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Old 08-03-2007, 07:45 PM   #1
Adam Alexander
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Learn from my mistake.

I've been having a problem with this woman at work for the last two months. I suspect she had a thing for me and when I demonstrated that not only was I not interested in her, but I also expected the same from her I do anyone else, she became bitter.

Her son is an out of control #%*/:. Today, him and another boy who's another one with no parental supervision, accuses me of saying "Your mom would do me" and "Your mom wants to cuddle with me."

Thankfully, I've developed a reputation for appropriate and strict behavior around children so the accusations came across cynical ears. Further, everyone laughed at the word "cuddle" and how unlikely it would be for me to say that.

However, with the threat of lawsuit, I walked off my job today.

Here's the lesson I hope you take. Don't go near other people's children not even to be nice.

The saddest part in all of this is that these two boys are walking away believing that this dishonesty was alright. I suspect the mother had encouraged it.

There are a couple other things displayed in this situation. Such as what happens when kids are believed outright. What happens when the culture you're surrounded by chooses to run from trouble rather than take it on. What happens when children don't have fathers.

Hopefully, that I practically lost my job today, (not too great a loss, I was half-way through my two week notice.) deters her from pressing a witch-hunt.

I was discussing the saying "what goes around comes aroung" with someone recently. I thought to myself, I don't think that means that what I do bad will come back to me, but what I do bad to others will be passed on to others. Eventually, everything declines a little more for everyone. In a sense, I think everytime someone does something underhanded, a little piece of what's good in the world dies.

Well, I don't know about you, but I'm going to spend some time trying to figure out what I can do to make a difference because I know that this sort of thing is what brings us down.
 
Old 08-03-2007, 10:19 PM   #2
Mark Uttech
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Re: Learn from my mistake.

Sorry to say, this sounds like some type of personal confession.

In gassho,

Mark

- Right combination works wonders -
 
Old 08-03-2007, 10:41 PM   #3
Adam Alexander
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Re: Learn from my mistake.

Quote:
Mark Uttech wrote: View Post
Sorry to say, this sounds like some type of personal confession.

In gassho,

Mark
Take it for what it's worth.

EDIT: I have no issue whatsoever with any opinion on this subject. I'm right with who I am and my behavior. However, I think it strikes to the heart of what I'm saying that the first response on this post is something accusational.

Believe me, as a Mid-Westerner who's out on the West Coast, what you have there is a world of difference from here. If you had hollered at someone's kid, the liklihood that you'd of been called a "jerk", "retard" and "faggot" is unlikely. That a child around you would of urinated in the soda machine multiple times is unlikely. That the parent wouldn't of reigned the kid in unlikely.

I'm not losing sleep over your opinion, but at what point do you say that a fairly respectable adult on this side of the continent is more trustworthy than a child? Serious question.

Last edited by Adam Alexander : 08-03-2007 at 10:54 PM. Reason: Added thoughts.
 
Old 08-03-2007, 11:21 PM   #4
Guilty Spark
 
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Re: Learn from my mistake.

I think you made the wrong decision.

I don't think you should have walked off your job regardless if you were quitting a week down the road.

You let this person win. Why be afraid of a witch hunt? If your character is as professional as you said then their claims truely would have fallen on deaf ears.

This person, unanswered for their actions or that of their kids, will turn around and do it to someone else. And someone else. Maybe that person won't be a week away from quitting. Maybe they will loose their job over it, a job they need.

I don't regret many things in my life. I was in the same boat. Co-worker makes accusations. Witch hunt happens. I'm cleared of almost a dozen accusations. Co-worker is caught flat out lying. I'm approached over bringing charges against her for her actions with a view to getting her removed from her job. I cowardly think only of myself. "Hey I'm cleared, not my problem". Other people suffered because of me.

If you're hungry, keep moving.
If you're tired, keep moving.
If you value you're life, keep moving.

You don't own what you can't defend
 
Old 08-04-2007, 05:05 AM   #5
PeterR
 
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Re: Learn from my mistake.

I personally think you were in a very strong position - nothing to lose.

You were already leaving. I would have played hard ball.

Accusations are just too easy to make and should have consequences.

Peter Rehse Shodokan Aikido
 
Old 08-04-2007, 10:08 AM   #6
Adam Alexander
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Re: Learn from my mistake.

I'm moving to Colorado at the end of this month. If she decides to file charges or lawsuit, what would I do then? We already have a lease signed down there that we start paying on in a few days. We couldn't afford two apartments waiting on court dates. I couldn't afford flying up here to answer a law suit. My two week notice was in so I wouldn't even have a job. My fiance starts school at the end of September, so we have to be settled there.

