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Old 08-04-2007, 02:36 PM   #76
Adam Alexander
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Re: Need some advice.

Quote:
Jo Adell wrote: View Post
Adam, Im curious to how you believe this should have been handled, and if your response would be any different if the Original Poster had told the Exact Same story, but was a younger, smaller Man instead of a younger, smaller woman?
I don't know how it should of been handled. I didn't criticize or praise the poster's actions. What I praised was that, rather than pretend that she couldn't prevent such a situation in the future, she learned the consequences of taking for granted that people will treat her in a fashion that she considers right.

My belief is that if we all took greater responsibility for the safety of ourselves and our children rather than rely on chance that nothing bad will happen or that the police can fix what has happened, this story wouldn't of developed.

I carry the same opinion if it were a man.

I will say that I think most of the posters who've talked about grooming and all this other crazy stuff are out of touch with reality. Up to the time the guy started using force, he didn't do anything that most guys, including myself, have done to get a woman when we're naive. It's a part of being a stupid kid. Maybe this dimwit didn't learn this lesson until the other day.

Calling his behavior all these crazy names is madness. As I understand it, in my grandparent's era, it was common to "run out of gas" on a lonely road. I'm sure some girls were hurt that way, I'm sure it was part of a long happy relationship for others. Should the foolish man who ran out of gas with the wrong girl and tried making out with her be hanged even though he stopped? Should he be stigmatized "just in case" he might, someday, hurt some girl?

You decide. I'd rather simplify and just have my daughter not hang out alone with boys.


EDIT: Another thing, in an effort to "prevent" this person from doing anything wrong in the future, what if he learned his lesson that day? What if he finds himself in a situation as I did yesterday being falsely accused of making inappropriate comments to kids about their mothers? What happens to him if he's falsely accused of rape? Because he made a stupid mistake, the false accusation becomes that much believable. It's a scary world where people don't take responsibility for their actions.

Last edited by Adam Alexander : 08-04-2007 at 02:41 PM. Reason: Another thought.
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Old 08-05-2007, 12:18 AM   #77
Adam Alexander
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Re: Need some advice.

Welcome to common sense folks.
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Old 08-05-2007, 04:00 AM   #78
Cordula Meyer
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Re: Need some advice.

Common sense ? Is that the way you feel in your dojo:
Every time a Sempai calls you up and invites you for a dojo event, you distrust him and suspect that he maybe lying ?
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Old 08-05-2007, 10:49 AM   #79
Adam Alexander
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Re: Need some advice.

Quote:
Cordula Meyer wrote: View Post
Common sense ? Is that the way you feel in your dojo:
Every time a Sempai calls you up and invites you for a dojo event, you distrust him and suspect that he maybe lying ?
Yes. Not only is it a good practice that keeps you safe, but it's good training.

However, the common sense isn't about people being aware of their surroundings and where they put themselves (which was common sense) but about the out-of-touch-with-everyday-reality the posters who claim this guy's actions are necessarily leading him up to be a rapist.

I just told my fiance this story and the responses, she frowned and said,"When you get in a car with a man, you're accepting what's going to happen. You should be ready to handle whatever consequences come for you. If he would of raped her, she should of said to herself,'Well, I put myself in this situation, I'm going to have to deal with the consequences of my action." (EDIT: Now that's a good woman...Lucky me!)

Last edited by Adam Alexander : 08-05-2007 at 10:50 AM. Reason: Added comment.
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Old 08-05-2007, 10:58 AM   #80
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Re: Need some advice.

Quote:
Adam Alexander wrote: View Post
Welcome to common sense folks.
IMHO, common sense isn't all that common anymore. especially in situations like the one described.

Its a line of attack thing. If you open your perception, you see much more that just the attack when it physically touches you. You see where it came from, where its headed, its intent/intensity, and how practiced it is.

All this information is already there if you know what to look for. Unfortunately, most people don't know what to look for. Fortunately, most don't have to.

BTW, much of the advise given has a place in the sequential healing process. Most of my comments are entirely directed to our friend to be of the most help now and to hopefully counter or run interference to those she will need to hear later.

Again, my compliments to the compassion of this forum.

Lynn Seiser PhD
Yondan Aikido & FMA/JKD
We do not rise to the level of our expectations, but fall to the level of our training. Train well. KWATZ!
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Old 08-05-2007, 11:21 AM   #81
jennifer paige smith
 
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Re: Need some advice.

