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Old 02-05-2014, 03:59 PM   #1
"Stuck"
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How do you deal with.....

a person in the dojo of higher rank than you who is muttering stuff, including swear words, under their breath, occasionally out of frustration on their part, because they cannot believe that I do not "get" certain things as fast as they do.

The first time i just let it slide. Tonight this person actually swore, not necessarily at me but under their breath but loud enough for me to hear it since i was their uke and it happened as i got up. Not being totally %100 sure of what was said - because they are foreigners and not natives of the country i live in - but it sure sounded like "fucking hell" no matter how you disguise it with an accent, I said i learn slow to them after i got up. I left it at that but it has been eating at me ever since and i dont know what to do.

I show up for every class and put the effort in but maybe that is what is causing it. I go three times a wee. Maybe i am just trying to hard to get it right and need to back off. I dont know.

Now, the way i see it, it is a bad outcome for me either way and i dont like it. They can deny it by saying they did not say that. And if i confront them all that will do is sour the relationship and i sure as heck dont want to train with somebody like that. In our school we are more or less forced to work with people and there is no way out of it as it is the sensei's that pair groups. I will just leave and go someplace else. I really dont need that crap. I praise this person when i see them do good and have always shown respect by bowing and thanking.

I can leave it at that and make nothing of it but it really got to me and my confidence is already knocked because of other reasons.

I need some help on this please
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Old 02-05-2014, 04:13 PM   #2
Janet Rosen
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Re: How do you deal with.....

A couple of thoughts:

Is there any possibility he is cursing at himself for not doing something as well as he wanted?

Are you getting negative feedback from other seniors? Or is it just this fellow who has an attitude problem? Any advice I might offer would be really dependent on your reply because you indicate there are other things affecting your self-confidence....and many of the responses I can think of are based on this student being an outlier in an otherwise ok dojo, which calls for you to keep your inner balance and respond with humor...whereas if the dojo as a whole is posing a problem that's really different...so I won't say more until/unless you can offer more context ...

Janet Rosen
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"peace will enter when hate is gone"--percy mayfield
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Old 02-05-2014, 04:38 PM   #3
"Stuck"
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Re: How do you deal with.....

Both times this happened it was right after i got up and , or, did not "get it" when practicing with this person. I am a white belt wit two months or so and they have been red since i started. I do not think that this person was cursing at themselves.

I should have said excuse me right then and there tonight and that probably would have ended it but i did not.

No negative feedback from anybody else other than you need to do this and do it this way which is to be expected. I can handle being told i am not doing it right and this is how to do it. I will even bow after that out of respect for trying to teach me. That is not the issue.

Sofar it is just this one person and it has happened twice since i have been there and i have been there two months. I do not want this to blow up. It is their frustration for me and not mine that caused this person to say that.

Reason my confidence is knocked a bit because of previous trauma prior to starting aikido and the way i was brought up.

I am not confrontational and am afraid of hurting people in the dojo so i go slow and try not to hurt them. I try to get the technique though but i really do struggle with some of the red belt moves even after having done them now for a few hours.

Maybe i am just expecting too much of myself and they are expecting too much of me as well. I am in no rush to get red. I want to know this stuff and i could care less if i stay white all the way to black belt. This matters not to me. Sure it is nice to see progress but i am doing this to learn.

In the beginning every time i got a new partner there would be different things shown to me it seems. Some tried to just show me the basic shomen uchi ikkajo osae ich with not too much emphasis on the legs. The next time it was wrong since i did not do the correct legwork. So i try to do the legwork right and then find out that i am not extending Ki on the hand and turning it in towards center. Most of my issues where just being taught bit by bit the right way of doing it and i can see that now. But i still don't get some things.

I just do not want to think about this person critizing me like that and that is what that was, i think.
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Old 02-05-2014, 06:18 PM   #4
lbb
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Re: How do you deal with.....

It sounds like a difficult situation. I don't envy you. I have to say, it seems like you've come up with a very elaborate story -- all without talking to this person. You could be 100% right about what's going on, but honestly, with a story that detailed, you're most likely getting a big chunk of it wrong. You know some things; we on Aikiweb know less than that. Your partner knows the rest. I don't see how you can hope to resolve a conflict without speaking with the person you've got a conflict with, the sooner the better.

