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Old 07-01-2013, 08:58 AM   #26
Marc Abrams
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Re: Rape Survivor and Aikido

Quote:
Anonymous User wrote: View Post
Basically what I am seeing right now is the same steady increase in skill in applying certain techniques, and a 0 improvement in other techniques. While that may not be a big difference right now, in a year or two, it is going to be a very glaring deficit in my waza. So I've identified a problem, and I know why some things are improving and some are not, but now I just have to figure out how to fix it, and that's the issue I am running into right now.
Survivor:

Could it be that you have already made your "improvements" before you see increases in your skill sets? I guess that would me that your growth, regarding the touch issues, are ongoing and the results will become manifest. Patience, awareness and purposeful action lead to good things.

marc abrams
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Old 07-01-2013, 09:03 AM   #27
"Survivor"
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Re: Rape Survivor and Aikido

Quote:
Marc Abrams wrote: View Post
Survivor:

Could it be that you have already made your "improvements" before you see increases in your skill sets? I guess that would me that your growth, regarding the touch issues, are ongoing and the results will become manifest. Patience, awareness and purposeful action lead to good things.

marc abrams
I might agree with that, except we did Koshi Nage techniques a few classes ago, and I completely froze and was unable to do them at all.
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Old 07-01-2013, 09:41 AM   #28
Marc Abrams
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Re: Rape Survivor and Aikido

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Anonymous User wrote: View Post
I might agree with that, except we did Koshi Nage techniques a few classes ago, and I completely froze and was unable to do them at all.
You were aware of what was happening and why. This is real growth. That is the first, critical step towards changing response sets in behaviors that are mutually incompatible with freezing up. Patience, acceptance and self-forgiveness when things happen that you don't want to happen are necessary for positive change.

Marc Abrams
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Old 07-01-2013, 09:59 AM   #29
hughrbeyer
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Re: Rape Survivor and Aikido

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Anonymous User wrote: View Post
I might agree with that, except we did Koshi Nage techniques a few classes ago, and I completely froze and was unable to do them at all.
Ouch. Of course koshi nage's going to be hard. Not surprising at all if you froze. You are trying to do something really hard here. Buckets of sympathy and a dozen attagirls for getting out there and trying.

Would it be helpful to meet one-on-one with another student, or the sensei, you trust outside of class time? You'd probably have to explain why it's so hard for you and work through it piece by piece. Failing that, therapy to deal with the touch issues independent of Aikido might be best.

But I'm not a therapist and I don't play one on TV, so look to those who are for better guidance.

Evolution doesn't prove God doesn't exist, any more than hammers prove carpenters don't exist.
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Old 07-01-2013, 10:10 AM   #30
Krystal Locke
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Re: Rape Survivor and Aikido

Do you only have physical contact issues in aikido?

Quote:
Anonymous User wrote: View Post
I am asking how to address my issues with touch so I can be better in Aikido, actually. Hopefully the clarification helps. While I am not strictly opposed to therapy, I see that as a separate issue than that of my Aikido practice.
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Old 07-01-2013, 12:54 PM   #31
Basia Halliop
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Re: Rape Survivor and Aikido

I wonder if there are ways you can break your problem into easier baby-steps? Like starting with a couple of techniques that are only somewhat uncomfortable, considering if there are individuals you feel less uncomfortable touching or having in your personal space (e.g., due to gender, age, body type, personality, knowing them longer, or for whatever reason), considering if it's easier to do a difficult technique mixed in with easier ones rather than many repetitions, or whatever other thing might make it just a bit challenging rather than overwhelming? And see if you can get yourself to feel really OK and relaxed with your mini-goal?

I've never dealt with this problem but breaking a big goal or skill (including a fear you want to try to get more relaxed with) into tiny more achievable steps and trying to be successful at each step is a general strategy I've used or seen others use for all kinds of situations.