Quote:
Adam Alexander wrote: View Post
I don't know how it should of been handled. I didn't criticize or praise the poster's actions. What I praised was that, rather than pretend that she couldn't prevent such a situation in the future, she learned the consequences of taking for granted that people will treat her in a fashion that she considers right.

My belief is that if we all took greater responsibility for the safety of ourselves and our children rather than rely on chance that nothing bad will happen or that the police can fix what has happened, this story wouldn't of developed.

I carry the same opinion if it were a man.

I will say that I think most of the posters who've talked about grooming and all this other crazy stuff are out of touch with reality. Up to the time the guy started using force, he didn't do anything that most guys, including myself, have done to get a woman when we're naive. It's a part of being a stupid kid. Maybe this dimwit didn't learn this lesson until the other day.

Calling his behavior all these crazy names is madness. As I understand it, in my grandparent's era, it was common to "run out of gas" on a lonely road. I'm sure some girls were hurt that way, I'm sure it was part of a long happy relationship for others. Should the foolish man who ran out of gas with the wrong girl and tried making out with her be hanged even though he stopped? Should he be stigmatized "just in case" he might, someday, hurt some girl?

You decide. I'd rather simplify and just have my daughter not hang out alone with boys.

EDIT: Another thing, in an effort to "prevent" this person from doing anything wrong in the future, what if he learned his lesson that day? What if he finds himself in a situation as I did yesterday being falsely accused of making inappropriate comments to kids about their mothers? What happens to him if he's falsely accused of rape? Because he made a stupid mistake, the false accusation becomes that much believable. It's a scary world where people don't take responsibility for their actions.
Women are accused of abuses everyday. Welcome to the club.

In you grandparents age it was also common for rape to go unreported and unprosecuted. It was also common to blame women for enticing men who couldn't 'help themselves' . And it was common for women to experience debilitating depression and suicidal preoccupations from the mis-conception that it was their fault.
Aikido is the art of loving protection for all beings. Protecting people from themselves and from hurting others and protecting ourselves from dangerous circumstances. This particular story, as it stands, accomplishes all of these things. Good Aikido, good training, good learning.

There is a lot of grey area between the black you call black and the white you call white.

And while I whole heartedly agree that people need take responsibility for themselves; I also know the consequence of violation and societies overarching and remaining views of women as too inadequate for real power yet held completely responsible for themselves.

Good Men do well to remember and to teach that they are the protectors of women in our society. While we struggle, while we learn, while we grow, while we attempt to maintain the innocence of the world in our hearts, for our children, and for our families we need protective men for our wellness. And we love you all on top of that.

Last edited by jennifer paige smith : 08-05-2007 at 11:26 AM.

Jennifer Paige Smith
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Old 08-05-2007, 11:59 AM   #82
Adam Alexander
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Re: Need some advice.

Quote:
Jennifer Smith wrote: View Post
Good Men do well to remember and to teach that they are the protectors of women in our society. While we struggle, while we learn, while we grow, while we attempt to maintain the innocence of the world in our hearts, for our children, and for our families we need protective men for our wellness. And we love you all on top of that.
Innocence is what got this poor kid in her situation in the first place. If she maintains that "innocence" she might be in the emegency room getting her arse swabbed or in the morgue next. Good life lessons you have there.

Women have equality. Protect yourself.
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Old 08-05-2007, 02:12 PM   #83
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Re: Need some advice.

Adam, how long have you been practicing aikido?

Q
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Old 08-05-2007, 04:05 PM   #84
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Re: Need some advice.

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Adam, how long have you been practicing aikido?
Why do you ask?
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Old 08-05-2007, 04:09 PM   #85
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Re: Need some advice.

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Lynn Seiser wrote: View Post
IMHO, common sense isn't all that common anymore. especially in situations like the one described.
It doesn't have to be that way.

If this young woman went out and told all her friends that she had the power to prevent it and there wasn't much sense in crying about it, the tide would turn within her circle of influence. If, however, she goes out telling all her friends how she bears no responsibility for her own safety, then rather than helping empower other young women with a sense of control in their lives, they'll drift from one situation to the other without regard to their ability to keep themselves safe.
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Old 08-05-2007, 04:27 PM   #86
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Re: Need some advice.

