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Go Back   AikiWeb Aikido Forums > Humor

Hello and thank you for visiting AikiWeb, the world's most active online Aikido community! This site is home to over 22,000 aikido practitioners from around the world and covers a wide range of aikido topics including techniques, philosophy, history, humor, beginner issues, the marketplace, and more.

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Old 06-23-2004, 08:03 PM   #26
Noel
Location: Rochester, NY
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Re: Unofficial Aikido forum FAQ (rated R for immature)

Ok Aleksey, here's a question I need an answer for:

How do I keep my beer from spilling when I take ukemi? My wife won't let me use my daughter's sippy cups (anymore), and it isn't polite to belch on landing. Any ideas?
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Old 06-23-2004, 08:27 PM   #27
Misogi-no-Gyo
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Re: Unofficial Aikido forum FAQ (rated R for immature)

Quote:
Aleksey Sundeyev wrote:
Gentlemen, please don't hesitate to continue your discussion regarding kuzushi in Laurent's own thread about kuzushi.
Aleksey,

I have spoken a bit about some of these things. These may be found here ---------> My Post on Shikaku

or here ---------> My post on Kuzushi and Shizen-Ni

or here ---------> Much a'do about misogi (building Kokyu power)

or my comments here --------->Huh? Did you say connection twice in one sentence?

I am sure that I have posted much more material on these subjects. Any cursory search here or on Aikido Journal should reveal additional thoughts I have taken the time to publicly jot down.

I no longer participate in or read the discussion forums here on AikiWeb due to the unfair and uneven treatment of people by the owner/administrator.
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Old 06-23-2004, 08:39 PM   #28
PeterR
 
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Re: Unofficial Aikido forum FAQ (rated R for immature)

Shaun you are injecting seriousness where seriousness shouldn't be (see the thread title) <--- bad Shaun bad.

Noel - try drinking out of a bottle like a real man. All you have to do is keep your thumb on the top during ukemi and make sure you get your mouth over the top real quick afterward.

Belching is kokyu power (very polite).

Last edited by PeterR : 06-23-2004 at 08:41 PM.

Peter Rehse Shodokan Aikido
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Old 06-23-2004, 09:26 PM   #29
Misogi-no-Gyo
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Re: Unofficial Aikido forum FAQ (rated R for immature)

Quote:
Peter Rehse wrote:
Shaun you are injecting seriousness where seriousness shouldn't be (see the thread title) <--- bad Shaun bad.
Now, now, Peter-San. That was me being funny - note use of humor in the wording I chose for the URL descriptions. HA-Ha-ha!

Last edited by Misogi-no-Gyo : 06-23-2004 at 09:34 PM. Reason: because I can...

I no longer participate in or read the discussion forums here on AikiWeb due to the unfair and uneven treatment of people by the owner/administrator.
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Old 06-23-2004, 11:17 PM   #30
shihonage
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Re: Unofficial Aikido forum FAQ (rated R for immature)

Quote:
Noel Kurth wrote:
Ok Aleksey, here's a question I need an answer for:

How do I keep my beer from spilling when I take ukemi? My wife won't let me use my daughter's sippy cups (anymore), and it isn't polite to belch on landing. Any ideas?
Bring it in frozen form, that will fix your spilling problem.
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Old 06-24-2004, 02:04 AM   #31
happysod
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Re: Unofficial Aikido forum FAQ (rated R for immature)

Noel, alternatively just soak your belt in your favorite tipple prior to class and suck on the ends when necessary.

Shaun, you're a comic genius!
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Old 06-24-2004, 11:58 AM   #32
Sue Trinidad
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Re: Unofficial Aikido forum FAQ (rated R for immature)

I can't believe nobody has posted this one:

Q: Doesn't that hurt?

I'll leave the answer to your tender mercies.
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Old 06-24-2004, 07:52 PM   #33
Noel
Location: Rochester, NY
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Re: Unofficial Aikido forum FAQ (rated R for immature)

I gotta try the belt thing. Otherwise the beer-sicle sounds like just the thing for these hot summer workouts.

BTW Sue, no it doesn't hurt, you still didn't find that nerve for yonkyo.
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Old 06-24-2004, 10:55 PM   #34
Robert Jackson
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Re: Unofficial Aikido forum FAQ (rated R for immature)

Couple of questions ya'll can probably answer better than me:

Does anyone know anything about my sensei "Soke Hokey".

and

My instuctor has been training for 30 years yet is only a nidan is he qualified to teach me?
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Old 06-25-2004, 03:00 AM   #35
happysod
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Re: Unofficial Aikido forum FAQ (rated R for immature)

Quote:
Robert Jackson wrote:
Does anyone know anything about my sensei "Soke Hokey".
lol, lol, IMHO (yeah, like people are humble in aikido), YMMV + other assorted bloody abbreviations which add nothing to the post while increasing readability not one jot - he's the younger less well known brother of that martial art's genius and dance floor guru the Hokey Kokyo Shihan. Soke Hokey suffered from not being able to bring his left leg out correctly, but is otherwise technically competent.