Just amateur brainstorming - obviously take what's useful to you and ignore anything that isn't!
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Old 07-01-2013, 01:00 PM   #32
lbb
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Re: Rape Survivor and Aikido

I like what Marc said. Saying that you'll have a big deficit in a year or two presumes that you're not already doing something (or haven't already done something) that just hasn't had the time to manifest itself. A lot of gardening is in preparing the ground and waiting for the seed to do what it's gonna do.
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Old 07-01-2013, 02:42 PM   #33
SeiserL
 
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Re: Rape Survivor and Aikido

Quote:
Michael Hackett wrote: View Post
Contact Lynn Seiser here on AikiWeb. He is in Georgia, and may be able to refer you to someone he knows and trusts. Lynn is not only a therapist, but is yondan in aikido as well. It is a small world and he may know someone near your community.
Shhhhhh ...he may hear you.

The experience of any trauma can leave subtle (and not so subtle) issues of post traumatic stress in which any thing that represents or symbolizes the trauma and actual trigger a re-experiencing of the original trauma (almost like a complete age regression).

Touch becomes a powerful associated learned trigger coded deep due to the body chemical during an intense one-time learning experience.

IMHO, if you have not already discuss that traumatic experience with a profession with an expertise in rape, please contact the local rape hotline and they can often direct/refer you. We we don't think we need to talk about it is when we often do.

You are right that training is not therapy, but it is an opportunity to disconnect the associative learning of touch/contact/intent from past experiences and re-wire them with how you would like to think, feel, and behave.

Like any other demon, we must have the courage and compassion to stare it in the eyes until it blinks first. What ever you have to face, you have already survived. Now its time to clean up the residual effects. You are not alone.

Hope this helps in some small way.

Until again,
Lynn

Lynn Seiser PhD
Yondan Aikido & FMA/JKD
We do not rise to the level of our expectations, but fall to the level of our training. Train well. KWATZ!
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Old 07-02-2013, 03:47 PM   #34
Mary Eastland
 
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Re: Rape Survivor and Aikido

I would share a similar experience with you but I am not going to post it on the internet.
If you would like to hear it you can PM me.

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Old 07-02-2013, 04:32 PM   #35
"Survivor"
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Re: Rape Survivor and Aikido

Quote:
Krystal Locke wrote: View Post
Do you only have physical contact issues in aikido?
No, I don't like touching people at all. I avoid crowds because I don't like brushing up against strangers, but I also don't touch people that I am friends with.

and Mary, would it be acceptable to send a brief email to your dojo address giving you a secondary email address of mine?
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Old 07-02-2013, 09:08 PM   #36
Mary Eastland
 
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Re: Rape Survivor and Aikido

Yes...that would work.

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Old 07-03-2013, 12:17 PM   #37
Linda Eskin
 
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Re: Rape Survivor and Aikido

A couple of therapists have given their perspectives (very valuable), and I thought I'd throw in mine from a client's point of view. I experienced a series of less physical (but still devastating) traumas some years ago, which left me feeling quite beaten down. A therapist friend of mine, when I asked her about it, recommended I see a colleague of hers. I think we did about 10 sessions over a couple of months, including some energy psychology, tapping... A variety of things. My work with her was a lifesaver. Keep training (and kudos for taking that on in the first place, when it is so challenging for you!), and (IMHO) seek out a therapist who can help you. They can make a huge difference in the quality of your life and happiness.

Linda Eskin - Facebook | My AikiBlog

"Heaven is right where you are standing, and that is the place to train." - Morihei Ueshiba
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Old 07-04-2013, 01:24 AM   #38
Carsten Möllering
 
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Re: Rape Survivor and Aikido

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Linda Eskin wrote: View Post
... a therapist who can help you. They can make a huge difference in the quality of your life and happiness.
Yes. Thank you for this statement!
This has become very important to me throughout the last years.

It is my experience that a person can indeed learn to survive and to "win their fights".
It is also my experience that a qualified(!) therapist can help to regain the quality of life that lies in being free of having to fight for survival.

I don't know whether my English allows to understand what difference I am trying to describe. But to me the difference is fundamental.
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Old 07-04-2013, 08:07 AM   #39
lbb
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Re: Rape Survivor and Aikido

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Carsten Möllering wrote: View Post
I don't know whether my English allows to understand what difference I am trying to describe. But to me the difference is fundamental.
Sure. It's the difference between being very good at surviving in a foxhole, and having the freedom to walk outside of one.
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Old 07-04-2013, 12:02 PM   #40
Marie Noelle Fequiere
 
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Re: Rape Survivor and Aikido

After a traumatizing experience, one often feels that they can go on without spychological help, but it's not true. You are such a brave young woman, look for professional help. Don't let anyone destroy your life.
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Old 07-04-2013, 12:47 PM   #41
Janet Rosen
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Re: Rape Survivor and Aikido

Quote:
Mary Malmros wrote: View Post
Sure. It's the difference between being very good at surviving in a foxhole, and having the freedom to walk outside of one.
Well put.