Quote:
Adam Alexander wrote: View Post
It doesn't have to be that way. If this young woman went out and told all her friends that she had the power to prevent it and there wasn't much sense in crying about it, the tide would turn within her circle of influence. If, however, she goes out telling all her friends how she bears no responsibility for her own safety, then rather than helping empower other young women with a sense of control in their lives, they'll drift from one situation to the other without regard to their ability to keep themselves safe.
IMHO, you are right. It doesn't have to be that way. But, for now it is.

The way I read the initial post, our friend in question owned her part and responsibility of the dance and simply needed some support and encouragement not to take blame for the other party's part.

Its that wisdom to know and own your part along with know and let go of the other part.

IMHO, healing is a sequential process.

Lynn Seiser PhD
Yondan Aikido & FMA/JKD
We do not rise to the level of our expectations, but fall to the level of our training. Train well. KWATZ!
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Old 08-05-2007, 04:39 PM   #87
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Re: Need some advice.

Quote:
Lynn Seiser wrote: View Post
IMHO, you are right. It doesn't have to be that way. But, for now it is.
"Now" only lasts for a moment. What's next is up to each of us and the actions we all take.

Hopefully, the lesson she learned becomes common to the people she knows and interacts with.
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Old 08-05-2007, 07:00 PM   #88
Michael Hackett
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Re: Need some advice.

We must all take some responsibility for the outcome of our actions. Nothing bad has ever happened to me that I didn't have some hand in to a greater or lesser degree. But to expect that anyone, including a young woman, will perceive every possible danger and prepare for it is hogwash.

I am reminded of a homicide my detectives worked one Christmas season. The victim was shopping in a mall in the Sacramento area and was walking to her car in broad daylight. Sbe placed her packages in the trunk of her vehicle and walked to the driver's side to get in. An "unoccupied" van was parked two spaces (as I recall) from the driver's side of her car. As she opened the door, she was blitzed by one of the suspects and dragged into the van which sped off.

The suspects drove south on Interstate 5 and took turns raping and beating the victim and even buying gasoline with her credit card. They eventually arrived in the El Centro area and threw her alive in an irrigation canal, bound with duct tape and left to drown. We found her body the following day and then found her car in the Phoenix area about a week later. Both suspects have been tried and convicted.

My whole point in this horrible story is that the victim did all the things we advise people to do and was careful and aware of her surroundings. She did nothing wrong and still ended up dead. I used to refer to her as the purest homicide victim I'd ever dealt with. No booze, no drugs, no promescruity, no bad companions - nothing. Tragic.

Once the story became widely known, I'm sure many rethought how they did normal things in life. Why should any segment of our society live in fear? Maybe AnonAikidoka will share her story with others on a more personal level that she has here and help protect her friends, relatives and associates. That might prove helpful to them and even prove helpful to her, but when all is said and done, she was victimized by someone more skilled and experienced that she. Did she make a mistake? Sure she did - she behaved normally with a friend and was taken advantage of. She should always stay home barricaded with her pack of attack dogs and her trusty AK-47 across her lap.

Michael
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Old 08-05-2007, 08:27 PM   #89
Adam Alexander
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Re: Need some advice.

My responses are underlined in bold.

Quote:
Michael Hackett wrote: View Post
My whole point in this horrible story is that the victim did all the things we advise people to do and was careful and aware of her surroundings.

I don't know for sure, but I imagine part of your point has more to do with appealing to emotion. Otherwise, you wouldn't of gone into so much detail. No disrespect intended. It's a sad story and a shame that it happens to people and others have to feel the repercussions.

The woman didn't pay attention to something suspicious. As a man, if a van is parked near me when I approach, I am extra cautious. I never even park next to them.


She did nothing wrong and still ended up dead. I used to refer to her as the purest homicide victim I'd ever dealt with.

Morally wrong? Of course not. Idealistically wrong? Not a bit. Wrong if she was planning a long, healthy life? The unfortunate result speaks for itself.

Did she make a mistake? Sure she did - she behaved normally with a friend and was taken advantage of.

She chose the wrong kind of friend. Women who hang out with men alone are courting trouble.

She should always stay home barricaded with her pack of attack dogs and her trusty AK-47 across her lap.

No one's suggesting that. However, going out alone with a guy is a factor in this situation. A sense of fear that keeps women--and men-- out of those situations is healthy. That's all I'm ever suggesting.

A little fear keeps us alert, cautious and safe. I bet, because of what you've seen, your kids don't put themselves in bad situations.

What you've witnessed is awful. However, with all due respect, that woman's husband and family probably lie in bed every night wondering what they could of done different. The sad truth is that they could of prevented it.

