Welcome to AikiWeb Aikido Information
AikiWeb: The Source for Aikido Information
AikiWeb's principal purpose is to serve the Internet community as a repository and dissemination point for aikido information.

Sections
home
aikido articles
columns

Discussions
forums
aikiblogs

Databases
dojo search
seminars
image gallery
supplies
links directory

Reviews
book reviews
video reviews
dvd reviews
equip. reviews

News
submit
archive

Miscellaneous
newsletter
rss feeds
polls
about

Follow us on



Home > AikiWeb Aikido Forums
Go Back   AikiWeb Aikido Forums > Anonymous

Hello and thank you for visiting AikiWeb, the world's most active online Aikido community! This site is home to over 22,000 aikido practitioners from around the world and covers a wide range of aikido topics including techniques, philosophy, history, humor, beginner issues, the marketplace, and more.

If you wish to join in the discussions or use the other advanced features available, you will need to register first. Registration is absolutely free and takes only a few minutes to complete so sign up today!

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 07-31-2007, 03:50 PM   #26
Marc Abrams
Dojo: Aikido Arts of Shin Budo Kai/ Bedford Hills, New York
Location: New York
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 1,302
United_States
Offline
Re: Need some advice.

From her description, a number of charges could brought against him. As James mentioned, past history of offenses, age difference, and other factors would certainly weigh in on how a prosecutor might try and offer a plea bargain to him. I would respectfully disagree that a police department in this day and age would not take this description serious enough to bring him in for questioning. I would be equally surprised if he was not charged with some offenses.

Kevin, you do not have to be put into a maximum security prison for somebody to take umbrage with sexual predators. In inmate communities, this type of individual is low on the totem pole (not a good place to be). Even if he the worst consequence he has is a "court mess", his name will be "Mud" in the community, let alone the consequences of having to deal with a spouse. Any kind of criminal record can seriously impact upon employment, living locations, ability to secure credit, etc..

For me, bottom line is if you play the game be willing to live by the rules. His "game" was criminal in intent and actions and he should be now face the consequences of his actions. This woman will be dealing with the consequences of this event for quite some time, so should he.

Marc Abrams
  Reply With Quote
Old 07-31-2007, 05:51 PM   #27
aikidoc
Dojo: Aikido of Midland
Location: Midland Texas
Join Date: Dec 2000
Posts: 1,652
United_States
Offline
Re: Need some advice.

By the writing style, its sounds to me as if the anonymous poster is not a child. However, the person pushing this issue definitely does not understand sexual boundaries and the word no. His behavior could be dangerous and, although as pointed out it is one person's word against another, it should be reported. It may not be an isolated incident. She should definitely report this to the dojo cho and if appropriate action is not taken she should leave the dojo.
  Reply With Quote
Old 07-31-2007, 05:58 PM   #28
"AnonAikidoka"
IP Hash: 5f3b7a68
Anonymous User
Re: Need some advice.

For the sake of clarity I am above the age of consent in my country (I am 23 and in England) and as far as I am aware he has never been in any kind of trouble with the law before and has never tried anything like this with other females before.

I have emailed my Sensei more or less what I put in the original post and we are going to have a chat about what happened and in his words explore some avenues to what would be the best action to take. I get the impression though that he was not impressed by the guys actions and concerned about me.

As for reporting it to the authorities, yes I am aware that this would be a step to take and may take this action. I think I will wait and see what Sensei has to say first. It would be a case of my word against his and whilst it would be on record and great for others if he ever pulled a stunt like this again, well I am not certain if its something I am going to choose to do yet.

The seeking out support and help though is something I am looking into.

Thanks for all your advice and I if people want me to I will continue to update this thread with what happens.
  Reply With Quote
Old 07-31-2007, 07:17 PM   #29
aikidoc
Dojo: Aikido of Midland
Location: Midland Texas
Join Date: Dec 2000
Posts: 1,652
United_States
Offline
Re: Need some advice.