Another thing to consider, re: "i still don't get some things" -- the experience of constantly finding new things you're doing wrong is a large part of aikido training, especially in the beginning (further down the road, it becomes mixed in with finding old things that you're still doing wrong). If you were mostly going along feeling confident that you were doing things right, that would be a danger sign! This is what martial arts training is like, and most people don't find it to their liking. The frustration of constantly having a new level to reach, rather than being able to rest on your laurels, is an experience that not many people can tolerate. You will always "still not get some things". There will always be someone who's better than you. Being honest with yourself, is that something you can learn to be comfortable with?
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Old 02-05-2014, 06:46 PM   #5
"Stuck"
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Re: How do you deal with.....

I agree with you ibb and the more i think and the more time has passed the more i am thinking that she could have just said what she did out of pain from standing up or something like that. But a pain inspired "effing heck" sounds different than what i heard which was a muffled, quit and soft under the breath type of "effing heck". This could not have been as a result of me being too hard on the uke either as i far too soft on people out of fear of hurting them.

I dont know. I am very sensitive to that kind of criticism if indeed it was directed my way. I will let it go and hope it does not happen again. What was said is out of this persons character as well from what i have seen of them so this makes it ever more strange. What i do not want is animosity or bad feelings towards each other on the mat. I can let this go even though i ate me up earlier.

Time away did make a difference and made me think that it could have been pain and totally unrelated. That is the benefit of thinking and having the time to do it. Maybe i just made a rushed decision to believe that it was directed towards me when it wasn't. Maybe it was directed at me. One thing is sure. If there is a next time i will question them as far as what they meant if i hear anything like that again.

Thanks for letting me vent i guess
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Old 02-05-2014, 06:56 PM   #6
"Stuck"
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Re: How do you deal with.....

I am far from confident when it comes to stuff since i know i get lots wrong and only a fool would be confident then. But then again i am a white belt. If i knew what i was doing then i would not be a white belt. I am a humble learner and i know i make mistakes. I am not over confident by any stretch of the imagination.

I could spent the next year or two just learning the stuff for red belt and still not get it right on the day of testing. During shomen uchi ikkajo there is usually one thing that i am forgeting be it footwork, forgetting to ki my hand .............

It's ok. For me it's the joy of learning and doing things that keeps me coming back even if i look like a fool who does still not know what they are doing. I still enjoy it. I have never done any MA at all. Nor have i done anything remotely close to it that also involves great feats of coordination that could have helped me.

I just shut up and train. Every week. Even if i get things wrong.

Anyway...thank you
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Old 02-06-2014, 06:47 AM   #7
lbb
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Re: How do you deal with.....

Quote:
Anonymous User wrote: View Post
I agree with you ibb and the more i think and the more time has passed the more i am thinking that she could have just said what she did out of pain from standing up or something like that. But a pain inspired "effing heck" sounds different than what i heard which was a muffled, quit and soft under the breath type of "effing heck". This could not have been as a result of me being too hard on the uke either as i far too soft on people out of fear of hurting them.
Again, this is an elaborate story. Can you try reversing the roles for a minute? Imagine someone else making up a story like this about something you'd done -- a casual remark, a look, something like that. Imagine someone else deciding what you "could not have" meant by it and what you "could not have" experienced in that situation, and judging you accordingly. Imagine that they've decided all kinds of things about your attitude and your character. How does it feel? Does it perhaps feel as if you'd like to have a chance to tell your side of the story, rather than the other party making it up for you and deciding that things "could not have been" any different?

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Anonymous User wrote: View Post
I dont know. I am very sensitive to that kind of criticism if indeed it was directed my way.
And if it wasn't directed your way, if it wasn't criticism at all? Being "very sensitive" to bad data is a sure way to come to a lot of incorrect conclusions.

Quote:
Anonymous User wrote: View Post
I will let it go and hope it does not happen again. What was said is out of this persons character as well from what i have seen of them so this makes it ever more strange. What i do not want is animosity or bad feelings towards each other on the mat. I can let this go even though i ate me up earlier.
Letting it eat you up was a mistake. Maybe you can "let it go", but I predict if this happens again, both the previous incidents will come right back up with interest. And you still won't know what's going on. You'll still be "eaten up" by your own story about someone else's behavior. Because, make no mistake, right now it's your story alone that's eating you.

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Anonymous User wrote: View Post
Time away did make a difference and made me think that it could have been pain and totally unrelated. That is the benefit of thinking and having the time to do it. Maybe i just made a rushed decision to believe that it was directed towards me when it wasn't. Maybe it was directed at me. One thing is sure. If there is a next time i will question them as far as what they meant if i hear anything like that again.
I wouldn't wait for the next time. Talk to this person now, and listen to what they say.
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Old 02-06-2014, 08:31 AM   #8
Brian Gillaspie
 
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Re: How do you deal with.....

