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Old 06-12-2010, 09:51 PM   #1
felipe_3
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Help please I need of all the aikidokist (being bullied)

Hi my name is felipe I`m 17 years old, I have practicing aikido by 3months ago, I practice too alitle of kick boxing and jiu jitsu and iaido in the same 3 months.

my height is 1.88 meters

The past friday I had a problem with a bully, he practice kick boxing by 2 or 3 years ago and is stronger,faster in his movements than me.
He have 17 years ol too but he is smaller than me, he try to beat to me but he couldn`t and he now want fight with me, I don`t like the violence andhe study at the same high school that I, My friend tell me that I have to fight with him but I don`t know what I have to do , I have a little scared I had never fought with anybody, please can you give some advice??
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Old 06-12-2010, 10:33 PM   #2
mickeygelum
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Re: Help please I need of all the aikidokist

Honestly, stand up for yourself.
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Old 06-12-2010, 11:14 PM   #3
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Re: Help please I need of all the aikidokist

It's hard to give advice for a situation we know nothing about, but I'd like to add that there's more than one way to stand up for yourself. Good luck.

Gambarimashyo!
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Old 06-12-2010, 11:15 PM   #4
Adam Huss
 
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Re: Help please I need of all the aikidokist

Try to find out what his motivations are. I know its asking a bit much of people so young as your motivations are often emotionally based...but understanding this guy's reasoning can help. Maybe you are required to take a physical stance and ensure he know you aren't to be messed with...and maybe there is another way to go about it. Either is fine, as long as its appropriate. Try asking your parents about it...they will appreciate the honesty and might have good advice. Good luck bro,
V.R
A

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Old 06-12-2010, 11:20 PM   #5
dps
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Re: Help please I need of all the aikidokist

When I was in 6th grade I had trouble with certain older kids bullying me.

So my dad ( boxed in the Navy and was Golden Gloves heavyweight champ in Canton, Ohio ) taught me how to box.

He told me don't start a fight, don't fight if you don't have to but if you have to, fight like hell..

Win if you can but if you don't win make sure the other guy doesn't want to fight you again.

My advice would be the same to you. Don't fight if you don't have to. If you have to fight, fight like hell. If you lose make sure the other guy regrets he fought you.



David

Last edited by dps : 06-12-2010 at 11:24 PM.
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Old 06-12-2010, 11:57 PM   #6
Buck
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Re: Help please I need of all the aikidokist

Well I feel violence isn't the answer. There are times when you have no choice. But, those times are rare and uncommon for most people your age. That is unless your into crime, like gangs. Violent action results in humiliation, revenge, and more violence. You beat the guy he is humiliated, he wants revenge, that turns to more violence. He beats you, you want revenge and that turns to more violences. Or if you beat him he becomes humiliated, revengeful, and more violence. This cycles until someone becomes the other's beotch. This situation is based on your description of the issue.

Find a way to deescalate his momentum to fight. Like putting him off, avoid him until his motivation has waned to a point where his desire to fight is not strong enough to bother with you. Put him off until he cools off and until his desire and energy to fight has waned to a lull. Then attempt to befriend him. Find common interests, boost his ego, ware him down so he doesn't want to fight. Remember it is the mind that the body follows. Change the mind and the body will follow. You're both young and friendship is highly likely.

Last edited by Buck : 06-13-2010 at 12:05 AM.
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Old 06-13-2010, 12:42 AM   #7
Abasan
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Re: Help please I need of all the aikidokist

If you have to fight for something right, then fight with all your heart. But listen to your heart, when you feel its time to stop, then stop.

Draw strength from stillness. Learn to act without acting. And never underestimate a samurai cat.
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Old 06-13-2010, 05:23 AM   #8
lbb
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Re: Help please I need of all the aikidokist

What usually happens in your school when one student wants to fight another? Do they just have at it, and the school authorities stand back and say, "Boys will be boys"? I doubt that. How hard would it be to just say to this guy, "I don't want to get suspended" (or expelled, or whatever is likely to happen if you fight).