I think many of us would like to hear the results of this issue. It may give us insight into dealing with it ourselves in the future should we encounter a similar situation. Please do keep us up to date.
  Reply With Quote
Old 07-31-2007, 07:27 PM   #30
Michael Hackett
Dojo: Kenshinkan Dojo (Aikido of North County) Vista, CA
Location: Oceanside, California
Join Date: Oct 2000
Posts: 1,129
Offline
Re: Need some advice.

AnonAikidoka,

Only you can make that decision and whatever you choose to do, it will be the right decision. I, for one, offer my respect and support for whichever decision you make in this matter. While a large number of us have advised you to make a formal complaint to the authorities, it is only advice and you mustl do what's best for you and yours in the circumstances. Best wishes, and please let us know how you are doing and the outcome.

Michael
"Leave the gun. Bring the cannoli."
  Reply With Quote
Old 07-31-2007, 07:33 PM   #31
Janet Rosen
  AikiWeb Forums Contributing Member
 
Janet Rosen's Avatar
Location: Left Coast
Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 3,933
Offline
Re: Need some advice.

Yes, please keep us updated.

Janet Rosen
http://www.zanshinart.com
"peace will enter when hate is gone"--percy mayfield
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-01-2007, 04:45 AM   #32
Michael Varin
Dojo: Aikido of Fresno
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 567
United_States
Offline
Re: Need some advice.

Quote:
Kevin Wilbanks wrote:
I think you are getting a little carried away. It sounds highly doubtful to me, based on the description of the incident, that reporting it to the police is going to result in all this. First of all, where is the evidence? It will just be one party's word vs. another. Second, is this really the kind of sexual assault that gets someone thrown in maximum security prison? A forced "french kiss" on a consensual outing, followed by an apology and a ride home?
Kevin,

Thanks for injecting some sanity into this thread.

Marc,

Using the word "predator" seven times in a relatively small post! Have we been watching too much MSNBC lately?

And your calls for prison-style justice are, quite frankly, disturbing. This is fear based and in the long run improves nothing. Don't forget the lesson of aikido. Hint: it has something to do with Love.

I want to be clear. I have no respect for an individual who conducts himself like the man who made unwelcome advances on AnonAikidoka.

We don't know what his intentions were, we don't know his perception of their relationship, and we don't know how bad he felt about it afterwards. Should he have stopped when she said to? Of course. Could this situation gotten worse? Yes, but it didn't.

What we do know is that he wanted some sort of physical relationship with this woman and failed to make her aware of this until it was too late, he obviously has no skills in dealing with women, and he used deceit to gain her company (red flag for loser, just like expensive first dates).

He is weak. He lowered himself with his actions that day, and I guarantee that he knows it. I'm not sure this makes him a "predator" or that his life should be ruined or that he should be anally raped and beaten and possibly killed. AnonAikidoka should definitely talk to her sensei, which it sounds like she already has. Hopefully, the three of them can get together and clear things up. Our "predator" will have to make amends, which may include permanently leaving the dojo. Sometimes it is necessary to involve the criminal justice system; somehow, I don't think this is the time.

One last thing, AnonAikidoka,

Don't let this reflect badly on all men. The sooner you learn to recognize the ones that you shouldn't give the time of day to, the sooner you will find a confident, spiritual guy with integrity who knows how to laugh at life.

-Michael
"Through aiki we can feel the mind of the enemy who comes to attack and are thus able to respond immediately." - M. Mochizuki
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-01-2007, 05:24 AM   #33
Mary Eastland
 
Mary Eastland's Avatar
Dojo: Berkshire Hills Aikido
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 1,196
Offline
Re: Need some advice.

A book you might be interested in reading is "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin De Becker. He gives a lot of attention to signals our inner voice gives us to let us know a situation is dangerous.
Mary
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-01-2007, 05:28 AM   #34
SeiserL
 
SeiserL's Avatar
Dojo: Roswell Budokan, Kyushinkan Dojo, Aikido World Alliance
Location: Roswell, GA USA
Join Date: Jun 2000
Posts: 3,711
United_States
Offline
Re: Need some advice.

