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Old 02-13-2012, 03:26 PM   #26
"AikidoObsessed"
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Re: HELP! I'm being bullied in the dojo!

Quote:
Alic Xie wrote: View Post
Haha, perhaps when considering that the person is still on the verbal stage, counter attacking physically would overkill, as that is escalating the violence, and not very aiki.

If he does start getting physical, by all means retaliate, as that is what you are taught: defend yourself. But I guess it's fine since you have lots of support from all your dojo-mates and teachers.

In my situation, I was essentially isolated and vulnerable, so I had to thinking in a survival sense. I guess it wasn't really sound advice to tell others to lash out, so that's something I'll have to work on during training. Gotta mellow out

... If I meet another bully again however... things are gonna end very... VERY... differently
I'm hoping to nip it in the bud before it gets there. I'm very grateful for their support, to be sure.

It's okay! I appreciate the time taken to comment!
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Old 02-13-2012, 03:27 PM   #27
"AikidoObsessed"
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Re: HELP! I'm being bullied in the dojo!

Quote:
Mary Malmros wrote: View Post
Well, presumably your purpose in being there is to get the best training experience you can, which is not the same thing as "best night out with friends" or "best relaxing evening at a cafe" or something like that. The emphasis is on training, and the word "training" includes the idea that there's a goal to improve, and that you'll have to work to reach that goal. That being the case, my suggestion is to take everything with a very large grain of salt: the denigrating comments you're getting from this guy, but even more importantly, the apparent praise you're getting from everyone else.

In our dojo, it's quite common for a relatively new student to get a lot of encouragement and a lot of comments on their progress, which can sound a lot like praise, but really isn't. Seniors do this because they recognize that aikido is often very frustrating at first, and that newbies may not recognize the progress that they're making -- so, you want to call it to their attention in order to reinforce the idea that they are improving. But the bar isn't set very high for this "praise". You're recognizing that someone is making progress, that's all. At the same time, more advanced students don't seem to get a lot of praise. They're much more likely to be criticized -- not because they're doing poorly, in most cases, but because they're expected to need less in the way of propping-up, be ready for more in the way of challenge, and have the experience and knowledge to get something useful out of the criticism.

So, I'd shy away from the conclusion that this guy hates you because you're beautiful (obCulturalReference). If he appears to dislike you, it's no doubt more complicated than that. And if everyone else appears to praise you, that's probably more complicated than you think too.
I really appreciate the advice. Thank you!
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Old 02-13-2012, 03:55 PM   #28
Keith Larman
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Re: HELP! I'm being bullied in the dojo!

PBBBS.

Pre Black Belt Brilliance Syndrome.

As Mary already described, newer students gets lots of feedback and encouragement. They also often get more "leading" attacks to help them *find* the correct way of applying the techniques. Over time the student starts to learn and becomes reasonably proficient. Many will see themselves as doing very well because after all, they're throwing just like the seniors, right?!?!?!? Then we start to see PBBEIPOMS. Pre Black Belt Everyone Is Picking On Me Syndrome. The more senior people start to push the techniques a bit, start to lead less and attack with more reality. Slowly but surely they're not so easy to throw because it is time for the Brown Belt to learn to do it "for reals" (tm, patent pending).

I've met many a brilliant mudansha (in their minds). Quite a few almost as brilliant shodan. Then by around nidan they start figuring out that the whole "shodan really means beginner" deal really has some foundation in reality.

Of course your mileage may vary...

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Old 02-13-2012, 07:15 PM   #29
lbb
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Re: HELP! I'm being bullied in the dojo!

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Keith Larman wrote: View Post
PBBBS.

Pre Black Belt Brilliance Syndrome.
"No one knows as much about karate as a green belt. Just ask one."
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Old 02-13-2012, 09:16 PM   #30
Keith Larman
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Re: HELP! I'm being bullied in the dojo!

Quote:
Mary Malmros wrote: View Post
"No one knows as much about karate as a green belt. Just ask one."
Yup...

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Old 02-13-2012, 09:17 PM   #31
gates
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Re: HELP! I'm being bullied in the dojo!