Once something bad happens, you can't take it back.

Let me ask you this. Suppose this girl doesn't retain a heavy sense of fear because people here comforted her and tomorrow she makes a similar mistake but ends up like the woman you cited. Do you have a sense of responsibility for that happening?

The police and other organizations have been warning and warning people forever. However, I don't know anyone who takes that stuff seriously.

Maybe it's time to stop comforting people after something bad happens. Maybe if today you stopped comforting people who put themselves in bad positions, maybe if you said this girl walked into it, mabye tonight some girl who's reading this will not make the same mistake. Maybe in an effort to make this girl feel okay about her bad decision, you're leading other girls down the path to ruin because rather than someone saying "You screwed up" you're implying "You encountered someone out of the norm."

Now, this girl who's reading says that the creep she's going out with tonight isn't "that kind of guy" rather than saying "my safety is my concern." You see the change in perspective? The comforting approach tells others that danger is external; it's about the guy who you're with, not that you're jeopardizing your safety.

I don't know anything for sure. I'm just a guy who operates off my experience. But I'd rather error on the side of caution.
Alright. Thanks for your patience as I developed this. I posted as I did because I'm always sincerely concerned about people. It bothers me more than I can say that people speak in such a short-sighted way.

I do believe the man's behavior here was exaggerated by posters. It sounds like he lied to this woman, wrestled with her a bit and stuck his tongue in her mouth. All of that, in context, is disgusting behavior.

However, I fear the effect on our culture by the perspectives of the posters will result in greater harm than any this man committed.

These posts have been made with all due respect.
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Old 08-05-2007, 11:34 PM   #90
Michael Hackett
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Re: Need some advice.

There is a huge difference between a healthy fear and being alert. Most, if not all of us have gone out on dates with co-workers, classmates, and friends of friends. Usually we truly don't know the individual and we do take a chance on our own safety to some degree or another. Our date may be a drinker who drives like a madman, our date may misinterpret a simple date and end up boiling your rabbit. There simply are no guarantees. If you want to be completely safe, then don't interact with anyone (the literature on familial molestation of boys and girls is legion as are the current revelations of molesting religious leaders (please forgive the use of "revelations."

Often we do activities with others for considerable time and grow accustomed to them, their normal behavior, their interests and their shortcomings. Sometimes we grow attached to them and enjoy their company and develop bonds of trust. I think that may be true for martial artists in particular where we trust our safety and lives to the good intentions of our training partners.

At this point, being critical of a victim serves little purpose. I can almost bet that she's examining every conversation she ever had with this guy and every interaction she experienced with him. Yes, she bears some responsibility at the end of the day, but it appears that she behaved reasonably and expected a pleasant encounter with a friend. She got taken advantage of and I suspect that she will never put it behind her - telling her now how wrong she was just makes it worse for her to put it in perspective. She's already done the work you suggest.

Obviously I don't know, but I bet that someone who describes himself as wary as you seem to makes mistakes in judgement too. Have you ever stopped for a police car in the middle of the night? I can think of two California Highway Patrol officers doing life in prison for murder of young women. Ever opened the door for Federal Express or UPS or the USPS? Numerous home invasion robberies have taken place that way. Ever leave your keys with the valet parking on an evening out? Keys get duplicated and your house burglarized sometimes as a result. Ever posted a funeral notice of a loved one? Sometimes burglars hit the house during the funeral. Nothing is completely safe in this life.

I just don't think providing moral support to a victim and providing advice to her will generate a cohort of young women who will blunder into harms way as a result.

Oh yeah, I don't park next to suspicious vehicles either, but in this case, the fully windowed van was two parking spaces away at noontime in a row of parked vehicles near the entry of the up-scape shops. According to the suspects they stayed beneath the windows and didn't move at all until they struck so not to tip her off. I don't know that I would have done any better, even with my off duty pistol and my Swiss Army Knife in my pocket.

Michael
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Old 08-06-2007, 12:32 AM   #91
Kevin Wilbanks
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Re: Need some advice.

Adam,

I have to agree with Micheal. The level of "healthy fear" you describe sounds more like unhealthy paranoia to me, accompanied by some sort of delusions of infallibility. If you want to talk about bad effects of attitudes on the public, unreasonable paranoia blows touchy-feely coddling away by orders of magnitude. Take a look at what has happened to our country and constitution over unreasonable paranoia over terrorism.