Quote:
Anonymous User wrote: View Post
The seeking out support and help though is something I am looking into. Thanks for all your advice and I if people want me to I will continue to update this thread with what happens.
Osu,
Compliments for having the courage to talk to us.
Compliments for having the courage to talk to Sensei.
Compliments to Sensei's initial response.
Compliments to the Web members for stepping up, offering a voice, and a show of support and outrage.
Please, please, keep us posted on how "you" are doing.
Rei, Domo.

Lynn Seiser PhD
Yondan Aikido & FMA/JKD
We do not rise to the level of our expectations, but fall to the level of our training. Train well. KWATZ!
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-01-2007, 07:17 AM   #35
Marc Abrams
Dojo: Aikido Arts of Shin Budo Kai/ Bedford Hills, New York
Location: New York
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 1,302
United_States
Offline
Re: Need some advice.

Michael:

I do not watch MSNBC. I have spent over twenty years working in the psychology world. Thirty-four years in the martial arts and fighting sports world. I speak from life experiences, which you apparently do not have enough of (or live in some innocent fantasy world).

This man is a predator whether you want to accept that description or not. His intentions were obvious, devious, and malicious. His "weakness" was an abuse of power and a sexual assault. Believe your "innocent" description of him if you would like. You have the right to live in, and believe in the world that you want to believe in. My world is not fear-based, nor innocent, but based on a realistic assessment of what is happening around me. That allows me to be aware and not live in fear, but live peacefully.

"Prison justice" is simply a reality of what happens in that world. As to real justice, I believe that is simply an abstract construct. "Justice" does not erase the past, nor can it heal the wounds. If this was your daughter, what "justice" would you want done?

O'Sensei talked about using Aikido to bring peace to the world. That is akin to the sword that gives life. Sometimes that sword has to rid bad in order to allow peace to prevail.

AnonAikidoka:

Your courage is your path to healing and moving forward in your life. You have many people's support and caring in the Aikido world.

Marc Abrams
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-01-2007, 08:43 AM   #36
SeiserL
 
SeiserL's Avatar
Dojo: Roswell Budokan, Kyushinkan Dojo, Aikido World Alliance
Location: Roswell, GA USA
Join Date: Jun 2000
Posts: 3,711
United_States
Offline
Re: Need some advice.

IMHO, empowerment also comes from having the courage to reach out, to find out you are not alone, to ask for help, and to realize that not everything is your fault.

IOW, intentional isolating sequential indirect seduction (grooming or setting up), obviously practiced, with escalating acting out despite request to stop is on the spectrum of predatory processing. Along with the selection of a more innocent (not idiot) victim target.

She is already empowered by the stance she now takes.

Lynn Seiser PhD
Yondan Aikido & FMA/JKD
We do not rise to the level of our expectations, but fall to the level of our training. Train well. KWATZ!
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-01-2007, 10:38 AM   #37
Kevin Wilbanks
Location: Seattle/Southern Wisconsin
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 788
Offline
Re: Need some advice.

The more you guys talk, the more hysterical this rhetoric sounds. As far as invoking psychological credentials and using the jargon, maybe that's part of the problem. Who doesn't engage in "intentional isolating" with someone they want to make out with? And "sequential indirect seduction" sounds like it could easily describe a whole array of sexual encounters in which both parties come away smiling. I could probably get out a copy of the DSM and make your Aunt Mabel buying a Hallmark card for you sound just as scary.

While it is certainly possible that the fellow is a "devious, malicious" rapist, or on his way to becoming one, and deserving of being tortured by fellow inmates in prison, I don't see how anyone not in the grip of some kind of ideological zealotry could go that far based solely on the description of the incident provided.

It is also possible that he cluelessly thought there was all kinds of chemistry between them and the whole thing was a date. If so, he definitely made a bad mistake when not stopping his advances immediately when asked, but that's a far cry from being some kind of evil predator who planned a sexual assault in advance.

We are working with just a few sentences of description of an event from only one party's perspective here. Maybe we should hold off on the lynch mob.
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-01-2007, 11:02 AM   #38
Ron Tisdale
Dojo: Doshinkan dojo in Roxborough, Pa
Location: Phila. Pa
Join Date: Jun 2002
Posts: 4,614
United_States
Offline
Re: Need some advice.