You have had some great advice, here is my take:

Remember that bullies are often covering up something else, perhaps problems at home, perhaps feelings of insecurity. The underlying reasons why they may be acting this is not your problem, but understanding that there may be other things at play may help you to ‘pitty' them and help you to take the moral high ground and rise above it, feeling strong within yourself.

This is a wonderful life lesson which you can gain incredible skills in dealing with such behavior. In the adult world it is just a prevalent, and the way to deal with it is essentially the same.

You need to send a clear and unequivocal message that you will not tolerate his behavior towards you without making the situation worse.

What might make it worse?
1. Message is too weak and taken as invitation for further bulling behavior
2. Message is too strong and/or causes embarrassment which angers him into a stronger vendetta against you

Here are a couple of ideas of the types of things you could say:

"I will not tolerate your behavior toward me, I will speak to Sensei if I have to"

"I find the way your talk to me incredibly annoying, do not ask me to train with you unless we can concentrate on working TOGETHER to get better at the techniques"

"You have no right to talk to me this way, I come here to learn and dont want you distracting me"

Keep it short, simple, non personal, statments of how it affects your training, not how it affects your feelings. Show no weakness, keep it clear direct and on point without getting personal.

Remember it is not just what you say that is important, it is the also ‘energy' (ki) and ‘intent' with which you say it. The energy that is transmitted within the message really is the key. As with Aikido techniques, the outerform needs to be just right but the inner, latent (unseen) qualities are really what makes it work.

You should look him right in the eye (metsuke), and say it from your belly (hara) in a strong, clear, direct and calm voice, with no hint of hessitation or fear, and preferable with a firm belief that he will listen to what you say and take it seriously.

Practice in the mirror or with your mum or dad.

If this doesn't work go to Plan B, tell him during/with a nikkyo.

Good luck
Keith

Enjoy the journey
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Old 02-14-2012, 03:08 AM   #32
Mario Tobias
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Re: HELP! I'm being bullied in the dojo!

Quote:
Anonymous User wrote: View Post

The ONLY reason I can think of as to why he's treating me this way is because of my success. I work really hard, and I'm approaching his rank rather quickly, and because I'm always at class and study, I know the names of arts better than he does.

It doesn't help, either, that everyone keeps talking about me, senseis included. They keep talking about how I'm ready for my next test (I JUST took one), and how I'll be getting my hakama soon, and how I learn fast and already know most of the arts below bb, and how everyone learns a lot from me because without enough weight underside during arts, I'll go flying across the mat. I'm grateful that everyone is so supportive, but it makes me uncomfortable that they keep talking about me. I just want to blend in.

I think it's silly to be jealous of someone who simply works hard, but it's the only thing I can think of. I plan on talking with my sensei about it, but I'd really appreciate any thoughts.
hmmm, let's see. Looking at how you're describing the situation, probably you are attracting too much attention to yourself. If I were you, I'll try to keep silent for a while and not seek attention. See how that turns out.
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Old 02-14-2012, 03:30 AM   #33
Walter Martindale
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Re: HELP! I'm being bullied in the dojo!

If someone can't make you move, see if you can figure out why, and then help them figure out how to make you move - or - ask the sensei something like - "I don't think I'm trying to stop my partner but it's happening - can you see if I'm doing something to interfere with the technique or if there's some error my partner's making?

You've mentioned that you progressed pretty quickly but not what your rank is - however if you've only been in Aikido for less than a few years, you're in a situation of not knowing how much you don't know.

(I've 'passed' a nidan test and I still get very confused at least once a practice, either with what's being taught, why it's working so well, or why it's not working at all, and I try to figure it out whatever the case)

If your partner or potential bully is getting frustrated because you're harder to do a technique with, help him (assuming a him) learn how to do the technique or movement principle better so that you can learn more about a) how to do it better yourself and b) how to read the movements of your partners for practicing kaeshi-waza

Becoming an "expert" or "master" takes (on average) 10,000 hours of practice. Studies are showing that there's a range from about 6000 hours (makes me jealous) and infinity (person should give up and try something else) - maybe you're one of the "early" types.. or maybe not.