It's also worth thinking about how this situation came about. You mentioned that this guy is a "bully", but you also mentioned his martial arts backgrounds. Is it possible that you were comparing your experience with him? Here's some advice: don't talk about your martial arts training. Nothing brings out the jerk in some people like hearing that you train in martial arts. Don't talk about it, don't go around wearing martial arts t-shirts or badges, don't do anything to call attention to it. You may be hoping to get favorable attention that way, but you'll also get people who see it as a challenge or an invitation to throw down. Presumably, you didn't start training in order to brag and get into fights. The way to avoid these situations is to just keep a low profile.
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Old 06-13-2010, 05:50 AM   #9
Hellis
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Re: Help please I need of all the aikidokist

Felipe
As always these situations are difficult to forsee.
Do not plan on any fancy techniques, let him come to you. If he is going to kick then you must be brave and enter when he is on one leg, you may get caught but you will also take him. No punches to the body just a good one in the nose, eyes run, finish him. If you don't then as with all bullies he will come back....
I have personally been there in the past.
My son ( MMA ) fought a 6th dan Taekwondo with a reputation of being lethal with his kicking power, I advised my son just as I have you. Do not allow your opponent to kick - See the result - all over at 46 seconds.
http://aikidoellisvideo.magnify.net/
Bottom row - Rik Ellis Aikido/MMA vs R Dennis 6th dan Taekwondo

Good luck
Henry Ellis
http://kyu-shin-do.blogspot.com/
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Old 06-13-2010, 05:55 AM   #10
dps
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Re: Help please I need of all the aikidokist

Felipe is from Ecuador. Different culture, different school system from the culture and school system we have in America. It is not wise to give advise based on cultural bias.

He needs to make the decision that he is going to stand up for himself and not be bullied and that this decision might lead to a fight.

Should he try to talk to this person to avoid a fight, yes.

If he can avoid the fight then great.

Based on my experience, he needs to prepare for the worst case scenario and hope for the best case scenario and project this attitude to the other young man.

David
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Old 06-13-2010, 09:05 AM   #11
felipe_3
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Re: Help please I need of all the aikidokist (being bullied)

thank you so much to all your comments, it will be very helpful, first I will try to talk with him and try to avoid thefight but I don`t know If he want fight I think that I have to, he train in my same dojo , we have the same sensei, he like to fight so much and is so agressive,I only wanted learn martials arts for defend to me in an assault and also for the martial arts philosophy.
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Old 06-13-2010, 09:18 AM   #12
Larry Feldman
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Re: Help please I need of all the aikidokist (being bullied)

Does your Sensei condone using the skills he teaches to bully people? I would think not, perhaps he may be able to 'explain' how wrong that is to the class, when the bully is present.

Personally I would throw them out of class.
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Old 06-13-2010, 09:56 AM   #13
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Re: Help please I need of all the aikidokist (being bullied)

This is a great learning experience for both of you. Take it on. Face this kid who wants to fight you. If you don't want to fight him, tell him that. If he attacks you, defend yourself. In the end you will most likely end up as friends.

Take your life in hand, deal with your situations.

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Old 06-13-2010, 11:50 AM   #14
Mark Uttech
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Re: Help please I need of all the aikidokist (being bullied)

Onegaishimasu, you say that you and the bully have the same sensei, and you come here for the answer? You should ask advice of your sensei.

In gassho,

Mark

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Old 06-13-2010, 11:57 AM   #15
sakumeikan
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Re: Help please I need of all the aikidokist (being bullied)

Quote:
Felipe Gomez wrote: View Post
Hi my name is felipe I`m 17 years old, I have practicing aikido by 3months ago, I practice too alitle of kick boxing and jiu jitsu and iaido in the same 3 months.

my height is 1.88 meters

The past friday I had a problem with a bully, he practice kick boxing by 2 or 3 years ago and is stronger,faster in his movements than me.
He have 17 years ol too but he is smaller than me, he try to beat to me but he couldn`t and he now want fight with me, I don`t like the violence andhe study at the same high school that I, My friend tell me that I have to fight with him but I don`t know what I have to do , I have a little scared I had never fought with anybody, please can you give some advice??
Hi Felipe,
If the guy decides to intimidate you if possible avoid conflict.
At the same time if the guy is determined to start a fight do not under any circumstances let him get the first punch in .If the guy is stupid enough to chance his arm , get the first attack in .See Mr Henry Ellis blog below.You need to be prepared to really go for it if all else fails.Do what is required,if you beat this guy he wont come back at you.He sounds a moron.Consider an attack on his
legs/knees.Since he is the bully , cut him down to size.