Quote:
Anonymous User wrote: View Post

Sofar it is just this one person and it has happened twice since i have been there and i have been there two months. I do not want this to blow up. It is their frustration for me and not mine that caused this person to say
For me personally if it only happened twice and I was not completely clear what or why it was said I would let it go. Maybe they were mad at themselves for taking a bad fall...I've done that many times.

If you think you need to address it then I would follow Mary's advice and deal with it now. If it is bothering you as much as your posts indicate then I think you are just going to be stressed out waiting for something bad that may or may not ever happen again.
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Old 02-06-2014, 11:11 AM   #9
Rob Watson
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Re: How do you deal with.....

2 months? Give it time. I find some beginners, when performing technique, try to be over protective and even attempt to hold uke up so as not to hurt them ... this is remarkably dangerous for everyone.

I've been going at it since 1992 and still get things wrong more often than not it seems. You get used to it and move on. Non attachment applies to the negative as well as the positive - let it go.

"In my opinion, the time of spreading aikido to the world is finished; now we have to focus on quality." Yamada Yoshimitsu

Ultracrepidarianism ... don't.
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Old 02-06-2014, 01:41 PM   #10
Janet Rosen
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Re: How do you deal with.....

Let it go. Even IF it was a reaction to something you did or did not do....that is HER problem, not your's. Kill her with kindness: treat her with the cordial respect you show all others in the dojo and that you would like to receive. Whether or not she learns from your example, you cannot be responsible for, but you will know you are demonstrating being the best student you can, which is all you can do.

Janet Rosen
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"peace will enter when hate is gone"--percy mayfield
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Old 02-06-2014, 11:58 PM   #11
Krystal Locke
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Re: How do you deal with.....

I cuss at myself for my crap ukemi, crap zanshin, generally crap aikido. All my dojo pals but for my partner take it in stride, shee thinks I am cussing at her. Pain in the ass. Cant a girl kiai quietly once in a while?

It almost certainly is not about you. Talk to them about it the next time it happens. Dont let it affect your training much, other than to just ask what's up when cussy nage is cussing.
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Old 02-07-2014, 12:51 AM   #12
Eva Antonia
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Re: How do you deal with.....

Dear anonymous,

for me it's as for Krystal, only more on beginner's level - I constantly swear and draw angry faces because there are so many things that don't turn out as they should. Most of my dojo mates became familiar with "Scheiße!" and "Hasssiktir!", which are the appropriate exclamations in these circumstances for me. And yes, it happened also that I got the impression one or the other uke thought the abuse was directed at him, and it happened more than one time that I apologised and said, no, it was directed at myself, at the technique and at aikido as such.

I wouldn't think too much of it if I were you. Not everyone has the same temper and patience. We accept to be confronted with our own inadequateness at every single training lesson; some take it with Christian humility or zen attitude, and some others are exasperated and angry. I very rarely saw people taking it out against their training partner. If you are somewhere in the middling kyu ranks, you are used to white belts grasping the concepts very slowly, and you are still used to grasping very slowly yourself. So sometimes something goes wrong, and you swear like "fucking hell!" or anything else that slips out easily and provides an adequate non-violent outlet for your wrath - but without any bad intention in most cases.

All the best,

Eva
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Old 02-07-2014, 02:02 PM   #13
James Sawers
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Re: How do you deal with.....

Sorry, but am I the only one here that sees a person taking up a martial art, but is concerned about his hurt feelings, as odd.....????
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Old 02-07-2014, 02:47 PM   #14
Dave de Vos
 
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Re: How do you deal with.....

Quote:
James Sawers wrote: View Post
Sorry, but am I the only one here that sees a person taking up a martial art, but is concerned about his hurt feelings, as odd.....????
I think for many people hurt feelings are harder to deal with than physical pain, so I don't find this odd at all.
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Old 02-07-2014, 05:07 PM   #15
"Stuck"
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Re: How do you deal with.....

I asked this person tonight if i hurt them on Wednesday's class and was that the reason they cussed. They said no. I pressed further and asked if it was my inability to "get it" that they swore and they said yes.

I did suspect that it was directed towards me and my instinct was correct.

I accidentally posted this response while logged in and some of you may know my persona. I am fine with this however i would like for this to remain "nameless". Mods deleted the named response, i think.I am so used to logging in first and am not really concerned, too much, about giving my name away anymore. There is a chance the person in question reads this but not likely as english is not their main language. Nonetheless i want this to remain anonymous.