Not sure that's exactly what I'm trying to say, but if, in the future, it turns out that this fellow is actually 'bullying', then do it Alic's way...
W
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Old 02-14-2012, 10:27 AM   #34
"AikidoObsessed"
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Re: HELP! I'm being bullied in the dojo!

Quote:
Mario Tobias wrote: View Post
hmmm, let's see. Looking at how you're describing the situation, probably you are attracting too much attention to yourself. If I were you, I'll try to keep silent for a while and not seek attention. See how that turns out.
Thanks, Mario. I'm not TRYING to attract attention to myself. I'm just working hard and practicing, and if that brings on the attention, I don't know what to do, because I love aikido and I love to work hard.
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Old 02-14-2012, 06:19 PM   #35
"AikidoObsessed"
IP Hash: ae179115
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Re: HELP! I'm being bullied in the dojo!

Quote:
Walter Martindale wrote: View Post
If someone can't make you move, see if you can figure out why, and then help them figure out how to make you move - or - ask the sensei something like - "I don't think I'm trying to stop my partner but it's happening - can you see if I'm doing something to interfere with the technique or if there's some error my partner's making?

You've mentioned that you progressed pretty quickly but not what your rank is - however if you've only been in Aikido for less than a few years, you're in a situation of not knowing how much you don't know.

(I've 'passed' a nidan test and I still get very confused at least once a practice, either with what's being taught, why it's working so well, or why it's not working at all, and I try to figure it out whatever the case)

If your partner or potential bully is getting frustrated because you're harder to do a technique with, help him (assuming a him) learn how to do the technique or movement principle better so that you can learn more about a) how to do it better yourself and b) how to read the movements of your partners for practicing kaeshi-waza

Becoming an "expert" or "master" takes (on average) 10,000 hours of practice. Studies are showing that there's a range from about 6000 hours (makes me jealous) and infinity (person should give up and try something else) - maybe you're one of the "early" types.. or maybe not.

Not sure that's exactly what I'm trying to say, but if, in the future, it turns out that this fellow is actually 'bullying', then do it Alic's way...
W
It seems like everyone can take me down just fine once sensei reminds them to use more weight underside. I keep trying to tell this student this but I think it just makes him worse, as I'm below him in rank.

I'm been at it for 7 months and have passed two tests, my second one with a total of less than 6 months in. Right now I'm at 4th kyu, preparing for 3rd.

Thank you so much for the advice! I appreciate the time taken to comment.
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Old 02-14-2012, 06:20 PM   #36
"AikidoObsessed"
IP Hash: ae179115
Anonymous User
Re: HELP! I'm being bullied in the dojo!

Quote:
Keith Larman wrote: View Post
PBBBS.

Pre Black Belt Brilliance Syndrome.

As Mary already described, newer students gets lots of feedback and encouragement. They also often get more "leading" attacks to help them *find* the correct way of applying the techniques. Over time the student starts to learn and becomes reasonably proficient. Many will see themselves as doing very well because after all, they're throwing just like the seniors, right?!?!?!? Then we start to see PBBEIPOMS. Pre Black Belt Everyone Is Picking On Me Syndrome. The more senior people start to push the techniques a bit, start to lead less and attack with more reality. Slowly but surely they're not so easy to throw because it is time for the Brown Belt to learn to do it "for reals" (tm, patent pending).

I've met many a brilliant mudansha (in their minds). Quite a few almost as brilliant shodan. Then by around nidan they start figuring out that the whole "shodan really means beginner" deal really has some foundation in reality.

Of course your mileage may vary...
Thank you for the advice!
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Old 02-14-2012, 06:21 PM   #37
"AikidoObsessed"
IP Hash: ae179115
Anonymous User
Re: HELP! I'm being bullied in the dojo!

Quote:
Keith Gates wrote: View Post
You have had some great advice, here is my take:

Remember that bullies are often covering up something else, perhaps problems at home, perhaps feelings of insecurity. The underlying reasons why they may be acting this is not your problem, but understanding that there may be other things at play may help you to ‘pitty' them and help you to take the moral high ground and rise above it, feeling strong within yourself.