Janet Rosen
http://www.zanshinart.com
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Old 07-04-2013, 07:08 PM   #42
"Survivor"
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Re: Rape Survivor and Aikido

Quote:
Marie Noelle Fequiere wrote: View Post
After a traumatizing experience, one often feels that they can go on without spychological help, but it's not true. You are such a brave young woman, look for professional help. Don't let anyone destroy your life.
Well, it has been almost 15 years, this isn't something new that I have been dealing with.
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Old 07-04-2013, 11:42 PM   #43
Krystal Locke
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Re: Rape Survivor and Aikido

You have been dealing with touch issues for 15 years, you have not been able to directly discuss your issues with sensei, friends, nor family for all that time, and you feel that you have to resolve some of these issues in the next couple years so that you can improve in aikido?

I really think therapy would be a huge benefit. You are admittedly carrying a huge load of shame and self-judgement. Therapy can help you re-evaluate and reframe your experience. Therapy can give you strategies for rebuilding trust, rebuilding confidence in functional boundaries, and managing recurring stress. Aikido can work in remarkable harmony with therapy to help resolve your issues.

Find a reputable therapist who specializes in assault and rape recovery. Psychology Today magazine has an online listing of therapists, it is reliable and good. Vet your therapist carefully, and not around martial arts knowledge or experience. Aikido is not the issue, your unresolved feelings about your experience are the issue.

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Well, it has been almost 15 years, this isn't something new that I have been dealing with.
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Old 07-05-2013, 05:13 AM   #44
"Survivor"
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Re: Rape Survivor and Aikido

Quote:
Krystal Locke wrote: View Post
You have been dealing with touch issues for 15 years, you have not been able to directly discuss your issues with sensei, friends, nor family for all that time, and you feel that you have to resolve some of these issues in the next couple years so that you can improve in aikido?
I don't like being touched, that is correct, but it is hardly the strangest thing anyone has ever done, and I am not phobic about it, I just don't like it. I have directly discussed my issue with men I have dated before we became lovers, just not beyond that because I don't like being seen as a victim. I function normally in terms of employment, and have managed to take care of myself quite well without assistance from anyone. Additionally, I don't see how having multiple people know about a trauma is particularly useful for them or for me. Would I be capable of discussing this with someone else, of course, but I don't see the need to. I also have seen how many people react to victims, which is immediate pity with no regard for what the victim has done since then, or immediate blame. I don't feel that either of those reactions would be particularly helpful for me, which is why I don't discuss it with friends or family. I don't wish to discuss it with my Sensei because I feel it would change the dynamic of our relationship, which I am very happy with. I do not want him to feel sorry for me, nor do I want him to encourage me to sit out of certain techniques because I am uncomfortable.
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Old 07-05-2013, 06:22 AM   #45
Mary Eastland
 
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Re: Rape Survivor and Aikido

Quote:
Anonymous User wrote: View Post
I don't like being touched, that is correct, but it is hardly the strangest thing anyone has ever done, and I am not phobic about it, I just don't like it. I have directly discussed my issue with men I have dated before we became lovers, just not beyond that because I don't like being seen as a victim. I function normally in terms of employment, and have managed to take care of myself quite well without assistance from anyone. Additionally, I don't see how having multiple people know about a trauma is particularly useful for them or for me. Would I be capable of discussing this with someone else, of course, but I don't see the need to. I also have seen how many people react to victims, which is immediate pity with no regard for what the victim has done since then, or immediate blame. I don't feel that either of those reactions would be particularly helpful for me, which is why I don't discuss it with friends or family. I don't wish to discuss it with my Sensei because I feel it would change the dynamic of our relationship, which I am very happy with. I do not want him to feel sorry for me, nor do I want him to encourage me to sit out of certain techniques because I am uncomfortable.
Hi There:

I can see a lot of "I don't want to's" here...do you know what you want to do?
I am saying this gently...I think you probably posted on here because you want some insights...