No need for a lynch mob. I hear people suggesting that this is handled by law enforcement. Not a lynch mob. I call hyperbole, again.

The kicker for me was the fact that he invited her on a group outing, then when she got there, there was no group, and no excuse for it's sudden absence.

By the way...that should have been the first clue the guy was up to no good...

Best,
Ron

Ron Tisdale
-----------------------
"The higher a monkey climbs, the more you see of his behind."
St. Bonaventure (ca. 1221-1274)
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-01-2007, 11:11 AM   #39
Marie Noelle Fequiere
 
Marie Noelle Fequiere's Avatar
Dojo: Ikashi Dojo, Port au Prince
Location: Port au Prince
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 284
Haiti
Offline
Re: Need some advice.

Kevin, I don't think that you have read the victim's description of how it all happened. For your information, he LIED to get her to go out with him. They were supposed to join a group, and there was no group. The victim got in te guy's car totally unaware that she was going to find herself ALONE with him.
Why is it so difficult to say: "I would like to see you"? Thousands of millions of guys (and women also) say it everyday all over the planet. The other party thus understands that the meeting is likely to have a romantic tone.
People who lie are those who have no respect for their victim and have made the decision to abuse them to a certain degree.
"AnonAikidoka" was abused. Yes, it could have been worst. But a certain amount of abuse did take place.
I agree that having this particular men be sexually assaulted in jail may sound extreme. But he does deserve to go to jail. This is a men who have no respect for other people's feelings, and, since his upbringing failed to teach him that during his childhood, it is now time for the justice system to do the job his parents failed to do.
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-01-2007, 12:09 PM   #40
Yo-Jimbo
Dojo: formerly Windward Aikido, formerly at Keewenaw Schools of Aikido (ASU)
Location: Formerly Hawaii Pacific University, formerly at Michigan Technological University
Join Date: Jul 2000
Posts: 71
United_States
Offline
Re: Need some advice.

Please at least get a report on file with the authorities (whether charges are pressed or not).

Better that his actions have consequences now, perhaps disproportionate to the justifications he had in his own mind, then to possibly surrender another woman to actions disproportionate to her justifications of those consequences in her mind.

Let me say it more clearly.

Men can't be allowed to think it is ever alright to treat women that way.

For his benefit, he must know in the worst way that his actions were on the wrong path. Perhaps he will change his direction or it will slow his progress.

For the safety of other women, something must be done. If there is a next time, it won't be her word against his if you say something now.

Maybe this is the first/only/worst he has ever treated a woman this way (I hope so); still, I don't care.

If every man got one "mulligan" in his life where this kind of behavior were allowed to pass, then almost every woman would be treated in this way at least once in her life.

We already live in a world where this is practically the case.

I want us to live in a better world than that.

I'm glad you told us.
I'm glad you told your sensei.
I'm glad you weren't hurt worse.

Please continue to contribute to the solution.

I wish you the best in however you deal with it.

"One does not find wisdom in another's words." -James D. Chye
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-01-2007, 12:33 PM   #41
Marc Abrams
Dojo: Aikido Arts of Shin Budo Kai/ Bedford Hills, New York
Location: New York
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 1,302
United_States
Offline
Re: Need some advice.

Kevin:

1) You posts are different from the other posters.

2) You mentioned "modern psychology." I asked you what you meant, you gave no answer.

3) You talk about "ideological zealotry" without any mention of any kind as to what you are referring to. What are you referring to?

4) Some of us have listed the experience base from which we draw upon to reach our conclusions. Would you care to include your experience base?

5) I don't know about your world, but in my world:
A) An intentional lie is not innocent or clueless.
B) When somebody says "NO", it means "NO". Let us assume that the person did not fully understand the meaning of "no" the first time, but what about the second and third time. In my world, that is an abuse of power. In this instance, it was done in a sexual context.

We are working with what that woman told us. Unless that man can present some evidence that:
1) There really was a group trip.
2) He could not understand the meaning of "No."
3) He thought "No" meant yes.

then we will continue to work with the default that what she told us was truthful.