This is a wonderful life lesson which you can gain incredible skills in dealing with such behavior. In the adult world it is just a prevalent, and the way to deal with it is essentially the same.

You need to send a clear and unequivocal message that you will not tolerate his behavior towards you without making the situation worse.

What might make it worse?
1. Message is too weak and taken as invitation for further bulling behavior
2. Message is too strong and/or causes embarrassment which angers him into a stronger vendetta against you

Here are a couple of ideas of the types of things you could say:

"I will not tolerate your behavior toward me, I will speak to Sensei if I have to"

"I find the way your talk to me incredibly annoying, do not ask me to train with you unless we can concentrate on working TOGETHER to get better at the techniques"

"You have no right to talk to me this way, I come here to learn and dont want you distracting me"

Keep it short, simple, non personal, statments of how it affects your training, not how it affects your feelings. Show no weakness, keep it clear direct and on point without getting personal.

Remember it is not just what you say that is important, it is the also ‘energy' (ki) and ‘intent' with which you say it. The energy that is transmitted within the message really is the key. As with Aikido techniques, the outerform needs to be just right but the inner, latent (unseen) qualities are really what makes it work.

You should look him right in the eye (metsuke), and say it from your belly (hara) in a strong, clear, direct and calm voice, with no hint of hessitation or fear, and preferable with a firm belief that he will listen to what you say and take it seriously.

Practice in the mirror or with your mum or dad.

If this doesn't work go to Plan B, tell him during/with a nikkyo.

Good luck
Keith
Wow! Thanks so much for taking the time to write all of this! I'm definitely going to tell him he needs to stop next time he says something.
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Old 02-14-2012, 07:28 PM   #38
phitruong
Dojo: Charlotte Aikikai Agatsu Dojo
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Re: HELP! I'm being bullied in the dojo!

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Anonymous User wrote: View Post
I think it's silly to be jealous of someone who simply works hard, but it's the only thing I can think of. I plan on talking with my sensei about it, but I'd really appreciate any thoughts.
are you sure it's jealousy? what do you know about his life or anything about him other than his practice at the dojo? he could be bully or he could be not. sometimes, thoughts started out good in the head, by the time they reached the lips, things didn't sound the same. i remembered one time (ok, more than one) i was infatuated with a girl, the words came out of my lips just ended up completely wrong. so he doesn't practice as often, he could be working, school, and various other things that kept him from coming to practice. it could happen; thus my question, what do you know about him, of him?
read this story http://easternhealingarts.com/Articles/softanswer.html

in Sun Tzu's art of war, you must know yourself, and you must know others, before you can win. know either and you lose. knowing yourself, your true self, is the hardest, because you just met your worst enemy and your best of friend.

"budo is putting on cold, wet, sweat stained gi with a smile and a snarl" - your truly
http://charlotteaikikai.org
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Old 02-14-2012, 07:52 PM   #39
lbb
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Re: HELP! I'm being bullied in the dojo!

Quote:
Anonymous User wrote: View Post
It seems like everyone can take me down just fine once sensei reminds them to use more weight underside. I keep trying to tell this student this but I think it just makes him worse, as I'm below him in rank.
That's understandable. It is bad form to instruct your seniors -- and also a bad idea, because you're probably not as right as you think you are. No matter how wrong you think he is, you really will do better to just bite your tongue, let him practice, and leave the instruction up to your sensei. If nothing else, it will probably save you an embarrassing incident down the line when you presume to "instruct" someone who is much senior to you.

"When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years." -- Mark Twain

Quote:
Anonymous User wrote: View Post
I'm been at it for 7 months and have passed two tests, my second one with a total of less than 6 months in. Right now I'm at 4th kyu, preparing for 3rd.
To be honest, that doesn't really tell us much about your abilities. Different federations have different testing requirements, and some require much more mat time between tests than others.

Last edited by lbb : 02-14-2012 at 07:56 PM.
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Old 02-14-2012, 07:58 PM   #40
Chris Li
 
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Re: HELP! I'm being bullied in the dojo!