It is the start of a new process and is good...have you thought about what you do want?
best,
Mary

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Old 07-06-2013, 10:11 AM   #46
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Re: Rape Survivor and Aikido

Quote:
Krystal Locke wrote: View Post
You have been dealing with touch issues for 15 years, you have not been able to directly discuss your issues with sensei, friends, nor family for all that time, and you feel that you have to resolve some of these issues in the next couple years so that you can improve in aikido?
I really think therapy would be a huge benefit. You are admittedly carrying a huge load of shame and self-judgement. Therapy can help you re-evaluate and reframe your experience. Therapy can give you strategies for rebuilding trust, rebuilding confidence in functional boundaries, and managing recurring stress. Aikido can work in remarkable harmony with therapy to help resolve your issues.
Find a reputable therapist who specializes in assault and rape recovery. Psychology Today magazine has an online listing of therapists, it is reliable and good. Vet your therapist carefully, and not around martial arts knowledge or experience. Aikido is not the issue, your unresolved feelings about your experience are the issue.
I was hesitating to offer anything on this topic as I've no insight to offer on being a rape victim whatsoever. But I am a good listener (here reader instead), as it's part of my day job.

Survivor, you've already probably figured out that you are either intentionally or unconsciously using your aikido practice as your chosen vector through which you are going to take on your touch anxiety/antipathy brought on by that initial event.

That sounds minimizing.... "event." Apologies, it is definitely not to sound so - I just don't know what else to call it. I tend to revert to objectifying things, it's a habit cultivated as a paramedic back in the day.

Anyway, back to armchair analysis. If you've chosen your aikido practice as the path you are going to trod to find a way "around" the block which is the touch problem, since touching is inherent in aikido practice for skill progression, you've rather deliberately set up a challenge structure for yourself, wouldn't you say? I think so, & I applaud you for doing so. You did say it was about 15 years ago that the event took place?

The touch problem is a symptom, right? The touch problem isn't the actual "problem," it indicates that the real "problem" exists, the psychological trauma of the attack. I tend to agree with the PTSD concept above. PTSD can be immediate and debilitating, or it can be... subtle and sneaky, it doesn't have to manifest as hallucinations like the movies. Vague fears, depression, anxiety all can be there. Seen that both in war vets we picked up, as well as in fellow paramedics, firefighters and cops I associated with during that life period.

I AM going somewhere, sorry for rambling nature of the post. My colleagues in emergency services, the ones who were suffering from "burnout" - that's what we called it at the time, us young (i.e. stupid) ones - som
e of them ended up finding a psychologist from the local Veteran's Administration hospital (Michael E. DeBakey VA Medical Center ). She had been doing work for some of the repeat business customers we had with those problems, and things worked to bring some of those guys in contact with said therapist. Long story made short, after working with a couple of our, what I'd call hard cases, perhaps 6-8 sessions, those two guys were pulling out of the bad place they had found themselves in.

I'm not drawing parallels in situations suffered by you vs. those found fighting fires, etc., but people react to stressful life changing experiences .... not similarly, perhaps, but their experiences tend to shape them in a similar way. I hope I said that right. I would suggest that it might work very well to take advantage of all the advice given here in kind spirit, combine them into a method which allows you to both seek a kind, professional counselor who can start working on the underlying issues, while at the same time find a kind soul or two with whom you are the most comfortable at your dojo, and speak to them privately, and also to your sensei, and explain what it is that you are working through.

I don't know if the following would work or not, but we use it all the time to work towards a difficult skillset with our people. Progressive overload theory. If, for example, you took an average beginner student, with no formal training and no concept of any martial art, brought them into a dojo and suited them up, and said - "We are going to practice multiple attacker defense today, and yu are first up." Probably wouldn't work out well, would it...

No, obviously not. So, we work up to it. I know, sounds obvious again, but I'm going somewhere. In multiples, the way we do it is start with just 2 "attackers" and we have them limit their attack to only trying to grab the right hand of tori and "control" it. The defender's/tori's task is to move, execute a certain releasing motion (and only that one motion is allowed for this level of exercise), then the other attacker also grabs the same hand, repeat release, etc. over and over and over. Say 3 minutes of that, to get everyone moving, but in a very controlled state.

