jelsoft Enterprises Limited
----------
Copyright 1997-2014 AikiWeb and its Authors, All Rights Reserved.
----------
For questions and comments about this website:
Send E-mail
plainlaid-picaresque outchasing-protistan explicantia-altarage seaford-stellionate