Shunning

I am wondering what, if any, experience people have had in the dojo with social shunning. That is, your training partners continue to train with you as required but cease to do previously customary social chit-chat, omit other minor social pleasantries and seem to make a point of avoiding you or not including you in conversations.

I've had experience with this in aikido and another art; I can't help but think the obvious common denominator is, after all, me! But then I never was someone who was very perceptive or savvy about playing political games, just into training. I'm just curious if anyone else has had any such experiences, how it affected their training and what they did about it.

Sounds like more info is needed on the background of your situation. Humans will be humans, this sort of thing happens, but is there something in particular in your case that set this off?

Anonymous User wrote: I am wondering what, if any, experience people have had in the dojo with social shunning. That is, your training partners continue to train with you as required but cease to do previously customary social chit-chat, omit other minor social pleasantries and seem to make a point of avoiding you or not including you in conversations. I've had experience with this in aikido and another art; I can't help but think the obvious common denominator is, after all, me! But then I never was someone who was very perceptive or savvy about playing political games, just into training. I'm just curious if anyone else has had any such experiences, how it affected their training and what they did about it.

Granted, more background is always good, but looking at it from a different angle, perhaps there was too much chit chat going on? Our dojo has a good energy, and we regularly work on having puns whenever possible. However occasionally we get a student that I feel would rather chat on the mat than work out, so unfortunately when that happens, we do not talk about anything but Aikido with that person in order to make a point.

So yes, as much as I would like to mention I went to go see the new Mad Max film (it's glorious, by the way!), if I feel that there is too much distraction on the mat, I will not mention anything but Aikido on the mat as a way to set the tone. And yes, it also probably means that if you start to talk about your project for school or work as soon as we bow to each other, I will most likely cut you off and focus purely on training. It's not that I don't care about you, nor is it that I don't want anyone to fun. It's just that if the balance between fun and training is off, I am going to have to assume that students don't have a good idea of what is crossing the line, so I will have to limit that kind of fun entirely.

--Ashley

Anonymous User wrote: I am wondering what, if any, experience people have had in the dojo with social shunning. That is, your training partners continue to train with you as required but cease to do previously customary social chit-chat, omit other minor social pleasantries and seem to make a point of avoiding you or not including you in conversations. I've had experience with this in aikido and another art; I can't help but think the obvious common denominator is, after all, me! But then I never was someone who was very perceptive or savvy about playing political games, just into training. I'm just curious if anyone else has had any such experiences, how it affected their training and what they did about it.

Hm. So, on the one hand, you say that you have been used to engage in "minor social pleasantries", but on the other hand, you say that you are "just into training" and don't play "political games". Is one person's social pleasantry another person's political game? Or does it depend purely on whether you're included?

That's not a j'accuse, just pointing out that we can't know what you mean by those phrases. There are all sorts of reasons why someone might choose more distance or more formality in their interactions with another person, and many ways they may choose to do it.

Is this a dojo wide thing, or just one person?

As others have said, it's impossible to offer much guidance without more information.

Generally speaking, one creates distance from another person because that person has behaved offensively in some way. The solution is therefore to remedy the offensive behavior. Or else to decide that the offended person is overly sensitive and can be ignored.

Katherine

Anonymous User wrote: I am wondering what, if any, experience people have had in the dojo with social shunning. That is, your training partners continue to train with you as required but cease to do previously customary social chit-chat, omit other minor social pleasantries and seem to make a point of avoiding you or not including you in conversations. I've had experience with this in aikido and another art; I can't help but think the obvious common denominator is, after all, me! But then I never was someone who was very perceptive or savvy about playing political games, just into training. I'm just curious if anyone else has had any such experiences, how it affected their training and what they did about it.

I experienced this behavior in my last club. It was a slow progression. I trained with 10 Yudansha who's Aikido was wanting. As time passed by (5 years), my Aikido got better while theirs stagnated. When your Aikido starts getting better and theirs doesn't is the underlying problem. Especially if you are 1 or 2 Kyu student. At high grade (Yudansha) retreats my name was bantered around as the uke from hell. And it stuck. A very senior member and teacher makes a point of walking up to people sitting beside me to wish them a grand hello and completely ignores me. I have never shown this person any wrong, uncivil or disrespectful behavior. Grading was also hampered by these so called Yudansha teachers who influenced the Dojo Cho. Yes the boss!

My relationship with beginners was impeccable, as they are our the future of the club. Beginners always feel uncomfortable when first entering on to the mat. The Yudansha are all in a huddle so beginners always headed towards you the high Kyu grades before training commenced.

I CHANGED clubs to a Traditional Iwama style Aikido 7 months ago. None of this crap happens at my new club. I was welcomed with open arms and my Aikido spoke for itself. I grade to Ikkyu in September and the Dojo Cho is my only teacher. I should have moved 4 years ago. Another member at my new club was also a student at my old club. He quit when he was a 4 Kyu. Same nonsense. He is now a Shodan.

So yes this is a problem in some Aikido Ryu so my new teacher informs me. Its called huge EGO'S.