Stage two is a choice for me, or whoever is running that drill. Keep the right hand grab and now allow defense with either of two releasing movements, or, keep only the one allowed releasing technique and allow the attackers to grab either the right or left wrist. You've increased the options, thus the complexity, exponentially. Granted, only an exponent of 2, but if you do that again by adding the option you didn't chose, you can see how the doubling effect works on the chaos.

So, applying the progressive overload to your own aikido practice, maybe something like this would work as a direct training mechanism to "take on" the touch anxiety.

Take a technique you are comfortable with performing, and do it with the attacker several times without stopping, moving more and more naturally from a formal kata mode into a more rndori mode. Then, YOU ask your attacker to increase the intensity of their attack in some way which involves slightly more physical contact, but still allows the same technique to be performed on your part, e.g. in my own Tomiki curriculum, there are the releasing movements, which are learned as a beginner just against the attacker grasping the wrist and not "doing much" with the wrist but holding it. But... what if they grab it and pull you towards them? Release movement/technique still works, though the directions and vectors change somewhat. Next would be, let's say it is a cross-hand grab. Add to the right-to-right crosshand grab,, the attacker's left hand also grabbing at the wrist, and when that's no problem, work up to the left hand controlling the elbow (or attempting to do so) Work the left hand up your own body slowly, keeping your own "discomfort" level where you can handle it without the lock-up you describe above. Eventually, you will get to where uke's attack comes in, grabs your wrist, and yanks you through to apply a choking technique on you from behind. THAT is not going to be comfortable, but you can see how you would get there, I'm sure, and also, how in the controlled setting, you could work up to that sort of thing in a slow, steady progression which you control. I doubt it will be fun.

But, working on the aikido stuff would be a symptom, again, that the work you are doing, either with a therapist/counselor, or on your own with a support group of friends and training partners, is working.

I don't know if any of the above is helpful, or not. If not, just ignore, but I do hope it pulls some things together in a practical way for you.

Oh, and another thing, You can't "feel" learning. Keep that in mind. You just end up getting somewhere, looking back and saying to yourself, "Man, I remember when I used to have a big problem with " such-and-such...

Take care, and come back and report in. I think you've got a fan base of supporters here.

I find it interesting that the kanji character for kuzushi illustrates a mountain falling on a house.
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Old 07-09-2013, 04:56 PM   #47
"Survivor"
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Re: Rape Survivor and Aikido

Quote:
John Powell wrote: View Post
That sounds minimizing.... "event." Apologies, it is definitely not to sound so - I just don't know what else to call it. I tend to revert to objectifying things, it's a habit cultivated as a paramedic back in the day.
Objectification is fine in this particular instance.

Quote:
John Powell wrote: View Post
Anyway, back to armchair analysis. If you've chosen your aikido practice as the path you are going to trod to find a way "around" the block which is the touch problem, since touching is inherent in aikido practice for skill progression, you've rather deliberately set up a challenge structure for yourself, wouldn't you say? I think so, & I applaud you for doing so. You did say it was about 15 years ago that the event took place?

The touch problem is a symptom, right? The touch problem isn't the actual "problem," it indicates that the real "problem" exists, the psychological trauma of the attack. I tend to agree with the PTSD concept above. PTSD can be immediate and debilitating, or it can be... subtle and sneaky, it doesn't have to manifest as hallucinations like the movies. Vague fears, depression, anxiety all can be there. Seen that both in war vets we picked up, as well as in fellow paramedics, firefighters and cops I associated with during that life period.

I AM going somewhere, sorry for rambling nature of the post. My colleagues in emergency services, the ones who were suffering from "burnout" - that's what we called it at the time, us young (i.e. stupid) ones - som
e of them ended up finding a psychologist from the local Veteran's Administration hospital (Michael E. DeBakey VA Medical Center ). She had been doing work for some of the repeat business customers we had with those problems, and things worked to bring some of those guys in contact with said therapist. Long story made short, after working with a couple of our, what I'd call hard cases, perhaps 6-8 sessions, those two guys were pulling out of the bad place they had found themselves in.