Quote:
My instructor has been training for 30 years yet is only a nidan is he qualified to teach me?
No, he's obviously a fraud, deny him immediately and begin a search for a higher, more enlightened one, preferably with patches and a white hakama as everyone knows white hakamas are more spiritually impressive.

Ian [off his meds 'cos its Friday]

Oh, almost forgot one - now get back to training (implication, you've stopped practicing as you're now posting on the internet thingy. My duty even though I don't know you is to correct you over this as you're now addicted to posting and will never get back on the mat, also makes me sound wise and mature so I like it)
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Old 06-25-2004, 03:49 AM   #36
shihonage
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Re: Unofficial Aikido forum FAQ (rated R for immature)

Terrible news !
Soke Hokey is dead.
Preliminary autopsy suggests the death was caused by an addiction to Internet forums known as Aikiweb.

According to late witnesses, the great master has abandoned his Aikido practice because he put a certain forum member on Ignore, and there was no one to remind him to get back on the mat every time he made a post !

Soke Hokey, a former grandmaster of Hokey-do, is succeeded by his son, Okey Dokey, who is known to be pretty low-key.

Last edited by shihonage : 06-25-2004 at 03:55 AM.
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Old 06-25-2004, 12:40 PM   #37
Keith_k
Dojo: Kim's Hapkido
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Re: Unofficial Aikido forum FAQ (rated R for immature)

What a shame that Soke Hokey has passed on. I heard they had a terrible time getting him in the coffin. They put his right leg in, they took his right leg out, they put his right leg in.....
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Old 06-25-2004, 04:59 PM   #38
Noel
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Re: Unofficial Aikido forum FAQ (rated R for immature)

Poor Soke. Did Soke Hokey graduate from Virginia Tech by any chance?
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Old 06-26-2004, 10:52 AM   #39
John Boswell
 
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Re: Unofficial Aikido forum FAQ (rated R for immature)

I'm not sure if this is true or not, but my sempai said that sensei told him that his best friend from Japan told him that word on the street is that Soke Hokey was assassinated by the Yakuza! Seems he was teaching the super-secret, direct O'Sensei teachings of "Turnyo Self Aboutinage." It's a highly sophisticated 360' tenkan move... at least, that's what I'm told it was all about.

SHHHHHHUSH! Don't tell anyone! It's an secret.

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Old 07-07-2004, 10:11 AM   #40
happysod
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Re: Unofficial Aikido forum FAQ (rated R for immature)

------- AIKIWEB FORUMS UNOFFICIAL FAQ addendum - the long answers--

Q. Does aikido work on the street
A. No, aikido only works on tatami and grass.

Aikido was unfortunately developed in the countryside so street-work was not considered until post WWII. This lead to the controversial split between traditional aikido and Innercity Aikido which holds that the true aikido movement for the modern world is "Nosteppi Onkraks". Traditionalists prefer the much older "breaking wind on hay" movements and claim their fluidity and follow through techniques are still as relevant today as they have ever been.

Q. Doesn't that hurt ?
A. No, that doesn't hurt as Ueshiba sayeth unto the Assamites in his letters to the Philistines that "he who is without ice-cream needs to get to the shops".

While this is a literal translation of the original Dojonese and thus open to several interpretations, it is obvious from other books that I'm unable to recall at the moment but which prove my point that it is our attitude to aikido which determines whether pain exists or not. Practicing aikido with the correct spirit (and earplugs or loud music) means that the sound of pain should never be truly heard within a proper aikido dojo.

Q. Are gradings needed
A. Even I'm not stupid enough to touch that one with a barge pole...

OT - John, your information is incorrect and any future referral to such a ridiculous and obviously mythical technique may result in your pet hamster wearing concrete slippers and your favorite fighting cricket committing seppuka. The Yakuza are not, have never been nor will be in the future ever connected with Soke Hokey or his collection of dojo/gambling halls.
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Old 07-10-2004, 03:40 PM   #41
Melissa Fischer
Dojo: Tenzan Aikido/Seattle Holistic Center
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Re: Unofficial Aikido forum FAQ (rated R for immature)

hi, My question is; would this be a good place for me to air my extreme opinions on religious issues and politics even though it has nothing to do with Aikido or the hokey pokey? No one else will listen and I have a lot to say and all the time in the world to say it.
duomo aeriegotno
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Old 07-11-2004, 04:31 PM   #42
Kyri Honigh
Dojo: Aikido Curacao
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Re: Unofficial Aikido forum FAQ (rated R for immature)

HAHAHHAHAHAH!!!! Cough!!! aheemmmm....aheeemmmm MUHAHHAHAHAHA!!! Keep it going, keep it going!
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Old 07-13-2004, 10:56 AM   #43
NagaBaba
 
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Re: Unofficial Aikido forum FAQ (rated R for immature)

Q: Are there punches in aikido?
A: Yes there are.

