Observations of a prom chaperon
- There are unique difficulties to chaperoning a multi-school prom. The staff don't all know each other, and no one staff member knows a significant fraction of the kids, so reporting difficulties to the proper authorities is virtually impossible.
- My wife (also a teacher) and I were asked for tickets at the door. Apparently we were both dressed well enough and look young enough at 28 to pass for prom attendees.
- Our shy, awkward autistic boy was the life of the party. At one point, he was dancing in the middle of a ring of at least seven girls.
- Parents coming into prom with their children and then proceeding to follow them around and take pictures. Seriously, WTF?
- Prom dresses have become much less substantial in the ten years since I was in high school. It used to be a status symbol to have the biggest, poofiest dress. Prom dresses nowadays are much more minimalist. It looked less like a prom than a rap video caricature of a prom, or it would have if more of those girls had fit into their dresses properly.
- Wearing a backless dress with a normal bra. Seriously, WTF?
- Contrary to the women, men have definitely stepped up their prom attire in the past ten years. No clip-on ties to be found, plenty of pinstripes, lots of ties with matching handkerchiefs, and impeccably matched shoes.
- Rap songs all sound the same beyond a certain volume level.
- Another sign of the times: we used to sneak off if we wanted to make out. Kids apparently have no problem parking it against a wall right in front of teachers anymore.
- It's amazing how many girls show up in shoes that prevent them from walking upright down a hallway and then expect to be able to dance proficiently.
- A girl started hitting on me in the food line, apparently unaware that I was a chaperon and not a student. I couldn't bring myself to break the news to her, so I said an awkward "thank you" and then quickly exited the line with nothing on my plate but unadorned plain tortilla chips.
- If you have to stand and eat, never get food and a drink at the same time. Get food, eat it, then get a drink, drink it, repeat. One hand to hold a plate plus one hand to hold a cup leaves no hands to eat with.
- Ladies, holding up your dress at the highest point of the slit isn't going to help you get down the stairs, though many young men will appreciate the effort.
- Guys who pay $60 for a ticket and another $100 on a tuxedo to sit alone at a table and eat appetizers. Seriously, WTF?
- Our kids may not be very good at school, but they have game. After the dance ended, when the remaining students were forced to leave the building and wait for their rides outside, one of my boys wasted no time in finding the girl with the largest, most exposed breasts and offering her the use of his jacket. Well played, sir.