I'm not drawing parallels in situations suffered by you vs. those found fighting fires, etc., but people react to stressful life changing experiences .... not similarly, perhaps, but their experiences tend to shape them in a similar way. I hope I said that right. I would suggest that it might work very well to take advantage of all the advice given here in kind spirit, combine them into a method which allows you to both seek a kind, professional counselor who can start working on the underlying issues, while at the same time find a kind soul or two with whom you are the most comfortable at your dojo, and speak to them privately, and also to your sensei, and explain what it is that you are working through.

I don't know if the following would work or not, but we use it all the time to work towards a difficult skillset with our people. Progressive overload theory. If, for example, you took an average beginner student, with no formal training and no concept of any martial art, brought them into a dojo and suited them up, and said - "We are going to practice multiple attacker defense today, and yu are first up." Probably wouldn't work out well, would it...

No, obviously not. So, we work up to it. I know, sounds obvious again, but I'm going somewhere. In multiples, the way we do it is start with just 2 "attackers" and we have them limit their attack to only trying to grab the right hand of tori and "control" it. The defender's/tori's task is to move, execute a certain releasing motion (and only that one motion is allowed for this level of exercise), then the other attacker also grabs the same hand, repeat release, etc. over and over and over. Say 3 minutes of that, to get everyone moving, but in a very controlled state.

Stage two is a choice for me, or whoever is running that drill. Keep the right hand grab and now allow defense with either of two releasing movements, or, keep only the one allowed releasing technique and allow the attackers to grab either the right or left wrist. You've increased the options, thus the complexity, exponentially. Granted, only an exponent of 2, but if you do that again by adding the option you didn't chose, you can see how the doubling effect works on the chaos.

So, applying the progressive overload to your own aikido practice, maybe something like this would work as a direct training mechanism to "take on" the touch anxiety.

Take a technique you are comfortable with performing, and do it with the attacker several times without stopping, moving more and more naturally from a formal kata mode into a more rndori mode. Then, YOU ask your attacker to increase the intensity of their attack in some way which involves slightly more physical contact, but still allows the same technique to be performed on your part, e.g. in my own Tomiki curriculum, there are the releasing movements, which are learned as a beginner just against the attacker grasping the wrist and not "doing much" with the wrist but holding it. But... what if they grab it and pull you towards them? Release movement/technique still works, though the directions and vectors change somewhat. Next would be, let's say it is a cross-hand grab. Add to the right-to-right crosshand grab,, the attacker's left hand also grabbing at the wrist, and when that's no problem, work up to the left hand controlling the elbow (or attempting to do so) Work the left hand up your own body slowly, keeping your own "discomfort" level where you can handle it without the lock-up you describe above. Eventually, you will get to where uke's attack comes in, grabs your wrist, and yanks you through to apply a choking technique on you from behind. THAT is not going to be comfortable, but you can see how you would get there, I'm sure, and also, how in the controlled setting, you could work up to that sort of thing in a slow, steady progression which you control. I doubt it will be fun.

But, working on the aikido stuff would be a symptom, again, that the work you are doing, either with a therapist/counselor, or on your own with a support group of friends and training partners, is working.

I don't know if any of the above is helpful, or not. If not, just ignore, but I do hope it pulls some things together in a practical way for you.
I do see where you are going with the PTSD issues, and I won't argue that. I am having slow progress in most things, I think what bothered me so much was my total freeze up on koshi nage. I was accepting the fact that my kokyu nages (The one where you have the ukes head on your shoulder) weren't as good as they could be, but I hadn't made the connection until my total freeze. I think maybe what I am searching for is some kind of interval between a shiho nage, where you still need to be in close contact with uke, and the koshi nage.

I can see that I am great deal better now than I was two years ago, obviously. But if I can't even practice koshi nage, I am going to be too blocked to really progress in my mind. I keep thinking there has to be some way that I can move into koshi nage at a slower pace, but I don't know what that would be.

Hopefully this clarifies some things.

Last edited by akiy : 07-10-2013 at 10:22 AM. Reason: Fixed quote tag
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Old 07-10-2013, 03:23 PM   #48
Dan Rubin
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Re: Rape Survivor and Aikido

Three questions for "Survivor:"

1. If I understand you correctly, you have problems throwing someone with koshinage and a couple of other techniques, but you don't have problems being thrown in those techniques. I would think it would be both, and that being thrown would be the more stressful of the two. If my understanding is correct, why do you think ukemi is less difficult (since you're just as close to your partner)?