Believe me, I'm fully aware of my obligation as a man to accept consequences for doing the right thing. However, out here, as a man with values, you're a soldier seperated from your unit. The threat posed by these consequences are heavy. Being that values are so tenuous here, the people involved would not learn anything more than to not mess with that guy because the enourmous majority of people here would do exactly as I'm doing. However, they'd do it just to avoid any confrontation. What's right isn't a consideration here. What's easiest is what counts.

If this would of happened a year ago, I'd of stood up. I've never run from evil. Unfortunately, I'd be a very solitary voice here. No one here would say,"he did the right thing." No one here would say,"that's how I'd do it." What they would say is,"Why would he have done that?", "I'm happy I'm not in his shoes.", "He could of avoided all that."

The effort would of been in vain.
 
Old 08-05-2007, 11:18 PM   #7
Gernot Hassenpflug
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Re: Learn from my mistake.

Quote:
Adam Alexander wrote: View Post
/../We couldn't afford two apartments waiting on court dates./../
Yes, in the real world principle is worthless without backup, which usually means money. Good job, get your life together than move on. Not worth losing sleep over, impacting your self-worth, or anything else. Most people are not nice, let's face it. I'm glad you got out of there without permanent scars.
 
Old 08-06-2007, 12:06 AM   #8
Adam Alexander
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Re: Learn from my mistake.

Quote:
Gernot Hassenpflug wrote: View Post
Yes, in the real world principle is worthless without backup, which usually means money. Good job, get your life together than move on. Not worth losing sleep over, impacting your self-worth, or anything else. Most people are not nice, let's face it. I'm glad you got out of there without permanent scars.
I'm not getting out without a scar and the depth of the wound remains to be seen.

I think I do what's right for the most part with little regard for the consequences to myself. I've alienated a lot of people, passed on many opportunities. This time it just looks like everything would of been lost.
 
Old 08-06-2007, 12:47 PM   #9
feck
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Re: Learn from my mistake.

sorry to hear your plight adam.

But running away from an accusation like this could be looked upon as a measure of guilt.
You should always stick it through and face your accusers, what was the worst that could have happened?, maybe losing your job and having to move, well it seems like your doing this anyway.

This child has scared you away and knows it, everyone who heard the accusation, could well now probably think your guilty, and rightly so.

I know its easy for others to say what they would have done, but even so you should have stuck around.

"Men occasionally stumble across the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened."
Winston Churchill
 
Old 08-06-2007, 01:44 PM   #10
Adam Alexander
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Re: Learn from my mistake.

Quote:
Darren Paul wrote: View Post
sorry to hear your plight adam.

But running away from an accusation like this could be looked upon as a measure of guilt.
You should always stick it through and face your accusers, what was the worst that could have happened?, maybe losing your job and having to move, well it seems like your doing this anyway.

This child has scared you away and knows it, everyone who heard the accusation, could well now probably think your guilty, and rightly so.

I know its easy for others to say what they would have done, but even so you should have stuck around.
My thought was that the worst that could happen is that charges were pressed against me. First, it'd cost me a couple grand to get out of the lease we just signed. Second, I'd incur a few thousand in legal fees for defending myself. Third, my savings would be totally depleted. I'd have to stay here for another year+ like I did for the last two miserable years to position myself to move again. No matter what, I'd see a prison of sorts being that I had to stay longer. Fourth, I'd have to find another job...here.

You're free to have an opinion, but you're not quite accurate about the worst that could of happened.

I had another eight days till the end. The agreement between the management, woman and me was that the two of us would not communicate. However, what was to stop her and the kids from coming up with more severe accusations?

Three years ago, before I came to Oregon, I'd say the same things as you all. However, I'm telling you, this isn't a place where you go to the barbershop and there are other men who you can rely on doing the right thing. You are alone here when you have values and are willing to stand up. It's like being an Iraqi soldier. No matter what you do, the culture just isn't there to support decency.

As far as looking guilty and all that, I'm not concerned about it. Prosecutors, as I understand it, are quite confident in polygraphs. Being that the accusation isn't very serious, I think charges would be dropped pretty quick. However, once a retain a lawyer and wait on the dates, I'd be too far encumbered to continue with the move. That would be the worst part.

Anyhow, I wasn't really looking for advice or opinions. I'm offering a gift. I'm putting myself out on the line knowing that I'll be viewed as the first poster did by some. I'm telling you to be careful because this stuff happens.

Who knows, if it all continues, I might get Nifong for a prosecutor, the Anna Nicole judge, and you as a juror. Then I'll really be up sh'ts creek.
 
Old 08-06-2007, 03:19 PM   #11
Ron Tisdale
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Re: Learn from my mistake.

I'm a little confused. You say you work together with this woman, but the accusation came from her son. What the heck is her son doing in the workplace???

