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Old 08-06-2007, 12:27 PM   #101
Michael Hackett
Dojo: Kenshinkan Dojo (Aikido of North County) Vista, CA
Location: Oceanside, California
Join Date: Oct 2000
Posts: 1,121
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Re: Need some advice.

Adam,

I guess all of life is a series of making choices based on probability. Some activities simply have a greater probability of danger or disaster than others. For an extreme example, a black man walking into the compound of a white supremist group might not be the wisest course of action. I think though by contrast, a young woman who trains in a dojo with several different people and is invited to an event by a dojo mate is probably fairly safe from harm. Obviously that didn't prove to be the case this time. If I knew the man in question in the same context that she apparently did and held him in the same regard, I might have suggested that it would be OK to go out on the excursion. With the outcome that we now know, would I feel quilty about telling her it was alright? Not for a second. Would I feel badly for her - you bet. Would I feel angry at the man and disgusted with his conduct. Absolutely.

A woman in our society should be able to do almost anything in reason safely, as should a man. Some things just aren't wise for either gender and should be avoided. Doing off-the-mat activities with dojo mates probably ranks right up there with good things to do - at least they do in my dojo and the dojo I know.

Michael
"Leave the gun. Bring the cannoli."
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Old 08-06-2007, 12:49 PM   #102
Adam Alexander
Dojo: none currently
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 499
United_States
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Re: Need some advice.

Quote:
Michael Hackett wrote: View Post
I might have suggested that it would be OK to go out on the excursion. With the outcome that we now know, would I feel quilty about telling her it was alright? Not for a second.
I suppose that's the crux. I would feel a sense of responsibility, so I suppose I expect others to do the same.

Thanks for taking the time.

Last edited by Adam Alexander : 08-06-2007 at 12:58 PM.
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Old 08-06-2007, 01:22 PM   #103
Michael Hackett
Dojo: Kenshinkan Dojo (Aikido of North County) Vista, CA
Location: Oceanside, California
Join Date: Oct 2000
Posts: 1,121
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Re: Need some advice.

Now I'm beginning to see our disconnect. I see the two concepts as very different. Guilt is an emotion based on doing the wrong thing knowingly. Responsibility is another concept that requires intellectually acknowledging one's part in an outcome. For example, if I run a red light in a busy intersection and injure an innocent party, I would very likely feel a sense of guilt. If the light turned green for my direction of travel and I didn't pause a moment to ensure the intersection was clear of cross traffic and ended up in a traffic collision, I probably would acknowledge a level of responsibility for the outcome.

I've been primarily, or even partially responsible for all sorts of things over the years. I feel guilt to this day for two of them - and there are those who think I'm a pretty decent guy anyway.

Michael
"Leave the gun. Bring the cannoli."
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Old 08-06-2007, 01:40 PM   #104
Adam Alexander
Dojo: none currently
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 499
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Re: Need some advice.

Yeah, I know plenty of guilt.

However, I think it's like telling people that doing their best is good enough. With that attitude, I believe, people don't push themselves to do their best because they accept what they believe to be their best.

So, I suppose I'm happy enough with the guilt because, in that way, I think the world around me becomes better.

I suppose we'll all find out what we accomplished and didn't on judgement day.
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Old 08-07-2007, 10:21 PM   #105
Gernot Hassenpflug
Dojo: Aunkai, Tokyo
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 319
Japan
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Re: Need some advice.

Here is an article that discusses some aspects of evaluating threat:

http://www.nononsenseselfdefense.com/five_stages.html
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Old 08-08-2007, 05:24 AM   #106
SeiserL
 
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Dojo: Roswell Budokan, Kyushinkan Dojo, Aikido World Alliance
Location: Roswell, GA USA
Join Date: Jun 2000
Posts: 3,703
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Re: Need some advice.

Quote:
Gernot Hassenpflug wrote: View Post
Here is an article that discusses some aspects of evaluating threat:
IMHO, Animal is usually right on and I have enjoyed several conversations with him. As can be seen, at least by description, this illustrates all 5 levels. Thanks for the resource and the reminder. IMHO, this type of discussion is very useful.

Lynn Seiser PhD
Yondan Aikido & FMA/JKD
We do not rise to the level of our expectations, but fall to the level of our training. Train well. KWATZ!
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Old 08-12-2007, 01:09 PM   #107
dalen7
 
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Dojo: Karcag Aikido Club
Location: Karcag
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 750
Hungary
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Re: Need some advice.