Quote:
Mary Malmros wrote: View Post
That's understandable. It is bad form to instruct your seniors -- and also a bad idea, because you're probably not as right as you think you are No matter how wrong you think he is, you really will do better to just bite your tongue, let him practice, and leave the instruction up to your sensei. If nothing else, it will probably save you an embarrassing incident down the line when you presume to "instruct" someone who is much senior to you.

"When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years." -- Mark Twain
Honestly, I think that's the root of a lot of problems in Aikido and I'm done with that - if I think someone's wrong I tell them. If they're actually right they should be able to explain why in a reasonable manner. If they can't then...something wrong.

Best,

Chris

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Old 02-14-2012, 08:18 PM   #41
lbb
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Re: HELP! I'm being bullied in the dojo!

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Christopher Li wrote: View Post
Honestly, I think that's the root of a lot of problems in Aikido and I'm done with that - if I think someone's wrong I tell them. If they're actually right they should be able to explain why in a reasonable manner. If they can't then...something wrong.
Can someone explain differential equations to you if you haven't yet mastered basic algebra? And yet, from the depths of your "knowledge", he/she appears to be spouting gibberish...
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Old 02-14-2012, 08:53 PM   #42
Chris Li
 
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Re: HELP! I'm being bullied in the dojo!

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Mary Malmros wrote: View Post
Can someone explain differential equations to you if you haven't yet mastered basic algebra? And yet, from the depths of your "knowledge", he/she appears to be spouting gibberish...
No, but they can explain where and how you haven't mastered basic algebra. Every academic field in the west, without exception, encourages students to question and challenge, and that approach has proven so successful that academics in Japan use...the same methodology. Why should that change in the dojo?

If you know what you're doing you ought to be able to explain it. The real problem is that so many senior people can't explain differential equations - or ever understand the equations themselves.

Best,

Chris

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Old 02-14-2012, 09:21 PM   #43
danielajames
 
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Re: HELP! I'm being bullied in the dojo!

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Anonymous User wrote: View Post
It seems like everyone can take me down just fine once sensei reminds them to use more weight underside. I keep trying to tell this student this but I think it just makes him worse, as I'm below him in rank.

I'm been at it for 7 months and have passed two tests, my second one with a total of less than 6 months in. Right now I'm at 4th kyu, preparing for 3rd.

Thank you so much for the advice! I appreciate the time taken to comment.
You know aikido and ukemi are two sides of the same coin, resisting to failure of nage's technique doesn't always make friends and can deprive you of an opportunity to learn the second half of the art in kata form. I'm not saying resisting isn't appropriate in training, but needs to be tempered so the the nage-uke dynamic is productive experience for both. YMMV and it perhaps it has.

FWIW when I encounter just an uke who resists to failure all the time, such that the practice becomes unproductive, I just become uke for the rest of the session and work on my ukemi instead, so at least I can learn something and the time isn't wasted.

best,
dan

PS Have you considered that you may appear to be the bully and this is a way for the 'protagonist' to deal with it?

Last edited by danielajames : 02-14-2012 at 09:30 PM. Reason: added a PS on reflection

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Old 02-15-2012, 03:28 AM   #44
Hanna B
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Re: HELP! I'm being bullied in the dojo!

Different dojos have different standards for appropriate levels of resistance, how it should be applied, when and why. So it's kind of difficult for outsiders to judge, but...

He has problems taking you down.
And you are deliberately making it difficult for him.
And then you complain he doesn't like you, and isn't behaving nicely towards you.

Do you think the black belts in your dojo resist your technique with all their might - or do they adjust how much resistance they give you? My guess would be the second.

If you want to help him - we should all help each other in the dojo, right? perhaps you should adjust to "just about right" level of resistance? I mean... just standing there, with an uke I can't move, doesn't teach me anything. Right level or resistance means I have a chance to perform the technique, so I can feel the differences when I do things differently.