One of the biggest problems I see with our society is the inability or unwillingness to sort out the various risks in their lives using reason and actual information, rather than blind emotion. Terrorism is probably the biggest case in point. There are literally dozens of dangers people face that are a more likely threat to their safety, many voluntary, and some more risky by a factor of hundreds or even thousands, yet people are willing to sell their progeny into debt slavery and abandon their freedoms in the name of taking extreme measures to reduce this "risk".

I can give you an anecdote that I think is even more appropriate to your specific suggestions. My father was, in my view, obsessed with the risk of being a victim of violent crime. He had a carry permit and kept a gun on him at almost all times. There was a loaded gun in every room in his house, a deluxe electronic security system. If he didn't know who was at the door, he often answered it with a gun in his hand... Over the course of about 40 years of this kind of behavior, no one ever attempted to invade his house, although he almost shot my step-sister's boyfriend once. He could only point to two incidents out in public where he thought he might have had to use his gun, but didn't even have to brandish it to escape from the situation. Meanwhile he always overate, drank to excess, and never exercised. He died at age 59 from colon cancer. The cancer may have been unrelated to his ignorance of major health risks but I doubt it. Moreover, current theories of immunity suggest that continuous emotional stress associated with habits like excessive worry about being attacked by bad guys are another huge risk factor in diseases like cancer.

My guess is that if everyone adopted the level of "healthy fear" you suggest, most would end up wasting a good portion of their time and the potential enjoyment in their life for no reason, and far more would die of cancer related to the accompanying emotional stress than would ever have fallen victim to random violence.

Last edited by Kevin Wilbanks : 08-06-2007 at 12:35 AM.
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Old 08-06-2007, 06:08 AM   #92
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Re: Need some advice.

Quote:
Adam Alexander wrote: View Post
Hopefully, the lesson she learned becomes common to the people she knows and interacts with.
Sadly, this is where we certainly agree.

PS, "now" last as long as we hold on to it. Its an attachment thing. Learning to let go and move on is sometimes hard to do. (Sorta like this thread.)

Lynn Seiser PhD
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We do not rise to the level of our expectations, but fall to the level of our training. Train well. KWATZ!
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Old 08-06-2007, 08:57 AM   #93
Adam Alexander
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Re: Need some advice.

Quote:
Michael Hackett wrote: View Post
I just don't think providing moral support to a victim and providing advice to her will generate a cohort of young women who will blunder into harms way as a result.
But if the type of guidance you offered did play a hand in the bad choices made by some women, would you be responsible for it?


On using words like "cohort" and talking about people walking around with guns and not answering the door, you've tried to take a practical position and make it extreme. If I were to do that with people who think the victim's not responsible, I'd say that those people think women should walk naked through the inner-city.

It just doesn't make sense.

Last edited by Adam Alexander : 08-06-2007 at 09:01 AM.
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Old 08-06-2007, 09:15 AM   #94
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Re: Need some advice.

Dear Anon:
I hope you are getting your answers somehwere else...'cause this thread has turned rather crazy.

This incident was not your fault and you did nothing wrong. He hurt you.

Mary
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Old 08-06-2007, 09:37 AM   #95
Michael Hackett
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Re: Need some advice.

Adam,

My short answer is "yes". If she followed my post-event advice by notifying the police, notifying her teacher, and seeking some counseling and had a bad outcome, I would feel terrible about it. I suppose that any one of those steps could have resulted in further danger to her, but that simply hasn't been my experience over many years, nor has it been my experience through my peers and colleqgues, or the literature in my professional field.

I certainly have a number of suggestions and advice to prevent some of these events before they happen as well - just ask my wife, daughter, granddaughter and many, mamy female friends from a lifetime of living and working in the most violent parts of a pretty decent world. If that advice had gone south so to speak, I would feel badly as well.

Not providing some guidance and advice resulting in a bad outcome when it could possibly help would be worst of all to my sense of personal responsibility. Anon didn't ask whether she should walk down dark alleys while intoxicated, hitch-hike, or go on motorcycle rides with outlaw bikers. She merely asked what courses of action would be helpful after her unfortunate event. I can live with that level of guilt.

Michael
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Old 08-06-2007, 09:41 AM   #96
Michael Hackett
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Re: Need some advice.

Gotta start using the spell check feature - colleagues dammit!

Michael
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Old 08-06-2007, 10:18 AM   #97
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Re: Need some advice.