Nobody wants to form a lynch mob here. If charges are filed, he is given every opportunity under the law to clear his name if the charges are false and absolutely unsubstantiated. If he did do what he said, and was found guilty in a court of law, then he should pay any consequences imposed upon him by a court of law.

Frankly speaking Kevin, you seem to be his apologist and defender. You seem to like to attack those who may be offering opinions based upon their life experiences in which they have directly dealt with people in similar circumstances.

Marc Abrams
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-01-2007, 08:22 PM   #42
dragonteeth
Dojo: Elkton Ki-Aikido
Location: Virginia
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 108
United_States
Offline
Re: Need some advice.

To take a slightly different tack....

Fast forward five to ten years down the road when this guy is now of dan rank. We now have a guy with questionable morals at best, or a potential predator at worst, in a position of authority and influence with the increased confidence that entails. We've all seen how some young women can quickly find themselves in full blown starry-eyed hero-worship mode, and he would be in the perfect position to take advantage of them. (And yes, I can say this because I was once a young woman...granted Seti III was still on Egypt's throne back then, but I still remember what it was like to be "impressionable.") So by bringing this to the attention of both the authorities and her Sensei, this fellow will hopefully either recognize the error of his actions and correct his thinking, or find himself removed from the path that leads to the potential defilement of both dojo and deshi. Anon would then not only be defending her own rights, but possibly the safety of an unknown number young ladies down the road.
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-01-2007, 09:23 PM   #43
Qatana
 
Qatana's Avatar
Dojo: Aikido of Petaluma, Petaluma,CA
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 834
Offline
Re: Need some advice.

Oh you don't have to be young to be impressionable!

Regardless of the idealogical argument (you wouldn't Believe the one i"m in on an unrelated site), AnonA, you did good.
Keep us posted.

Q
http://www.aikidopetaluma.com/
www.knot-working.com

"It is not wise to be incautious when confronting a little smiling bald man"'- Rule #1
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-01-2007, 11:13 PM   #44
ChrisHein
 
ChrisHein's Avatar
Dojo: Aikido of Fresno
Location: Fresno , CA
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 1,628
United_States
Offline
Re: Need some advice.

Marc Abrams

Shame on you sir. I have not read this thread for a few days but frankly I am disturbed by your posts.

Quote:
Marc Abrams wrote: View Post
If the predator was found guilty in a court of law, he would be put in a place where inmates hold a special place in their hearts for sexual predators.

Marc Abrams
That is disgusting. I wouldn't wish that on any human being ever. You should be ashamed of yourself for fantasizing about such a thing.

Secondly, you don't know anything about me and what I've been through in my life. Just like you don't know anything about this situation. How dare you suggest she take such strong measures when another persons whole life is at stake.

Quote:
Marc Abrams wrote: View Post

Kevin, you do not have to be put into a maximum security prison for somebody to take umbrage with sexual predators. In inmate communities, this type of individual is low on the totem pole (not a good place to be). Even if he the worst consequence he has is a "court mess", his name will be "Mud" in the community, let alone the consequences of having to deal with a spouse. Any kind of criminal record can seriously impact upon employment, living locations, ability to secure credit, etc..

Marc Abrams
This is correct, all of these things can happen to someone, so don't you think you should be certain of their crimes before you convict them? You are really out of touch with reality here. You don't know the whole story, she has only told you her side. It sounds bad, I agree. It should be handled directly and with great concern but the way you are talking is almost inhuman. If a dog bites me, I don't bite it back, because I'm a human, not a dog.

  Reply With Quote
Old 08-01-2007, 11:47 PM   #45
Kevin Wilbanks
Location: Seattle/Southern Wisconsin
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 788
Offline
Re: Need some advice.