I think Janet's response is the most sound. Just be an example for somebody that swears on the mat and treats people like that. I do not think it is my job to change their behavior even though she wants to change mine rather vigorously.

On the mat i treat people like i want to be treated. I was welcomed with real warmth and that was a wonderful feeling for somebody who lacks confidence and is shy. On the mat aikido has had the ability to help me change myself into a person i want to be. On the mat i get a kick out of all the customs and showing each other respect by bowing. I dont overdo it but i do enjoy it.

For some of you aikido is just some "thing" you do a couple of times a week to stay fit. For some it is for self defense. For some it is a means of getting to socialize with people. For some it is all of the above.

Aikido has helped me in so many ways i would have trouble listing them as the list is getting long. I am no longer as impulsive as i was. My confidence is growing. When you have been in the pit of despair and want to end your life because you think that is the only way out having something to live for is the light that was kept away for so long.

Quote:
James Sawers wrote: View Post
Sorry, but am I the only one here that sees a person taking up a martial art, but is concerned about his hurt feelings, as odd.....????
You can beat me senseless. You can make me bleed but the wounds will heal. You can give me bruises but they will go away, eventually.

Hurt me emotionally and that bruise will stay a long time unless dealt with. Yes, i care about my feelings and you should too.

We all are taking aikido for our own reasons and i have mine. I was in a very dark deep place for most of my life due to the way i was brought up and the way i was treated as a kid so when i see frustration, anger, or whatever you want to call it come my way simply because i do not live up to their expectations it hurts.

I am not there to live up to your expectations of me. I will learn at my own pace but not having the confidence to deal with people on that level can be painful hence i came here to ask for help. I was not always able to ask for help. Aikido is helping me build myself up again. I have seen, and felt, some terrible stuff when i grew up. Stuff that i wish nobody would ever go through. I have a very hard time trusting people but now we are getting into some weird realm that probably should not be aired here as i am dealing with this somewhere else

Aikido has changed my life, if not saved it, and i am thankful for it. I know it sounds incredible but it is.

Thank you for your time
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Old 02-07-2014, 05:56 PM   #16
Janet Rosen
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Re: How do you deal with.....

Well said.

Janet Rosen
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Old 02-08-2014, 07:21 AM   #17
Mary Eastland
 
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Re: How do you deal with.....

Hey Stuck,

I really appreciate how you just expressed yourself. Thank you.

The person who is muttering may think it is about you...but it is not. It really is that person's frustration with not being able to deal with the now. That person is not as enlightened as you are yet because that person is blaming you for their own feelings. Try to be patient with that person if you want to.

I hope you continue your training...my training has helped me and continues to help me deal with my past and my present.

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Old 02-08-2014, 07:23 AM   #18
Mary Eastland
 
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Re: How do you deal with.....

Quote:
James Sawers wrote: View Post
Sorry, but am I the only one here that sees a person taking up a martial art, but is concerned about his hurt feelings, as odd.....????
Hi James,

Odd? Or just different? When we meet ourselves on the mat it can be painful. We can choose to look and change or look away and explain. It really takes a lot of courage. Maybe you are just not there yet.

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Old 02-08-2014, 09:14 PM   #19
Krystal Locke
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Re: How do you deal with.....

Alrighty then. You have already done the hard part and got the information you needed. Yup, sempai's cussing and judgement was indeed at and about you. Sorta.

Mary's spot on, sempai's behavior is about sempai. If sempai is doing something you find unsafe or cant train with, tell her. We all have different comfort levels and if she actually impinges upon yours, good self defense suggests squeaking about it. If you really dont think the convo would go well, talk to sensei about it. The word sensei means "I've been through this shit before and I am here to help you through it."

Now, if one of my sempai (and I have plenty) cusses at me about me and my performance, it is because they know I can hear the message in the profanity. That's because they know me pretty damn well. They know I appreciate the human connection, intensity, and honesty that is all wound up in "Damn, Krystal, you ok? Because the ukemi you just took was some fucked up bullshit. That shiho nage wouldn't move a fly. What the hell are you doing, smoking crack?" Even my sensei has straight up actually told me my aikido sucks. When it sucks. But I joined the dojo with a fully ripened vocabulary and it took everyone about 5 seconds to see that my blue language was just emphasis and decoration, accurate description, hardly ever personal. Freed them up to tell me the truth as they understand it. Helps my learning for them to speak my language.