Keep calm , dont get scared.The guy needs a clip on the chin perhaps?Good luck, Joe.
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Old 06-13-2010, 12:08 PM   #16
sakumeikan
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Re: Help please I need of all the aikidokist

Quote:
Adam Huss wrote: View Post
Try to find out what his motivations are. I know its asking a bit much of people so young as your motivations are often emotionally based...but understanding this guy's reasoning can help. Maybe you are required to take a physical stance and ensure he know you aren't to be messed with...and maybe there is another way to go about it. Either is fine, as long as its appropriate. Try asking your parents about it...they will appreciate the honesty and might have good advice. Good luck bro,
V.R
A
Hi ,
Nice idea trying to suss out the aggressive guys motivation for wanting to chin the young guy.How does the potential victim go about this?Does he ask the other guy to join him overIf a coffee and a doughnut so that they can debate the issue?I do not think this approach would be too successful.Seems to me that the aggressive guy needs to be taught a lesson.If I was the parent of the lad being threatened I would tell him to stand up to the guy and if required be prepared for a battle.
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Old 06-13-2010, 01:01 PM   #17
Demetrio Cereijo
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Re: Help please I need of all the aikidokist (being bullied)

Quote:
Felipe Gomez wrote: View Post
thank you so much to all your comments, it will be very helpful, first I will try to talk with him and try to avoid thefight but I don`t know If he want fight I think that I have to, he train in my same dojo , we have the same sensei, he like to fight so much and is so agressive,I only wanted learn martials arts for defend to me in an assault and also for the martial arts philosophy.
Seventeen and still haven't had a fight?

A rough sparring session at the gym with your instructor as referee is what you both need.

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Old 06-13-2010, 03:56 PM   #18
lbb
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Re: Help please I need of all the aikidokist

Quote:
David Skaggs wrote: View Post
Felipe is from Ecuador. Different culture, different school system from the culture and school system we have in America. It is not wise to give advise based on cultural bias.
...followed by...

Quote:
David Skaggs wrote: View Post
He needs to make the decision that he is going to stand up for himself and not be bullied and that this decision might lead to a fight.
David, are you sure you're not doing what you just told others not to do? i.e., gave advice on how to handle this situation?
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Old 06-13-2010, 05:53 PM   #19
Buck
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Re: Help please I need of all the aikidokist (being bullied)

Quote:
Felipe Gomez wrote: View Post
thank you so much to all your comments, it will be very helpful, first I will try to talk with him and try to avoid thefight but I don`t know If he want fight I think that I have to, he train in my same dojo , we have the same sensei, he like to fight so much and is so agressive,I only wanted learn martials arts for defend to me in an assault and also for the martial arts philosophy.
This reminds me about a good fish story, but I will not go into that now.

For those who face bullies under such circumstances and at that age, there are number of options to avoid fighting a bully. They are not the easy answers. No one wants to take a beating. No one wants to be a bully's beotch.

Fighting isn't always with the fists, or martial arts techniques, or with weapons. It is also with the mind. There is a saying, if you defeat the king the kingdom falls. Meaning if you physiological defeat a bully under these and like circumstances, the bully will no longer take aggressive actions toward you. Thus, you then have controlled the bully, and there is not physical confrontation. Does this always work, no. But nothing does. Violence is your last option. Especially if you are not a fighter; if you lack fighting experience and are not very competent absent of the mentality for fighting. Which is usually the criteria of why the bully picks a victim.

Therefore you have to take a different angle because if you fight physically, fight the bullies fight, you're at a great disadvantage, and stuff. This means you don't fight his fight, rather fight on your home tuff, where you have the advantage and he is at a disadvantage. This is very much true for those at 17 years old. A bully at this age will succumb to the results of the tactic of fighting smarter and not harder (physically).

The moral here is fight smarter and not harder. Finding other ways then violence to defeat a bully. I remember a Chinese Sifu of Kung Fu tell a group of us that the highest level of Kung fu is to avoid the conflict, as if two tigers fight neither walk away uninjured. Sports fighting is one thing, it has its venue. It is very entertaining. I like pro sport fights like the next guy, being a control fight that for the purpose of entertainment where both people understand and agree to the circumstances, there is great injury to both. Most fighters don't fight for long because of it. And those champions who become famous have to be aware of some bone head challenging them to fight in public. Thus the reason why many hire body guards. That limits a person's freedom. Taking a violent route as being the only solution is not the best.

With this kid and his situation, don't fight. I know your sensei is going to make you or in courage you and stuff to do so. The solution is change your dojo, and yea I know it's the only dojo you can go to, etc. But. you need to change dojos if your sensei allows a fight. Like the old fighter's saying goes, you can't hit something if it isn't there.