Well, the way I see people behaving on this thread reminds me of a lynch mob. I don't think I'm too far off. Look at how freaked out you are getting about what I consider a little skepticism and common sense, and look at the extremity of the rhetoric. The ideological zealotry I'm talking about is something in the politically correct victimology range. I'm sorry but this incident just doesn't necessarily sound that bad to me. It's not good, and the guy needs to incur some consequences, but throwing around words like "predator", "devious", "malicious", etc... and gleefully implying the ruination of this guys life and his torture in prison sounds like the product of some kind of indoctrination or group hysteria to me.... and that's not hyperbole.

Now, on to some of the misrepresentations and fallacies.

First, if you'll go back and reread, I too suggested reporting it to the police. I don't know anything about UK law, but I suspect in most of the US, unless he has priors, that's all it would amount to: filing a report, not perp walks or prison sentences.

Next, he may have "lied" about other people coming along, or there may be other explanations. The other people could have cancelled and he didn't see any reason to notify her. Maybe she said something that he misconstrued as flirtatious after he made the initial plan and he thought it would be a welcome surprise. I don't know, and no one else does either based on reading a few sentences from one person's point of view. Sheesh. No wonder people are tried and convicted in public opinion so often based on five-sentence AP news blurbs.

Last, the question of credentials. Who cares? Arguments from authority are inherently invalid. It is perfectly possible to be an authority on a subject and still be wrong about any particular point involving it. If you have to invoke the weight of your supposed authority to back your point, it's a sure sign your argument can't stand on it's own. In this case, it isn't even clear that psychological credentials are the relevant field in which to be an authority, as the dispute also involves legalities and general social attitudes and behaviors.

Finally, just so we're clear, taking the description at face value, if I were Anon, I would a) confront the guy. If I was not completely satisfied with his response, I would b) tell him I am filing a report with the police, then do it. If he said or did anything implying further threat after that, I would c) make it clear to him that if I get so much as a headache that can be even obliquely attributable to him, I am coming after him, being careful to avoid anything obvious enough to incur verbal assault charges, of course. YMMV.

Last edited by Kevin Wilbanks : 08-01-2007 at 11:50 PM.
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-02-2007, 01:49 AM   #46
G DiPierro
Location: Ohio
Join Date: Mar 2002
Posts: 365
United_States
Offline
Re: Need some advice.

I tend to agree with Kevin. From the description, there is very little evidence upon which to prosecute, and from what I have read in the UK the CPS refuses to prosecute cases with a lot more evidence than this. Even if the man had not stopped but actually raped her, this type of thing is far from a guaranteed conviction given that she consensually went with him alone to the beach and then let him take her home. It would come down to his word against hers, who seems more convincing to the jury, and who has the better lawyer.

I would say that she is lucky that things ended the way they did. Sexual abuse is rampant in modern society and a woman needs to be very careful when choosing to be alone with a man. It's usually safe to assume that any man who wants to get a woman alone is sexually interested in her and, given that most men are stronger than most women, that he could try to force the matter if she declines. Sure, you can report it to the police after the fact but sexual abuse prosecutions are always hard on the victim, and even if they are successful they don't undo what was done. Better to learn how to prevent these things from happening in the first place.

The guy has certainly has some issues but so do a lot of people, and since he's not posting on this forum there's not much anyone here can do to help him (and what he needs most is help, not retribution). Frankly I often see a kind of vigilante mentality on this forum when people post about how they believe they have been wronged. Everyone assumes that the one side of the story they have heard is the whole truth and nothing but the truth and then jumps on board to condemn the other party to eternal damnation, prison rape, etc. I can think of several threads where I have seen this kind of behavior. Reality is almost always much more nuanced than one person makes it out to be, and while it might be gratifying to your ego to have your friends all say that you are perfect and flawless and all of your problems are someone else's fault, it doesn't help you learn anything or grow much as a person.

Last edited by G DiPierro : 08-02-2007 at 01:52 AM.
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-02-2007, 05:42 AM   #47
Mary Eastland
 
Mary Eastland's Avatar
Dojo: Berkshire Hills Aikido
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 1,196
Offline
Re: Need some advice.

"I would say that she is lucky that things ended the way they did. Sexual abuse is rampant in modern society and a woman needs to be very careful when choosing to be alone with a man. It's usually safe to assume that any man who wants to get a woman alone is sexually interested in her and, given that most men are stronger than most women, that he could try to force the matter if she declines. ."