Speaking of language, I am finding it odd that your sempai is cussing about you at you in their second language. That's a really risky move on sempai's part. It may be that she doesn't get that the nifty bad words she learned have more impact in your culture than in hers. She might not even know exactly what the words mean. She may think she's being cool and personable. You could pull off a sweet tenkan next time she cusses at you. Ask her how she'd say the same thing in her native language.
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Old 02-09-2014, 06:57 AM   #20
charyuop
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Re: How do you deal with.....

I personally do not justify cussing doing class as ann appropriate thing to do. I see it as a lack of respect towards the art, the teacher and the person I am working with. Sure I get frustrated for doing things wrong as well, but using bad words doesn't help do things right.

I agree that you should talk to the person and clear things out. Above all since it seems you are working with the same person all the time (I thought in aikido you practice with everyone, but that might differ from dojo to dojo).
Dear anonymous, you have to understand one thing about aikido. It is not the attacker that learns the technique and the defender who is your dummy. You learn both when you are nage and when you are uke. When you receive a technique as uke, feel what is happening. Study the attacker movements. Try to keep your center the whole time, don't just be passive. Think that if it was a matter of life you would not just give up, sure let nage work, but it does not mean just be jerked around.
Once you understand this concept, you can understand that an experienced uke can help a beginner nage in directing him/her towards the right direction. So just saying you suck does not show a good partner work. Like in the ikkyo example you did. I can be a rock to show you that you are doing it wrong and when I feel you are adjusting correctly I can work guiding you the right path. That way I learn myself how to correct that kind of mistake.

But first thing, go talk to that guy. If he was indeed addressing to you, you can always ask sensei to change partner.

Last edited by charyuop : 02-09-2014 at 07:01 AM.
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Old 02-09-2014, 06:07 PM   #21
Krystal Locke
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Re: How do you deal with.....

Quote:
Gianluigi Pizzuto wrote: View Post
I personally do not justify cussing doing class as ann appropriate thing to do. I see it as a lack of respect towards the art, the teacher and the person I am working with. Sure I get frustrated for doing things wrong as well, but using bad words doesn't help do things right.
You clearly haven't heard any of my sensei's jokes, then. Respect comes in a wide variety of packages. A dojo mate from way back found himself somehow miraculously in an elevator alone with Hulk Hogan, of all people. Doug is not huge, but he was a wily midkyu at the time, and Hulk Hogan is actually ginormous. Doug didn't want to be rude and not acknowledge his good fortune of getting an elevator trip with Hulk, so he grinned, sidled up beside Mr. Hogan and said....... "WUSS." Doug says Hogan laughed, shook Doug's hand, and they had a nice talk about ukemi for a few floors. There was respect there.

I was working a concert, couple thousand people I had to pat down. A woman rolls up in a wheelchair, one of those motorized deals for folks with very little function and physical control. Guy behind her says "You gonna be a jerk and pat her down too?" Hell yeah I am. I pat her down, she's got nothing. I ask her about her backpack, guy behind her is getting bitchy at me for not giving the poor crippled girl a free pass. I search her backpack, and it's got a fat baggie full of doobs. I tell her straight up, like anyone else, " I dont care if you have a card, you CANNOT bring that shit in here. Give it up or take it back to your car." She groans but puts the chair in reverse, takes her weed back to her ride. Everyone else was shocked that poor crippled girl who was brave enough to come to a concert had a lot of grass on her, and they were more surprised that I was somehow rude enough to tell her she couldn't get in with it. She rolls back in 5 minutes later, and I search her again. She's clean, her bag is clean, her chair is clean. And she says to me, "Thank you for taking me seriously. You are the only security person in years who has had enough respect for me to actually search me." I gave her the same treatment I give anyone I pat down because she had the exact same capability as anyone to make trouble. I'm not going to look for her in a fight or crowdsurfing, but I'm sure as shit making sure she doesn't have any guns, drugs, booze, weapons, or other contraband. Respect sometimes comes out in funny ways.

Gotta go, Black Uhuru is playing tonight, and I might as well get paid to enjoy them. So much pot...........
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Old 02-10-2014, 01:13 AM   #22
charyuop
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Re: How do you deal with.....

Quote:
Krystal Locke wrote: View Post
You clearly haven't heard any of my sensei's jokes, then. Respect comes in a wide variety of packages. A dojo mate from way back found himself somehow miraculously in an elevator alone with Hulk Hogan, of all people. Doug is not huge, but he was a wily midkyu at the time, and Hulk Hogan is actually ginormous. Doug didn't want to be rude and not acknowledge his good fortune of getting an elevator trip with Hulk, so he grinned, sidled up beside Mr. Hogan and said....... "WUSS." Doug says Hogan laughed, shook Doug's hand, and they had a nice talk about ukemi for a few floors. There was respect there.