Q: So why we don't practice it?
A: Because it is painful, and we, aikido fighters, we don't like pain.

Q: Are there kicks in aikido?
A: Yes there are.

Q: So why we don't practice it?
A: Because hitting somebody with leg is disgraceful, dishonest and humiliating.

Q: Are there effective defenses against kicks in aikido?
A: Yes there are.

Q: So why we don't practice it?
A: Because it is deadly dangerous for attacker.

Q: Can you defend yourself on the street with aikido techniques?
A: yes, you can.

Q: But how come?
A: You must do a tenkan.

Q: Can you defend yourself against a hook?
A: You must do a tenkan.

Q: Can you defend yourself against a series of punches
A: You must do a series of tenkan.

Q: What if those punches would be very fast?
A: You must do a series of very fast tenkans.

Q: Can you defend yourself against a legs take down
A: You must do a tenkan.

Q: Can you defend yourself against a gun?
A: You must do a tenkan.

Q: How we can develop spiritual side of aikido?
A: Slowly.

Q: What is unbendable arm?
A: It is the arm that nobody can bend.

Q: How fast I can get black belt?
A: It depends of the distance to the closest Budo store.

Q: Why in aikido there are so many organizations fighting each other, in spite of beautiful words of Founder
A: Who cares? Better go practice. Let those organizers bite each other.

Q: Can aikidoka cross train?
A: Yes, he can.

Q: But what other MA can I train?
A: It depends of amount of time and money you have.

Q: Oh, by the way, I wonder, is aikido effective on the street?
A: yes, it is.

Q: What happens with a member of the Board that has read FAQ and still asking stupid questions?
A: He gets stupid answers.

Q: What happens with a member of the Board that too lazy to use search function and still asking stupid questions?
A: He gets no answers.

Nagababa

ask for divine protection Ame no Murakumo Kuki Samuhara no Ryuo
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Old 07-13-2004, 05:59 PM   #44
aikido_dragon
 
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Re: Unofficial Aikido forum FAQ (rated R for immature)

OMG....I can't stop laughing !!!
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Old 07-13-2004, 06:09 PM   #45
shihonage
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Re: Unofficial Aikido forum FAQ (rated R for immature)

Hehe, Szczepan , loved the "tenkan" series

Last edited by shihonage : 07-13-2004 at 06:18 PM.
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Old 08-08-2004, 04:44 PM   #46
amberlee
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Re: Unofficial Aikido forum FAQ (rated R for immature)

Those were great Aleksey! I now have a sore stomach and hot soup all over me. oh well I had a good laugh
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Old 08-30-2004, 07:52 AM   #47
Nick Simpson
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Re: Unofficial Aikido forum FAQ (rated R for immature)

"I do not appreciate the insult. Many people have this question, as it is a serious matter. Take caution in your tone!"

What you gonna do? Suicide Bomb him?....

They're all screaming about the rock n roll, but I would say that it's getting old. - REFUSED.
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Old 10-13-2004, 11:16 AM   #48
Raziel
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Re: Unofficial Aikido forum FAQ (rated R for immature)

Hi all, I'm new to here,

In reply to Szczepan Janczuk,

Q : What if someone drive a car and willing to knock me off?
A : Turn your steering to do a Tenkan.( yes, car can do Tenkan, you saw it many times from car special stun performance)

Q : What if I was chased by a tomahawk missle?
A : You must do a Tenkan.

Q : How do I defence myself from tax offical?
A : You must do a Tenkan

Q : What if my opponent is a very beautiful girl?
A : You must do Irimi.
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Old 10-19-2004, 06:36 AM   #49
Tim Gerrard
 
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Re: Unofficial Aikido forum FAQ (rated R for immature)

Quote:
Tan Woei Kuan wrote:
Q : What if someone drive a car and willing to knock me off?
Ah yes, but in Aikido we hope to end the fight before it starts. ie. Nick his car keys and bottle him before he realises. or rohipnol his drink while he or she's in the toilet....

Aikido doesn't work? My Aikido works, what on earth are you practicing?!
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