I disagree about Anon being lucky......Anon defended herself. She repeatedly said No....she was successful in not getting hurt worse.
Now she is telling about the attack. Anon is seeking support so she can process this event.

I think you are in for a surprise if you think in every case a man can force the issue if a woman declines.

The guy has certainly has some issues but so do a lot of people, QUOTE]

He certainly has issues and seems dangerous to me.

It seems like some guys are very defensive about this subject...maybe instead of defending your stance you could ask yourself why you are so upset about it...surely you would not treat a women that way? Maybe you are just defending Men in general.

Mary

Last edited by Mary Eastland : 08-02-2007 at 05:44 AM.
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-02-2007, 06:52 AM   #48
SeiserL
 
SeiserL's Avatar
Dojo: Roswell Budokan, Kyushinkan Dojo, Aikido World Alliance
Location: Roswell, GA USA
Join Date: Jun 2000
Posts: 3,711
United_States
Offline
Re: Need some advice.

This discussion thread is a great example of the Karpman Drama Triangle (offender, victim, rescuer). The rescuer rescues by attacking the offender, thus making the old offender the new victim. The new rescuers enter to rescue the new victim (the old offender) by attacking the original rescuers (now seen as offenders). Should have seen that coming. Thanks for the reminder.

All jargen and credential aside, IMHO (and I have a right to it without being shamed) he did wrong (by description) and she did good (by description).

Lynn Seiser PhD
Yondan Aikido & FMA/JKD
We do not rise to the level of our expectations, but fall to the level of our training. Train well. KWATZ!
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-02-2007, 07:09 AM   #49
Haowen Chan
Location: Pittsburgh
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 91
United_States
Offline
Re: Need some advice.

I admire your courage and fortitude. It is a very difficult situation to face and you are doing great.

I would support a decision for making a police report against this man. Regardless of the prosecutorial outcome it would be an act of empowerment for you and would improve the security of your community.
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-02-2007, 07:44 AM   #50
G DiPierro
Location: Ohio
Join Date: Mar 2002
Posts: 365
United_States
Offline
Re: Need some advice.

Quote:
Lynn Seiser wrote: View Post
All jargen and credential aside, IMHO (and I have a right to it without being shamed) he did wrong (by description) and she did good (by description).
Last post deleted. Somehow I misread your post and thought you were saying something else closer to what Mary was saying. I don't think anybody is saying that the man didn't do wrong, but I would question whether she really did that good, even just based on her own description. She knew this man for 6 months and did not realize that he was interested in her (despite several clues even in what she posted) or that he was the type of person who would not respect her wishes (despite the one major clue that he used a deceptive pretext to get her alone).

In today's society, I don't think that it is good enough to miss these signs and allow oneself to be put in a vulnerable situation with such a person. I say she is lucky it didn't go father than it did. What if he hadn't stopped? How is going to the police after the fact going to help her? Often that ends up being more pain for the victim as she feels victimized again by the criminal justice system. Perhaps it was a lesson learned the hard way but at least it wasn't as costly as it could have been.
  Reply With Quote

Please visit our sponsor:

Budo Bear Patterns - Sewing pattern for Women's (and Men's) dogi.



Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Advice from your sensei. dps General 6 06-01-2006 09:35 PM
Uchi Deshi advice Daphne General 12 07-09-2005 09:20 PM
Beginner Advice? Paul :] General 20 06-20-2005 08:22 AM
Dojos in N. Japan - need advice! Adam Garrison General 4 08-27-2003 09:13 AM
Looking for Advice on Conducting Seminar Session MaylandL General 6 09-21-2002 09:04 AM


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 04:37 AM.



vBulletin Copyright © 2000-2014 Jelsoft Enterprises Limited
----------
Copyright 1997-2014 AikiWeb and its Authors, All Rights Reserved.
----------
For questions and comments about this website:
Send E-mail
plainlaid-picaresque outchasing-protistan explicantia-altarage seaford-stellionate