I was working a concert, couple thousand people I had to pat down. A woman rolls up in a wheelchair, one of those motorized deals for folks with very little function and physical control. Guy behind her says "You gonna be a jerk and pat her down too?" Hell yeah I am. I pat her down, she's got nothing. I ask her about her backpack, guy behind her is getting bitchy at me for not giving the poor crippled girl a free pass. I search her backpack, and it's got a fat baggie full of doobs. I tell her straight up, like anyone else, " I dont care if you have a card, you CANNOT bring that shit in here. Give it up or take it back to your car." She groans but puts the chair in reverse, takes her weed back to her ride. Everyone else was shocked that poor crippled girl who was brave enough to come to a concert had a lot of grass on her, and they were more surprised that I was somehow rude enough to tell her she couldn't get in with it. She rolls back in 5 minutes later, and I search her again. She's clean, her bag is clean, her chair is clean. And she says to me, "Thank you for taking me seriously. You are the only security person in years who has had enough respect for me to actually search me." I gave her the same treatment I give anyone I pat down because she had the exact same capability as anyone to make trouble. I'm not going to look for her in a fight or crowdsurfing, but I'm sure as shit making sure she doesn't have any guns, drugs, booze, weapons, or other contraband. Respect sometimes comes out in funny ways.

Gotta go, Black Uhuru is playing tonight, and I might as well get paid to enjoy them. So much pot...........
Two different situations. We are talking about a dojo. Heck it happened to us too that we had a laugh on the mat or we get frustrated and mad.
But I find cussing something really inappropriate. I don't care how good is you sensei, but if he was the one cussing during his class, I would look for another dojo. Now, after class we usually sit down an hour and we talk and joke, that is different. But on the mat there is a certain behavior to keep.

Last edited by charyuop : 02-10-2014 at 01:16 AM.
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Old 02-10-2014, 08:38 AM   #23
dps
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Re: How do you deal with.....

Wow you're feelings are hurt because someone is cursing quietly at you while practicing.

Wait until someone attacks you for real while screaming obscenities at you.

You need to control your reaction to such things, it is part of the martial arts training.

Better not join the U.S. Marines, Army, Navy, or any military organization, they go out of their way to hurt your feelings especially during basic training.

Marriage might be out of the question too.

dps

Last edited by dps : 02-10-2014 at 08:46 AM.
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Old 02-10-2014, 08:56 AM   #24
PeterR
 
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Re: How do you deal with.....

Quote:
David Skaggs wrote: View Post
Wow you're feelings are hurt because someone is cursing quietly at you while practicing.

Wait until someone attacks you for real while screaming obscenities at you.

You need to control your reaction to such things, it is part of the martial arts training.

Better not join the U.S. Marines, Army, Navy, or any military organization, they go out of their way to hurt your feelings especially during basic training.

Marriage might be out of the question too.

dps
Sorry David - I don't buy that. I am there to practice, get a good work-out, and build up a thirst for the beer that would surely follow. Can't be expected to put up with some egotistical twit massaging his own esteem by putting me or others down. That is usually what the cursing means - and we all have run into this at one point or the other.

Now if that were part of what was signed up for fine but its not. An ass is an ass.

Peter Rehse Shodokan Aikido
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Old 02-10-2014, 09:04 AM   #25
"Stuck"
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Re: How do you deal with.....

Quote:
David Skaggs wrote: View Post
Wow you're feelings are hurt because someone is cursing quietly at you while practicing.

Wait until someone attacks you for real while screaming obscenities at you.

You need to control your reaction to such things, it is part of the martial arts training.

Better not join the U.S. Marines, Army, Navy, or any military organization, they go out of their way to hurt your feelings especially during basic training.

Marriage might be out of the question too.

dps
So you think just because i go to a dojo that i have given up my right not to be cussed at and talked down to when i get something wrong?

Been there and done that.

If i wanted that then i would have enlisted but i did not and ended up in a dojo that explicitly states that swearing is not accepted on the mat. Personally i think swearing on the mat either to ones self or towards others is disrespectful to our founder but that is just my opinion and many would agree. But it is not just the swearing that bothers me it is because i dont live up to her standards and have to get abused because of it. In the UK swearing alone can land you in jail if you are not careful and not respectful of others.

Was married for ten years and have two kids.

Have a nice day
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