Best,
Ron

Ron Tisdale
-----------------------
"The higher a monkey climbs, the more you see of his behind."
St. Bonaventure (ca. 1221-1274)
 
Old 08-06-2007, 03:27 PM   #12
Adam Alexander
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Re: Learn from my mistake.

Quote:
Ron Tisdale wrote: View Post
I'm a little confused. You say you work together with this woman, but the accusation came from her son. What the heck is her son doing in the workplace???

Best,
Ron
As I've heard from her screeching tone so many times,"I'm a single mom doing the best I can"...
 
Old 08-07-2007, 11:59 PM   #13
Guilty Spark
 
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Re: Learn from my mistake.

Quote:
Adam Alexander wrote: View Post
As I've heard from her screeching tone so many times,"I'm a single mom doing the best I can"...
Huh?

You're not answering his question.

You're not making much sense at all.

Quote:
"Your mom would do me" and "Your mom wants to cuddle with me."
Is what they apparently accused you of but somehow it's become something MUCH much more sinister?

Seems like a lot of legal BS to deal with some kid saying you told him his mom would do you.
Something isn't connecting.
I must be missing a major part because it still sounds out to lunch.

If you're hungry, keep moving.
If you're tired, keep moving.
If you value you're life, keep moving.

You don't own what you can't defend
 
Old 08-08-2007, 10:45 AM   #14
Adam Alexander
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Re: Learn from my mistake.

If you don't think that's sinister, you and I have different values.
 
Old 08-08-2007, 11:21 AM   #15
Guilty Spark
 
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Re: Learn from my mistake.

Different values and live in different worlds apparently.

Quote:
this isn't a place where you go to the barbershop and there are other men who you can rely on doing the right thing. You are alone here when you have values and are willing to stand up.
Sorry I just can't buy the I'm a saint and everyone else is just selfish thing.
There are people in far less developed places than the US who still have values and still do the right thing.

Have some faith in your fellow man, you'd be surprised what good their capable of.

If you're hungry, keep moving.
If you're tired, keep moving.
If you value you're life, keep moving.

You don't own what you can't defend
 
Old 08-08-2007, 11:50 AM   #16
feck
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Re: Learn from my mistake.

Let me get this straight,

you were hanging around with this woman's child and his friend when he made this accusation.

Firstly why would you be hanging around with this womans child?
Secondly who apart from yourself heard the accusations?
Thirdly who made the threat of a lawsuit?

"Men occasionally stumble across the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened."
Winston Churchill
 
Old 08-08-2007, 01:01 PM   #17
Adam Alexander
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Re: Learn from my mistake.

Quote:
Darren Paul wrote: View Post
Let me get this straight,

you were hanging around with this woman's child and his friend when he made this accusation.

Firstly why would you be hanging around with this womans child?
Secondly who apart from yourself heard the accusations?
Thirdly who made the threat of a lawsuit?
On #1, no.
On the others, I'm not playing on a game show. I'm not looking to answer twenty questions about the details of what happened. I'm not sitting here with fingers crossed hoping that you'll believe it or not. You can kiss my arse. LOL. Who do you think you are? Hahaha. You want me to pay you the friggin retainer?

Get ahold of yourself. If you don't think you'll ever be in the situation, then don't read it. If you think you can learn from it, take a lesson.

Christ, you sound like a woman. EDIT: That goes for both of you.

Last edited by Adam Alexander : 08-08-2007 at 01:03 PM.
 
Old 08-08-2007, 03:14 PM   #18
Guilty Spark
 
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Re: Learn from my mistake.

Quote:
Adam Alexander wrote: View Post
On #1, no.
On the others, I'm not playing on a game show. I'm not looking to answer twenty questions about the details of what happened.
I'm not sitting here with fingers crossed hoping that you'll believe it or not.
No but it clearly sounds like you are looking for some type of validation. Painting yourself as this huge victim in a city lacking morals with no support for you BUT when asked questions by posters here to get a better understanding of your situation- you dance around their questions or outright refuse to answer them.
It my books when I ask someone a simple question about a given situation and they avoid answering, that sends up a red flag.

Quote:
Adam Alexander wrote: View Post
You can kiss my arse. LOL. Who do you think you are? Hahaha.
A member of this message forum and website just like yourself.

Quote:
Adam Alexander wrote: View Post
Get ahold of yourself. If you don't think you'll ever be in the situation, then don't read it. If you think you can learn from it, take a lesson.
You're doing a very poor job at passing along any type of lesson. Unless it's how not to act when accused of something like this.

Quote:
Adam Alexander wrote: View Post
Christ, you sound like a woman. EDIT: That goes for both of you.
Didn't comments about women (or accusations of) get you into this trouble in the first place?

Somehow I don't think the female posters on this forum will appreciate your comment either Adam. What exactly does "sounding like a woman" include?
Do you have something against them? Your tone suggests you do.