Perhaps you could try concentrating on actually helping him with his techniques and see what happens. But don't tell him what do do... that doesn't work with people who already are angry with you. Do it without words. That's an interesting exercise, and a difficult one. When performed well, it is IMNSHO the ultimate way of helping others with their techniques because it doesn't have the same implication of "I'm superior to you, I'm telling you what to do" - and if lower rank/less experience, that's probably the only approach available. If you are talented, which I suppose from your description that you are, you should pick it up somewhat swiftly at least if you have role models. So check if the advanced people in your dojo does any of this, and see if you can imitate the method.
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Old 02-15-2012, 03:40 AM   #45
Hanna B
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Re: HELP! I'm being bullied in the dojo!

Knowing that your partner is doing something wrong is easy.
Knowing what he (or she) is doing wrong... that is something completely else. Learning to analyse this is a part of becoming a teacher. And the ability to perform this analysis often is the difference between a mediocre teacher and a really good one.

So I'm echoing Mary Malmros here. Don't tell him what to do. You are probably showing bad form in doing so. IF you've understood his problem you can help him without words. If you haven't, you can't - then leave it to the person teaching the class. Or silently by yourself practise your ability to analyse technical faults in others, then non-verbally guiding him into the correct form and see if it works.

If he's having problems doing the technique on you, he probably should ask the teacher to come over. If he doesn't call the teacher, for one reason or another, as Walter suggested you could do it for him.

Last edited by Hanna B : 02-15-2012 at 03:42 AM.
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Old 02-15-2012, 06:35 AM   #46
Walter Martindale
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Re: HELP! I'm being bullied in the dojo!

Quote:
Anonymous User wrote: View Post
It seems like everyone can take me down just fine once sensei reminds them to use more weight underside. I keep trying to tell this student this but I think it just makes him worse, as I'm below him in rank.

I'm been at it for 7 months and have passed two tests, my second one with a total of less than 6 months in. Right now I'm at 4th kyu, preparing for 3rd.

Thank you so much for the advice! I appreciate the time taken to comment.
As Hanna comments (above), "he" should probably be asking the sensei why he can't make you move.. If he doesn't, and tries to muddle through, when and if he does figure it out the learning will be more complete (from having figured it out rather than being told how to fix it).

I recall a situation at a Kawahara seminar. I was practicing with a VERY SOLID person who, like me, was wearing a white belt. We were doing an exercise from kata-te-dori and I couldn't budge the guy. Shihan walked by, I told him I was struggling, (In Japanese I said something like 'he's very strong and I am finding it very difficult to move him"). Sensei watched, changed the direction of my hips, problem solved. (yes, he was solid - I'm 5'10.5" and over 95 kg/210 lb, and he made me feel small - hands like cast-iron fry pans)..

I've found that a lot of sensei and shihan will wander around during the training and watch. Kawahara used to walk around and shake his head. One reason he'd shake his head was the "I showed them a, and they're still doing b, not even looking like they're trying to do a." syndrome you see with a lot of us black belts at seminars. He (and probably many shihan) seemed to like it when people asked for help, but he would only rarely interrupt. I think asking for help indicated to him that you wanted to improve, more than just going through the motions.

So - your partner "the guy" should ask. If he won't, try "I'm not trying to stop you but I can't tell why you're having trouble because I'm too new - can you ask sensei and maybe he'll help get through the frustration?" or something like that?
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Old 02-15-2012, 09:24 AM   #47
ryback
Join Date: Jun 2011
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Re: HELP! I'm being bullied in the dojo!

Well you say you don't try to drow attention,yet you are posting a thread titled ''help i'm being bullied''in a most...''shouting'' way!To my understanding that guy is telling you ''negative'' things,or with a ''negative'' tone but that is hardly a bullying situation.Rank is a somehow relative thing since there are variations from dojo to dojo but a student of seven months(and for the next years) is an absolute beginer(i don't like calling beginers newbies because sometimes sounds insulting and i hate it,and sometimes sounds cute so i hate it more).In my opinion you should focus on your training regardless of your partner and don't pay too much attention to verbal comments whether positive or negative.Just say hai,bow and go on,too much talking is not a warrior's way.Aikido is a martial art we can't turn the dojo into a kindergarten!I realy hope that my post was of help.Best wishes!
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Old 02-15-2012, 01:14 PM   #48
"AikidoObsessed"
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Re: HELP! I'm being bullied in the dojo!