Quote:
Adam Alexander wrote: View Post
... I suppose I expect others to do the same.
just a note on the above comment as it stands. (not in regards to the thread)
This is the 'crux' of any issue is expecting something from others.

Others are indeed 'others' and we tend to muddle things up with our 'expectations' from them - all the while we are 'shifting' and 'changing' our view points on things. - thus they cant 'keep up' to ones expectations, thus allowing 'disease' to continue between people)

As far as the other comment 'judgement day' - suppose if thats your mindset.

Last edited by dalen7 : 08-12-2007 at 01:11 PM.
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Old 08-12-2007, 05:43 PM   #108
Adam Alexander
Dojo: none currently
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United_States
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Re: Need some advice.

Quote:
Dalen Johnson wrote: View Post
just a note on the above comment as it stands. (not in regards to the thread)
This is the 'crux' of any issue is expecting something from others.

Others are indeed 'others' and we tend to muddle things up with our 'expectations' from them - all the while we are 'shifting' and 'changing' our view points on things. - thus they cant 'keep up' to ones expectations, thus allowing 'disease' to continue between people)

As far as the other comment 'judgement day' - suppose if thats your mindset.
I wish Aikiweb had a Trollkido forum where I could respond to this.
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Old 09-08-2007, 03:49 AM   #109
cherif morsi
Dojo: shooting club/cairo
Location: cairo
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 10
Egypt
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Re: Need some advice.

To Lynn Seiser

You really amaze me as a person even if we come from different cultures. From my tiny little experience in Aikido (barely two months!!), I am really dreaming of having your wisdom. That is probably what Aikido is about as we, as human beings, are very weak by nature and the practice of Aikido really helps improving one's weaknesses which is exactly what I am looking for in Aikido. Not being a fighter or the like at all (as this debate would stop instantly if the attacker is an established street fighter holding a gun), not having extra confidence, but rather reaching a certain wisdom level to make myself much more serene in a life that is ubber violent, stressful and merciless. Again thanks Lynn so much for all of your thoughts in this forum.

Back to the subject, I think AnonAikidoka has a moral obligation to report the incident to her Sensei but in private to make it easier for her as I bet it is not easy for her to think that everybody in her dojo knows what happened and also inform her Sensei that she will report her agressor to the authorities to avoid any other student being his victim. Anon Aikidoka, you have to report this guy but of course get a lawyer first before going to the police as these matters are very delicate and to avoid the situation backfiring at you.
Best of luck and don't even think about it anymore!

Cherif
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Old 09-11-2007, 07:17 AM   #110
Angela Dunn
Dojo: Hartlepool/Peterlee/Billingham
Location: Hartlepool,UK
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 69
England
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Okay I am the OP....

and I am feeling fairly okay enough to post under my real name now. This is probably going to be my last post on this thread UNLESS theres later comments I want to respond to. We shall see.

Just wanted to give a quick update on what happened since for those who where kind enough to offer advice and show some interest.

The guy in question never came back to the dojo or the organization. I think this was his own decision, if the higher uppers in my dojo did discuss what happened with him then I do not know the circumstances around that nor do I want to.I do not think they did though. As I mentioned in other posts I did tell my Sensei what had happened and we did talk about it and what it meant in terms of training with him etc. He give select details to other people in class and one day maybe I will tell people what happened. Or they recognize my name on here and read about it as I know a fair few people in my dojo do read these forumns.*Shrugs*

In fact I have never seen him or heard from Sir Wan of Kerr (clearly not his real name!) as I have been calling him since. In some ways this is a good thing as part of me feels relief at that, the other part of me wishes he had/would come back so I can ask him just what where you thinking that night and give him a few choice words and gestures . (Also to show him actually , yeah you done this to me but if you think that stopped me from getting on with my life ha your wrong! In fact eventually it made me realise a few things and in a strange way realise sure bad things happen but I have choices and can do things to change crappy situations. Which may sound slightly child like but in reality thats how I feel...and as a not so direct result of getting attacked and the support I got afterwards, both from the dojo and unofficially from professionals (Lucky me doing voluntary work within a counseling organization so I do plan to take up there services if I feel the need to regarding this in the future but they have give me training I could adapt to my own needs with this which is definitely helping for now)This event pushed me into making a few decisions. Now I am in a new role at work, am making the most of training opportunities both in and out of my dojo and generally am happier with life. )

So slowly getting over what happened then. And for those wondering I made the choice not to report this, maybe I should have for many valid arguments made in this forumn but in the end simply could not bring myself to do it.

Again thanks to everyone who did take the time to offer advice, opinions and support. It give me a lot to think about and it really was appreciated.

Ange.
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