If you're hungry, keep moving.
If you're tired, keep moving.
If you value you're life, keep moving.

You don't own what you can't defend
 
Old 08-08-2007, 04:35 PM   #19
Adam Alexander
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Re: Learn from my mistake.

Quote:
Grant Wagar wrote: View Post
No but it clearly sounds like you are looking for some type of validation.
So you figure your the one who's validation I'm looking for?

Okayyyy, okayyy. Let me tell you all about it, because I'm in desperate need of Grant Wagar's validation.

I took a couple accusations and defended myself. So, because of that I'm looking for validation? Real bright, moron.


Besides, what do you gain or lose either way? You mean to say that it's not possible that some little b@st@rds mother who was angry with me (You're right d!psh!t, I didn't tell you what happened between her and I and I didn't tell you the exchange that did take place because neither justify what happened) because I wasn't into her and didn't treat her in the way guys she typically go after treat her?

In case you've never had a woman throw herself at you, they get crazy when they're rejected.

What you're trying to prove somehow that kids never lie? That they don't lie for their parents? Climb out of your parent's basement.

Last edited by Adam Alexander : 08-08-2007 at 04:42 PM.
 
Old 08-08-2007, 04:57 PM   #20
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Re: Learn from my mistake.

Moron, Dip shit, Little bastards, name calling Ouch!

I'm not trying to prove anything here Adam. You're doing a GREAT job at showing your true colours. Carry on.

I'm starting to get a pretty good idea about your situation myself.

I was just talking to my parents upstairs and they told me to give you some advice- don't go on the stand.


Quote:
Thankfully, I've developed a reputation for appropriate and strict behavior around children so the accusations came across cynical ears. Further, everyone laughed at the word "cuddle" and how unlikely it would be for me to say that.
Considering the comments you made here it sounds like that is exactly something you would use to try and instigate a child.

Last edited by Guilty Spark : 08-08-2007 at 05:02 PM.

If you're hungry, keep moving.
If you're tired, keep moving.
If you value you're life, keep moving.

You don't own what you can't defend
 
Old 08-08-2007, 05:07 PM   #21
Adam Alexander
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Re: Learn from my mistake.

Quote:
Grant Wagar wrote: View Post
Moron, Dip shit, Little bastards, name calling Ouch!

I'm not trying to prove anything here Adam. You're doing a GREAT job at showing your true colours. Carry on.

I'm starting to get a pretty good idea about your situation myself.

I was just talking to my parents upstairs and they told me to give you some advice- don't go on the stand.
It's out this world that a guy get's offended, eh? Keep stroking your keyboard, I've got to run.
 
Old 08-08-2007, 05:23 PM   #22
Guilty Spark
 
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Re: Learn from my mistake.

Not offended Adam, I'm about 20 years too old for your target audience apparently.

All I can say is quod erat demonstrandum and good luck.

If you're hungry, keep moving.
If you're tired, keep moving.
If you value you're life, keep moving.

You don't own what you can't defend
 
Old 08-08-2007, 05:42 PM   #23
Adam Alexander
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Re: Learn from my mistake.

Quote:
Grant Wagar wrote: View Post
Not offended Adam, I'm about 20 years too old for your target audience apparently.

All I can say is quod erat demonstrandum and good luck.
I suppose the same can be said of trying to initiate a witch-hunt, ma'am.
 
Old 08-08-2007, 06:13 PM   #24
Drew Mailman
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Re: Learn from my mistake.

I have to agree with Mr. Grant : things don't add up.

Granted, women DO do some pretty nutty things when you don't do what they expect you to (I know this from experience), but it's difficult to really understand the situation unless we are given more information. But even then, we still don't know *both* sides of the story.

What IS the story, anyway? A woman you worked with liked you, but you didn't like her back, and she was bitter about it? Then, her son and her friend's son said that you said that she would "do you"? Why do you care what they say? And if she is a single mother, chances are that she has neither the time nor the money to pursue anything legally. And instead of standing your ground and believing that your coworkers and others would trust that you were in the right beyond a shadow of a doubt, you left your job? I just want to understand the story better.

Oh, and this may be a little off-topic, Mr. Alexander, but why do you keep changing your name?
 
Old 08-08-2007, 06:21 PM   #25
Adam Alexander
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Re: Learn from my mistake.

Quote:
Drew Mailman wrote: View Post
I have to agree with Mr. Grant : things don't add up.

Oh, and this may be a little off-topic, Mr. Alexander, but why do you keep changing your name?
Really, I'm not asking you to understand. I'm not asking you to see if things add up. If you don't believe it, say it and leave. We'll all live.

There's nothing more for me to say on the subject that hasn't been posted already.

I changed my name once. If you're curious about the details, feel free to PM me.
 

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