If you don't take an Aikido view of the situation, you will need to fight if that is the only option you feel. Then you either kick his butt, or he kicks your butt. And in many latin countries, you become friends because that is the custom, usually at your age and under the circumstances. But not always, and it could be a situation where you could end up his beotch if you fight and lose. But if it is a supervised fight based on pride, then friendship will come of it, under the custom of many Spanish influenced countries.

Like I said, the other opinion is to avoid the fight using your mind; fighting smarter and not harder.

Last edited by Buck : 06-13-2010 at 05:59 PM.
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Old 06-13-2010, 06:14 PM   #20
mathewjgano
 
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Re: Help please I need of all the aikidokist (being bullied)

Quote:
Demetrio Cereijo wrote: View Post
A rough sparring session at the gym with your instructor as referee is what you both need.
I like that idea. I can see how it might channel the conflict into an extention of their training...something to be learned from and moved past, hopefully.

Quote:
Joe wrote:
Do what is required,if you beat this guy he wont come back at you.He sounds a moron.
I dunno...the "morons" are often the ones who don't know when to quit, particularly if they feel they have something to prove.

I also just wanted to underscore the previous mentions at understanding what the aggressive kid's motivations are. Like Joe mentioned that can be hard, but most people I've known were pretty up front about why they wanted to fight someone. The simple question, "why do you want to fight me?" seems like a good place to start. Maybe he doesn't have much of a reason to articulate, but if he does then you can at least begin to try to reason with him.
Again, good luck. Do your best and regardless of what happens, keep trying your best. There's no real glory to winning a fight, just as there's no real shame to losing one...my opinion, anyway.

Gambarimashyo!
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Old 06-13-2010, 06:54 PM   #21
SeiserL
 
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Re: Help please I need of all the aikidokist (being bullied)

Please read my most recent column.

If you cannot stand up for yourself yet, talk to you sempai or sensei.

Lynn Seiser PhD
Yondan Aikido & FMA/JKD
We do not rise to the level of our expectations, but fall to the level of our training. Train well. KWATZ!
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Old 06-13-2010, 07:06 PM   #22
dps
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Re: Help please I need of all the aikidokist

Quote:
Mary Malmros wrote: View Post
David, are you sure you're not doing what you just told others not to do? i.e., gave advice on how to handle this situation?
I am sure I am not.

My advice about standing up for himself (as is the majority of the male posters in this thread) is universal advice for a young man on how to deal with bullying regardless of country, culture, ethnicity, religion etc.
It is something all young men should learn, how to stand up for themselves.
David

Last edited by dps : 06-13-2010 at 07:10 PM.
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Old 06-13-2010, 07:27 PM   #23
Marie Noelle Fequiere
 
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Re: Help please I need of all the aikidokist

Quote:
David Skaggs wrote: View Post
I am sure I am not.

It is something all young men should learn, how to stand up for themselves.
David
And what are we old women supposed to do?

Seriously, most bullies choose their victims among the shy and self conscious, because they are actually more scared than they will let you know. What they need is someone who looks at them straight in the eyes and keep moving forward. It's not easy, Felipe, but yes, you need to do that. Calmly ignore his the guy's verbal abuse, and yes, ask with a casual tone: "And why do you feel that you need to fight me? Are you sure it will make you fee better?"
Also, work on your irimi and your tenkan. I understand that after just three months of training, you may not have mastered them yet, so work on them at home. Just evading a technique can confuse an attacker or sometimes, even send him crashing. Then, you can look innocent and say: "I didn't do anything".
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Old 06-13-2010, 07:43 PM   #24
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Re: Help please I need of all the aikidokist

Quote:
Marie Noelle Fequiere wrote: View Post
And what are we old women supposed to do?
Perhaps we're supposed to depend on men to protect us, rather than rely on our own skills and wits.
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Old 06-13-2010, 08:19 PM   #25
dps
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Re: Help please I need of all the aikidokist

Quote:
Marie Noelle Fequiere wrote: View Post
And what are we old women supposed to do?
Quote:
Mary Malmros wrote: View Post
Perhaps we're supposed to depend on men to protect us, rather than rely on our own skills and wits.
You are suppose to say, "whoa take it easy"

David

Last edited by dps : 06-13-2010 at 08:23 PM.
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