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Old 10-05-2014, 04:36 PM   #1
gcsr
Join Date: May 2013
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Rivalry in Dojo

Well , in all my years of begin in a dojo enviroment I've never come across anyone who actualy told me they were jealous of me but I finaly did. How it happened was I was told openly i would be testing for second brown apporaching my final kyu grade of brown , the group was neither happy or upset at the time everyone seemed happy so I thought. A week went by and one of the aikidoka was very withdrawn from me , me begin me I just continued on doing what i do TRAIN, I'm not the kinda person who dwells on advancement or testing or anything I just go and train I try to stay focused on what im doing and not on others. Well one day after practice the aikidoka confronted me to tell me how upset he was that he was passed over and why was he not chosen. I realy did not know what to say to him but I was sorry he felt that way. He did tell me he did think I was very good at what i do my techniques and training and he felt i deserved it and that i do but the time in and never miss a training day. Well i did try to confort him and told him, he and others were the reason i was begin given my second brown demo, i told him if it was not for him and the other "UKES/Students I would not be were I'm at in this stage of my journey, I went on to tell him Aikido is not a single man/woman sport but a group effort when we train, he seem to understand, I just need your thoughts if any of you have ever gone thru this and what did you do or say to make others feel as if they contributed to your sucess?
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Old 10-05-2014, 11:13 PM   #2
Janet Rosen
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Re: Rivalry in Dojo

I have been very slow to test and have been in the opposite situation many times over the years, reassuring folks that their advancing past me had nothing to do with ME and was just a reflection of their training.
So here you have somebody who after a while of sulking was at least mature enough to open up on what for him was a sore subject.
It is emphatically his problem and not your's.
You reassured him of your appreciation for him. Beyond that, if he feels the dojocho is being unfair, that is surely not your problem.
You cannot "make" anybody "feel" a certain way.

Janet Rosen
http://www.zanshinart.com
"peace will enter when hate is gone"--percy mayfield
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Old 10-06-2014, 07:38 AM   #3
gcsr
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Re: Rivalry in Dojo

Thank You for replying I was realy taking back by the whole event, I did feel it was very mature of him/her and i was glad he/she removed it off his chest I was just real unsure what i was needing to do on my part since once again I've never seen anything like this. I believe my dojo is very fair. The person I speak of does not attend class on a Regular so I think maybe he/she was upset with the fact that he/she needs to attend more but finanicial reason and obligations get in his way. Where's I'm retired. I do not have the burden of work. But at my age I'm still very atheletic. I'm not real sure why he was so bothered. But thank you for your input I realy welcome all schools of thought on this.
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Old 10-06-2014, 11:19 AM   #4
tim evans
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Re: Rivalry in Dojo

I can relate to this post because it happened to me.i have been a 4th kyu for 2 years and double the hours needed to test for 3rd kyu. Due to half my left lung being gone I dread testing but still think I could have passed it giving a shot but to my surprise 2 lower rank 4th kyus were given a opportunity to test over me and it rocked me to the core.So much so I considered quitting I took 3weeks off after they tested becuz I didn,t want to hear about it and get my head straight.Now a few months later it,s better but still aches a little bit. BTW I reason I,m reluctant to test is the medical issue I have not the test technique part.

one of the "corn fed boys"
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Old 10-06-2014, 12:07 PM   #5
NagaBaba
 
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Re: Rivalry in Dojo

If somebody is crying the best way to confront him is to buy a pack of cleenex.

Nagababa

ask for divine protection Ame no Murakumo Kuki Samuhara no Ryuo
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Old 10-06-2014, 12:17 PM   #6
tim evans
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Re: Rivalry in Dojo

No crying here.just relating to the OP issue

one of the "corn fed boys"
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Old 10-06-2014, 01:37 PM   #7
Hellis
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Re: Rivalry in Dojo

The great Budoka Kenshiro Abbe Sensei would often say " no matter your pretence, you are what you are - nothing more " - It is much more satisfying to be under graded than over graded.

Henry Ellis
Co-author ` Positive Aikido `.
http://britishaikido.blogspot.com/
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