Don't worry about your spelling Michael. Your advise and observations are appreciated.
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Old 08-06-2007, 11:18 AM   #98
Kevin Wilbanks
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Re: Need some advice.

Quote:
Adam Alexander wrote: View Post
On using words like "cohort" and talking about people walking around with guns and not answering the door, you've tried to take a practical position and make it extreme. If I were to do that with people who think the victim's not responsible, I'd say that those people think women should walk naked through the inner-city.

It just doesn't make sense.
Actually, your weak analogy doesn't make sense. The extremity and impracticality was in your position to begin with. You claimed that no matter what bad thing is ever done to a person by another, it could have been prevented by some kind of infallible hyper-vigilance on their part. Specifically: you claimed that people should be vigilant to the point of seeing parking three spaces away from a windowed van in front of Nordstrom's as a situation of extreme peril. You claimed that women should categorically avoid having male friends. You claimed that anything less than stern criticism for failure of vigilance is an inappropriate response to any victim of any crime that will cause them to learn nothing from their experience, and that it will spread mindless recklessness among their friends like a virus....

Last edited by Kevin Wilbanks : 08-06-2007 at 11:22 AM.
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Old 08-06-2007, 11:37 AM   #99
Qatana
 
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Dojo: Aikido of Petaluma, Petaluma,CA
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Re: Need some advice.

I believe he also claims that anti-assault/rape laws are extraneous and unecessary.

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Old 08-06-2007, 12:13 PM   #100
Adam Alexander
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Re: Need some advice.

Quote:
Michael Hackett wrote: View Post
My short answer is "yes". If she followed...
I'm not above error. So, please understand that this line of questioning is in an effort to understand, not convince.

When you say that she did nothing "wrong", are you saying that the following is an accurate statement? "If this woman's goals were to stay safe, befriending this person and being isolated with him was 'right' to attain that goal."

My other question, if you don't mind, is if a third party heard you say that the girl did nothing "wrong" and interpreted it as I believe it's being stated (it's not wrong to put yourself in bad situations) would you feel responsible if that person followed your advice with this interpretation and was hurt because of it? That's what I'm really curious about. Would you bear a burden for what happened?

Quote:
Kevin Wilbanks wrote: View Post
You claimed that no matter what bad thing is ever done to a person by another, it could have been prevented by some kind of infallible hyper-vigilance on their part.

If that's what I implied, that's not what I intended. I'm just suggesting that blanketing every disaster with "you didn't do anything wrong" may have a negative effect on the victim and others. Like I said, I don't know.

Specifically: you claimed that people should be vigilant to the point of seeing parking three spaces away from a windowed van in front of Nordstrom's as a situation of extreme peril.

That's accurate. As a man, I would approach that situation very cautiously. If I were a woman hoping to stay safe, I think I'd approach it even more cautiously.

I believe that's being alert. I don't see anything wrong with that. As I approach a door, I'm looking for things ahead. When I step into a room, I look around to get a feel for anything out of the blue. When I walk into a parking lot, I look acrossed it for anything suspicious or weak positions.

This alertness, although I haven't been jumped by a gang of ninjas exiting the back of a devlivery truck has kept me out of several accidents and keeps my woman happy because I walk her to her car every morning. Sounds like a win/win situation to me.


You claimed that women should categorically avoid having male friends.

No, I really didn't. Women can have male friends. However, if you want to hang out alone with him, and there are consequences, I think she should probably point the finger of accusation at the people who told her it was okay to hang out alone with men just as much as she should point the finger at herself for accepting the bad advice and the men who victimized her.

You claimed that anything less than stern criticism for failure of vigilance is an inappropriate response to any victim of any crime that will cause them to learn nothing from their experience

No, I really didn't do that either. I simply said that it might be time to stop telling people who put themselves in bad positions that they "didn't do anything wrong" so that they understand that they had the power to prevent it and others have the power to prevent such situations for themselves.

I believe that if people knew or understood their responsibility in keeping themselves safe, these stories would cease.


, and that it will spread mindless recklessness among their friends like a virus....

I'd change that to "continue to spread mindless recklesness among their friends". That she put herself in the position was reckless. I assume her friends would do the same.

You have the chance to say to those friends and everyone else,"This is why you shouldn't get in a car with a man if you want to keep yourself in one piece."

Mabye, rather than just help this person, you'd help prevent a lot of other stories like it if instead of saying she did nothing wrong (Again, nothing wrong is she wanted to avoid trouble?)...
Would you also answer the question about responsibility for advice given?
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