Quote:
Mary Malmros wrote: View Post
That's understandable. It is bad form to instruct your seniors -- and also a bad idea, because you're probably not as right as you think you are. No matter how wrong you think he is, you really will do better to just bite your tongue, let him practice, and leave the instruction up to your sensei. If nothing else, it will probably save you an embarrassing incident down the line when you presume to "instruct" someone who is much senior to you.

"When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years." -- Mark Twain

To be honest, that doesn't really tell us much about your abilities. Different federations have different testing requirements, and some require much more mat time between tests than others.
My sensei says we're supposed to give each other feedback and help each other when something's not working.

The average time to reach 3rd kyu, according to my sensei, is one and a half years.

Thanks for the help!
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Old 02-15-2012, 01:18 PM   #49
"AikidoObsessed"
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Re: HELP! I'm being bullied in the dojo!

Quote:
Walter Martindale wrote: View Post
As Hanna comments (above), "he" should probably be asking the sensei why he can't make you move.. If he doesn't, and tries to muddle through, when and if he does figure it out the learning will be more complete (from having figured it out rather than being told how to fix it).

I recall a situation at a Kawahara seminar. I was practicing with a VERY SOLID person who, like me, was wearing a white belt. We were doing an exercise from kata-te-dori and I couldn't budge the guy. Shihan walked by, I told him I was struggling, (In Japanese I said something like 'he's very strong and I am finding it very difficult to move him"). Sensei watched, changed the direction of my hips, problem solved. (yes, he was solid - I'm 5'10.5" and over 95 kg/210 lb, and he made me feel small - hands like cast-iron fry pans)..

I've found that a lot of sensei and shihan will wander around during the training and watch. Kawahara used to walk around and shake his head. One reason he'd shake his head was the "I showed them a, and they're still doing b, not even looking like they're trying to do a." syndrome you see with a lot of us black belts at seminars. He (and probably many shihan) seemed to like it when people asked for help, but he would only rarely interrupt. I think asking for help indicated to him that you wanted to improve, more than just going through the motions.

So - your partner "the guy" should ask. If he won't, try "I'm not trying to stop you but I can't tell why you're having trouble because I'm too new - can you ask sensei and maybe he'll help get through the frustration?" or something like that?
Thanks for the help! I agree that he should ask, but my sensei does tell us to help each other learn and to give each other feedback when something's not working, so I kind of feel like I'm not out of line since the sensei has said that it's okay. He also keeps telling everyone that it's not me, it's them, but I don't know if that helps or just harbors more ill feelings...
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Old 02-15-2012, 01:22 PM   #50
"AikidoObsessed"
IP Hash: ae179115
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Re: HELP! I'm being bullied in the dojo!

Quote:
Yannis Mousoulis wrote: View Post
Well you say you don't try to drow attention,yet you are posting a thread titled ''help i'm being bullied''in a most...''shouting'' way!To my understanding that guy is telling you ''negative'' things,or with a ''negative'' tone but that is hardly a bullying situation.Rank is a somehow relative thing since there are variations from dojo to dojo but a student of seven months(and for the next years) is an absolute beginer(i don't like calling beginers newbies because sometimes sounds insulting and i hate it,and sometimes sounds cute so i hate it more).In my opinion you should focus on your training regardless of your partner and don't pay too much attention to verbal comments whether positive or negative.Just say hai,bow and go on,too much talking is not a warrior's way.Aikido is a martial art we can't turn the dojo into a kindergarten!I realy hope that my post was of help.Best wishes!
Thanks so much! I didn't mean to shout. It's just frustrating that he's treating me like this to begin with. But my sensei told me to take no disrespect on the mat, and he told me that next time, I need to tell this student to treat me with respect. Apparently this student has even been disrespectful to the sensei, which is unbelievable to me.

A beginner's mind is a wonderful thing to have.

Thanks again!
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