2. Posters have offered you good advice (I think), namely to see a therapist, confide in your teacher, or to gradually desensitize yourself to stressful situations, and you seem to have rejected that advice, which is certainly your privilege. What sort of advice are you looking for? For example, would you like someone to post, "I was in exactly your situation, and my problem was solved by ...doing X as I was performing the technique, or ...doing Y just before uke attacked, or ...doing Z before class began?" If they know what you're looking for, posters may come up with more acceptable suggestions.

3. At what point in your aikido practice will you have to perform koshinage (e.g., in testing for nikyu)? Can you simply avoid that technique until then? Lots of students sit at the edge of the mat while the class performs suwariwaza ("I have bad knees") or techniques requiring a forward roll ("I'm recovering from my separated shoulder") or nikyo ("carpal tunnel syndrome"). If you can simply avoid koshinage now (with whatever excuse you like), perhaps you will be better prepared for it later.
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Old 07-11-2013, 12:36 AM   #49
robin_jet_alt
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Re: Rape Survivor and Aikido

Quote:
Dan Rubin wrote: View Post
Three questions for "Survivor:"

2. Posters have offered you good advice (I think), namely to see a therapist, confide in your teacher, or to gradually desensitize yourself to stressful situations, and you seem to have rejected that advice, which is certainly your privilege.r.
I haven't added to this thread yet because I was deferring to those with more experience who are better informed than I am. By the way, I think they have all given very good advice. I just thought I would jump in because I didn't get the impression that "Survivor" was rejecting anyone's advice. She strikes me as the taking it on board and carefully considering the options that are available to her.

Now, as for a technique that can help bridge that gap, how about wakigatame. It is a very close technique where you stay in full control of uke. Also, you could try the back stretch where uke holds your wrists and you load them onto your back before leaning forwards. It would take the danger out of Koshinage for uke, while you could slowly desensitise yourself to the sensation. Just a thought.
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Old 07-11-2013, 09:54 AM   #50
"Survivor"
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Re: Rape Survivor and Aikido

Quote:
Dan Rubin wrote: View Post
Three questions for "Survivor:"

1. If I understand you correctly, you have problems throwing someone with koshinage and a couple of other techniques, but you don't have problems being thrown in those techniques. I would think it would be both, and that being thrown would be the more stressful of the two. If my understanding is correct, why do you think ukemi is less difficult (since you're just as close to your partner)?

2. Posters have offered you good advice (I think), namely to see a therapist, confide in your teacher, or to gradually desensitize yourself to stressful situations, and you seem to have rejected that advice, which is certainly your privilege. What sort of advice are you looking for? For example, would you like someone to post, "I was in exactly your situation, and my problem was solved by ...doing X as I was performing the technique, or ...doing Y just before uke attacked, or ...doing Z before class began?" If they know what you're looking for, posters may come up with more acceptable suggestions.

3. At what point in your aikido practice will you have to perform koshinage (e.g., in testing for nikyu)? Can you simply avoid that technique until then? Lots of students sit at the edge of the mat while the class performs suwariwaza ("I have bad knees") or techniques requiring a forward roll ("I'm recovering from my separated shoulder") or nikyo ("carpal tunnel syndrome"). If you can simply avoid koshinage now (with whatever excuse you like), perhaps you will be better prepared for it later.
As far as the first ones, goes, I completely froze up on koshinage, that includes taking ukemi for it. As far as the others go, you are correct, I can take ukemi for those techniques with no issues. I would hazard a guess that because I am concentrating on helping the nage (I am one of the highest ranks at our school, so much of my practice is with people who have less experience than I do) that I don't have to think about my position.

I don't feel that I have outright rejected any advice, other than discussing with my Sensei. As far as counseling is concerned, I'll agree that it could be quite helpful, but at this time, I do not have either the time or money to be able to go to counseling, since I don't know of any therapists who work outside of a pretty standard 9-5 type work week, and I don't have the available funds to pay even a small amount, so that is kind of a non-issue for right now. I will agree that desensitization would be a great thing to work towards, but I'm not sure how to go about it.

And I will be testing for ikkyu within the month, and there is a koshinage on the test. I have been using an injury as an excuse to sit out of some techniques, but that is turning into a crutch that I don't feel is healthy.
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